Come To Me, Leave Me Be
Chapter One
Captain Kirk walked just outside the quiet path only half illuminated by sensor lights winking on then off as he passed by. Everything around him was so familiar; he'd walked these paths often, but now they really weren't the same and he couldn't let himself be seen.
The Captain Kirk of this time had slipped off secretly on a mission, and so it was the best time for him to take care of his business where he didn't belong, a time he had yet to live. He also had a mission few knew about, and so he was, in a way, a convenient substitute. But being recognized by the wrong person, would be quite dangerous, for all.
There was only one person powerful enough to help who didn't know that the Captain Kirk of this time was absent, who could be trusted to be discreet, without asking why. It wouldn't be the most comfortable few days, but it would have to do. He bristled a bit at what came next.
He crept through the shrubbery, slipped close to the door, all too aware of the very late hour. But it was a time when most would be asleep, the streets empty. He only hoped the address was still good five years in the future, and that the man would be home, or at least no one else would be.
He took a deep breath and rang the bell. His heart thudded though he knew this man. But Ambassador Sarek made him feel an oaf too often, and a disturbance at such an hour wouldn't help their relationship already strained by the tug-of-war on the first officer and son between them.
He had to assume Sarek had been asleep as he waited longer than he expected. He was tempted to ring again but that might irritate a Vulcan, as it was "superfluous, thereby unnecessary, thereby illogical." He remembered that very lecture with regard to some repetition he'd made in the past, by the man himself. It spirited a touch of amusement and made him swallow at the same time. If he was there, he would answer, after all, the captain might have news about the son.
The door swished open and Kirk saw a moment of apprehension, concern and then, strangely, a dash of pleasure, alight in Sarek's eyes before it disappeared. But the coolness he usually saw looked a bit warmer than Kirk was used to.
"Captain?" Sarek's tone seemed to vibrate with subtle amusement. His eyes glittered. He was still dressed in formal wear as if he'd just come from an important meeting so very late.
"I know, it's late. I'm sorry." He looked down and realized he was acting like some disobedient child, kicked himself mentally and found Sarek's eyes again.
"Come in," Sarek said. "It is quite cold out."
Kirk realized that for a Vulcan it would be, and hastened inside, glad for the excuse.
Sarek's eyes softened. "Are you well?"
Kirk realized it wasn't just polite small talk and wondered if something more gave him away. "I'm fine. I just need… I mean, I don't mean to be a burden, but…" Now he was stammering…
He looked up to see patient humor. More emotion than he'd ever seen from Sarek before. He was more surprised when Sarek didn't immediately eradicate the expression.
"You are not a burden." Sarek spied the duffle Kirk held behind him. "If you need sanctuary, I have the means to provide such."
Kirk gave Sarek an odd look. That had sounded so overly formal, but his relaxed tone belied that. And Sarek didn't ask any questions or look concerned. "I wouldn't want to take advantage…"
Sarek almost smiled and turned away a little too quickly for the ever-formal man. He turned back and his face was serene, relaxed. "I would be…glad… for the company."
Kirk suppressed a chuckle. It was as if Sarek was truly glad to see him when too often Sarek seemed merely to put up with his company.
"What can I do?" Sarek said. "How can I help?"
Kirk caught himself staring at the display of warmth, then pulled his eyes away. "Are you alright, Sir?"
Sarek seemed to freeze at that, and stared back for several beats, then blinked and turned away. "I am not the one showing up at 2:14 am." His tone was now clipped, and when he turned back, Kirk couldn't read Sarek's expression.
Kirk wished fervently that he'd been able to research more thoroughly what had occurred since they'd last met in his time, but there was strict enforcement on his learning too much of the future. He couldn't help but think that somehow he'd just hurt Sarek, and felt badly and frustrated that he didn't know how.
"I'm sorry, I'm not quite myself," Kirk said, at a loss as to how to fix the situation. "Very tired."
Sarek nodded. "You should retire then."
