I don't own Bad Education. All rights go to their respective owners.
Assume That Alfie said no to giving Pickwell a thousand pounds to not come back to Abbey Grove and she stayed instead cause I love Pickwell and wanted to keep her in this.
Break Time
"Man, even for you this is batshit mental." Rem Dogg shakes his head in bemusement.
"Ahh come on, bruv. This'll bound to get her to agree to go on a date with me, or sleep with me. Either or'll be an achievement." Mitchell Harper shrugs as he carries out his wicked scheme.
The wicked scheme, that will hopefully score him a date with the woman of his dreams.
The loud, foul mouthed absolutely stunning Cleopatra Ofoedo.
In other words, the perfect woman for Mitchell.
"Come on, even if somehow, it doesn't work out how I'd like it. We'll still get one hell of a laugh out of it." Mitchell sniggers before smirking.
"Think I've just about finished." He comments, putting the water machine back together.
"How did you find enough tequila to fill all the water machines around the canteen?" Rem Dogg enquires.
"Got it from home, ain't I? Anyway, it's not just tequila in there mate, put vodka in there and all." Mitchell declares.
"If you get caught your life won't be worth living."
"Yeah, but, if this wins me a beautiful woman, that's gonna help with the pain, come on, let's get out of here before the alarms and security cameras switch themselves back on." Mitchell remarks as he begins to wheel Rem Dogg out of the canteen.
"Couldn't you have just asked her out? I mean if Dickers could get Gulliver and Frank could get Stephen, you can get Cleo easily." He points out.
"Women appreciate a bold gesture. Nothing gets bolder than this!" Mitchell grins as the two teenager disappear into the dark of the night...
The Next Day: Break Time
It's a break time the very next day that Mitchell and Rem Dogg's scheme is put in motion, big time.
"What have you done, mate." Rem Dogg groans as he and Mitchell look at the state of the pupils and some of the teachers of Abbey Grove in the canteen when they reach it.
"Man, this is brilliant!" Mitchell cheers.
"Umm." Rem Dogg looks unconvinced as he eyes the people most familiar to him. Such as Stephen, Frank and the Headteacher, Mr Fraser stood on a canteen table and screaming out the lyrics to the song from Titanic.
Joe and Chantelle having ripped off the majority of their clothes and are dancing on the tables of the canteen.
Jing making out with one of the schools nerdy try-hards.
Actually, all the students in the canteen are engaging in drunken madness.
Meanwhile, Alfie and Rosie sit on a table beside one another, looking as if they were about to fall off said table mind you.
"There is something seriously off about the water." Alfie Wickers gulps as he finishes his second plastic cup of water.
"Alfieeeee." Rosie Gulliver starts as she leans against her boyfriend.
"I feel drunk, why do I feel drunk?" She looks up at him with big eyes.
"I don't know but the water certainly tastes off." Alfie agrees, stumbling when he gets to his feet.
"What's up with the students?" Rosie sighs drunkly.
"I'm going to kill my class." Alfie murmurs, having a feeling, that despite the alcohol clouding his mind, this state they're all in is down to someone in his class.
However, after that one school disco, Alfie does believe that Fraser could also be responsible for this.
But why? It's not the end of term or anything. It's just a regular old Thursday. Alfie wonders as he staggers toward the table where Fraser, Stephen and Frank are still screaming out the lyrics to songs, this time, it's the theme tune to SpongeBob SquarePants.
Meanwhile, Mitchell is in the process of putting the main part of his plan into action.
Taking a plastic cup, filling it and downing it, believing that liquid courage will definitely be needed right now. Mitchell makes his way toward the stumbling Cleopatra.
"Easy there, love." Mitchell smirks as he catches Cleo before she can trip.
"Never call me that." She slurs slightly but grips Mitchell's arms anyway.
"I ain't drunk. Ain't no lightweight unlike these pussies." She murmurs, slurring slightly still and causing Mitchell to smirk.
"I believe ya." He replies.
"You, do this?" Mitchell waits to see if she continues before answering her.
"Pretty bold, man. Must admit, I do like bold men." She glances up at him.
"And this." She shakes her hand toward the canteen.
"Has been the best damn break time I've ever attended." She admits.
Mitchell grins, this was definitely a brilliant idea of his.
"Might surprise you to know but, I'm not just good at making break times legendary, I can make a dinner unforgettable." Mitchell smirks.
"That your attempt at asking me to dinner?" She raises an eyebrow at him.
"If that's what you want it to be."
"Don't push it, Harper." She pats his shoulder before staggering towards the door, muttering something about getting some air.
"I can walk you muppet." She scolds him when he attempts to stop her from staggering but keeps quiet after the first insult, even gripping the arm Mitchell has slung around her.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" The furious voice of Miss Pickwell screams from the door.
"You stupid bitch! You tried to destroy my garden you menopausal cow and you've got some weird thing for my boyfriend. MY BOYFRIEND!" Gulliver drunkly yells whilst advancing on a bemused and angry Pickwell.
"Ok, babe, calm down, you're just a bit drunk." Alfie carefully pulls her back whilst the rest of the people in the canteen begin to chant 'bitch fight'.
