Title: I Love Joel
Author: BehrBeMine
Feedback: How did I do Rose? What do you think of it?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue, I'll cry. ;p
Rating: M
Pairing: Rose/Joel
Summary: Rose finally comes to her true feelings about her best friend.
Spoilers: Season One
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive. Archived at my site, as well.
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I love Joel.
There, I've said it. I, Rose, love Joel. I, Rose, was once entirely clueless. I, Rose Sorelli, finally know what I want, what is truly meant and right for me. Or more to the point, who. Or is that whom? Ohh, I can't think --
-- because --
he's nibbling on my ear, just so, and I moan, free of inhibitions, free of clothes, gloriously naked. You'd think I was Marjee or something. Note: tell Marjee this story.
I... am naked, and Joel is kissing me, his mouth on mine as if giving me CPR, and I am a willing victim. I...
God. Joel's tongue fits right in my mouth, as if belongs there. If only I hadn't taken so long to realize it.
I'm an idiot. I tell Joel this, groaning from the feeling of loss as his mouth leaves mine.
"Yeah," he says, "you are."
"Joel!..." Chloe's still pounding at the door. I hate Chloe right now. Miss 'Shut Up!' can take a hike, and I won't think anything of it. Yes, I stole her boyfriend. Yes, I am an idiot. We've established that. Moving on...
"You're about to... get down and dirty with a self-proclaimed fool," I tell Joel, before latching onto his mouth once again. "Won't that be like psychologically damaging or something?"
Joel seems just as eager to duel tongues as me.
"For sure," he tells me. He doesn't seem worried. He just seems... happy. To be with me. As if everything's changed since he shut the door in my face a couple of days ago. I guess it did all change, the moment I told him "I'm coming in", and barged right past him into the interior of his dorm room, where I have spent all-night cram sessions and giggled while high on caffeine. The place where I have never kissed Joel. He kissed me, we know that. But, finally, not only did I initiate this kiss, but I'm paying him back for those empty kisses, where I was so confused and caught up in the drama of Alex (or 'Sasha', as he is apparently affectionately gag known to Joel).
Alex was a mistake. I knew it the moment he told me he was leaving me for something better. I may not be Hollywood, I may not be glamorous. I'm just me. But for Joel, that's enough. Why did that never do it for me before? It took seeing him kissing Chloe in a corner of the room, and beer from a spigot being fired into a red plastic cup. A drinking game. Kiss. Gag. Swallow. Eww. I hate beer, and I hated their kisses. Did I mention gag?
Chloe finally gives up, deciding that nobody's home. As she sighs in an exaggerated way, I giggle against Joel's moving lips. She's leaving. She's really gone. I've won.
Maybe I don't deserve this. Ginnie would give me that knowing look, and tell me what a horrible person I've been to poor Chloe, who didn't earn any of this. Anne would dissect the lack of rationality and throw it in my face like the tried and true shrink that she is. Wait a minute. Would Ginnie sue me if Chloe came to her?
Right now, I can't think. Joel has taken the initiative and is touching me... wow. There. Between my legs.
I realize, oddly, that this isn't the first time he's seen me naked. He was at the opening night of my first play, where I bared all for everyone -- my sisters (my boobs have always been bigger than yours, Marjee; get over it), Renee, Dad. I hear he almost went ballistic when I shed my coat on that stage, in front of so many people. My heart was pounding so hard as I looked to Alex to save me from that moment and say something. Whatever his line was. My heart stopped for a second as I realized just what I was doing, but then I had relaxed, and warmed up to the idea that... this was my career now. This was what I had chosen to do with my life. I was going out on a limb... and that was okay.
It wasn't as smooth and comfortable as classes with Joel and cram sessions by two people of equal wits. It was different, it was dark, it was dangerous. It took me out of the life I had lived, the life I had always known, and put me on the edge of a cliff. Alex was beckoning me forward into the sky, and Joel was behind me, tugging on my hand, urging me back onto land. Joel is my saving grace. He saves me from myself sometimes. He does.
