Disclaimer: I wish I owned Harry Potter, so I could own you all even more. Beware, this story is quite sexy. Don't, I repeat, don't pee yourself.

Written, as always, by Mt. Dew and Pepsi although, previously we did not use our sexy code names, as we did not deem you all worthy. I wish Coke would help us write too, although we could not then use the word "noob."

P.S. Alas, this story does not include useage of the word\phrase "noob-like child-wizards." :(

Also, I am writing on WordPad which doesn't have spell check, so get over it. Let the story begin! Anytime now.. Btw, I like the way you think...

It was a pleasant evening at Hogwarts, which is where our story begins. Neville and Luna were cheerily walking towards the Great Hall when they saw Harry Potter, also known as "the boy who lived" or "scar-head," jogging forlornly away from where the other child-like noob-wizards were happily enjoying their meal. (A/n. Hah, got you guys there didn't I?) "Omwtfg? Harry looks sad," Luna said in a dreamy tone of voice.

"Yeah.. I wonder what's got his knickers in a bunch," commented Neville.

"Let's go find out! Maybe there is something we can do to cheer him up," said Luna in a husky voice.

"Mhmm," said Neville. "Sounds like a good plan to me."

They quickly sprinted up the staircase, but as they turned a corner they bumbed into something solid. "Watch where you're going, Looney," drawled Malfoy.

"Stfu, I don't have time for this," snarled Neville uncharacteristicly. He whipped out his wand and roared, yes, he roared, "Vas-Capulus!"

Luna giggled as she 'accidently' knocked over the cup of coffee that was once Draco. "Oops, oh well," she said.

They quickly resumed their sprinting, as they searched for Harry. "Oh, I think I just saw that broom closet door close," said Neville as they turned another corner in the maze that is Hogwarts.

They quickly opened the door to the broom closet, slipped inside, and shut the door behind them. "Are you ok," asked Luna in a concerned voice.

"No! I'm not ok! I'll never be ok," shouted Harry. "All I am is an emo drama queen! I simply hate myself!"

"Well," said Luna, using her quick thinking brain. "I think me and Neville could help you there." She quickly said in a murmer "Incarcerous." Ropes flew out and tied Harry to the bed that Neville had just conjured. Luna then quickly summoned a feather and began to tickle Harry in an unmentionable place. Yes, you guessed it, his armpit. Harry giggled uncontrolably and his feelings of despair quickly were banished. They then proceeded to have a hot 'n sexy threesome.

Fin.

Yes, yes, I know, we own. Just let us know exactly how much we own by reviewing. Any flames will not be accepted, although constructive critisism is.