So wrote this like a month ago, some Brittana lovin' with some beatles lovin'.
The songs I use is, Here Comes The sun, When I'm Sixty-four.. I think that's all and then some small mentions :) Anyways enjoy :) No beta so misstakes..all me ;)
"Little darling.."
"It seems like years since it's been here.."
Do you remember that song Santana? Here comes the sun? Do you remember when we were lying on the bridge, our feet dangling over the edge where our bare toes almost touched the water? The sun was shining down on us and there was no one around for miles. You held my hand and refused to let go, I was pretty sure my hand would be shaped as yours by the end of the day. I remember that day as clear as if it was yesterday. You were so happy that I don't even know to this day what caused it because I was so ecstatic about you being so happy that I forgot to ask why.
It was the middle of April and I was sitting at my desk reading when you popped up in my room in the middle of my doorway. You had the biggest smile on your face that instantly lit up the entire room and made me forget about Peter Pan's next adventure.
Before I could say something you smacked my book together and rushed me downstairs. Before I knew it, we were on our bikes on our way to a little secluded tiny beach that we'd discovered when we were young. You barely said a word you were so excited. And you were positively beaming with glee by the time we arrived and I had no idea why, but it was contagious I felt my entire body warm up as you grinned happily at me making your eyes squint a little, it was the best smile.
As you walked us to the bridge that was beginning to fall apart you hummed a familiar song. Doo-doo-doo-doo, you sang in a low voice and I knew that beat, but I couldn't put my finger on just what it was. It wasn't very cold, the sun was the brightest it had been for the entire year and you only had a t shirt on.
You had a bag with you that hung of your shoulder which moved with your body as we walked onto the bridge. We sat down on the edge of it and we took of our shoes and socks but we were too scared to let our toes dip down into the cold water. You shuffled forward until we were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh.
I giggled when you let out a content sigh. It sounded like you were such eternal optimist or something, like Rachel when she got a solo, she just knew she was going to beat everyone else and that made her sing so much harder enjoying every minute of it.
You took out something from your bag and I saw it was a black pen, and before I knew it you had my hand in yours and began to write something on top of my hand. You whispered don't look so I glanced sideways. The pen tickled my skin, it felt like when a spider crawls on you and I resisted the urge to pull away.
Do you know why I am so happy B? You asked me as you continued to draw small little doodles or something, on my hand. I shook my head and you laughed. You..you drew out and I eagerly awaited your next word. You are my…You started again slowly, but before you finished you angled my head to yours again and pulled my hand up so I could see what you'd written. ..little darling. You finished with a smile and I glanced onto my hand, you had drawn a small sun in the middle of my hand and written 'little darling' in a pretty font and underlined it two times. My face lit up and I glanced at you and you matched my expression. Little darling, I said out loud and the song popped into my head,
Here comes the sun.
I remember when you told me your favourite band was The Beatles. We were around twelve I think and you said this band was so cool and good that I just had to listen to them as well. You showed me a video clip of them and someone introduced them saying 'Here are theeeee beaaaaatles'. I remember I started giggling, because what kind of name was 'The Beetles'?
You explained it was just a name and shrugged it off, not liking when someone disliked or mocked what you liked. I asked if they liked beetles because after all they had named their band after a few of beetles, and you turned your head and laughed, I knew you rarely let anyone see how relaxed you really were. You were only yourself with me.
The song you showed me back then was 'All you need is love' and since then I've had this thing about you and me and somehow beetles. You made me believe in the fact that all you need is love, because what do you have if you don't have love?
As you sat and explained to me all about this cool band and how old they were and the big records they did and how popular they were, as 'All you need is love' played in the background, all I could think of was you. On how strongly you burned for this band, on how fiery you were. How incredibly dedicated you were. I admired you so much in that moment, you'd committed to something, a band called The Beetles but still, you'd not given up on your love for them which you apparently hadn't been doing for a long time.
You said your mom showed you a vinyl record with them once and gave it to you and since then you were sold. You showed me that old record once, it wasn't very worn back then and you explained it was because your mom had bought it pretty new as soon as she too discovered their talent, and she had kept it safe.
