This is really the first thing I've written and shown to anyone so take that as you will. Most of this story came to me when I was listening to surprise: Foo Fighters' Best Of You. I analyzed and drew parallels to this story on a separate document that I'll link if you're interested. Any criticism is welcome because maybe I'd like to continue writing in the future or at least improve this. There might be a lot of grammatical/wording errors in this so feel free to point them out in a review or a PM so I can fix it. Thanks to Mike-Kossi for letting me use his work as the cover art.
Cover Art: mike-kossi deviantart com/art/Life-is-Strange-Rainy-Daze-674357706 (add a . after kossi and after deviantart)
Analysis: Which should be read after finishing the story imgur com/a/Cf1oS (add a . after imgur)
"Same shit different day"
Do I even know what day it is?
Max had felt herself waking up slowly for a while, thoughts instantly rushing through her head. She tried to stop them so that she could sleep a while longer, but like so many other recent mornings before this, she failed.
"Same shit everyday"
No matter how tired she felt, how little sleep she got, whenever she woke up and these thoughts came to her head she knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep. Without thinking or looking at the time Max got up from bed and did her morning routine. She came back to her room freshly showered and teeth freshly brushed, the same thoughts rushing through her head still. Tossing her sleeping clothes, towel, and toiletry bag to a corner in her room Max sighs as she falls to lie down on her bed, legs hanging off the bed and looking at the ceiling.
Max stayed there a while thinking what she's going to do today. She thoughtlessly raises her right and towards the ceiling, looking at her hand she feels the familiar feeling in her body, the strange feeling of the world moving around her while she stayed still, and the dull pain in her head that she knows will get worse if she doesn't stop. She doesn't stop, she'd rather spend the day passed out then go through it at the unbearably slow pace life has been going recently. Eventually though she does stop not being able to endure the pain and remembering that when had tried this before on nights when she couldn't sleep, she just woke up only a few hours later feeling worse somehow. Max drops her arm back onto the bed suddenly being very aware of her body and her surroundings.
It was colder than usual in her room, she checked to see if maybe she left the window open but it wasn't, maybe it was because it's getting close to or is November, she doesn't know the date. She felt a small bulge in her front right pocket, probably her earphones she thought. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a pair of white earphones tangled together as they were probably jammed into her pocket. She places it a few inches away from her knowing she'll be using them today. She felt another bulge in her back right pocket, too small to be her wallet but big enough for her to notice it. She leans over so she can reach into her pocket easier and pulls out what was in it. She pulls out some coins and just drops them on the bed feeling something else in the pocket. She can't remember what it was that she left in her pocket. The mystery item felt like post-it note sized business card in her hands as she brought it out of her pocket and in front of her face.
"Oh" Max says quietly as she exhales a sigh.
It was a photograph, the photograph that she thought using was the "right" thing to do. It was the photograph of the blue butterfly that landed on the bucket in the Blackwell bathroom. Max sighs heavily again with frustration this time as she puts the photograph back in her pocket. As Max sits up she grabs the tangled earphones and begins to untangle them while she looks for her phone. As the earphones get untangled Max finds her phone lying on the desk next to her laptop. She gets up and walks to her desk to grab it, plugging in her earphones, putting them, on and putting her phone in her right pocket.
It's completely silent in her room and as far as she can tell it's the same outside of her room. There was no music playing from her phone, her phone wasn't even on, she just uses her earphones as a deterrent to stop people from talking to her. Max's phone hasn't been on a few days, she doesn't even know if it has any charge but she doesn't care. She puts on her normal gray jacket, zips it up over her t-shirt, grabs her wallet, and leaves her room.
As Max was walking down the hallway of the dorm towards the exit she notices Kate's light shining through her door. Maybe today is Sunday. Max thought hopefully. Well she's always up early. It could be any day of the week really. At least I know it's a somewhat decent time of day. She concluded in her head.
Max made her way to the front of the school so that she could start her walk to Two Whales so she could get a coffee and maybe something to eat, still filled with the same thoughts rushing through her head. Max lets out a frustrating sigh that she always gives herself whenever she thinks about how the same thoughts have been plaguing her for so long, for what feels like months but has only been a few weeks at most.
Finally Max arrives at Two Whales, she's greeted by Joyce with a cookie cutter greeting and smile that turns into a genuine smile when she realizes who just walked in. Max gives Joyce a forced smile in return and walks to her usual booth, Joyce arrives soon after.
