Whenever I'm Alone With You, a twilight fanfic

Story Name: Whenever I'm Alone With You
Pen name: Tilly Whitlock and SweetT129
Pairing: Peter/Jasper
Disclaimer: We own nothing. We created the Twitters that started this entire mess, but the characters themselves belong to S Meyer. We don't even own the title. That honor belongs to The Cure.

Peter

I was running home from my second hunt in as many months. I didn't feed much anymore. It was hard to find a reason to. I sure as hell wasn't thirsty. Sure, my eyes darkened, but the burn in my throat was barely registering; it was completely overshadowed by the ache in my chest, the pain of losing my wife still intense.

It was one of the reasons I didn't like to hunt. That was what we had done that it happened. Charlotte and I had gone into Denver, not too long of a run for us, but a really fun one, since we had to go up and down several mountains to get there. I loved the tinkling of Charlotte's laughter as we'd slide, insanely fast, over the snow down the side of a mountain on a flattened cardboard box. I felt another sharp pang in my chest as that memory crossed my mind; I'd never hear that laughter again.

The city had been good to us that day. I took my girl to do a little shopping while we were there, and we had wandered into an art store on one of her whims. As we strolled around the store, a painting caught her eye. It was a black canvas, in the middle of which were several overlapping hearts in silver and red. The use of light in the picture made it seem like the hearts were burning. "Love is friendship set on fire," she'd whispered, looking at it with a thoughtful smile. That painting still hung over my fireplace.

After the art store, we'd taken a walk to a seedier section of town and filled ourselves with a couple of older homeless men. I liked to think we'd done them a favor; after all, Denver gets really fucking cold in the winter, especially for a human living in an alley.

Just like a real date, I'd taken my girl out, gotten her dinner, and now it was time to have my way with her. In my years at Maria's camp, seeing how many hundreds of female vampires, I'd never seen anyone like Char when it came to passion after the hunt. I bet she could've even curled Maria's toes, and that's saying a lot, seeing as how Maria was a cold-hearted bitch who, according to Jasper, felt very little besides greed and envy.

Maria. God, I hated her. Just the thought of her name had caused my hands to curl into fists and my jaw to clench tightly. Maria, in her way, was how Char and my existence began – Jasper changed me at her orders, Char was changed by one of Maria's sisters – and so she thought she owned us. We weren't meant to be anything but soldiers in her war of conquest. But Jasper saw more in us, and helped us escape. A few years later, we'd done the same for him. And while I could never regret getting the Major out of that hellish place, it was doing so that cost me my wife.

It had been decades since we last saw Maria. She wasn't even a blip on our radar. Jasper was living in Washington, pissing off the local SPCA with his feeding habits, I'm sure; Char and I were in Colorado, solving the world's population problem, two undesirables at a time. We were just living our lives, minding our own damn business. But it seemed that, as much as we all wanted to forget Maria, she hadn't forgotten us. Damn bitch was nursing a grudge against us all those years. It was on a Tuesday two months and thirteen days ago, that Maria showed up, wanting her revenge.

And fuck me, I didn't see it coming. When we got to our house that afternoon, I was completely covered in mud. Char after a hunt, like I said... I went to the shower immediately, but my girl was so excited about her new painting that I couldn't get her to join me. I was in a good mood, well fed and well fucked, so I was singing in the shower. I heard Char call up to me that she was going out to the garage for some nails, but I guess my vocalizations were too loud, because I never heard any noise from outside. I didn't know that anything was wrong until that sickeningly scent of too-strong incense burned my nostrils.

I didn't even stop to think. I ran, wet and naked, out of my shower and out of my house. I didn't want to worry. My girl was a soldier, I knew she was capable of protecting herself. But as much as I wanted to believe that someone else was burning in my backyard, there was a tight knot in my stomach that knew otherwise.

I got to the backyard in time to have my worst fears realized. I could see one of Charlotte's boots hanging halfway out of the fire, but the rest of the woman I loved was consumed by the flames. I wanted to fall to my knees, curl up in a ball, and scream through the pain of my dead heart breaking, but I wanted to rip someone apart more. Four someones, in fact. Maria and the three assholes she'd brought with her to kill my wife.

Even with perfect vampire recall, I don't really remember fighting them. If I closed my eyes, I could hear the keening sounds of vampire flesh tearing, the screams and the roars of anger, most of which I was pretty sure had come from me. In the end, I had killed Maria's men, but the bitch herself had gotten away. For the time being, at least. I knew the day would come for us to meet again. I'd be ready for it when it did.

The time since that day had passed by without my notice. I spent my days sitting on the couch staring at Char's painting, laying on our bed hugging a pillow, or sitting on the front porch watching the sun make it's path across the sky. I talked to no one. Last night was the first time I'd left the house. I didn't want to, but a feeling in my gut said I should hunt. I'd never dismissed my intuition before, so I pulled on some shoes and started running.

It was the first time I'd hunted on my own in decades. I didn't like it. I wasn't the kind of man that enjoyed solitude. I hadn't smiled once since Char was taken from me, and I knew that, if my girl could see me now, she'd probably kick me in the shins and tell me to snap out of it. I wanted to, but I wasn't sure how.

I didn't remember making the decision, but I suddenly realized that I had turned, and was running west. I considered running all the way to Washington until I found Jasper. He was all I had left in this world, but I'd been putting off making the call. Jasper's empathy would have made it really hard for him to be around me these past two months, and I hadn't wanted to do that to him. As I ran up a mountain, I contemplated the possibility of calling him, but the sudden ringing of my cell phone made the decision for me.

