Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, nor do I own Dorothy's death analogy.
A/N: I've been listening to way too much sappy music. Thus, I follow in the footsteps of mirrowlin ( a WONDERFUL author and friend) by writing a Hiei x Kurama angst story.
Warning: Yaoi. Death. Lots of angst induced ranting.
***
I never thought I'd be here. Standing over him as his life slowly leaks from his fallen body. This is happening to someone else. I must have read something sad before going to sleep. Because this could never happen in reality. 'Wake up Kurama.' I urge myself. Yet I know no amount of pinching will free me from this nightmare.
I never have to worry when Hiei goes into combat. Why should I? As my companion he has proven himself to be a perfect warrior, both in skill and strategy. He's also perfect in other ways, ways no one else sees, and he will never admit to. But don't tell him I told you that. Not that you can. Not anymore.
I said I never have to worry about Hiei. Notice I said, "have to". Because I do. Everytime he goes out of my sight I worry. I worry he'll meet someone. And that that person will bring Hiei one of the two things he denies every having to face. Death or love.
Some people say we should accept death; that it was an inevitable ending given to us at our birth. I say those people have never lost someone that really mattered. The kind of people whose only experience in the matter comes from the TV they watch, or the hamster they had when they were a kid. Because they can always bring back someone in the next season, or buy you another fuzzy pet nearly identical to your first one. You feel sad, you may even cry a bit, but life will go on. Except when it doesn't.
I would never wish death on Hiei. I would, however, wish love on him. But why wish for someone on someone, when you could bring it to their door? Yes. I loved him. I still do. But in the answer to the door question, it was because I was afraid he'd slam the thing in my face.
That's what we all fear, isn't it? Rejection, I mean. Hiei made me promise to never love a girl, because she'd break my heart.
I didn't break my promise.
Maybe my pain would be less right now if I had ignored that petty fear. Perhaps I'd be able to live with myself if I knew he had died with my love in his heart. Maybe it wouldn't be here at all. Maybe he would have never gone to fight if he knew I was begging him not to out of love, instead of simply friendship.
Yet what if he had stayed with me, at the expense of hundred of innocent lives? Would I rather have that? Of course. Because I probably wouldn't care so deeply about any of those innocents. That's all they would be, innocents. No personality, simply a corpse in a body bag. I suppose that's what anyone but a chosen few would think of the beautiful black haired boy bleeding to death before my eyes. Simply a corpse. Well, almost a corpse. He's still got about a quart in him. And Demons don't die easily. We're not invincible though. No matter how hard we try to believe it.
Hiei believed it, and so did I. I believed we had all the time on earth to tell him what emotions I held for him. Yet even the earth will have it's own judgment day, when all will end. Mine just came a little earlier than I expected.
So here I find myself, on my own private judgment day. Or should I say Hiei's? No, this is my punishment. He's getting off easy. He won't have to live with this kind of pain, which is now slowly blooming in my heart.
Hiei lies still, his eyes still open to death. He's gone.
I never even got a kiss good-bye.
***
A/N: Wow. That was sad. *sniffs * I need some chocolate! *goes off into a corner to cry and choco-binge * On a brighter note, I'm writing another chapter from Hiei's POV. Perhaps you'll read it? *poke poke*
Updated 11-10-03: Gah! Another fic I read over and found copious amounts of mistakes and typos in. Bear with me people. Or volunteer to be my Beta-reader ^_^. Either one's fine.