"Hey Max." Joyce says with hidden sorrow as Max takes off her earphones "How are you?"
"Hi Joyce" Max says with the same hidden sorrow but not as well hidden "I'm fine, could I get a black coffee please?"
"Of course, Max" Joyce says in reply. She opens her mouth again wanting to say more but doesn't know what to add and instead smiles and walks behind the counter
Joyce returns with a white mug in hand and steam coming from the top of it and places it in front of Max as she is just looking at her hands under the table. "You know if you want anything to eat Max?"
"No I'm just having coffee for now, thanks" Max says with the same forced smile as she looks up from her hands.
"You let me know if you need anything" Joyce says as she reaches over to place her hand on Max's right shoulder. Max just smiles and nods in reply as Joyce leaves.
Max scoots to the end of the booth so that she is against the wall and looks up from her coffee to scan the diner quickly. She notices what looks like a trucker and some fishermen at the bar having breakfast, all the other booths are empty. She glances at a clock and notices it's about 5:40. Max lets out a long sigh half filled with anger and half filled with sadness with how early it is and how little she's been sleeping lately.
Max is about halfway through her coffee and is beginning to get antsy, she doesn't know what to do with her hands, she doesn't want to turn on her phone and she's tired of holding the mug with both her hands. Again she becomes very aware of her body. A new song begins to play in the diner as she reaches for her back right pocket with a shaky sigh as she heard the song playing.
"I've got another confession to make"
Max grabs the photograph out of her pocket and out on to the table holding it tightly with both hands, staring at it.
"I'm your fool. Everyone's got their chains to break. Holdin' you"
Max's eyes began to swell with tears as sucks in her lips to try and hide her emotions, gripping the photograph harder. Max had done this before, alone in her room listening to songs that she felt were specifically written to make her feel worse and to make her wallow in her despair more, with lyrics that felt like they were inspired by what she is going through even though they were written years ago.
"Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?"
Songs like "Asthenia" and "Not Now" gave her a similar reaction of breaking down. Maybe it was the sad angst filled lyrics, maybe because it was that she was looking for something to bring her down more, or because Max thought it was maybe something She would listen to.
"You gave me something that I didn't have. But had no use"
Max eyes filled with sorrow and anger, focus on the butterfly taking note of every detail she can see
Max didn't have the luxury of being alone in her room where she could normally just weep somewhat quietly, now she was out in public, that aside though Max had this distinct feeling that this was a different feeling.
"My head is giving me life or death. But I can't choose"
Max changes her focus to the photograph as a whole realizing how tightly she has been holding it. Loosening her grip, she sits up a bit and with her elbows still on the table she raises the photograph in front of her to hide her face a bit, still looking at the photo, everything outside of the photograph begins to blur an all too familiar white.
"Has someone taken your faith? It's real, the pain you feel. The life, the love, you'd die to heal, the hope, that starts, the broken hearts. You trust, you must, confess"
This breaks Max out of it, tears rapidly begin pouring out of her eyes, down her face then onto the table, now everything is a blur. Her lips are still sucked in to stop her face from contorting but her eye brows are already as low as they can get and the frown on her face can't get any bigger. She's pressing both her pointer fingers nails into her thumbs as she holds the photograph shaking uncontrollably. She lets out a cry and tries to play it off as a cough, but she knows no one bought it but she stays there shaking and holding the photograph trying to hide her face from everyone. She hears someone in heels begin to walk over to her and is still startled when she hears Joyce's voice.
"I'm getting tired of starting again. Somewhere new"
"Max? Are you alright?" Joyce asks filled with concern
Max lowers the photograph and puts it into her pocket slowly then looks over at Joyce, her face turning from concern to horror? More worry? Both? Max couldn't tell
"Oh, Max, here"
Joyce reaches over the table to grab some napkins and hands them to Max and she places her hand on Max's shoulder, rubbing her back and sitting next to her to comfort her.
After a while Max tries to speak. "Joyce can I…" Max is barely able to say before her voice breaks, she stops to take a deep breath and uses the napkins to wipe her face again.
"Can I go to your house and into Chlo-"Max says barely able to say the words voice nearly breaking again, before she is stopped by Joyce
"Of course Max. Here, go now, I'll tell David to have the house unlocked for you, and don't worry about the coffee, take it with you if you want" Joyce says with both sympathy and concern as they both get up from the booth.