Over the years you showed me more and more songs, and I remember when Kurt sang 'I want To Hold Your Hand' how much you'd twitched in your seat, I had to keep an hand on your thigh so I wouldn't have to worry about you bouncing up on your feet and start singing along. No one knew you were a big beetles fan, and I always wondered why you didn't share that part with anyone else and you just smiled at me and whispered in a tiny melody in my ear Nobody knows, just we two.
After you told me you loved me after we really were out and proud at school, you were almost as happy as you were that day at the bridge and you kept humming tunes all week after that. By Friday I had grown anxious and I finally asked you what you were humming but you just shook your head and swung our intertwined hands between us and started singing instead of humming the same tune you'd murmured on the entire week.
Listen..you started singing to get my attention and when you had it you slowed down our steps right before we were to reach the exit of the school, people were swishing by us but you didn't care, your eyes were locked with mine.
Do you want to know a secret? You started singing again and I started giggling because you looked so cute, you were swaying your behind a tiny bit and kept a steady hold on my hand. I wanted to say yes so bad but I knew it was just a song, but you always sang what you felt, it was like your emotions picked the song you hummed, like your mind had the soundtrack to your life. I'd never even been able to remember a full song to hum too.
Do you promise not to tell? Whoa, oh, oh…You belched out and you were grinning so big I swear I could see every single tooth in your mouth. I noticed a few people looking at us but I quickly pulled my attention back to you, if you didn't care about them now, why on earth should we care about them?
I hadn't heard this song before but I found it incredibly catchy. You did too apparently because you couldn't stop your sweet little dance moves as we walked along the halls of McKinley high. Closer, you sang and instantly pulled me close enough so that our bodies were flush together.
Let me whisper in your eaaaar, you lowered your voice as you leaned by my ear to sing those words in a hushed whisper, it made me shiver and I knew you noticed they way the tiny hairs at the back of my neck stood out. You placed a quick kiss on the lobe of my ear before you continued to sing, say the words you long to heaaar.
You pulled back slightly so you could look into my eyes and you kissed my nose before you finished off the song, I'm in love with youu. We stood there grinning at each other as two love sick fools, we even heard the bell ring for the people that had detention and we giggled together as we rushed out to your car. And I remember as you drove of you didn't stop your humming, you sang the words, I've know the secret for a week or two.
And I knew, I just knew your mind had picked this song because this secret, our secret people now knew and you couldn't have been happier, but I also knew you'd know this secret for way longer than you'd like to admit.
That's why it didn't surprise me when you had drawn, little darling on me, because I knew it was those beetles again that were in your head. I'd heard you sing, here comes the sun quite a few times, it was always when it was sunny and it was like you had an endless list of songs in your head for every moment of your life.
You leaned your head down on my shoulder but kept a firm grip on my hand, playing with my fingers and circling the words you'd scribbled down with your right index finger. You kissed the palm of my hand and then quickly lowered it again to play with, I loved how focused you could be with just something as simple as my hands, it was like it took all your focus to see how my hands looked liked.
I stared at our hands as yours was playing with my right one and I felt you thinking, you always breathed a little differently when you were deep in thought. I asked what you were thinking and you answered, your hands. I waited for you too continue and smiled when your fingers trickled up my forearm, it tickled but I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. I love your hands B, they're so you. I frowned, of course they were me, they were attached to me.
You must have sensed my confusion because you giggled a bit and continued on your train of thought. I can almost see what you are thinking by your hands, you know, I heard the slight smirk in your voice and I knew you were thinking of everything my hands could do, it made me laugh and your head bopped on my shoulder a tiny bit from the movement of my body.
But you have a way of kinda showing how you're feeling with your hands..it's hard to explain but I just see stuff like that. It felt like you were shrugging but it was quite awkward since your body was basically just leaning against mine. I think I knew what you meant when you said that though. And a lot of times after that it struck me that I could tell what you were thinking by your hands and small body movements. My head always went back to that day on the bridge whenever you tightened your fist or when you closed your eyes in the middle of the day, I knew what you were thinking and how you felt and I couldn't help but wonder what beetle song you had in your head those times.
