Title: Because of You
Category: TV Shows » General Hospital
Author: GwenhwyfarRose
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Angst
Published: 7-11-06, Completed
Chapters: 1, Words: 861
Warnings/Spoilers: Lesley Lu's thoughts of herself, through her mother. As long as you know her family history you're safe.
Summary: I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Official Disclaimer: All General Hospital characters and plots belong to Frank and Doris Hursley, and ABC. I do not hold stock either the people or the company. Luke Spencer, Lesley Lu Spencer, and any other character featured are NOT mine. The title, summary, and lyrics come from the Kelly Clarkson's song Because of You and I don't own that either.
Even though she'd been compared to her mother so many times in her young life, Lesley Lu Spencer knew she would never be Laura.
She couldn't be.
There were similarities of course; all physical, their hair for instance. Then again all Spencer's had an inclination to blonde hair. It didn't matter that hers had started as dark as it had when she was younger. Her older brother's had been light and look what happened to him. It was natural progression and genetics and thinking about it made her head hurt. The shape of her face, her skin tone, her natural grace was Laura's, but again that was genetics.
Lulu understood that arguing that she had nothing in common with her mother. She'd be lying anyway. Physically she was her mother's daughter, from the way she moved down to the tone of her voice.
That was where it ended.
In Laura Webber Spencer's life, she had given birth to three children, ran a successful cosmetics business, and started up the outreach program at the hospital. She had been married to three men, all far too different from each other; all alike in their own way. She'd been broken by all three.
Because, while her mother had been a courageous woman, she could stand up to almost anyone about almost anything, she was incapable of protecting her heart.
In a way that was where she supposed her father had come in.
Luke Spencer. He was a man of so many myths – all legendary – and mystery.
She didn't know all of the events of the night at the disco, and Lulu honestly didn't want to, but she more than understood that that was the first crack in the armor of Laura Spencer. Then he had married her, promised to love her and cherish her, he had forced her to live the life of the con and then managed to convince her that it had all been her idea in the first place. He tore down every single defense that Laura had, and somehow he made her love him for it.
Lulu was almost certain that that was the reason why he had spent so much time away from her after her mother's accident. He was responsible for the bottom falling out of their marriage, and he knew that he would break her too if he could.
It wouldn't have been out of spite, no Luke loved his children; it was just his way. Luke was drawn to strong women, he encouraged them, nurtured then, and then, in the end his will won out and they would shrink back to the sidelines.
Every time her father looked at her, Lulu wondered if he was assessing her, curious as to what her last straw would be.
How much could she take before she broke?
After all, she was just like her mother, and Laura did.
She looked to the picture on her nightstand and shuddered.
She didn't want it there, the photo of her and her mother when she was a little girl, before the blonde won out and Laura Spencer disappeared. But it served as two reminders, and it wasn't allowed to be replaced.
Her mother loved her; that was the first. Her grandmother used to say it to her every night when she had brushed her teeth and started her prayers. Nikolas went out of his way to help her remember it, giving her gifts that Laura would have liked her to have. Lucky wouldn't stop telling her stories of her childhood, of picnics and puppet shows and tea parties that never seemed to end.
Laura Webber Spencer loved her children.
She cherished her daughter most of all.
The second was that she wasn't allowed to make the same mistakes in her life.
Laura, for all of her love and strength, was broken by the men in her life. She had been pushed around, beaten down, forced to grow up too fast and learn too much too soon. She had saved the world (more than once if the stories were true), willed her daughter to live, and saved her sons from Stavros and Helena Cassidine. She'd given up adventure and the life of the chase to settle in Port Charles, only for it all to start all over again.
And in the end, she couldn't handle it.
But Lulu refused for that to be her.
She was going to become her Luke Spencer's daughter.
She wouldn't – she couldn't allow her emotions to get in the way; to rule with her heart and not her head. Lulu refused to allow herself to be the dreamer, the victim. Just as her father had before her, she wouldn't play by the rules that everyone had set down for her, she wouldn't trust anyone.
She sure as hell wouldn't allow herself to feel fear.
Unlike her mother she'd been on her own for the better part of her life and she'd survived. She could make it now.
She would make it.
Even though she'd been compared to her mother so many times in her young life, Lesley Lu Spencer knew she would never be Laura.
She couldn't be.