"Thank you" Is all Max can say without breaking again. She hugs Joyce tightly tears still falling and Joyce repays her with a hug just as tight. When the hug ends Max grabs the napkins to wipe her face one more time then picks up the mug and looks back at Joyce to smile then makes toward the door to leave.
"…the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? It's real, the pain you feel, you trust, you must, confess"
The lyrics bring the tears back to Max as the door to the diner closes behind her. She puts her silent earphones on again and begins her walk to Joyce's home.
Like Joyce had said, the front door was unlocked, no David in sight though, maybe Joyce called him to unlock the door and went back to bed as soon as he did since it was still early. She saw a box of pop tarts in the kitchen when she came in and locked the door behind her. She thought maybe David left it out for her since she found out in different time lines that David is a good person, but it could've have just been left out from a previous day. Either way she still didn't feel like eating anything right now, most of her life Max had been a live to eat person but recently has become an eat to live person.
On her way to Joyce's house Max was filled with half dread and half anticipated relief. She felt relief because she could finally breakdown in relative peace but a feeling of dread filled her at the same time because she didn't know what feelings and memories would come from being in that room again. But it didn't matter now, she was there, just a few steps and flight of stairs away.
She walked to the stairs every step taking an eternity. Lyrics from that song in the diner and the all familiar thoughts were racing through her head. She finally reaches the top of the stairs looking to right to see the closed door she was dreading to reach but relieved to be in front of finally. Reading the "wrong way" sign hanging in the middle of the door she reached for the doorknob with her left hand not twisting it yet.
"Everyone's got their chains to break. Holdin' you"
Max twists the knob and pushes the door open. Max is only greeted by silence and emptiness. Not the emptiness of a completely empty room, the emptiness of a room that is desperately missing something that should be there, someone that should be there. She knew that's all that she would get entering this room but she still wished it weren't so. Tears returning to Max's eye she takes a few steps into the room closing the door behind her and turning on the lights. The room itself isn't very different just cleaner than usual, everything seemed the same
"My heart is under arrest again"
Max didn't know what to do, so she did what she would do if she were in her own room. She walked to the bed slowly looking around the room letting the memories surface to her brain. When Max reached the bed she turned around and fell onto her back letting her legs hang off the bed like she did in her room earlier that day.
"It's real, the pain you feel"
Fruitlessly blinking away tears that continually filled her eyes as soon as there was room for them, she reaches for the photograph in her pocket, this time in her front right pocket. She raises it up and now holding it with both hands bring it to her view to look at focusing on the butterfly.
"You trust, you must confess"
It's a few moments before she decides to speak out loud "Is this punishment?" She whispers out between sobs focusing on the butterfly in the photo. "Is this punishment for abandoning her for five years when she needed me the most? For not keeping in touch? For being a terrible friend" She brings her right hand down and across her stomach to hug herself, still holding the photograph above her with her left hand "Is that why you landed on her coffin, to remind me that I was responsible for it, is that why I constantly see you whenever I'm out of my room, to remind me of what I've done, that because of me her life became miserable" She turns her head to look out the window half expecting to see a blue butterfly fly by.
"Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
She turns her head back to face the butterfly in the photo. She reaches up and wipes her tears as best she can with her right hand returning it to hug herself. "Well if it is a punishment then it's not fair" she says with whatever anger she can muster "If I'm the one being punished then it should just be me and me alone, she doesn't deserve this. To be kil- to have her last memory being her alone in that bathroom and thinking everyone she loves abandons her believing those words"
"Nobody would ever even miss your 'punk ass' would they?"
I would
She drops the photograph and covers her face with both her hands sobbing as quietly as she can.
"I would miss you Chloe, I do miss you"
Max lets out a loud cry, dry heaving, and barely being able to breath. She hears a door open soon after accompanied with slow footsteps coming toward her.
"Is everything alright Max?" Max hears David say, clearly recently woken up by the noises Max was making.
"She doesn't deserve this" Max says voice still broken
"Max… It's…" is all Max is able to hear before she reaches forward with her right and undoes everything that happened, she goes back far enough to where she think David is back asleep. She waits a while in silence still sobbing as quietly as she can to make sure she went back far enough.
"Were you born to resist, or be abused? I swear I'll never give in, I refuse"
When Max is convinced David is still asleep she turns her head to look out the window, sunlight barely creeping over the horizon her eyes wonder around the frame of the window taking in what she can see. Her eyes glance to the bottom of the window frame and barely notices what looks like butterfly wings creeping into the frame. She already knew what it was but she got up and walked toward the window.
