Weathered
This is a songfic that describes perfectly (my opinion) what Harry feels like. What he thinks. The lyrics are from Creed's song Weathered. I wanted to do one to Pearl Jams' (yeah Baby!) Jeremy, but I couldn't think of anything so . . . enjoy!!
~I lie awake on a long, dark night~
Harry sat in the biggest, most comfortable chair in the Griffindor common room. He glanced up at the old, dusty grandfather clock and gave a little sigh. It was approximately 1:30 A.M.
~I can't seem to tame my mind~
He was making an attempt to study divination, but, with so many racing thoughts going through his head at once, it was hard to remember what the different planets and stars meant. Finally, he decided he'd better call it quits for the time being. He was about to rip his hair out in frustration.
~Slings and arrows are killing me inside~
After sitting and taking deep breaths for a moment, an aching thought crept into his mind. Cedric. His breath caught in his throat and a cough forced its way out. It was his fault he died. He must have disappointed everyone. How could he not have?
~Maybe I can't except the life that's mine~
Harry regained his composure. At least physically. His mind was still shaky. He knew Cedric wouldn't want him to feel so horrible. So guilty.
~No I can't except the life that's mine~
A thought suddenly popped into his mind; maybe he should just end it all. It would be so easy. Someone would definitely beat Voldemort. Why did it have to be Harry who did it? All he had to do was take a knife and . . .
"NO!" Harry quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. He was scaring himself. As much as he hated to admit it, people really cared about him.
~Simple living is my desperate cry~
All he wanted in his life was to have a normal life. To live with his Mum and Dad. And a dog. A big friendly dog. (Harry laughed to himself, thinking of Sirius.) They would have a nice big house. A white one, with a big green field with flowers and birds. Ron and him would play quidditch there. Ron would come over everyday with his broom and they would both practice their flying skills. Sirius and his dad, James, would give them pointers on how to be better flyers and stuff like that. Life would be easy.
~Been trading love with indifference, yeah it suits me just fine~
But Harry couldn't have that. Voldemort had destroyed that, along with his parents. Along with his future. His happiness. Now he lived with the Dursleys. He's lived with them most his life, and they treated him far from homely. It was hard to love anyone. They had to earn his trust first, and all because of the Dursleys.
~I try to hold on, but I'm callused to the bone~
Not only that, but the wizarding part of his life was in uproar; all of the people were terrified. Everyone was depending on Harry to fix it, too. They didn't seem to understand that he was just a young, teenage boy. They didn't understand him. They didn't feel what he felt.
~Maybe that's why I feel so alone~
Someone out there had to understand, right? At least one person? But that thought had no relevance what so ever. It seemed near impossible. Harry highly doubted anyone having been through what he had. He was alone in his own thoughts. By himself.
~ Maybe that's why I feel so alone ~
Harry knew those thoughts were selfish, but he couldn't help it. That's the way he felt and no one could change his mind, his thoughts. He hurt so badly inside. It felt like thousands of dull knifes were piercing his heart, all at once. Every time he thought about all the things that had gone wrong in his life, the guilt weighed down on him, suffocating him.
~ Me . . . I'm rusted and weathered ~
He felt so tired, yet couldn't close his eyes. He wouldn't. The nightmares he suffered from were all too real. He felt the pressures of life on top of him, bending him. Making his bones moan from strain.
~ Barely holding together ~
What added to his pain, was he couldn't show it. He cared so much about Sirius and his friends that he wouldn't dare hurt them, or make them worry. Sirius had risked his life for Harry, day after day. All for Harry. And Ron, well, Ron was like a brother to Harry. He needed Ron and knew it. Hermione too. No matter how many times he got annoyed with her for being a know-it-all, he couldn't stay mad at her. She was like the sister he never had. Extremely brainy, but sisterly none the less. They were his only family. They were the only part of his life that he loved. They kept Harry sane. Them and Dumbledore.
