Iva Semerdjieva Controlled Assessment
"The Confessions of Henry Goose"
[In a court room, Doctor Henry Goose confessing to a judge about his murder plot]
[Dr. Goose is sitting opposite the judge around a large circular table in the middle of a big room- normally used for interviewing murderers]
[As the judge begins to question, Goose begins to look tense and scared.]
Doctor Henry Goose, you have been summoned here today on the attempted murder of Mister Adam Ewing. Before we begin to announce your penalties, please give us a brief description of the happenings between you and the stated Mister Ewing?
[Judge takes a piece of paper bearing details titled "The attempted murder of Adam Ewing"]
Those days are past me, I remember very little. However, I am willing to inform you of anything I know or remember. In all honesty, I don't feel sorry for doing anything, therefore I will tell you everything proudly. There's nothing to regret.
I recall one night a few months ago, the boat we inhabited rocked from side to side. My mind was filled up with thoughts and feelings which separated me from my humanity, from civilisation. No sympathy, no compassion. I wanted revenge, I could feel the fury effervesce up my backbone. It sent shivers through my mentality. Lonesomeness became my colleague, no one understood me. I was alone in solidarity. That sophisticated young fellow, that Adam Ewing, was only the lure and supremacy was the catch. I had to get through him to obtain what was obligatory. I waited all my life for this prospect. The opportunity to become somebody.
The day that I witnessed Adam Ewing approaching me I felt the urge to plead for his attention. As I was sitting in that God-awful, rusty-like sand, which was scraping my feet to the point that blood splurged through my toenails, I spotted him approaching. Perplexed and befuddled. What do you expect from somebody who has been living in the city for all his life? To know anything about the hamlet, which he had by chance arrived in, in the remote South Pacific? I was asking myself as he approached me.
My initial plan was to be friendly and get familiar with him. He seemed like a pompous, guilty and arrogant man with no other aim in life than gain wealth, live in a nice house and gain more wealth while living in his house. I was jealous, yes, but I wasn't envious of the individual he was. It occurred to me that he was as angry as a rhinoceros. His looks were not what made me covetous, but his ability to convince others to do what he wanted them to. That's what he was trained for, I mean he is a lawyer. I however had my own tricks and I was expecting myself to use these abilities one way or another to get what I wanted.
[Goose begins to loosen up]
And what do you mean by "getting what you wanted"?
To begin with,, I wanted to get the recognition which he has. I am a doctor, and am in no way the same as him. He had a girl back home, I had my dreams. I wanted to gain his friendship, make myself equal to him. That's why I convinced a certain Captain Molyneux to let me join his ship crew. It seemed to be a very easy task since I had seen him limp a few days before the 'Prophetess' left. I was very happy that I would get the occasion to be somebody for once. This would permit me the opportunity to get to know Mister Ewing a lot better and I thought my plan would be successful without anyone finding out what I had done.
If it wasn't for that slave, Autua, I would have had what I wanted, I would have had my power to rule over everyone I wanted. I had quite a hard time getting used to the fact that my plan ended disastrously. Even saying this now is making me tearful. I would have never thought Ewing was such an important person. All I wished to gain out of him is his power. I wanted to go back to his home country and become someone important. I wanted to gain the recognition which I deserved for all those lives which I saved. For all those families which I put out of misery. All I wanted was to be recognised.
You wanted to get recognised, we understand that, but why attempt murdering Mister Ewing? What has he ever done to exert this negative influence of himself on you?
He had everything I ever wanted. I wanted to have a nice house, I wanted wealth, I wanted someone to show me affection. Everyone thought I was senseless, they called me a bedlamite, I thought Ewing would do the same, but as I got to know him, I discovered that he wasn't as bad as I thought. He was a nice young fellow, but I still had to follow my plan.
There were a few times when I regretted thinking about how I can do harm to somebody, but what had to be done was to be done. I sat there that boat, which inhibits my nightmares every once in a while and thought to myself, if I should continue with my plan, I had eventually decided that I need to stop and come clean with Adam or continue without any mention of the plan.
This still does not fully answer my question. Why did you continue with your plan if you thought Adam Ewing was a 'nice young fellow'?
After he helped that slave, Autua get a job as a seaman, I got furious. Both at Ewing and Autua. He had done everything in his power to give someone, who didn't deserve it, a chance. A chance to be somebody in other people's eyes. He had never mentioned of me. I was the ill-advised hoary doctor with no qualities. He didn't respect me half as much as he did Autua. I was fuming.
That is when I resumed my plan. Once, I remember we found land some distance away from that remote South Pacific hamlet. Ewing, of course decided to become a hero for a day and therefore go around and explore. I had warned him about the dangers that the land held. He comes back bruised, as if someone had battered him like a piece of fish. This is when I knew my plan had to be resumed. I used what he had done to himself to cause him even more harm. I was going crazy. It felt very good. I had power, for once. Until that awful Autua got to me and found out what I had been giving Adam as a medicine.
You have a point I have heard of one too many times. You haven't got many arguments to defend yourself with, how should I not give you a full lifetime incarceration?
I have grown not to care much about the sentence which I am given, I have had my try at being a powerful and pompous person, but clearly, that is not suited me. I know that I developed the type of individual I am today through my own liabilities. Through my own strengths and weaknesses. I mean, wouldn't you ensure you provided a sufficient lifestyle for yourself? If you had no change, no homespun, no companion and no one to exchange a word or two with? I would much rather devote my time in penitentiary, overlook all my doubts and change my soul for the good of it. My life ended when I lost everything and became a cold-blooded murderer. It really suited me, I thought, but now I don't really regret what I did. I wouldn't gain anything else outside of this prison. My life has been turned upside down. It's as if my whole body has been turned upside down. My heart has stopped pumping blood, but lava. My brain stopped thinking of medicine and how I can cure an innocent person. I am a murderer! A cold blooded murderer!
[As Henry Goose starts shouting at the judge, two guards walk in and take him away. He was never heard of after this]
Epilogue
[This extract has been taken from Henry Goose's diary, when it was found or by whom it was found is not known. The only detail which we have been told is that somebody called Dean Sixsmith was in Doctor Goose's cell after he was let out]
Wednesday, whatever is left of it, 14th January (or was it February?) 1946 (?)
You are currently reading astir the hapless existence of Henry Goose, used-to-be medical practitioner, current prisoner and novice murderer. Unwind, concentrate, let the typhoon of cognition and strength take over you. Let the world around you fade, like tiny dust particles entering your lungs at this precise moment, let them spiral up your spine and reach your humanity. Best close the door behind you.
Adjust the light so you won't strain your eyes. If there is no light, a candle or simply a match would do. Do it right now so that once you have been absorbed by this, what I would say, masterpiece, there will be no budging you, and if someone does in fact distract you, make sure to hit them as hard as possible. Make sure that the page isn't in shadow, it will distract you and you won't be able to blame anyone but yourself. You should be the sort of person who, in principle, no longer expects anything of anything.
Let's face it now, we are the prisoners of our own minds. There are plenty of younger lads and also less young, who live in the expectation of extraordinary experiences. From books, from people, from journeys, from events, from what tomorrow has in store we are shaped to think, feel and taste what one has made us. We are like puppets. We play along right until the puppeteer no longer wants us. Right until I was of no help to Adam Ewing. Right to the day he lost my trust and I sunk to the ground beaten, left for dead. Try to foresee now everything that might interrupt you. If you have abolished it all, then you may begin reading this masterpiece.