Jasper

Any other afternoon, the words "we need to talk" wouldn't have bothered me. But for some reason, the feelings behind those words weren't what I was expecting. Distrust, betrayal, annoyance, and pure hatred were a few of the feelings coming from my wife.

I took a seat beside her on the steps at the back of the house in Forks, Washington. For the past five decades, the Cullen family had included me. For some reason, I felt that this was coming to an end.

"I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm tired of being your wife. I'm sick of dealing with the slip ups that you always seem to have. You're not enough for me, Jasper."

Words couldn't describe the feelings I had as the words started to sink in. Alice, the woman who rescued me, didn't want me anymore.

Of course, that's a lie. My mind corrected my error by flashing a picture of Peter in front of my face. The man who originally saved me, who got me away from Maria. He returned for me after I let him go.

"So that's it? You're just going to tell me that I'm not enough for you? That you're tired of the constant fuck ups that I have? You're far from fucking perfect, Alice. What the hell are you going to do? Run away? Take your beloved fucking Cullens with you?" I asked. Yelled was more like it.

"No, silly asshole. I'm going to Volterra. My powers are much better used there. The Cullens have Edward. You guys will be fine without me," she said. Without another word, she walked away.

I sat on the porch for hours, staring at the tree line. I couldn't focus on anything except for the fact that Alice was gone. Eventually, I was joined by Bella.

"It's not good for you to just sit here, Jasper. There's something more for you out there. You don't need Alice to survive. You survived without her before, you can do it again."

The compassion that came from the woman to my right was more than I could have hoped for. I wondered why she was the one to come to talk to me, but than it registered that she's the only other person in the family that had dealt with the loss of a mate before.

"Thanks, Bella. I'll probably leave soon. I don't think I can stay around and remember Alice," I said. She kissed my cheek as she stood to give me some space.

"Do what you need to do for you, Jasper. Just promise me you'll say goodbye before you leave. We were all hurt by Alice. It'll sting when you leave, too."

She left me in peace to sort through my thoughts. A bit later, I entered the house and walked up to the room that was once considered mine and Alice's. I quickly grabbed my cowboy boots, a pair of jeans, and a black t-shirt from the back of the closet, then ripped the preppy clothes from my body. I released a breath of relief and put on the clothes I've chosen for myself.

I immediately felt like me again. The man I was before Alice. The man I was with Peter and Charlotte. I was back to being The Major again.

I started down the hall, pausing at Carlisle's office. I owed it to him to at least tell him I'm leaving. Because, like Bella said, Alice didn't hurt just me.

I tapped softly on the door. Carlisle opened it and ushered me inside with a grim look on his face. It seemed like he knew what I was doing. It was almost as if he had Alice's power. Or maybe Edward's.

"So you're going then?"

I nodded once in his direction. "I need to get away. There are too many memories of Alice here. I need to figure things out, and just get some distance."

Carlisle took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't say that I'm happy about this. I would much rather have you stay with us, Jasper. However, only you know what is right for you. You know I would never keep you here against your will. Just remember that you are always welcome back, Son."

I approached the man I had considered a father for the past fifty years, and embraced him tightly. "Of course, Carlisle. I'll make sure to call you when I know what I'm doing," I said. He led me to the doorway and smiled as it was opened by Esme. She quickly hugged me and pressed her lips to my cheek.

The love rolling off of their bodies was almost staggering, but so was the pain. It killed me to know that I was causing some of it. But I also knew that I wasn't leaving them forever. I knew I'd see them again, it'd just be a little bit of time.

I said my goodbyes to the rest of the family before walking through the front door with nothing but the clothes on my back and a cell phone. I turned to look at Edward, relaying a message that I knew he'd get.

Call Jenks. Tell him I need a new ID. If he asks about Alice, tell him she is no longer his concern. Set it up for me to go back to being Jasper Whitlock. I'll tell Carlisle where to send it when I figure out where I'm going.

With a slight nod, I knew that I could begin my travels. I started off slowly, walking through Forks. The memories bombarded me, whether I wanted them to or not. It quickly became useless to try and fight them. As soon as I reached the city limits, I started running south. When I got to the border of Oregon and Washington, I finally figured out where I wanted to go.

"Peter, where the hell are you? I need you," I quickly said into the phone.

"Calm down, man. I'm on my way to the Portland house. Meet me there?" He replied. I immediately calmed and agreed.

The only thing I could do was run, so I cleared my thoughts and headed for Portland. Peter and Charlotte have always been there for me when I needed them, and this time was no exception. They always welcomed me with open arms.

I stopped for a quick hunt, tearing through a herd of deer close to the Portland house. It was in that moment that Peter's words rang in my ears.

I'm on my way to the Portland house. Meet me there?

Something was wrong, and my mind raced as I approach the house. It was completely quiet, and I could tell that Peter and Char hadn't been here in years. Uneasy, I took a seat on the porch to wait.

Peter

Jasper's call left me feeling uncomfortable. His voice was too tense, too urgent. I couldn't help but think that he might need me as much as I needed him, and so my mind was made up instantly. I continued to run west, putting more speed into my stride, wanting to reach him more quickly.

Through the decades, Jasper had come to Charlotte and I more than once; we were like his sanctuary, the one place he could always go to feel safe and heal his soul. Part of me felt terrible, knowing that he would be sitting at my house, waiting for us to arrive, and instead he'd get only me and my bad news.

Despite all my worry and nerves, though, there was hope. Hope that this time, Jasper was coming home to stay.

