The letter couldn't be made out, therefore was submitted to an archaeologist for further examination. The archaeologist however, couldn't decode it, for the handwriting was actually THAT bad. So it was then sent to a government fund, but it burned the eyes of all who read it. Even the original writer was unable to decode it. Over time the letter began to glow, and a rift in space and time opened. The whole universe collapsed as a result. That is how terrible this man's handwriting really was.
As God watched the universe collapse, his life work be destroyed before his eyes, grew angry. "Holy shit this guy's handwriting sucks," He exclaimed.
But by swearing, God had committed sin. The creator sinning resulted in a paradox that caused Heaven and Hell to collide in a catastrophic explosion of pure orgasmic proportions.
And so God said, "Let there be scripture,"
And a new Bible was written, and the creator of the letter became the new Satan, and Lucifer was taken back into Heaven.
The Earth was saved and life continued as before as the creator of the damning letter roasted like a Hell marshmallow in a lake of jet fuel. And then, his lover was like, "Goddamnit it." and had to get off her lazy ass to go down to Hell.
She noted that it was very cold down there, and when asked why, the letter creator replied,
"Yeah, Lucifer cut my funding until the end of the month. The recession is really hitting hard."
But the citizens of Hell wouldn't stand for it. They demanded things change, and chained their leader and beat him. His lover didn't do anything, assuming people in Hell were simply Kinky.
Billy Mase began trying to sell his Sham-whatever the fuck, and his lover became thoroughly irritated and left after killing him in Hell.
Once back on Earth, and thoroughly irritated, his lover felt like a giant asshole. But was distracted by Mitt Romney flip flopping all over the goddamn place. Obama intervened and decked him in the face, being sure to record it. God eventually got hold of the recording, and was appalled by the demonic being that is Mitt Romney. He noted that Mitt Romney is the only thing worse than the terrible handwriting of the letter that had been written, and he knew he had to take action.
So God sent Lucifer back down to Hell to set things back to normal, and to help the creator of the forsaken letter. Everything in Hell is released simply to retrieve Mitt Romney. And he is defeated, but Lucifer doesn't want him to take up space within his domain. Which creates a fight between him and God.
They eventually decide to just have him reincarnate, settling their dispute.