I'm back with a new story. It's only 15 chapters but it has a sequel. I had this idea for a while and I got sick of thinking about it so I wrote it down. It's similar to Hell to the No but if things had taken a different turn. A lot of things that I wrote for Hell to the No (after it "ends" before my phone was destroyed) ends up in this story. It also mirrors That's Just Not Me. I wanted it to be similar to my other stories but also a story into its own.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Please review! Hopefully you enjoy and welcome to I Coulda Been Your Cellmate.

P.S. the title is from Mo'Nique's Netflix comedy special of the same name. She curses a lot but it is funny. Check it out!

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Mercedes: POV

My name is Mercedes Catherine Taylor-Jones, Mercy to my family and Honey to the entirety of Sylvester's Juvenile Corrections Facility. Yeah, I'm in lockup.

Let me explain…

Actually I can't. I'm bad. Well bad lite. It's not like it was my bright idea that landed us in pseudo jail.

Us is my brothers and sisters. Mikey, Lucy, Marcy and Mal. We're not all biologically related but we've been family friends since we were three and it's always been us. But there's more. There's Laura, Marc and Maddie, too. Marc and Marcy are my bio sibs. Laura and Lucy are sisters and Mikey, Mal and Maddie are sibs.

Laura is twenty, Marc is nineteen, Mikey, Lucy and I are sixteen, Marcy and Mal are fifteen and Maddie is ten.

We're Fabanges. The F-A-B from Fabray (Laura and Lucy), the A-N-G from Chang (Mikey, Mal and Maddie) and the E-S from Jones (us). Our parents were university mates and reconnected when Mikey, Lucy and I went to preschool. It was really serendipitous.

All of our parents are foreigners. The Changs are Michael the third and Jeanette. They're Japanese (although from two different parts of Japan). The Fabrays are Russell and Judy. Russell is British and Judy is Swedish. My parents are mixed. My daddy is Marcus Jr. and his father is German and his mother is Native American. My momma is Rose and her father is African American and her mother is Italian.

I'm totally mixed.

So you see how foreign they are, right? They came to America for university to escape their parents but went back home after. They lost touch with each other for years until that fateful day when we finally met each other.

Which is weird because for one reason or another we all ended up in the United States in 1997. Laura was born in Sweden, Marc was born in Germany, Mikey was born in Japan, I was born in France, Lucy was born in England, Marcy was born in Ireland and Mal was born in Japan. Maddie was born in Japan, too but she was born way after we met.

See how weird and convulsed it is?

And to think it wouldn't even be an us if demonic Marcy hadn't blown up my best friend before preschool. My best friend was a stuffed rabbit named Mr. Sniffles.

He was my only true friend when I was two. My family wasn't all together when I was younger. After Marcy was born, Daddy took Marc back to Germany with him. He wasn't interested in another daughter. He'd been hoping against hope that it was another boy but no such luck. So he left.

Momma took Marcy and me to Greece, where she'd been most of her pregnancy. She left us there and went back to Italy so her mom could baby her. We stayed in Greece until just before my second birthday.

Grandmom got sick of being a mother (I was surprised she lasted so long) and Momma came back for us. Or rather me. For some reason, Momma only took me. She sent Marcy to the convent that she was born in and took me to Paris.

We lived there for another year and something happened. I don't know if my parents wanted to be together or if they were forced but Daddy and Marc came to America. Momma and I came, too but then Daddy wanted to know where his other child was.

Momma said that she was in Ireland so Daddy made her go get her. That was only the third time I'd ever seen Marc.

We were in a hotel and he took me all over to show me different things and we ate chocolate ice cream in the dining room. It was the most fun I'd had in a while.

Momma came back a couple days later with Marcy. And we were all together. Five strangers.

One day I was looking for Mr. Sniffles a couple days after we moved into our new house and I just happened to look outside. There was an explosion.

Bits of white fluff and fur rained down. It became quite clear that it was pieces of Mr. Sniffles. I cried for days and didn't talk to Marcy for just as long.

When I went to preschool, I was so sad. I was an extremely shy child and was terrified of going to school. Now I was alone.

I knew I needed a friend so I looked around for someone who didn't look so scary. There was a blonde girl that had a group of people around her. I couldn't imagine having so much attention.

I looked over people and discounted them before my eyes alit upon a boy sitting in a corner by himself, playing with blocks. I walked over to him and watched him as he built a squat tower.

He looked up at me with sweet brown eyes. I smiled and waved and told him my name was Mercedes Catherine and I wanted to be his friend.

He blinked at me.

So I repeated it in Italian. I only knew two languages; French and Italian so I figured he'd know one of them.

He said what I know now to be the Japanese word for "what?".

Since I obviously didn't understand him, I sat across from him and started putting blocks on top of his. He stared at me for the longest time before he joined me.