It took a couple of hours of running before I finally broke through the trees and saw the Portland house a few hundred yards from me. My vision was strong enough that I could see Jasper sitting on the porch steps waiting for me. He looked broken. I knew that I was no better off than he was, but somehow, knowing that Jasper needed me, I felt strong enough to be what he needed.

Slowing my pace to a walk, I approached the stairs and sat down beside my best friend, placing my hand on his back between his shoulders.

"What's wrong, Jas?"

Broken Jasper disappeared in an instant, replaced by Pissed-The-Fuck-Off Jasper. The look in his eyes was one I'd seen before, and I knew my best bet was to move away.

"Alice fucking left me, that's what's wrong," he snapped. Jasper was hurting badly, and had gone on the defensive.

"Left?" I said, completely confused. I had never been a big fan of Alice's. Well, okay, I tolerated her on the best of days and fought the urge to rip her head off of her shoulders on the rest. But despite my really low expectations of her goodness, I still never would've expected this. "What the fuck?"

"She came home today and said she didn't want me, that I wasn't enough, then ran off to join the fucking Volturi." His anger faded halfway through and I could hear the waver in his voice. He wanted to be angry, but he was hurting too.

I, however, was plenty angry for the two of us. "Fuck her, Jas. Seriously? That bitch had the nerve to tell you that you weren't enough? Maybe if she would've let you be Jasper instead of trying to force the man she wanted down your throat, she could've been happy. Fucking bitch doesn't know what she had."

Jasper just shook his head, scowling. "Doesn't fucking matter now. She's gone."
"And good riddance," I added.

"Peter," Jasper said, his brow furrowing as he looked around the yard. "Where in the hell is Charlotte?"

I sighed heavily, my head dropping down into my hands. "I should've called, Jas... It wasn't right of me not to. I just... I needed time." I paused, taking a deep, unnecessary breath as I tried to prepare myself to say the words out loud for the first time. "Char's gone. Dead gone."

I got hit so hard by the shock that Jasper unintentionally projected that I thought I was going to fall off of the stairs.

"Peter? What in the hell happened?" Jasper demanded.

I growled in response. "Fucking Maria happened," I said, then took a few minutes to recount the day that I lost my wife. As I told him the story, I watched Jasper's eyes change from angry to hurt to concerned."
"I can feel your guilt, Peter, and you've got to let it go. You aren't to blame for Char's death, Maria is," he said, his voice soothing me as much as his hand was as he rubbed slow circles on my back. Part of me knew he was right, and wanted to let all the guilt go, but it wasn't such a simple thing to do. For now, I just leaned into his touch, glad to have his comfort.

I felt better for a minute, but then a whole new guilt settled over me. I sat back up and looked at my friend, frowning. "I'm sorry, Jas, I was supposed to be helping you."

"Fuck it," he replied. "You lost Charlotte. Hell, we both lost Charlotte. That's something to mourn. I was just reminded that I'm a fucking loser."

I was furious. I wanted to find Alice and rip each appendage off her body and scatter them around on different continents so that she spent decades trying to find them and put herself back together. Bitch deserved it for breaking Jasper this way.

Since that wasn't currently an option, though, I instead grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. "Don't you ever fucking say that again. You are better than any man I've ever known." I focused every thought in my head on how much I loved and admired the man sitting next to me, knowing that he'd feel it. When I saw that he understood, I reached my arms out and wrapped them around him, holding him close to me. "You're worth so much more than Alice ever knew, Jasper."

Jasper hugged me back, and I felt his gratitude as he shared it with me. Our hug ended, but we still sat close enough that we were touching. I rested my head on his shoulder, and realized that, for the first time in months, I felt happy. "Thanks for calling me, Jasper."

He slipped his arm over my shoulders and patted me gently. "Thanks for answering," he replied. After a moment's silence, he added, "You're happy."

"Yeah," I mused. "I just... I don't know. I'm happy that you're here. Even if everything else is wrong, that's right."

Jasper

A few weeks had passed since I made the decision to come to Peter. I had gotten used to the idea of Alice never coming back. What I wasn't used to was the fact that Charlotte was never coming back.

When Peter first told me she was dead, I didn't want to believe it. The only thing that prevented me from laughing in his face was the pain he felt when he admitted she was gone.

It didn't just hurt him that she was gone, it killed him. Which in turn, killed me. I started to think about why she was gone, and if she would be gone if I had stayed with them instead of going off to find Alice.

"You know your worrying isn't going to do a damn bit of good," Peter said as we sat out on the porch one night. I grunted in response before going back to fiddle with the guitar in my hands.

"I'm serious, asshole. You're projecting. I know you feel guilty over Char's death, but if anyone should feel guilty about it, it should be me."

Gently placing the guitar to the side, I slid next to him. My arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer to me. He needed to feel the comfort, and I continued to give it to him.

"No reason to feel guilty, Peter. Just don't let her death go unpunished. When the time is right, we'll go find the bitch that took her from us."

That was the moment things started to fall into place for the two of us.

As his head rested on my shoulder, I couldn't help but think about how right he felt next to me, in my arms.

He either knew me as well as I thought he did, or he was thinking the same thing I was, because he sighed softly. Without asking, I sampled the emotions he had in him. The biggest one was security. He was safe, and I made him feel that way.

His eyes turned to mine, a gentleness present that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a look he hadn't had since our last visit. It was a look he had when he was with Charlotte. Before I could do anything about it, he broke our gaze.

I gently grabbed a hold of his chin and turned it back to me. Looking at him, I realized that the pull I was feeling wasn't going anywhere. I had to know what it meant. My eyes went from his eyes to his mouth, before returning again. His head tilted a little as a sign of acceptance, so I slowly and gently pressed my lips to his.

