Why hello there. Fancy seeing you here again. Happy Holidays to all of you beautiful people. Here is a little dirty drabble to tide you over till next year. The concept and content was dreamed up and hilariously laid out in Forks, the Holy Land of the Twilight world. All the THANKS AND LOVE in the universe to my Wonder Twin JRDurham and DazzledByRobSpaRKlyHands, for the inspiration, material, and the most HILARIOUS drive to the airport I will ever have. Also a huge shout out the KMah88 and her mad"red pen" skills. Any mistakes made I probably snuck in after she fixed me, so blame me. I can't tell you how much I love the color coding!

I don't own Twilight only my own box of chocolates. Enjoy

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

Ch1

"So, Jasper is bringing his cousin Edward with him tonight, Alice said as she slid next to the other girls at the table.

"Wait...Edward...Ed...OMG! Male model, green eyed-god Edward?" Bella said excitedly.

"The one and only." Alice smirked.

"I didn't know Jasper had a male model for a cousin. Is he single?" Jessica asked.

"Oh no, back the fuck off Tinker Twat. The boy is mine. My vagina called dibs a year ago. Besides, you have Magic Mike, Bella said to her, trying to keep a straight face.

Jessica snorted. "If by magic, you mean is able to make my sex drive disappear, then yes, he is fucking David Copperfield." The table of women started laughing.

"So, you're saying he's not the next Channing?"

"Oh, Hell no! Oh my God, the other night he decided to show me his Magic Mike moves… He looked like he was having a seizure! I had to close my eyes and think of dead puppies so I wouldn't burst out laughing. It was terrible. Of course, he thought that this seizure/raindance would get me wet, but instead turned my vagina dry like the Sahara."

"Did you fake a headache?" Alice asked before taking a sip of her drink.

"No, I excused myself to the bathroom and watched porn on my phone till I was ready to go."

"Does he at least know how to use it?" Rose asked

"It's sorta hit and miss with him. There was the time he tried to put on a condom, it snapped and flew behind the bed. Usually it's a lot of quick jerky movements and over in like five minutes," Jess said with a sigh.

"Why do you stay with him again?"

"He's a good dad, treats me like a princess, contributes nicely to my pocketbook and when he lets me ride him, the orgasms are pretty sweet."

"Yeah, but don't you just crave good dick?" Bella said, popping a pretzel in her mouth.

"King Dong keeps Virginia stated." She smirked.

All the girls nodded in understanding. King Dong was a glorious thing and whoever came up with it should be put on a stamp.

*A/N

My gift to you- A little bit of laughter with a hint or two... or four of delightful dirtiness.

XOZO

HB