Ohhh. I moan, my legs quivering as that wandering finger of his suddenly jumps up inside of me. He swirls it around some in the wetness, and I crawl forward slowly, on my toes, like a deflowered ballerina. I look into Joel's eyes, and in this moment, I can't believe I gave my virginity to someone else. He's been there since the first day of college registration. He's been there, beside me, being my friend, even when I didn't deserve one. He has forgiven me for breaking he and Chloe up. Maybe he loves me, too.
"God," he says, his breath coming out low and shaky. His eyes are trying so hard to focus on mine, but they can't seem to grasp reality, as if he thinks he's living out a dream. I wonder if he's had wet dreams about me...
I'm channeling Marjee again. Rose, stop. This is all about you. Be yourself.
That's the thing about Joel. I can always be myself with him. I'm just me, and he's fine with that. He loves that about me, loves the way I am. Unsure and somewhat shy, innocent and clueless. He reaches inside of my brain and pulls out the good things, makes me dig deeper to find the academia that settles within me, and is reluctant to come out on cram sessions at two in the morning.
Groaning at my wetness, my readiness, Joel begins to walk us toward his bed. He's walking backwards, stringing me along by... the organ between my legs (don't make me say it), and I'm just wandering with him, migrating to whatever sunny climate he chooses to settle in. I'm lost in the ecstasy of having his hand between my folds, teasing me like an expert.
Our shuffling feet find the bed, and Joel's knees cave. He falls back onto the mattress, and I tumble down on top of him. The force of our collision rips his hand away from my... nether region, and we both moan at the same time. I open my eyes, and see him looking back at me. His face is so utterly honest, and his honesty says so many good things about me. There's ferocity in his eyes, a sort of 'waiting to growl' hum coming from his lips. I blink my eyes and smile from behind my eyelashes.
Joel carefully begins to scoot up under my weight, pulling us into the right position on the bed. I move with him, using my arms to steer us toward the pillow at the head. Joel's staring at me the entire time, and I feel graceful, like a panther, a panther with a black mane, and brown eyes. Joel's brown-eyed girl.
It's the first thing he noticed about me, that I have brown eyes. He told me that once, while we were looking for a new topic at the coffee shop. I was sipping my latte, and my eyes laughed, the brown shimmering and dancing at him in amusement. "You noticed my eyes?" I asked. "That's like really sweet."
Sweet? Yeah. That's Joel.
He's still staring at me in silence, not moving, and it would make me self conscious if I hadn't so readily prepared myself for this moment. I let the truth shine through my eyes, radiate in my smile. He doesn't smile back. His look is dead serious. I look at his eyes... Nah. He's just as lost as me.
"I love you, Joel."
The blankets hiss as he lunges forward to capture my mouth in his, kissing me senseless. My head is spinning. I bring my hands up to his face and cup it lovingly, enjoying the feel of his smooth skin that's quite hot and a little bit sweaty. I'm sweating, too. There's suddenly so much heat in this room. It's like a furnace is burning us, scorching us in a fire, but I don't mind and I don't think he does either, because that furnace was created by us, and it'll go out when we're good and ready.
Okay. Sap, yes, maybe I'm getting a little bit sappy. But this is the defining moment of my life. This is what my entire life has been building towards. I've finally found my soul mate. He was there all the time, I was just too blind to see it with my dismissing brown eyes.
I love you, I love you...
As Joel threads his fingers into my hair, curling around the tendrils so gently, kissing me like he wasn't just kissing somebody else two days ago, I see myself in my head, taking hold of his hand, and stepping back from the cliff. I'll not be flying today. I'm grounded just where I belong.
"God, I love you," I murmur in between kisses.
"I love you, too," he mutters, pulling at me hungrily, his organ filling up beneath his pants, reaching out to greet me.
I... am lost in him. I am lost. We are going to do the dance of love, and he will be mine forever. I'm finally ready, Joel, for you to take me. I've finally figured it out. Take me now, love me forever, for I have finally come home to find you waiting there for me.
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end