into the beyond
Tell me we're going to be okay. -— Fred/Lucy/Lysander
notes: This is for the Catharsis – Experience Emotion – Competition. I've never written Lucy/Fred before so I don't know whether this is any good, but yeah.
Also, this was written over the summer and I can't be bothered to read through it, so it's probably awful and the formatting is different to how I'd like it, but the due date for the competition is soon and I actually can't be doing with adjusting this.
slightlysmall provided me with the lovely song lyrics and prompt for this piece.
disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, not me.
two a.m. and she calls me 'cause i'm still awake / can you help me unravel my latest mistake? / i don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
anna nalik, breathe (two a.m.)
prompt: lightning
You are perfect, you tell yourself as you look in the mirror. And you are; you are the girl with golden hair and six boys fighting over you, including Teddy Lupin, thank you very much (Victoire, eat your heart out). You are the Minister of Magic's daughter – and you haven't fallen apart, not yet not yet not yet, unlike your sister –
He took your hand and you were drunk and whatever, so he has the same surname as you, what the hell does it matter? You have different parents and you look as different as fire and ice so it's okay –
You are the girl who looks in the mirror and likes what she sees, because you are Lucy Weasley and you are perfect –
"You are perfect," he whispered but he said her name not yours and it shouldn't have hurt but Merlin it did. It's your mantra now, because of course you're perfect (and so maybe he was talking about Anna and not you but that doesn't matter) you're Lucy and you're perfection personified you're perfect you swear it you're perfect –
You aren't the girl who kissed her cousin at Christmas, because you're Lucy and you have a boyfriend and YOU'RE PERFECT, OKAY? You aren't that girl and you never will be and it's okay it's okay it's okay (no no it's really really not).
ϟ
It's summer. You feel the sweltering heat on your back and no guilt at all as Lysander puts his arm around your waist (and it fits perfectly, like nobody else should do or ever had done that) –
He put his arm around your waist and it felt okay, good even, like this wasn't wrong at all except it was and oh Merlin it was so so wrong and you're not perfect –
You can't help it. It eats you alive; it crawls inside you, a constant throbbing headache that forms your pulse (FredFredFredFred); it haunts your nightmares – although of course you don't get any because you're Lucy and you're not in denial or depression and you're perfect, okay? The overwhelming sensation is guilt. All the time: how could you do it to him? What has Lysander ever done wrong? Nothing because you're Lucy and Lysander and not only are you perfect, your relationship is perfect. How could you do it to Roxanne? She's your best friend and his sister and she doesn't know – you tell yourself she doesn't need to but, Merlin, doesn't she? He's her brother and you're her cousin and it shouldn't be right because he's your cousin too (don't forget that, that's the worst part), but it is right and for that, you can't forgive yourself.
It doesn't cross your mind to feel bad for him – it's his fault, of course it is, you're Lucy and you wouldn't do anything like that because you're perfect – but you do think about how he feels. Is he riddled with guilt, or is it just you? Does he have the courage to look at you in the corridors when you cross paths (probably; he's a Gryffindor through and through)? If he does, he's got that over you, too –
You had never felt so jealous of a person as you did of Anna right then, and it was wrong but you were perfect and you still are remember so it was okay – except he would have it over you forever but you didn't really care –
Always, it comes back to Lysander. He's the best thing to happen to you and it kills you because you might be Lucy and you might be perfect but that doesn't mean you deserve him. He doesn't know, of course – nobody does – but you don't know what to do; everything seems pointless, heartless, sure to end your perfect relationship. Tell him, and he'll break up with you, without a doubt. Keep it a secret, and he'll find out and break up with you, without a doubt.
(Something's gone wrong here because you're Lucy and you're perfect and you're meant to win but you can't quite see how.)
ϟ
He pressed his lips to yours in a dark room and you could only see his most distinguishing features and it felt amazing but you were drunk and he was your cousin and it was the taste of sin not love –
You pull yourself together, finally. You're Lucy and you're the Head Girl and YOU'RE PERFECT, DAMN IT. You come up with a master plan, because you're bored (scared) and you're a perfectionist, unsurprisingly.
To be honest, the fact that it's two a.m. and you've just woken up from the most vivid nightmare yet doesn't factor into your equations. People tend to forgive you, because you're Lucy and you're perfect.
You want to ring Roxanne because it's easier that way, but she's in the next bed so it wouldn't really work. You tap her and put on your most angelic face (you're Lucy and you're perfect but Roxanne can be pretty vicious if she's woken up – especially considering she's a Hufflepuff).
Roxanne rolls over to face you and opens her eyes. It's been hard, these last six months or so, to look her straight in the eye – because they're Fred's eyes, aren't they? – but now you can because you need her help.
"Rox," you whisper, silently casting a charm to help her wake up. "Rox, we have to talk."
"What is it?"
"I… I've made a really horrible mistake," you say, and you can't draw it back now – it's out there and you have to be brave and face it.
"You can tell me anything," Roxanne says, putting a hand on your arm.
"I kissed Fred at Christmas," you tell her and now it has to be okay, it has to be, because honesty was always the best policy, wasn't it?
"Merlin."
There are a million things you want to say – I'm so sorry it was a mistake I can't breathe don't hate me please Rox I can't breathe and I'm so scared – but only one comes out of your mouth:
"Help me."
For a second, Roxanne doesn't reply and you lie there, studying each other's faces. She looks painfully like him, you notice (not for the first time), and you have to break the gaze.
"Lucy," she says, "Lucy, I'm telling you it's going to be okay."
"Are you sure?" you ask, because you're still really scared.
"I promise," Roxanne says, and you believe her. "Everybody makes mistakes."
You want to ask a thousand more things because you're confused and scared – what about Lysander? What do I mean to Fred? What's going to happen to me? – but you don't because Roxanne has helped you and she deserves sleep and why would she know anyway?
"Thank you," you say, smiling at her. (Maybe you can still be perfect.)
She smiles back and rolls over to go back to sleep.
ϟ
You feel a peace go through you like lightning through a tree. It spreads through you, leaving no part of you unburnt, untouched by the power and warmth of this friendly lightning. (You're Lucy and you were always an optimist and you're perfect.)
Of course it'll all be okay. Yeah, you still have to face Lysander, but – and you mean this lovingly, because you do love him; your knight in shining armour, your prince, even if he can be a bit too… brainy – you know how to work around him. I was drunk, you'll say, I didn't mean it and I feel awful, Ly. I understand if you want to break up. And he'll be fine; for a second he'll a have that horrible let down look on his face that you hate, but then he'll draw you into a kiss and murmur thanks for being honest with him, and you'll forget about it in due course. (He's Lysander and he's a Ravenclaw and he's not quite perfect so he can't lose you.)
It goes exactly the way you expected. Looking back, some people would feel bad about playing him; saying the right thing so he doesn't get angry. But you don't. You only did it because you know that everything's okay now, that you love Lysander and that's not going to change. Fred was a mistake, but that's not all he is: he's your cousin and Merlin, you love him, no matter what.
It's okay it's okay it's okay (yes yes it is it really really is).
You're Lucy and you're in love with Lysander Scamander and you're perfect.