The Legend of the Nostalgia Critic by Indiana Batman
Chapter 1: …And then there were dinosaurs
He couldn't believe it, after all those years of cackling at nothing in particular, Dr. Insano had finally achieved something so remarkably evil, so remarkably despicably evil that even he himself could hardly comprehend it, there, standing before him was a fully formed Velociraptor, majestic, deadly and sporting those fetching goggles Insano himself so famously wore, the creature of death was entirely under Insano's control.
'YEEEEEEEESSSS!' he cried for a quite startling length of time.
'Finally I, Dr. Insano, have harnessed the power of the creature that even the predators of the Cretaceous period feared and soon I will make more and more and more and more HAHAHA' his knees crumbled under the sheer power of his immense evil 'I WILL CREATE A SUPER ARMY OF MUTANT DINOSAURS AND WITH THEM I WILL RULE THE WOOOOOOORLD'.
He repeated this passage about 8 times before passing out on the floor, the reptilian beast however just looked on in awe at this mad scientist who seemed to be currently foaming at the mouth, more alarming than his zany antics was the fact that the Velociraptor did not want to horribly murder this pathetic excuse for a human being, besides, he'd probably choke to death on his own foam before the Velociraptor kindly sliced him 17 new assholes, so instead he took a long look at his surroundings, behind him he saw the portal that had transported him from the past into this future, the portal was pink and purple swirls much like Insano's goggles, like the portal off of Stargate but astoundingly gay.
The room was mainly metal and bronze and little natural light, there were test tubes, half broken robots and little lights that seemed to blink for no apparent reason, not that the Velociraptor knew what any of this shit was but he could tell it was deep fried in failure.
The Raptor glimpsed the controller in Insano's hand, the controller keeping him docile and strangely more intelligent than usual, as the Raptor surveyed his surroundings he admired his own intelligence.
'Well I do declare, my mind is just bursting with ideas and explanations as to why I should be in such a predicament and why am I talking?' the Raptor was taken aback by his own speaking voice, a pristine British accent, and continued to speak.
'Well my goodness me I can speak!, and English at that, to think that I have wasted my life eating other dinosaurs' faces off !'
He pondered for a moment.
'Wait, how do I know I'm speaking English?, how do I even know what English is?, why and how am I having all these new thoughts?'
All answers were swiftly answered when he realized that the goggles upon his head were attached to his brain as well as his eyes, with a new found perspective on life he ran to the exit ready to start this new and exciting life on this new and exciting earth, little did he know what would be in store for him in the coming months.
Waking up to find your mind-controlled dinosaur from the past is missing is always a bitch, Dr. Insano let out a loud wail of disappointment, this was the 5th time this week, admitting defeat he slumped down in his evil chair and tried to list his 5 favourite cheeses, he was growing more fond of Brie recently and had decided to give that the top spot this week.