After a while on the bridge we laid down and you wouldn't let go of my hand, you even had our hands leaning up on our elbows sticking up in the air. It would have been the only thing people would have noticed if they glanced our way I think, our handhold with the water surrounding it. You kept on playing with my fingers and it felt like you were memorizing my hands, but you didn't need to do that, I'd never say no to you if you wanted to hold my hand. I will always be there too hold yours even when you don't want too.
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo, you sang quietly looking up at the clouds as they faded away from us. Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right, I finished for you and you turned your head towards me and from the corner of my eye I could see your big toothy grin again, it made me smile and turn my head your way too, but you'd turned it back to the clouds when I looked your way. It made me smile and I started giggling.
You kissed my palm again and pointed to the sky, that cloud looks like a diamond. I found the one you were looking at and examined it, and yes it kind of did. And it reminded me of something and I remembered there was another song about something like that, after a while it came too me and I sang, lucy in the sky with diaaamonds at the top of my lungs. I swear your laugh right there was the best thing I'd ever heard.
We laid there a bit longer pointing at clouds and laughing when we could come up with something funny a cloud looked liked. I thought I saw a pineapple shaped cloud and you laughed at me and said it looked like a lion. I don't know how but we could never agree on a shape. Until a quick little cloud swished by a few bigger ones and you said that that one looks like a heart and I instantly found the one you were looking at and I had too agree. It did look like a heart. A really big fluffy white fat heart.
That part I said out loud and you gave me another wonderful laugh in response, you slapped my arm playfully and said you were trying to be romantic. You were so cute I couldn't help but lean over and kiss you a few times before laying back down again. You don't need to be romantic with me San, it's not like I'm gonna fade away like a cloud, I said and I saw your smile at the corner of my eye again and you said that you knew that.
But I have to do something to keep you as big, white, fluffy and fat as that cloud, you giggled as you said that and I playfully smacked you this time, though a little harder than you'd punched me because you were better at mocking me, even though I kinda liked it when you did.
I pretended to be offended and I bit my lip to keep the laughter inside of me but it came out anyways. After a while after our laughter had died down and the big fat heart had skipped its way by us you started singing again and this time another song but no doubt it was from the same four beetles. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four? I realized as you sang that how your thinking had gone, you were always very easy to read, I could almost always just look at you and I knew what you were thinking, it was incredibly frustrating when I didn't know though and sometimes I wished I had some magical headphones so I could ear the beetle song in your head, it would make much easier if I knew how the lyrics went when you weren't in the mood to sing them.
I told you I'd never heard that song before and you shook your head and explained that I actually had. I frowned, I usually remembered all those songs you played for me, always when we sat in the school buss and you gave me one of your white earphones I would eventually hum along the beat and I knew I'd never forget it then. You sensed my confusion and asked me if I remember the movie we watched about a yellow submarine.
I searched my head and finally it popped up, oh yes the cartoon movie about all the weird monsters and little dudes. I hadn't understood a single thing about it. When I said I didn't get any of that you had laughed and said, good. I hadn't gotten that either and after a while you explained to me they were probably not very sane in their heads around that time. I knew what movie you were talking about now and I searched my head for the songs and the song you were singing. When I heard the lyrics in my head I was even more sure on how you had been thinking, you were thinking of us.
I just knew that this particular soundtrack in your head made you dream just a tiny bit about perhaps our own grandchildren. Vera, Chuck and Dave, I sang so you knew I remembered and you chuckled, it made me smile. We'll have to figure out better names one day, you whispered almost inaudible and it made me smile even wider because I knew you had our future in your head, if there was a future soundtrack song I would love to hear it one day Santana.
The day you left for College was the hardest day of my life. I refused to let you go until my mom had too tell me, Santana really have to go now, but you were just at reluctant as I was. I kissed you so many times I was pretty sure our lips were just one set of lips. Our parents stood by our side, and you had your car all packed up outside my house. It felt so wrong to see most of your stuff in there, all squished together, they weren't supposed to be like that.