It was nice until a shadow fell over us. We looked up and saw the little blonde girl that had the group around her. She put her hands on her hips and said something we didn't know a thing about.

She must have realized we couldn't understand her before she switched to French. "My name is Lucille. We're friends now."

My mouth had fallen open. I was beyond shocked by her brazenness. I looked at my new friend and he looked at me so confused.

A teacher came by all smiles and told us each other's names in our native tongues. Then she said it in English. They were supposed to teach us English.

We spent the rest of the day together but by lunch time, we'd decided that we were going to be friends.

We went out to our parents, who each took us to school for the first day, even though we had nannies and told them about our friends. That's when they realized they knew each other. We met up that Saturday and the rest is history.

Our entire families combined and we spend time with each other all the time. It came in handy because it gave our parents a chance to dump us on more people. It's not like they ever wanted to be bothered with us.

They don't even visit us in this hellhole.

I was telling you why we were here. That's a not so funny story. Most of our family is either famous or in the mafia. No joke. We're the family that when we do it, we do it well. We're singers and artists and models and killers. It's a hard balance to strike.

No, being in the mafia is not what landed us in here. Not really. We usually are good at doing stuff and not getting caught. With five thousand plus in our family, you have to have a specialty to stand out. We thought robbing banks would be our specialty.

I wish I was making this up.

We've been robbing banks since I was thirteen. We're really good at it. We'd hire a bunch of people, plan every detail, get in, get out then dispose of the help like the Joker did in the Dark Knight. It was really simple.

And with Marcy leading us, it was fool-proof. The girl has a gift. She is easily the next in line to become don when Grandfather dies. She always has a plan, a backup plan and a backup plan for that backup plan. She doesn't leave anything to chance.

She cautious but fearless. She doesn't blink in the eye of danger and she's stealthy. Literally she makes no noise. We always call her a ninja because she's always sneaking up on us.

She knows how to lead and she doesn't play. When she says something, it's fact. Unlike me, she's bad. My name is Honey for a reason. I'm sweet. I know that. I really don't like killing people. I try to avoid it if I can.

Not Marcy. Her first instinct is to dispose of any loose end, permanently. She's a weapons expert that likes to use them. Her first answer to any question is violence.

Once again, not why we're in here. Actually if we had listened to her, we'd be free. It was actually my fault we got caught.

Ugh! I hate it! I feel so guilty!

I was supposed to make sure everyone was dead before we set an abandoned building on fire after we robbed the last bank.

I went through and I saw someone moving. I felt bad. Like I said, I really hate killing people. So I left him there. I figured the fire would take care of him and left.

Boy, was I wrong. He had the spirit in him because he was not taken care of.

He was recused by firemen and was taken to a hospital. He spilled everything to the police. He didn't know too much but he was unfortunately able to describe our faces to a police sketch artist.

Since we model and act, we're recognized sometimes and guess what? We were recognized! We were questioned but we all held firm. Then we lawyered up.

We were under investigation for six weeks. They searched our stuff but they had no evidence of anything.

We kept a tight lid on it but we were going to be free. Except Maddie found some of the money that had the pink residue on it and spent it.

It was circumstantial evidence at best but the judge wanted to throw the book at us. We had the one judge in Lima that wasn't corrupt.

He at first ordered for us to be deported but since there was so much confusion over where Marcy would go (Ireland or Greece, turns out she's a Greek citizen), he ordered for us to come here until we turn eighteen. If we're rehabilitated, we go free. If not, we're getting deported.

We all have different birthdays though. Mikey was born in January, Marcy was born in May, I was born in July, Lucy was born in August and Mal was born in October.

It's really bad because Marcy and Mal have kids together. I know I said we were siblings but those two were always going to end up together. They've been having sex since before it was healthy and they got caught. They love their twins though.

Marc and Laura are also together. They're married and have custody of the twins until they get out. We've already been here a year.

But it's not too bad. Sly's is an awful place to be but we've made friends and we see Mikey and Mal every month. They're at Schuester's Detention Center for Boys and the two buildings get together once a month for a stupid dance.

It has bad music, weak punch and stale cookies with the worst decorations but at least we get to see boys.

Some of the guards can be bribed to let us sneak off and have sex during the dance. I like that part because being holed up can make a girl feen.

But it's not like I'm exactly dry. I have a girlfriend. I mean we're not official or anything but we only have sex with each other. Her name is Anna and she's a sweet girl. Blonde, grey eyes and thin. I don't have preferences when it comes to my sexual partners. I like everybody but she's beautiful.

The reason why I'm telling you all about us being on lockdown is because we were getting fresh-meat. Every week saw a new girl or two but once a month it seemed we got a bunch of new girls. This place was constantly a revolving door.

The reason why I cared this time was because Annie was getting a new roommate. Her last one was released recently.