Kirk noticed that Sarek didn't meet his eyes now, nor did he move to show him where to go, only took a step back, which was strange. He stared at Sarek, who stared off into the middle distance, his jaw set as if he'd just received unfortunate news. Perhaps he assumed Kirk knew where the guest rooms were? The silence dragged and Kirk realized he needed to be proactive before he gave himself away. "The guest room then?" He picked up his bag but caught the quick jerk of Sarek's head at his question.
"If that is your preference," Sarek said, but he seemed put out and Kirk couldn't help but wonder what the alternative would have been. The couch? A guest house that had been built since he'd last been there?
"I was about to brew tea," Sarek said. He tilted his head toward Kirk without quite looking at him.
"That would be nice," Kirk said. "Thank you." He didn't really want tea, though some of the Vulcan brews were quite savory and relaxing. He just didn't feel comfortable leaving things as they were. Perhaps a little conversation might right things a little. And it felt strange going to sleep in a different time without spending some of it awake and aware enough to settle his mind that he wasn't home or anywhere near it. Or rather anytime… It was a distinctly uncomfortable experience—being in what should feel like home yet felt so alien and unwelcome, as if everyone he knew had been replaced with those he didn't, though they looked the same.
Sarek seemed to stare into his tea. Kirk felt as if a power shift had occurred between them. The powerful Vulcan had become so suddenly introverted, almost vulnerable.
"Can we start over," Kirk said. "I feel as if I've screwed up quite badly."
Sarek's eyes fastened on Kirk coldly for a brief moment, then Kirk saw him swallow and the coldness was gone. "I said at the beginning that you would always have that choice."
Kirk stared at Sarek, wishing more than ever for the context he was missing. "Perhaps I misspoke."
"We have not talked enough of this; perhaps that is the difficulty. The physical aspect of relationship with a Vulcan can be daunting. I understand."
Kirk felt his whole body tense. Did Sarek just intimate a sexual relationship? The shock of such a possibility rattled him, but he had to move past it. Could not give away he wasn't who he seemed, at least not yet. He was digging a fine hole for the Kirk of this time. He had to undo the damage, but how?
"I think I'm just very confused about a lot of things right now. I needed someone I could trust and I thought of you." That was certainly true. He was walking a dangerous line; Sarek tended to catch lies, and that might be the end of it, for his mission, for the Kirk of this time, and between Sarek and him, forever.
Sarek closed his eyes for a moment. "I am sorry. But there are times when a Vulcan finds it hard not to act selfishly. Forgive me."
The warmth was back, which Kirk appreciated, but why Sarek would find it hard not to act selfishly was concerning.
"I should have realized that you had greater concerns than those between us," Sarek looked away from Kirk. "I've not seen Amanda either for weeks, and Vulcan's are more social than humans. Meditation is truly the only time we are comfortable alone. It has been a long few weeks and not at the best time, as you know."
Kirk swallowed at the comparison of him to Amanda; blinked again at what seemed a hint. As far as he knew, he and Sarek were not even friends, and it sounded as if Sarek referred to a closeness, even an intimacy, between them. And Sarek seemed far more open than he would imagine him ever being with him.
Seeing Sarek like this tugged at him and made him concerned for his health again. It also made him see the man differently. The hero, the patriarch, sometimes a bastard almost melted in front of his eyes to a man in need of him, yet in need of what? How did one comfort a Vulcan anyway?
He looked down to see Sarek had moved his hand as if to grasp Kirk's but stopped short and pulled it back as quickly. He knew he could trust Sarek not to read his thoughts without asking and jeopardize his mission and so he took a deep breath, reached for Sarek's hand and grasped it with a slight smile. The warmer hand sent a shiver of strangeness through him; it felt so very forward and personal, made him swallow at what felt an incredible presumption.
Sarek started in surprise and stared at the clasped hands.
"I am here for you," Kirk said. "I just can't explain much else beyond that. I'm sorry."
Sarek squeezed his hand and allowed a slight smile.
A beautiful smile on a handsome face, Kirk realized. He wanted to say how much he appreciated it, but feared that would embarrass the Vulcan.