A ghost of a moan escaped my lips as Peter reacted. His lips parted before sucking my bottom lip between his. I wanted to keep it gentle, but I needed something more. I needed to know he wanted this as much as I did.

My tongue moved on its own and gently licked at Peter's plump bottom lip. Without hesitation, he opened his mouth wider, granting me the access I needed. Our tongues brushed together, and it was as if I had never kissed anyone before.

One of Peter's hands moved to cup my cheek as the other slid behind my back, pulling me closer to him. I never objected, I couldn't get close enough.

Sooner than I wanted, Peter slowed the kiss down, pressing his forehead to mine, finally breaking the kiss. We were both breathing heavily even though we didn't need the breath.

"I'm so sorry, Peter," I said as I looked away.

It was his turn to pull my face back to his. "Don't you feel what I feel, Major? Do you feel anything from me that would make you think that that wasn't the most amazing kiss of my existence?" He was staring deep into my eyes, the love and joy present in them.

"It shouldn't have happened, Peter." My words were followed by a shallow sigh. It was too soon after Char for it to have happened.

Peter shook is head to disagree with me. "Jas... Tell me you could have stopped it. Tell me you didn't feel the pull as strong as I did. You can't."

"I took advantage of you! You're hurting over Char. I shouldn't have kissed you." It was then that his anger spiked.

"And I didn't do the same? Your wife broke your heart a few weeks ago, Jasper! Maybe I'm the one taking advantage." He stood up and took a few steps away from me. I instantly missed the feel of his body next to mine.

"It's not the same, Peter. Alice left me. She's not dead like Char!" I growled.

The anger hit me like a freight train. The pain followed close behind. "So if Alice comes back, that's it? You'll go back to her?"

I couldn't believe the thought occurred to him. Even if she did come back, it didn't matter. She did a number on not just my heart, but also my ego.

"You know that's not a fair question. But no, I wouldn't go back to her if she came back."

He was pacing in front of me, the anger apparent in his posture.

"Then what the fuck does it matter if she comes back, Jasper?" I stood and went up to him, putting myself right in his path.

"It doesn't! Alice doesn't fucking matter." I could feel the anger in me rising, but I also knew the desire I held for him was getting the best of me too.

As Peter turned, he saw my body looming in his path. In two steps, his chest was pressed against mine and his hands were pushing me away. "Then I repeat, asshole, why the fuck does it matter? Our issues fucking even out. Your life sucks. My life sucks. But we have each other!"

"Alice fucked me up, alright? I don't know what the hell to do! I know that I don't want the bitch, but I don't know what the hell to do with you." The more he screamed at me, the more turned on I got. I wasn't surprised, though.

"Then you need to deal with that. Don't you dare touch me with your lips until you know that I am what you want." The threat in his words made me realize that he was exactly what I wanted.

"I want my lips on yours. Fuck, Peter! I want more than just your fucking lips! I want all of you. I just don't want to push you, asshole."

"Then pull your head out of your ass, Jasper, and fucking kiss me! I want you to." With those words, I roughly planted my lips to his.

Peter

As the Portland days passed Jasper and me by, I started to feel more and more alive. Being in Jasper's company was like a bandage and a soothing balm on my heart and soul, and I knew he was feeling the same thing. I spent a lot of my time lost in my thoughts while I listened to him playing his guitar.

When he strummed softly, I remembered quiet moments with Charlotte and the days that Jas and I had spent sitting in the shade near Maria's camp, reading in silence or discussing the world around us. When he played harder songs, I'd remember the anger I felt for Maria and Alice, I'd remember the battles that I'd fought side by side with Jasper and Char, and the years of emotional upheaval I'd felt when Jasper left us to go find Alice.
The oddest times, though, were when Jasper played more sensual songs, the type of songs that would make a perfect soundtrack for fucking. My thoughts during those songs should have been focused on Charlotte, but they weren't. Sometimes, yes, but not always. Many of the songs would find me thinking of Jasper.

When he was lost in the music, I was sneaking glances at him, admiring the strong line of his jaw and the way the golden hue of his eyes matched so perfectly with his hair; the hair that I couldn't stop thinking about touching every time that stray curl fell into his eye. When he sang softly as he played, I watched his lips move, wondering how soft they might feel.

I'd felt this way before, back when we were together at Maria's camp, before Charlotte was created. I'd known, though, that the time wasn't right, and had become an expert at hiding my feelings from Jasper. I'd known that there was a reason that I had to ignore the feelings, but hadn't known what it was until I saw Charlotte for the first time. I needed her. We both needed her. She was the softness to balance the hard shells that Jasper and I had been forced to create for ourselves during the wars. She was the angel that showed us the way out. And now she was gone, but we were here, alone together once again.

I'd been drowning myself in guilt over not being able to save her. I hurt all the time, missing her, and now so did Jasper. I blamed myself for his hurt as well. But that afternoon, when he sat down beside me and blanketed me with his comfort, he told me to let go of the guilt. The task seemed easier with him by my side. Somehow, everything did.

And then he kissed me. As our tongues met between our open mouths, everything came together. This was what I'd been waiting over a century for. This was right.

I pulled him closer, holding him to me as I lost myself in the kiss. For that minute, everything else disappeared and I didn't feel the aching in my chest. I knew that I wanted him, but I wasn't sure that he wanted the same thing. I'd seen Jasper in Maria's camp, letting his lust for both blood and flesh rule him. I couldn't be part of that. I needed to know.