She was extremely excited. She didn't do well alone. It was mostly because of her upbringing. Her parents were really strict and very conservative. When Anna came out, they immediately freaked and had her committed. They paid for her to be here. She can only get out if she swears to love penis only or she turns eighteen.

Her parents are assholes.

Anyway, we were sitting at our table eating lunch (horrid food) when Annie blew in. She ran over to us and sat down happily. "Guess what?!"

Shank (Tina Cohen-Chang) smiled. "What?" Shank was in for stabbing a girl in class. She also had a bad habit of taking things.

I know. Pot, kettle.

Annie squealed. "I'm getting a new roommate!"

"Did the warden tell you what she looked like?" Snix (Santana Lopez) leered. Snix got hauled in for prostitution. She didn't even need the money. Her parents are loaded but she has a thing for sex and thrills.

Britt-Bratt (Brittany S. Pierce) smiled. "Are you trying to cheat on me?" Britt-Bratt was in for the same. They were best friends and fuck-buddies but everyone knew they were in love. Too bad B-B had a man over at Shue's.

Snix smirked. "We ain't official!"

"That's not nice, Snix." Streisand (Rachel Berry) lectured. She was in for sending a girl to a crack house. The family pressed charges and called it a hate crime.

Lucy or Queen Bee rolled her eyes. She and Streisand are girlfriends because they needed to be. They fought constantly and were always at each others throats. Marcy had demanded they screw and stop having oral foreplay. They took her up on it and now we rarely have to hear their mouths. Rarely. "Stay out of it, Streisand."

"I'm a free agent!" Snix rolled her neck. "I does what I want!"

Reagan (Shauna White) giggled. "You know you love B-B, Snix!" Reagan was in for a political riot that got out of hand.

Snix pursed her lips. "Shut up."

"Aww!" Shank teased. "You're in love!"

"I will kick your ass, Girl Chang!"

"Bring it!"

Marcy or Shadow chuckled. "Did the warden tell you anything about this new roommate, Big A?"

"Just that she got caught stealing tequila." Annie shrugged. "She's going to be here tomorrow."

Flip (Felicity Amber) smiled. "You're really excited for this, aren't you?" Flip was in for running away from home a lot. They figured this was the only way for her to stay put.

Annie nodded. "I know her name, too. Eleanor Majors."

Shadow snorted. "Old."

"What was that, Marceline Anne?" Queen raised a brow.

The table laughed.

I turned to Annie. "You want to bring her around?"

"I figure she isn't too bad so she should be around people who can protect her." Annie shrugged.

"So she doesn't fall into the wrong crowd." Shadow deadpanned.

"Yes." Annie narrowed her eyes. "Are you messing with me or are you being serious?"

"70% messing with you, 30% serious."

The other girls giggled as the last member of our group walked up with her tray. "What's going on?" Z (Lauren Zizes) was in for beating her bully to a pulp. It wasn't fair in my opinion but then again, I wasn't the judge.

"I'm getting a new roommate!" Annie squeaked.

"Look at you!"

"Stop teasing me!"

Z laughed. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you."

"So the warden didn't give you a picture?" The only one of us to claim the bisexual crown, Shadow lifted a brow.

Annie blushed. "No!"

"Too bad. Sticks was hot."

We all giggled again.

C-E-L-L

Puck: POV

Man, I fucked up. I mean I really fucked up. One minute, life is great (okay, not great but not fucking jail either) and the next, I'm sittin in Schuester's Detention Center for Boys.

Now I know this is the part where I say that I didn't do it and it's all a conspiracy but I did do it. I stole an ATM. Worse yet, I pulled my best friend, Finn Hudson in on it.

Of course we got caught and sent to this hellhole. My moms didn't care with her crackwhore ass but my Bubbie did. She has custody of my little sister and wanted me to live with her but I got emancipated when I was fifteen. She's been trying to be in my corner but it's hard since she don't even live in Lima.

Finn, on the other hand, has a good mom. His only problem is me.

We walked into the place and guys were hooting and hollering at us. I wasn't sure if I still felt badass. I was kinda freaked out but I didn't let it show.

Luckily, Finn and I were going to room together but he wasn't exactly talking to me.

We made up our beds and put away our little stuff. We were able to take a few things and the center gave us some stuff. I turned to Finn. "I'm sorry. How long are you going to be mad at me?"

"Six months!" He bit off.

That's how long we got. The judge was a hardass. I sighed. "Okay. But we need to have each other's backs in here."

He glared at me but then his face softened. "Only because I'm not trying to get raped."

"This isn't real jail." I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Can I walk out of this place?! It's real jail to me!"

He had a good point. I shrugged. "You know I got your back."

"Yeah, whatever." He climbed in his bed and closed his eyes.

This was going to be a long six months…