How To Piss Off Your Girlfriend
"Al-vin!" Brittany yelled at the top of her lungs. Alvin groaned from his place on the couch. "Alvin! Where are you?" He heard her stomping down the hall and into the living room. He quickly fell onto his side and pretended to be asleep. When the pounding of her foot steps came to a stop in front of him, he began to lightly snore.
Huffing, Brittany stomped back towards their bedroom. Alvin smirked. Works every time, he thought. He quickly wiped his smirk off his face when he heard Brittany's foot steps again.
He felt more weight on the couch as Brittany sat down and began lightly stroking his hair. "Alvin," She sang gently and sweetly. "Alvin, wake up." She said lightly shaking him.
Alvin remained motionless. He wasn't sure what to do. Was Brittany actually being sweet (in his eyes, a rare moment), or was this just the calm before the storm? Brittany was such a talented actress that it almost impossible to tell the difference. He felt Brittany moving about and then suddenly piles of clothes were being dropped onto his head. He quickly sat up, throwing the clothes off him. In his efforts her noticed they were his clothes.
"Britt!" He looked at her to see her glaring at him.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times… to pick up your clothes!" She yelled chucking the extra clothes at him to add emphasis on her words.
Alvin cringed and flinched with every blow. "Okay, okay," He yelled back. Brittany stopped throwing clothes long enough to hear what he had to say. "I promise to pick up my clothes from now on; okay?" He smiled sweetly at her.
Brittany continued to glare at him. "Fine," She said. She reached towards the table placed at the front door and grabbed her keys. "I'm going to Eleanor's for a little while and when I get back I want every single piece of clothing off that floor!" She said in a demanding tone, poking him in the chest.
Alvin smirked. "Yes mom."
Brittany rolled her eyes. He stood and reached out to embrace her. "No," She said pushing him away. "You can have a hug when I see you picked up your clothes." She said turning and walking out the door.
Alvin groaned and trudged to his bedroom door. "I might as well get started now." He mumbled to himself, pushing open his door and flipping on the light. He looked around the room and saw Brittany's neat and tidy side and his side that is obviously in need of a bulldozer. He blew out a breath and stared at his clothes scattered across the floor, dresser, and parts of his bed.
He stretched his lips to one side of his face and tapped the door frame with his fingers. "No reason to rush into it." He said with a shrug and walking back to the living room.
Alvin sat on the couch and laughed as the end of one of his favorite shows. It had been at least two hours since he had decided to put off the task of cleaning up his clothes. He figured that Brittany would be back any minute now and he needed to get his clothes out of sight.
Standing up, he headed back to his room and once again looked at the piles upon piles of clothing on his floor. He sighed and went to pick up a shirt. When he leaned down to grab it, his stomach did a flop and he heard the familiar growling coming from his abdomen. He smirked and patted her tummy. "Well, I can't work on an empty stomach." He mumbled dropping the shirt and heading for the kitchen.
He looked through all the cabinets, drawers, and the refrigerator for a meal he could make quickly and would fill him. He found nothing. Looking further he decided to do the impossible.
He had to cook.
"Yeah, thanks man." Alvin said closing the door after the pizza man. He took his pizza to the food and fire extinguisher foam cover kitchen and began eating. After finishing an entire box of pizza he checked his watch. Brittany would definitely be back soon. He walked into his bedroom and once again stared at the mess. "Okay, Alvin," He began to prep talk himself (much like he did before a soccer game back in high school). "You have to do this and soon. No more playing around." He charged towards the pile of clothes and leapt into them.
He began stuffing clothes into the hamper and as he was doing so he found an interesting item under the bed. He pulled out the package and studied the items inside. "Nipple pasties?" He read. Forgetting about his task he stood and headed for the bathroom.
Brittany groaned at the sound of rock music blasting from the front door. "What is he up to?" She mumbled pulling out her keys to unlock the door. The music pounded her eardrums as she entered. Her eyes darted around the room for her boyfriend. During her search she saw the kitchen was a complete disaster. She made a mental note to get him for it later.
As Brittany continued her search she saw him standing on the couch twirling his shirt over his head; one nipple pasty was on his nipple and the other on his eye. "Whoop! Whoop!" He chanted as he continued to dance.
Brittany furrowed her brows and reached over towards the stereo, shutting off the music. Alvin immediately stopped and looked around. He smiled sheepishly at the sight of Brittany. "Hey, Babe," He chuckled nervously.
Brittany raised her brow at him. "What are you doing?" She asked calmly, crossing her arms.
"Uh…"
"And why is the kitchen destroyed?" She asked, her voice rising in volume.
"I…"
"What have you been doing this whole time?" She finally yelled at him.
Alvin paused. "I'm…sorry?" Brittany huffed and rolled her eyes. "But I did pick up my clothes." He smiled at her.
Brittany did not respond. She walked past him and headed for the bedroom. Alvin blinked and shrugged. He began removing the nipple pasties from his body and in the process of putting his shirt back on, his eyes widened in realization. "I didn't pick up my clothes." He whispered to himself.
He then heard Brittany squeal and a thud soon follow it. "Well, time for me to go." He announce jumping off the couch and running out the door. Upon shutting the door her heard the all too familiar call of his name.
"Allllviiiiin!"
Okay, so I'm thinking of making a series out of this. What do you guys think? Give me some ideas!
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