I pulled back, and he began to apologize. I was crushed. I lashed out at him, and we fought. We yelled and pushed and let it all out, until finally, he said what I needed to hear.

"I want my lips on yours. Fuck, Peter! I want more than just your fucking lips! I want all of you. I just don't want to push you, asshole."

"Then pull your head out of your ass, Jasper, and fucking kiss me! I want you to," I demanded.

And he did.

He covered my lips with his, kissing me hard, and I returned his kiss with just as much intensity. I reached up and held his cheeks in my hands, trying to convey without words that I didn't want him to leave me, and Jasper responded by pressing his body into mine, his hands fisting in my hair. Rain began to fall as we stood in the yard kissing, but I barely noticed.

My tongue swirled around Jasper's and I held his face even tighter. I felt like Jasper was anchoring me to the world and I was afraid to let go. I both felt and heard Jasper's soft moan into my mouth, and I couldn't stop my hips from pressing against him. I wanted him. Badly. And from what I could feel, that desire was mutual.

Then Jasper surprised me, moving his hands down out of my hair, slowly trailing them down my neck and over my shoulders. As his hands stopped on my chest, I was overcome. My head fell back and my mouth hung open. I may not have needed to breathe, but I was panting nonetheless. It was too much, yet not enough.

I tipped my head forward again, and let my forehead rest against his, my eyes still closed. Our lips were almost touching, and I could feel his breath tickling mine. "Jasper..." I whispered before touching my lips to his once more. Finally taking my hands off his face, I rested them on his shoulders. "Jasper... We should... We should talk."

I didn't want to talk. Really, it was the last thing I wanted to do in that moment. Jasper's kisses had intoxicated me to the point that I was struggling to remember how to talk. But we needed to. I knew that I was ready for this to happen between us, but I needed to know that he was ready, not just that he wanted it.

He didn't understand that, clearly, because he panicked. And in that reaction, it was clear just how badly Alice had fucked him up. He thought I was rejecting him, I could see it in his eyes and the way he jerked away from me. His gift had been projecting his desire, but I instantly loss the warmth of that feeling as he closed himself off to me.

I reached out for him, grabbing his hand and pulling him back. "Jas," I pleaded. "Don't misunderstand me." When he didn't respond, I knew he needed more. "Feel me, Major. Feel what I feel."
I opened my heart to him, letting him feel my desire and the happiness that filled me as he held me in his arms. I also let him feel my fear.

"Why are you afraid?" he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

"I just... I don't want us to rush," I said softly. I don't think I ever been so scared in my life. I'd lost him once before, when he left Char and I and went out on his own. If he left me now, I'd be lost. "You've had a lot to deal with lately, and I need us both to be ready."

"I'm fine, Peter," he said, looking into my eyes. "I promise. Alice hurt me, yes, but she helped me in a way, by getting out of my life so I could start living it again. So I could be me again. I know what I want. I'm sure. But I'm not the only one dealing with a heavy load here, Soldier. What about you?"

Looking deeply into Jasper's eyes, I laid it all on the line. "What I want, Jasper, what I need, is you."

I thought it was enough. I was wrong.

"Then why do you keep pulling away from me?"

I laughed softly. "I can't do it right, can I? I'm trying so hard not to fuck it up, but that's all I'm doing!" I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I had to make him understand. "Listen to me, Jas," I continued, taking his face in my hand once again. It felt so right. I never wanted to let go. "There's things I want to say, things I want to do... But everything has it's time. I'm..." I paused, taking yet another deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I'm afraid that if we rush, all we'll have is a quick fuck. I can't take that."

"I wouldn't do that to you, Peter. Yes, I want you. Fuck, Pete, I want you so bad I can barely take it right now. It's been building and building, and today... Today I couldn't stand to not kiss you for another minute. But I want more than that. You're my best friend. Whenever I'm with you, Peter, I feel like I'm home. It's always been that way, I'm just now understanding it."

Jasper spoke with such sincerity, I couldn't doubt his words. And those words confirmed everything for me. We were in the same place. It was finally time.

I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing his palm. "Jas... You are the only thing in this world that matters to me."

I meant it.

"So what now?" he asked, still a little hesitant.

He reached his other hand up to cup my cheek softly. His touch was so gentle, I could tell that he was trying hard not to scare me. But I was done being scared.
I smiled and leaned into his touch. "Now we kiss."

Jasper

My worst fears almost came true. Alice rejecting me had stung. However, at the moment I thought Peter was going to reject me, I felt like my entire world was crumbling. I couldn't bear it if he didn't want me the way I wanted him.

Then he explained that he wanted me. He wanted us. It was just his fear of rushing into things. I understood that. As much as I was thinking with my dick, I knew I needed to think with my brain. But I wanted him, and I told him that. When he finally understood how I felt about him, he said the words I would cherish for the rest of my existence.

"Jas... You are the only thing in this world that matters to me."

I couldn't let go of this man. There was no longer an option. I was his, and he was mine. So when I asked what was the next step, he responded with "Now we kiss."

I leaned forward, getting my lips as close to his as I dared. "Are you absolutely sure, Peter?" I whispered, my breath a gentle caress to his soft lips. His eyes shone with the answer, but his words gave me the confidence I needed.

"I've never been more sure of anything." With that he closed the remaining distance between our lips. He gently took my top lip between both of his. The kiss was filled with everything he wanted to tell me but couldn't. It was sweet, soft, tender, and filled with love. Even without feeling his emotions, I knew that he loved me.

