How could I have been so stupid to think that they would understand? Nobody can. Even I was in full denial at first. But then, I realized it couldn't do me any good to ignore those feelings. Finally, I accepted the truth.
I was in love with a killer.
It took time, but I'm not living in denial anymore. I grow up and learned to deal with my feelings even if I would rather not. It's the way life is. But apparently, my friends didn't see it that way.
Every time I looked at Xander after my revelation, I could see the look of disgust entering his eyes. He grimaced everytime he just glanced at me. I had always supported him in his choices and didn't make any jugement. I even supported him in his relation with *Cordelia* for God's sake. Now, I know he wasn't the real friend I always thought I had.
Giles tried the I-don't-know-her solution. He barely glanced in my direction and never spoke to me after that night I told them the truth. He was the mature one in our group and reacted as a child to the news. I thought he would be the least surprised, seeing he had a rather disturbing childhood. Then again, I was wrong.
But the worst was Buffy. She felt into the pit of rage itself. At first, she came to the conclusion that I had been hypnotised. Then came the need to be exorcised because I was possessed. When she *finally* realized that my feelings were true (that means a couple of days later), she treathened to kill my lover.
That was what made me fall over the edge.
I punched her hard, knocking her on the wall, taking Giles with her on the floor. Xander was so surprised at my outburst, that he just stood there, frozen in shock. I ran out and slammed the door closed.
I didn't stop running until I was home. I packed a few things in my backpack, took my laptop and got out of my parents' house for the last time. I called my lover at a payphone and we agreed to go away from Sunnydale.
A few hours later, we were on the highway heading north. I finally realized that if my *friends* couln't handle the truth, it was because they weren't real friends. A true friendship shouldn't have been destroyed by anything. But I guess it wasn't real. It shouldn't have bothered them. I guess it was too much for them to know I was in love with a killer...
...in love with Faith.
I was in love with a killer.
It took time, but I'm not living in denial anymore. I grow up and learned to deal with my feelings even if I would rather not. It's the way life is. But apparently, my friends didn't see it that way.
Every time I looked at Xander after my revelation, I could see the look of disgust entering his eyes. He grimaced everytime he just glanced at me. I had always supported him in his choices and didn't make any jugement. I even supported him in his relation with *Cordelia* for God's sake. Now, I know he wasn't the real friend I always thought I had.
Giles tried the I-don't-know-her solution. He barely glanced in my direction and never spoke to me after that night I told them the truth. He was the mature one in our group and reacted as a child to the news. I thought he would be the least surprised, seeing he had a rather disturbing childhood. Then again, I was wrong.
But the worst was Buffy. She felt into the pit of rage itself. At first, she came to the conclusion that I had been hypnotised. Then came the need to be exorcised because I was possessed. When she *finally* realized that my feelings were true (that means a couple of days later), she treathened to kill my lover.
That was what made me fall over the edge.
I punched her hard, knocking her on the wall, taking Giles with her on the floor. Xander was so surprised at my outburst, that he just stood there, frozen in shock. I ran out and slammed the door closed.
I didn't stop running until I was home. I packed a few things in my backpack, took my laptop and got out of my parents' house for the last time. I called my lover at a payphone and we agreed to go away from Sunnydale.
A few hours later, we were on the highway heading north. I finally realized that if my *friends* couln't handle the truth, it was because they weren't real friends. A true friendship shouldn't have been destroyed by anything. But I guess it wasn't real. It shouldn't have bothered them. I guess it was too much for them to know I was in love with a killer...
...in love with Faith.