"Of course" Max says drained of any emotion, with eyes burning from crying. It was the butterfly that along with her thoughts have been plaguing her since the funeral. She doesn't know how long it's been since then, all she knows is that it feels like it's been an eternity ago but in really it's only been weeks. She walks back to the bed this time sitting cross legged and looking at the photograph. Still looking at the photograph she grabs her phone from her pocket and tries to turn it on to see if there's anything on it that can change her mind. Short of getting a text from her best friend saying she was falsely declared dead and is back, she doesn't think anything will change her mind. To Max's surprise the phone turns on and notifications begin rolling in. She sees text from Kate, mom, dad, Warren, Dana, Juliet, and even Victoria. She sees multiple missed calls from her parents and one from Kate each with a voicemail attached. Most of the texts are asking if Max was alright. The most unique of the text being from Kate
Kate: 10/14 4:26PM Max are you alright? I didn't see you in school today
10/16 9:48PM Max are you at school? I haven't seen you for a while and you didn't answer when I knocked on your door today :(
10/18 7:05AM: Max, you were there when I needed someone the most and I want you to know that if you want I'll always have time to talk to you whenever you're ready just tell me and I'll be there. Everyone is a bit worried about you but I know that you'll talk to us when you're ready. 3
The voicemail from Kate was just reiterations of her texts, the first voicemail from her parents were of them hearing what happened and hoping she was okay and offered Max to come visit them if she needed it. The later voicemails from her parents were them being concerned about Max's absence from school. She locked her phone and put it back in her pocket returning to looking at the photograph.
Am I really going to do this? She thought as she locked back at the window to see the butterfly fly away. She didn't know what this meant, she didn't care, and she already knew what she was going to do. Max wasn't going to let her best friend's last memory be one of feeling abandoned. She deserved better than that, much better, even if it meant sacrificing the town. She was given these powers for a reason and it wasn't just to save and be reunited with her best friend only to have it all undone. She picks up the photograph of the butterfly in the bathroom, probably the same one that flew away from her a few seconds ago. She begins to stare deeply into the photograph. Everything but the photograph begins to blur more and more until it blurs into a blinding white.
The sound of a polaroid camera going off brings color back to Max's vision. She stands up straight and pulls the photograph out of the camera as the butterfly flies away. She puts it away and waits in silence. The door opening startles her
"It's cool Nathan. Don't stress, you're okay, bro, just… count to three."
Hearing his voice makes Max's blood boil with rage and she clenches her fist. She has to do this. She rewinds just as the photograph comes out of the camera, pockets it quickly, and walks to one of the sinks. The door opening doesn't startle her this time
"It's cool Nat- what? Get the hell out of here" Nathan says raising his voice and walking toward Max.
"Fuck you" is all Max says as she swings her left hand and to punch Nathan straight in the eye. He is recoiled back by this instantly reaching to cover his eye. Max almost immediately rewinds out of fear of him shooting and killing her now. She felt a bit better now, and will feel much better in a few moments when all of this is fixed. She pulls the photograph out of the camera for hopefully the last time. Moving everything out of the way and grabbing the hammer before the door opens this time ready to use it, another idea comes to her involving the hammer but she shakes the idea away.
"You're the boss" The door opens a second time. "So what do you want?
"I hope you checked the perimeter…" Max can't help but to smile hearing her voice again as tears come back to her eyes.
"Nobody would ever even miss your 'punk ass' would they?"
Max's smile turns to a sorrow filled frown as she is snapped out of her thoughts. "I would" she whispers as quietly as she can while she prepares to push the fire alarm. After a quick moment she slams the hammer on the glass and quickly pushes the button with the sound of the alarm following soon after
"No way…"
"Don't EVER touch me again freak!" the door is slammed after that is said.
Crap, I need to make sure I don't make the same mistake Max thinks to herself and she hurriedly grabs her journal and skips what she guesses is 50 pages and writes down her warning.
"She is going to suggest you use the butterfly photo to fix everything. Don't do it, we can't live with ourselves if we do, after a few weeks it's too much, she deserves better than to have that be her end -A Max from a shitty future."
Just as Max writes that down and closes the journal her vision begins to blur a blinding white again. Hopefully for the last time in a while.
Songs
Foo Fighters "Best Of You"
Blink 182 "Asthenia" (Mentioned)
Blink 182 "Not Now" (Mentioned)