I tilted my head to the side a little, softly sucking on his bottom lip. Instead of hiding everything from him, I let him feel my desire, passion, and love. Without hesitating, I wrapped my arms around Peter's hips and pulled him close to me.

With a simple tilt of the head, Peter took control. He softly pressed his tongue into my mouth, exploring the deepest recesses of my mouth. He wasn't forceful, and for that I was grateful. I gently started sucking on his tongue before he pulled away from the kiss.

We were both breathing pretty hard as he grabbed my hand. "Come inside with me."

It was a simple statement. There were no demands and no expectations. I could turn him down, if I wanted. But that was the last thing I wanted, so I followed behind Peter. As we stopped at the bottom of the stairs, he turned back to me.

"Will you come upstairs with me, Jasper?" I smiled softly at his question before chastely kissing him.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to," I said.

Slowly, we made our way up the stairs. I could tell Peter was nervous, so I sent him a shot of calm. He needed to know that I wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with me. His nerves took over again as he stopped at the top of the stairs for a kiss.

"I won't do anything you don't want, Jas." I appreciated the words, but they were completely unnecessary.

"Relax, Peter. I just want you to do what you want," I whispered before I kissed him passionately. I didn't want him to doubt anything. He didn't need to be second guessing himself either. He pulled away from the kiss and pulled me into his bedroom.

He stopped at the foot of the bed and turned around to face me. His hands made their way to my shirt, slowly unbuttoning it as he sucked on my neck. His lips moved up my neck to my ear, making me shiver in anticipation.

"I've never wanted anything so much as I want you, Major." I couldn't help but shiver as his words.

"Trust me, Peter. There's nothing in the world that compares to you. I've wanted you from the moment I've changed you. I may have gotten lost along the way, but I'm back where I belong. I'm back with you, Soldier. I'm never going anywhere again." I accentuated my words with kisses along his chest as I pulled his shirt away from his torso.

The feel of his hands in my hair was unlike anything I had ever felt. Under normal circumstances, I hated people putting their hands in my hair. But with Peter, it was completely different. I couldn't get enough of the feeling. After a few more kisses to his chest, Peter tugged my face up to his, kissing my lips repeatedly as he covered his heart with my hand.

"You stopped my heart from beating, Jasper, yet you are the one that brings me to life."

Without hesitating, I let go of the control I had over my emotions. I let him feel the love and lust I was feeling for him in that moment. I knew the force of his lust was strong, but as it doubled, it nearly knocked me to my feet.

His hands moved from my arms up to my shoulders, gently pushing the shirt from my body. As the fabric floated to the ground, I felt Peter's hands graze my back. I felt the muscles in my back contract at his touch, as a gentle smile crossed his face.

I moved my hands to Peter's belt, quickly unfastening it. My eyes went to Peter's as I questioned if I could continue moving forward. With a nod and lust-filled eyes, I quickly popped open the button and unzipped his jeans. I quickly pushed them to the ground before dropping to my knees.

Peter was going commando, as usual, so I was face to face with his stiff cock. Without stopping to consider my actions, I quickly ran my tongue along the shaft. His scent, tobacco and leather, was much more concentrated as I took his length into my mouth.

His emotions were solely focused on lust. He was enjoying it, but his need for me was blasting in my face as I continued to pump my mouth up and down him. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept moving, my pride surging.

"Ugh.. Jas... Feels so fuckin' good," he moaned. A sly grin passed over my face as I took him deeper into my mouth. I let my eyes wander up to his, his gaze nearly stopping all of my actions.

"You look perfect like this, Jasper." I could feel the love coming from him as he pushed it to me.

I continued to pleasure him as only I knew how. I pushed the pleasure I was feeling with this act towards him. I took a quick gamble and ran my teeth along the head of his cock. Without warning, his venom started flowing into my mouth.

"Oh God, Jas!" His cum continued to spill into my mouth. Peter's head fell back, and his breathing picked up. While I continued to clean his cock, Peter grabbed the bed as his knees became weak.

I gently released him from my mouth as he slid down to the floor. "That was different."

"Different good?" Peter asked as he grabbed my hands.

"Very good. Anything with you is good," I said with a laugh. Peter's grin was almost blinding.

"For me, too. Thank you Jasper." Without another word, Peter pulled me close to him and kissed me deeply. As his tongue passed through my lips, a soft moan escaped me as I realized he was tasting himself on my tongue. Slowly breaking away from the kiss, I placed my forehead to his.

"You are everything I have always wanted, Peter. More than that, you are everything I will ever need. Thank you for being here, Peter," I said softly. Without another word, Peter moved his hands to his heart. I knew what he was telling me.

Slowly he brought his face to mine and began nuzzling against me. "Come up to the bed, Lover." I smiled softly at his words and followed him to the bed.

"Everything I have to give you is yours, Peter. I hope you realize that." I said as I looked deep into his eyes. Our gazes locked, and I could see his eyes swimming with joy and love.

"It's the same for me, Jas. Whatever they are worth, my heart, my soul, my body... they're yours."

Peter

I laid down beside Jasper on the bed, knowing that if I had a beating heart, it would still be pounding in my chest after the incredible blow job he'd just given me. It was surreal, really, being here with him, like this, after all these years. It seemed like the world around us had disappeared, leaving nothing more than the two of us and this room. It had felt like this since the moment I ran into the back yard of the Portland house. Whenever I was alone with Jasper, I felt like I was home, like I was the young man that people saw when they looked at me rather than the century-old vampire who had witnessed and caused more death and destruction than anyone should ever have to know.