"It is late and I've not slept in…days," Sarek said. It sounded almost disingenuous. Implying that he was tired, but that's not what he said. Kirk had to wonder if Sarek was politely giving him space. He had spent most his life steeped in protocol, following that rhythm was probably a difficult habit to break.
He smiled as he realized Sarek really did look tired and that he'd rarely ever seen a tired Vulcan. He also looked restless, confused and a bit sad. Kirk was afraid he might be the reason for much of that.
Kirk picked up the mugs as Sarek retreated. He placed the mugs in the sanitizer, and stared out the window still trying to unravel Sarek's. He felt as if much was left unsaid on Sarek's part also, but was unsure if pressing the issue would be polite, even prudent with his mission hanging over him.
But he wanted to help if he could. The warmth Sarek had shown him fired up his concern and protectiveness. The Vulcan seemed so very alone, and he couldn't help but think he might remedy that. He just had to figure out how. He remembered where the master suite was, quietly approached in case Sarek were already asleep or meditating.
He stepped up to the door and heard the rush of the water wall that added a soothing white noise for a being who could likely hear too much through even closed doors and windows. Sarek's back was to him. He wasn't even sure the Vulcan knew he was there.
Sarek had taken off his robe and had just pulled off his shirt, when Kirk cleared his throat. The Vulcan turned, a curious glint in his eye, but continued to take off his pants. Kirk looked around the room, out of politeness and some embarrassment.
He could clearly see Sarek's body out of the corner of his eye. Had trouble not trying to see more of it than he should. The broad chest winnowed down to the tight abs, well-endowed genitals and powerful thighs were rather distracting, and Kirk had to remember who this body belonged to, even as he felt his respiration increase and his mind inadvertently start to strategize to have this attractive male. He tended toward women, for the convenience and ease of control, but a beautiful male was just as enticing, sometimes more so. Especially a powerful male. Even more, a Vulcan.
Sarek only looked a bit confused, perhaps by Kirk's propriety, and sauntered by naked toward the bathroom. He stopped for a moment in front of Kirk. "I was about to take a shower…" His head cocked in a friendly way. It sounded like an invitation.
Kirk blinked at that and remembered that Vulcans had little modesty with regard to their bodies, and that water was quite limited on their planet. It could be perfectly normal, for a Vulcan to offer such. It was after all quite a big shower.
"I was just concerned that I'd left too much hanging," Kirk said, and realized that wasn't quite stated so well as Sarek stood naked in front of him.
Sarek's eyebrows rose and he looked amused. Kirk realized, standing so close that Sarek had laugh lines at the corners of his eyes.
"Human vernacular can be quite evocative." Sarek nodded him into the bathroom. "Can we continue the conversation where I can remain warm?"
As Sarek strolled into the bathroom, Kirk couldn't help a view of a beautiful tight but full ass. His hand itched to cup it and pulled his hands behind his back to stem the impulse. All of this could be completely innocent on Sarek's part, a cultural misunderstanding, even a series of teasing jokes.
Kirk followed Sarek into the bathroom and found it set up like a small lounge, as if activities besides the essentials took place in here. Perhaps most rooms had to be fuck-ready in case of pon farr. Comfortable seating lined opposite the large shower with clear glass walls between.
He frowned at the thought that he would have a nice view but for the steam, not sure if he considered that a hindrance or a benefit. His body thrummed with both anxiety and excitement, as if his mind couldn't decide which it should feel.
He wondered if he could keep from becoming obviously aroused by the coming attraction and thought how bizarre the circumstances. Did Sarek bring any diplomatic officials or Federation brass into the bathroom like this? That would likely add to his popularity, certainly.
As Sarek stepped toward the shower, he looked back at Kirk standing stiffly in the center of the bathroom. "It is your choice whether to join me. Whatever you want of our relationship, if that has changed, I wouldn't hold your joining me, or not, against you. Only in a bond is sex and commitment tied so inextricably."
End of Chapter One