~ I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal ~
Dumbledore had helped Harry so many times; it was beginning to seem like a routine. Harry got into trouble, almost lost the battle, and then comes Dumbledore to save the day. Except the last time, Dumbledore couldn't be there to help. He wasn't there. Harry fell into a trap. He trusted Moody and he turned out to be Barty Crouch. The supposedly dead death eater. Now, after the Tri-Wizard Tournament, all eyes were on him. Well, him the Ministry, Dumbledore, and, for those who knew about him, Voldemort.
~ The sun shines and I can't avoid the light ~
Harry wished he wasn't always in the spotlight, If Ron was so jealous, then hey, Harry would gladly trade lives. No. He couldn't do that to Ron. If only he knew. He would think differently, that's a given.
~ I think I'm holding on to life too tight ~
Harry looked at the clock again, 2:00 A.M. He wasn't even tired. Not a good sign. He turned his glance to the fire in the old stone fireplace. Maybe watching the dancing flames would lull him to sleep or the soft sound of the crackling wood.
No such luck. Harry then realized how cold it was in the big room, despite the fire. He leaned over the edge of the velvety soft chair and pulled up a thick wool blanket. He wrapped it around his shivery body and looked at the eerie shadow that the fire cast onto the wall. Soon his mind was wandering again.
~ Ashes to ashes dust to dust ~
Too many things were changing in Harry's life. Everyday, the threat of Voldemort attacking grew greater, Ron and Hermione, his classmates, and Sirius always looked at Harry from the corner of their eyes. It was as if they expected him to fall over and have a nervous breakdown any second.
~ Sometimes I feel like giving up ~
Often, Harry had the biggest urge to jump up and down screaming "I'm fine! I'm happy!" over and over. He couldn't do that though. That would be a lie. Harry felt like he was losing grip on reality, Everyday he was slipping deeper and deeper into his own morose oblivion. Sometimes he wished he could just crawl into his bed, go to sleep, and never waking up.
~ Sometimes I feel like giving up ~
Nothing seemed worthwhile anymore. Even the once fun and exciting Quidditch had become a strenuous chore. Now that Fred Weasley was coach he couldn't quit, either. He wouldn't do that to him, or the team. Who would be the new seeker? Neville? It was almost laughable.
~ Me, I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered in skin that peels and just won't heal ~
Harry blinked his eyes in a sleepy manner. Was he actually getting tired? Wow, maybe Sirius didn't need to start worrying after all.
~ The day reminds me of you ~
Sirius . . . Everyday Harry wondered about him. Was he okay? Was he happy? Hurt? Scared? He was the only father figure in Harry's life, and Sirius would gladly give his life for him. Harry hoped it would never come to that. He wouldn't be able to stand it if Sirius died. The hurt and the guilt would be overwhelming.
~ The night hides your truth ~
Every night Harry wondered what Voldemort was up to. He wanted to know if everyone was okay, but he refused to let him scare him. That would give Voldemort satisfaction.
~ the earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all of your pride
And leave it behind ~
Harry knew he was proud. Like father like son. But his pride grew less and less everyday. Pride blinds a person's mind.
~ Because one day it ends ~
He knew that the battle would end one day. Whether or no he would win was up to the Lord. All he could do was hope. All Harry could do was do his very best, strain himself, and have a rich determination to win.
~ One day we die ~
Harry didn't know whether or not he would survive. He hoped he would, but he also knew that is worst came to worst he would give his life to save another.
~ Believe what you will ~
Harry knew that people didn't believe Voldemort was back. They just didn't want to. They would be getting one big surprise, now wouldn't they?
Harry sighed. People could be so ignorant. But, supposedly, ignorance was bliss, right?
~ That is your right
But I choose to win ~
Harry tightened his hands into fists. He would win this battle, even if it killed him. Voldemort would not conquer.
~ So I choose to fight ~
Harry would be happy. He would live his life to the fullest, as short as it may be. He would be a hero. Destroy the evil that is Voldemort. Good would prevail. Sirius would be proud. His parents would be proud.
~ To fight. ~
Disclaimer- I don't own the Lyrics, they belong to Creed, nor do I own the Harry Potter characters. I thought this one was actually okay. Please review and tell me what you think. That's what that little button below in for. THANKS!!