Letting the thoughts slip from my mind, I pressed my lips to Jasper's and kissed him slow and deep. I let myself get lost in the soft fullness of his lips, the taste of his venom, the lush feeling of his tongue and the path of warm tingles left by his hands as they moved over my back.

My hands were moving as well, exploring his chest and the hard planes of his abs, reaching down further to press my palm against the bulge in his pants. Our kiss broke as his hips lurched forward, pushing his hardness more firmly into my hand.

"Fuck," he groaned, his head falling back.

I smirked a little as I watched his golden eyes roll back in his head, but my smirk quickly changed into a smile. I loved seeing him react this way. I loved knowing that I was the cause of his pleasure. I wanted to give him more.

Quickly releasing the buttons of his fly, I slid my hand under the waistband and into his boxer-briefs, finding his hardened length and wrapping my hand on it, giving it a light squeeze. This time it was me that moaned.

"Peter! You're such a fucking tease," Jasper groaned as I pulled my hand back out of his pants.

I grinned up at him, sliding down the bed. "It's not teasing if I plan to follow through."

I stood up at the end of the bed and leaned over Jasper, removing his pants and underwear and dropping them to the floor with the rest of our clothes. I looked at his cock for the first time and smiled, feeling my own hardness increase and licking my lips with anticipation. I wondered what it tasted like, what it would feel like inside of me.

Not wanting to waste another minute wondering, I climbed back up into the bed, moving up to straddle his knees. I took his cock in my hand and held it up as I leaned down into it. I inhaled deeply at the base of his cock and moaned again. This was so right, I knew it.
I didn't make him wait any longer. I licked a long, slow line up the bottom of his length, all the way from the base to the tip, then circled his head with my tongue, keeping my eyes on his the whole time. I watched as his reactions to my movements were displayed on his face, his mouth falling open as his breaths became heavier.

After one last circle around the head, I took my tongue to the very tip of Jasper's cock, finding venom had beaded there already. The taste, a mixture of tobacco and rum, had me purring as I slipped my lips around him and slid them all the way down his length, taking all of his cock into my mouth.

"Oh my... Fucking hell, baby," Jasper panted as my head bobbed up and down his cock. It was a moment I had fantasized about more than once in my existence, and I was enjoying every second of it. I felt kind of like a girl, though, what with the giddy voice in my head that kept screaming "Jasper's cock is in my mouth!" over and over.

I wanted to give him more, wanted to see him writhing in pleasure under me, so I took his balls in my hand and began massaging them gently, then hollowed my cheeks a bit to add more suction to his cock. He responded by throwing his head back into the mattress and moaning my name as his hands fisted the sheets tightly. He looked so hot that I couldn't help but moan, sending vibrations down his length.

Suddenly, I pulled back, releasing his cock from my mouth with a slight pop. Jasper groaned in frustration and I had to fight back the laughter as I smiled down at him.

"Don't worry, Jas, there's more to come," I whispered as I leaned down to kiss him, cupping both cheeks in my hands.
I knew he could feel me, so I focused every thought on how much I loved him during that kiss. Because I knew, without question, that love was exactly what I felt for him.

Pulling back from the kiss, but not moving my hands from his face, I told him so. "I love you, Jasper. I will love you always."

I'd showed him in so many ways, told him with other words, but the freedom that came with finally saying that I loved him was exhilarating, and I attacked his lips once again with passion. His response was no less enthusiastic.

When I finally broke the kiss, he smiled at me. "I love you so fucking much, soldier," he whispered.

Once again, I felt like a total girl. My eyes were filled with so much damn venom that I could barely see my lover in front of me. One more thought on the matter reminded me that, if Jasper had ever taught me anything, it was that giving in to your emotions didn't make a person – or even a vampire – less of a man. And fuck if it wasn't the happiest I could remember feeling. Everything was falling into place.

Jasper was projecting again, filling me with his love and joy, but also with his lust. The lust reminded me of what I'd been doing before I'd been overcome by the need to tell him how I felt. And of the other things that I wanted to do.

I grinned up at him with one brow raised suggestively. "Now, Major, I'm thinking that you were enjoying your cock in my mouth just as much as I was. But I'd like to suggest a relocation, if you will."

Jasper furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked at me. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I want you to take me, Major. I want you to have all of me. Make love to me, Jasper."

Apparently, Jasper hadn't yet thought things all the way through, and his lust was suddenly replaced by fear.

"Hey, hey," I soothed, pressing my hand against his bare chest. "What's with the nerves?" If I hadn't been so concerned, I probably would have laughed at how flustered my lover looked. "Talk to me, Major," I encouraged.

"I just... I mean... I've never done this before, Peter," Jasper said, sounding so vulnerable.

I smiled. "Jas? Had you ever sucked a cock before an hour ago?"

"No," he said, still looking unconvinced. "You're the only one, soldier."

I kissed him tenderly, glad that I was the only one he'd ever been in in this way. We'd both had female lovers in the past, but we still got to have our first times be together. When I pulled away, I smiled down at him and looked into his eyes. "You were fucking amazing with your mouth on my cock, baby. I bet you'll be just as exceptional this way too." I pressed my hand to his cheek and concentrated on the sincerity of my words and my desire for him. "I trust you, Jasper. And I need you."

My trust bolstered his confidence, and I could tell that my desire was fueling his as well when I saw his eyes darkening once again.

"I need you just as much," he whispered, pressing his hips up to meet mine.

Our bodies were aligned perfectly, and the feeling of his cock rubbing against mine was indescribable. I didn't want any more words at this moment, I just wanted to kiss him, so kiss him I did. It was hard and passionate and my hands were tangling in his blond waves as his were squeezing fist-fulls of my ass, pressing me even harder against him.

