A/N: This is Jacob's thoughts, I am sorry if this has already been done before. This is after breaking dawn, but I am going to pretend he did not imprint on Nessie. There is some Bella and Edward bashing, you've been warned! Please review! Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. ____________________________________________________________________________________
Bella. There is so much to say yet so little. Does that make any sense? I love her, but I really hate her as well. Everyone loves Bella, but I think we all hate her a little too. That probably doesn't make any sense to you. How can I explain it? She is just so perfect, too perfect really. She broke my heart and used me but denied that she ever did that. Then her stupid vampire always reads my mind and tells her what I am thinking! Does he think it is ok to tell her my private thoughts? Because if he does he is so wrong.
Bella was the perfect one for me, or that's what I thought. But after she constantly chose Edward over me it started to sink in. She would never love me as much as Edward, it would always be Edward. When Edward and she got into a fight then it would be me she came crying to. It wasn't fair that I was expected to always be there for Bella when she wasn't there for me. It was always a double-standard. Bella loved Edward to a point where it wasn't healthy, she obsessed over him and he practically stalked her and then left her. But she couldn't deal with me pointing that out.
How many times had I told myself that Bella would come to her senses, that she would love me and leave the bloodsucker? Way too many to count. But not nearly as often as I told myself that I should leave HER. But I never did leave her. I should have but I didn't. I can't help but regret helping Bella, that sounds bad but it is true. I fell in love with Bella when I helped her, if I had never helped her I would have saved myself a lot of grief.
Bella will always be part of my life. I don't want her to be and Edward doesn't want her to be either. Regardless of that Bella thinks of me fondly. Shockingly she would something that *gasp* Edward didn't like. That may sound cruel but it is true.
Bella is not the love of my life. She was my first love but not my last love. I am done waiting for her to change her mind and come to me. I am going to move on, I am not going to waste another day longing for someone who won't love me back. That may sound girly but it's the truth. Bella will always be part of my life but not the one that matters most. I have other people to care for, people who love me. Bella loves me, but not the way I wanted and now I realize it's a blessing in disguise. Bella is not the one I need anymore.