You were driving so far away from me, I really didn't like that. I felt hot streaks of tears on my cheeks as you kissed my eyelids and for a second I wished you could have heard my own kind of soundtrack so you know how much I didn't want you too leave. You whispered to me that we will see each other soon again and that you loved me and that you'll text and call and skype me everyday.
But Santana that wasn't enough, I was so used to smell you on my pillow, and I was so used to you making me coffee every time you slept over at my house, or hearing the shower run and smell the fresh soap that seeped its way through the slight edge of the door. I was going to miss your skin, your eyes, your smile, god your smile. I didn't know how I could manage not to see your smile at least once a day, I was always good at making you smile and I only did it because there wasn't anything better than seeing you smile.
You hugged me one last time as your parents sat in your car waiting for you so you could install your new home, so far away from me. B, I left you something on your bed in your room, you whispered as you nuzzled in my neck. I shivered because you took a deep breath as if you needed to remember my smell as much as I needed to remember yours. I got weirdly excited and almost let go of you too run up and see what you left me but quickly reminded myself you were still here in my arms and there was nothing that could beat that feeling.
I kissed you hard on the lips and I heard my little sister slap a hand before her eyes, it just made me kiss you even harder. I brushed my tongue against your lower lip and you teasingly let it trace inside your mouth quickly before you pulled back realizing our parents were watching us. But that didn't bother me, that was the last time I was able to do that for a while they could stare as much as they wanted. I love you, Britt-Britt..so much, you said as you cupped my cheek and I saw a tear make its way past your eyelid.
I bit my tongue because I didn't want you to cry, I wanted you to stay that's all. I love you more, I said and you let out a sad giggle and I grabbed your hand because please Santana don't leave, I hoped I could keep you here with me, because remember, remember the day at the bridge, remember Vera, Chuck and Dave, we couldn't move towards them with you thousand miles away. And I promised myself I'd never let go of your hand. You seemed too sense what I was thinking and that was just one more reason why even more tears spilled past my cheeks, you said, Britt all you need is love. And that's how I knew we would make it.
You said a quick goodbye to my parents and my sister after that and I waved goodbye to your car long after it had turned away from our driveway. I shuffled my feet behind me and went inside, it felt emptier without you there, I mean you hadn't even lived there but you had always been there, it was a weird feeling not having you call my name and saying you were just upstairs. I remembered what you said and that you had left something on my bed and my interest peeked. I went upstairs and opened my door and made my way to my bed.
There, the same old vinyl record laid that your mom had given you and that you had showed me and explained how much you loved it when we were so young. It was a little more worn out than I remembered and I figured it was because you had most likely been playing it nonstop. My eyes watered again and wished you were here more than I could find it in words to say. There was a post-it on it and I picked it up and read what you had scribbled down, little darling, ps: I love you.
I couldn't help it but more fresh tears found its way down my cheeks again and I closed my eyes. I knew you had mixed two beetles song in that message but like always I knew you meant every word as if they were your own. When I looked at the note again I saw something on the back of it and turned it curious to what you more could have said. It said, Also Britt, it's The Beatles, not Beetles. I laughed, leave it too you to correct me years after I've been asking you what new Beetles song you had discovered now.
After a while I found our old record player and brought it into my room and delicately put on your record. I didn't know what track it was or even how you pressed a new track, I just put the needle on the record and a few scratches echoed in my speakers. I leant against the wall as a few guitar sounds began to fill my room. I knew the song the second those guitar riffs continued into its melody. Here comes the sun doo-doo-doo-doo. I ignored the tears that wouldn't stop because this time it was happy tears, I remembered that day on the bridge, and how happy we had been that entire day and much I felt like I could hold your heart in the palm of my hand.
I looked at my hands and I wondered if you saw them now what you would think I was thinking or feeling. Sun, sun, sun, here it comes, It was sunny outside and I just knew you were humming the same as I was.