We stayed this way for a minute, until Jasper wrenched his lips away from mine, groaning loudly. "Peter, fuck... You've got to stop. I'm gonna fucking come if your cock touches mine again," he said, his voice low and gravelly.

"I'll stop then," I said with a slight laugh. "I don't want you to finish just yet."

I, however, nearly did finish as I watched Jasper slide two fingers between his lips and suck on them, the mental images of his mouth wrapped around my cock assaulting me and doubling my lust for him. A second later, Jasper's fingers were reaching around me, teasing my entrance.

"Do it, Jas. Please."

He pushed all his love at me, nearly drowning me with his emotions, and then slid a finger into me. I gasped as I felt him penetrate me, tensing for only seconds before relaxing into the pleasure of his touch. I moaned loudly and wantonly as he began moving his finger in and out of me slowly.

"Holy fuck," I panted. "I didn't know it would be this good."

It got even better as I felt a second finger enter, and I began rocking my hips, encouraging him further. I was still on my knees, hovering over his groin, and I could feel his hardness beneath me, my movements causing me to brush against it over and over.
"Mine," I heard him whisper as it dawned on him that he was the first to touch me this way.

"Yes, Jasper," I moaned. "I am yours. I'm your soldier, your Peter. Always." I was panting heavily at this point. "Now, please, Major, please don't wait any more. I need you so fucking bad."

Jasper

Complete.

It was the only way to describe the way I felt when Peter told me he wanted me. I felt complete. He was the other half that I was missing.

As I pulled my fingers away from him, I pressed my dick against his entrance. I needed to know that he needed this. I kissed him sweetly before questioning him.

"I love you, Peter. Are you sure that you want this?"

His head bobbed up and down as he whispered, "I love you too, Jasper. Now please, don't wait anymore. I fucking need you."

I couldn't deny my soldier anything, so I slowly pushed into him. The feeling of him surrounding my cock was like nothing I had ever felt before. As I finally pushed myself into him completely, I felt the breath that he let out.

"Fuck... Jas... So... Oh God." His fingers wrapped around my arms, gripping me tightly as I started to slowly move in and out of him. His pleasure and need was consuming me. I was a little afraid at moving any harder against him, but somehow Peter sensed my unease.

"Harder, Jas... It's okay. I want more." His words let me know that this was okay. What I was feeling for him was okay.

My pace began to pick up, my thrusts becoming harder and deeper. Regardless of my pace, every touch between Peter and I reminded me that this wasn't just a fuck. I was making love to him, and he was allowing me to do it.

The feel of him surrounding my cock was perfect. I wanted nothing more in my life than to just be with him. It got even better the moment he pulled me down to his lips. As our lips connected, I could feel his dick trapped between our stomachs. I couldn't help but push against him even more with every thrust of my hips.

As my tongue probed Peter's mouth, he let out a deep moan. I grinned to myself as I continued pressing into him. His hands traveled down my body to my ass, gripping it tightly and pushing me further into him. "I'm glad you came home, Jasper."

I lost control of my power, letting my devotion and ecstasy overpower him. My tongue slowing from a controlling pace to a soft caress as Peter's body tensed for his release.

"Oh God, Jas..." Peter grunted out as his creamy seed flowed from his tip onto his stomach. His muscles clutched me closer, pulling my orgasm from me.

"Fuck, Peter!" I hissed as my venom shot out of my cock. I slowed my tempo, then gently slipped out of him, his love nearly drowning me as I hovered over him, trying to catch my breath. He gently reached up to cup my face, his cherry red eyes boring into my golden ones.

"I have been waiting for this moment for what seems like forever, Jasper. I love you." With that, his soft lips pressed to mine. I kissed him for a second, but then slowly pulled away from him with a puzzled look in my eyes.

"How long have you known this was going to happen?" I asked as I rolled to lay next to my soldier.

His hands played with my soft curls as small aftershocks continued to ripple through his body.

"Since the moment I opened my eyes, Jasper. I've always known we'd be here... I just never knew when." He rolled to his side as I wrapped my arm around his waist.

The fact that he knew about this didn't surprise me. That's the way Peter was. I never had to question him. Not because he knew things, but because I trusted him. If it was bound to happen, then it was bound to happen.

But I never imagined how comfortable I would feel with Peter. He was my best friend, and if I was honest with myself, I knew there was always more to the relationship than either of us were letting on. Peter knew; he had had over a century to get used to this idea. He could have pushed it on me the moment I showed up, but he didn't. He waited until I was ready.

He was everything in a lover I needed. He was supportive, but knew when to push me. He didn't force me to be someone I wasn't. He also made sure that my needs were met, as well as his needs. We balanced each other out perfectly.

It was in that moment that I realized that I would always love him.

Peter

I laid in silence as I watched Jasper's mind working through all of this new information through his eyes. I was calm, not doubting for a minute that we were where we were supposed to be, so I just enjoyed the quiet and my post-coital bliss.

My eyes drifted closed and I lay quietly, a smile upon my face, the scent of Jasper and sex filling the air around me. I'd spent the last century waiting for this day to come, yet it still managed to exceed my expectations. My life wasn't perfect, there was big shit on the horizon to deal with, but I was happy.

A moment later, that weird tingle I get hit me, and I opened my eyes, finding myself looking right into Jasper's smiling face. He leaned in and kissed me softly.

"I love you, Peter," he whispered as he pulled away.

"Always," I whispered, pulling him back to me.

And with one more soft kiss, we silently promised each other the future.