PREPARE TO BE EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF
He pauses when he feels it, the gentle earthy sense of power that is emanating from the door to the suite he's been given, deep in the heavily protected heart of Sunfury Spire. Kael'thas thinks that he's taken momentary leave of his senses to be feeling it again, but when the door does open and it is Lor'themar, he feels an incomparable wave of joy. A wave of uncertainly follows swiftly on its heels though, because for a moment Lor'themar simply stands there, staring at him, before remembering himself.
"May I come in?" Lor'themar's voice is unchanged, and although Kael had heard that his former Ranger-General has a surprising aptitude for statecraft he doesn't seem to have become any more opaque, at least where Kael is concerned, because his discomfort is obvious.
"Of course," Kael replies, and then, unable to stop himself, he adds, "This is your Spire now, you know."
Lor'themar winces as though he's been struck, and Kael feels a thousand times worse than before. Lor'themar is not only horrendously busy but doubtlessly trying to deal with his feelings about Kael's return in the small amount of time he has to himself, and here he is giving into a childish desire to needle at him.
"I'm sorry…" Kael'thas begins, but Lor'themar interrupts him by holding up a hand.
"It's alright, I understand, I," he pauses, "I should have come long before this."
Kael'thas motions towards the low couch he's sitting on, secretly hoping that Lor'themar will take his invitation and not choose one of the chairs further away. His guilt is slightly alleviated when Lor'themar sinks gracefully onto the plushly cushioned seat but returns again when he sees up-close the signs of tiredness on Lor'themar's face.
"Kael'thas," Lor'themar says at last, and his voice isn't judging or accusatory, there's no undercurrent of distaste, it's just Kael's name. It's the loveliest thing Kael has heard since his rebirth, and he feels ashamed all over again.
Lor'themar doesn't continue immediately, and Kael can't think of a thing to say to him, so he merely basks in the solid and comforting feel of nature that the former ranger exudes, the warm edge of his charm a subtle undertone.
"It is….strange….to see you again." Lor'themar says, and Kael privately agrees, his very existence is odd now, and marked by loss that tugs at his ankles and threatens to pull him under every day. "And I will admit, I was unsure if I could bear seeing you again, and unsure if you would wish to see me." he continues, "But I am glad to be here now, to see you hale and whole again." The sincerity in Lor'themar's voice is what breaks Kael.
"You didn't have to," he says, "I know I destroyed much, and harmed many, and if there's one thing I am now it's so very sorry for the pain I caused."
"Pain!" Lor'themar exclaims, "Kael'thas, you were, I was…" he breaks off and stands to pace the room and gather his thoughts.
Kael feels like he can't breathe, this is it, he knows, this is the part where even Lor'themar in his infinite, terrifying patience cannot stand him anymore.
"You were my anchor," Lor'themar says quietly, his back to Kael'thas, it's not what Kael was expecting at all, "I knew that even if I'd failed at the Sunwell, I knew that if I just hung on and kept our people safe," Kael can't see Lor'themar's face but he can hear his voice break, and if the thought of Lor'themar hating him—gentle and devoted Lor'themar—was painful then this is a special kind of agony, "I told myself that you would come back, I told myself that all I had to do was rebuild, and my strength would only have to last until you came back…"
This is the real punishment, Kael thinks, Rommath can scowl and glare all he wants but this is the real punishment. I became so absorbed in thinking that I was the only person who could save us I forgot about everything else I was depended upon for. He can't stand Lor'themar's pain, and finally moves from his spot on the couch to carefully placing a hand on Lor'themar's back.
"I will never be worthy of your forgiveness." he says solemnly, but Lor'themar turns to him and takes the hand that had been displaced from his back.
"No, you are worthy, when the Light cleansed you it did so for a purpose, If you were unworthy you wouldn't be with us now," It seemed shocking to Kael, to think of it like that, but Lor'themar continued, "As long as you remember that you're not alone in whatever you've been given a second chance to do, then everything will be fine."
"I," Kael'thas hesitates, "I find it difficult to have your faith, Lor'themar."
"Perhaps you don't have faith, yet," Lor'themar replies softly, "but you do have me as a friend still, Kael'thas."
He leaves then, leading Kael'thas' stunned self back to the couch before returning to his duties, and it is only after he has shut the door behnd him that Kael'thas can find his voice again.
"I may have you, but I don't deserve you, Lor'themar." and even then, he resolves, I will never let him down again, I'll try and be worthy.