"SILENCE!" Pickwell screeches with a deathly glare in her eyes.
"All of you back to your classrooms. NOW!"
Later…
"Alright. Come on, own up, who was it?" Alfie questions whilst passing a glass of water to Rosie, who is curled up on his lap, glancing at the state of his students.
"I don't know, sir. It wasn't me." Stephen glances up at him tiredly.
"Probably your boyfriend." Rosie murmurs.
"No, I can vouch for him, with me all last…"
"Please stop before I throw up." Cleo grumbles, her head against a gleeful Mitchell's shoulder.
"Come on, Mitchell, we all know it was you." Alfie fixes him with a glance.
"What proof have you got?"
"You and Rem Dogg are the only ones not hammered."
"We drink bottled water you mug." Rem Dogg snaps.
"Like I'm going to fall for that." Alfie retorts before sighing.
"Well, I'm not going to say another word on the matter for now because I know whoever did this will be punished." Alfie comments.
"How?" Joe opens his eye for a fraction of a second.
"Because today is Thursday which means, everyone will have a hangover during school tomorrow. Ohh god." Alfie mutters miserably.
"That means I'm going to have to attempt to teach with a hangover."
Friday
Alfie teaches for a total of two minutes which consists of him writing 'hangover lesson' on the board before resting his head back against the board, writing some dumb notes in case a teacher decides to walk in.
"I'm grounded." Joe whines.
"Good, you were an appalling stripper." Stephen grumbles, large sunglasses on his face.
"Weren't too bad." Chantelle says in his defense.
"Ohh you were fantastic babes." Stephen sighs.
"Did you enjoy the show, sir?" Chantelle glances to Alfie.
"No, seeing as I was trying to a) get to the bottom of what had happened and b) stop my drunk girlfriend from murdering Miss Pickwell."
"That was fantastic. It's already got fifty likes on YouTube." Rem Dogg remarks.
"You put it on YouTube?" Alfie looks to him in horror.
"Nah, his man did." Rem Dogg nods toward Stephen.
"I am never drinking again." Jing announces before swearing in Chinese.
"Probably for the best seeing as you had your tongue shoved down some uptight tossers throat." Mitchell sniggers cashing Jing to swear at him some more before burying her head into a book.
"Shut up, man." Cleo grumbles.
"Second that." Alfie raises his hand slightly.
"Thought you liked the gesture." Mitchell whispers to her.
"I hate you." Cleo mutters in response.
"Then why are you sucking him off then?" Rem Dogg enquires, gesturing to the fact that Cleopatra is lying down and has her head in Mitchell's lap.
"What?" Alfie jumps nearly five feet out of his chair at the words.
"It's dark down here and I've got a headache you fucking arsehole!" She hisses.
"New classroom rule: Blow jobs are…"
"Mr. Wickers." Miss Pickwell snaps as she enters the classroom.
"Don't ask me to explain that last comment to you." Alfie practically groans.
"Oh, I really don't want you to, no actually, I want you to come with me to Fraser's office so we can all speak to the mastermind behind yesterday's incident." She reveals.
"You caught them?" Alfie looks up at her in shock.
"Oh yes we did. Should've seen it coming from that hippie." She remarks.
"Wait, what?" Alfie frowns.
"Yes, we found many empty bottles lying in that ludicrous garden of your girlfriend's." She states before strutting away.
"Ohh my god." Alfie whispers before getting to his feet and stumbling front the room.
"But, you did it, didn't you Mitchell?" Joe whispers.
"Haha, I thought I'd just lobbed those bottles at some random bush, didn't think that green area was Gulliver's garden." Rem Dogg chuckles.
"Brilliant!" Mitchell cheers.
"Shut up!" Cleo growls.
"Ah, sorry, love." Mitchell pets her head gently.
"I will end you."
"I see the scheme failed then." Rem Dogg sighs.
"Don't think it did." Mitchell smiles as he looks down at Cleopatra, who still has her head resting in his lap.
"Baby steps, hey. Baby steps, I'm just going to need another few schemes…"
"For fucks sake, if you shut the fuck up and never ever get me drunk again. I will go on a date with you and fuck you right here on this desk, you got it? Good." Cleo murmurs when Mitchell falls silent instantly.
"I take it back, Mitchell. You're scheme worked." Rem Dogg comments as Mitchell smirks, looking both shocked and incredibly pleased with himself.
Yet does kinda wonder to himself, now they all believe that she was behind his scheme, what will happen to Gulliver…
Authors Note: Thank you all so much for reading, I doubt many people will read this but I really wanted to write some FanFiction for Bad Education. I only found it this year and it has had such a positive impact on my life. Despite only being three seasons and a movie every moment has been legendary and as generally quite a moody person who doesn't like humor that much and doesn't laugh that often this show has been a breath of fresh air for me. I love it beyond words and seeing as I shipped Mitchell/Cleo, Alfie/Rosie and Stephen/Frank all the way through watching it I knew I had to write something. So mahoosive thanks to all those who have read this, please review if you can and tell me what you all thought :)