When you believe
Standing on my balcony and watching the stars would always have a calming effect on the troubled depths of my soul. Whenever I feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders seems to be too much for me to bear, I would get up at night and watch those beautiful lights in the sky, which I believe to be the spirits of those who have already left the earth, moved on to the afterlife. I believe that they watch over us and guide us when we don't know how to move on, when all hope seems lost. I am not much of a religious person, but sometimes I would just stand there and watch the stars, silver tears blurring my vision as I whisper a silent prayer. A prayer for him.
My heart was shattered into millions of pieces when he left. Millions and millions of pieces that would probably never be able to find each other again, since he took some of them with him. It has only been a few months since his departure; however, they feel like an eternity to me. I can still see his usually serious face being enlightened by a soft smile as the relief of losing the battle against Yugi flooded through his body. I saw by myself how lucky he was due to Yugi's victory, which meant that his soul would finally be free. No longer would he be locked away nor reside in anyone's body. He would be one with the wind and skies. And we, his friends, would have to stay here and live our lives, trying to bring back the memories and maintain all the things we've learned from the pharaoh. No matter how hard it was for each and every one of us, we had to keep going forward, keep on living. And as the first few days went by, it has become easier for me to put on a fake smile and be the Tea they know: that one that is always full of hope, the person who always has a smile on the lips, the person that couldn't been brought down by anything.
Whenever I watch the stars, silently talking to him, I feel much better. Since his departure I feel like looking at the beautiful night sky is the only thing that somehow overcomes the distance between us. At such moments it feels as if he was really close to me. If I close my eyes I can almost feel him touching my face, cupping my cheeks with his thumbs, smiling softly at my blushing face. A soft wind blows through my hair, lifting up some strands to dance gracefully with the breeze. Almost like his touch.
When I see those beautiful stars light up the darkness of the night, that's when I see his face and hear his voice so clearly. The lights in the sky remind me of him; the way he would see himself as a being of darkness while we, his friends, would be the lights, brighten up his soul, preserving him from giving in to the darkness. I press my hands to my chest as I close my eyes and silently pray. Well, I don't actually pray. I talk to him, asking him, how he is doing and telling him stories of my life, telling him about our friends and their lives, knowing that he surely would like to know what's happening in his friend's lives after he is gone.
I know that Yugi is even more hurting than I am. He has lost his other half, his soul mate, but I can always see the spirit in his eyes, his will to fight. Yugi has accepted the fact that his other half is gone and he now tries to carry on, never forgetting who has brought him to where he is now. That is what I admire about Yugi. No matter how hard life gets him down, he will always stand up and shine brighter than before. He has always deserved being the hikari of the pharaoh, in every aspect. And I know that he is very proud of Yugi, although he never said it. He didn't need to say it aloud, we all knew.
"I miss you, with all my heart", I whisper, opening my eyes. Silver tears run down my cheeks and blur my vision so that those millions of lights meld into one beautiful ray of starlight reaching all over the darkness of the night. Even though I never receive any answer from him, I know that he can hear me, that he feels my love for him through the bond that we share, the bond that can't even be torn apart by different universes.
I knew it from the moment that he passed the gate to the afterlife that all our lives had changed. He had taught us so many things but he had also learned a lot from us. We could share important lessons for life and I am forever thankful to have been his friend, to have witnessed him being a part of our little family as I am grateful for having been at his side and having saved the world so many times. He had brought us so much - moments of pure joy as well as moments of deep sadness. He lived them through with us. He was our friend, protector, mentor, brother, beloved and so much more. He was a part of our group and we were his friends.
Even if I never told him how I feel, I'm sure he knows. And he had never told me whether he loved me too or not, however, I'm sure that he shared my feelings. I just know it. But our love was never meant to be with him being an ancient spirit and me being just an average school girl. His time with us was limited and he didn't even have his own body. It hurts to think about what could have been if the whole situation was different, but looking back doesn't change things. My heart aches with every breath I take, knowing that there will be so many years ahead without his beautiful crimson eyes looking into mines. There will be no slight touches anymore, no smiles flashing over his handsome face and never again will he ask me with concern whether I'm alright or not. Yes, I'm sure that he felt something for me; that he cared deeply for me. But I will never see him again, not as long as I live here on earth.
One important thing out of everything the pharaoh has taught me is to never give up. No matter how hopeless the situation would be, he would always get up and fight; that is what he taught me. Now it's my turn to fight regardless of how insuperable the pain in my heart seems to be. He will be severely missed and I will try my hardest to keep the memories alive. I will try to live up to his will.
I look up to the sky, my hands pressed to the cartouche that he had given me right before his departure. His name was engraved in it and the metal was slightly warm from me holding it constantly to my chest, right where my heart will beat forever for him. Even though he is not here with us anymore, I know that his spirit resides right above us in the stars from where he will watch over me and guide me whenever I lose hope. He will be the shining light of hope in my heart and I will always remember him. And one day we will meet again and then I will be finally yours. Yours only.
My dearest Atem.