Kuzco's New(est) Groove

Summary: After finally taking a wife, Kuzco gets a child, an heir to his throne, and joins Pacha in fatherhood. But when his baby falls ill, Kuzco must go on a quest to retrieve the materials needed to make a cure. Pacha and Kronk join him, and they run into all sorts of trouble along the way. Will they get back in time to save the baby?

Rating: Let's go with K+, just in case.

Disclaimer: Kronk?

Well, you don't own Kuzco because Kuzco is the emperor and the emperor isn't owned by anyone and since Kuzco is the emperor he can't be owned, and since Kuzco isn't owned that makes him the emperor. That's why you don't own him.

Thank you, Kronk.

No problem.

Chapter 1

Long ago, somewhere deep in the jungle...once again.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, you don't think I do, but I do. Because I was thinking it, too. How many more people need New Groove stories? Come on, people! Pull yourselves together!...But that's not what this is about. It's about me again, hurray! Me, Emperor Kuzco. That's right, I'm still emperor. Yzma can't get her hands on the throne. She would ruin the kingdom again. And that's not cool. I mean, look at her...How long has that gunk been in her eye...? UGH!

Ahem.

Anyway, this story is really important. Because not only is it about me (ha!), it's about me, my beautiful wife, and-wait for it-my BABY! Yeah, that's right. Emperor Kuzco's a daddy now. Weren't expecting that, now were you?

Well, okay. He's not born yet, but he's being born. Listen to that. Hear that horrible screeching? That's my wife giving birth! Isn't it beautiful? I'm sorry, can I just have a minute? Where are my tissues-oh, there they are. Ahem.

As I was saying. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the llamas are...grazing, I guess? I guess now would be a good time to uh, check on my beautiful wife, Malina.

Kuzco burst into the room, throwing the curtains out of his path. "Is it here yet?" he asked, unable to contain his excitement.

His only reply was a pterodactyl-like screech from Malina.

"Almost there, your highness," said one of the midwives. She peered between the empress's legs, soft blanket at the ready. "The baby is crowning. Push!"

Another midwife dabbed the sweat from Malina's forehead. Her face was red and puffy, tears streaming down her cheeks. "AAAH!"

Kuzco suddenly appeared at her side, looking at her with naïve expectance. He shook his fists excitedly. "Come on, Malina, you heard the woman. Push!"

If looks could kill, Kuzco would have been struck dead on the spot.

"One more push, your highness," said the midwife between the legs.

With a mighty lioness roar, Malina pushed once more, and then fell limp to the bed, panting hard. A strangled cry rang throughout the room, and the midwife wrapped up the squirmy, bloody newborn and began to clean it.

"Good job, Malina," Kuzco cried, pouting his lips at her proudly. "Who's a good mommy?"

"Shut it," she hissed, eyes glazed over from her ordeal.

Kuzco left her and went to his child. "Well, how is it? What is it?"

"It's a boy," said the midwife. She held the baby up to show him.

Kuzco recoiled in disgust. "What's wrong with it?" he demanded.

The midwife seemed surprised, and Malina sat up with a fearful expression for her baby.

"It's all..." Kuzco gestured to it vaguely. "Uh, red and hairy and gooey."

"He's supposed to be like that," Malina said. "He's just been born. Now just take him and name him like a good father."

Kuzco shuddered at the thought, but gingerly took the baby in his arms. The midwives stepped into the background respectfully. As he looked down at the little face, the baby with tufts of soft black hair opened his eyes and looked up at his father with deep, intelligent blue eyes. Kuzco's heart melted.

"Iniabi," he said. "Your name is Iniabi."

Malina smiled. "That's a good name."

"Of course it is," Kuzco replied without taking his eyes off of his son. "Anything daddy says is good. Daddy's the emperor, uh huh, that's right."

Iniabi cooed delightfully in Kuzco's arms.

Aw, would you look at that. I'm a daddy now! Ha ha, what did I tell you? He's so beautiful, he'll grow up to be just like me...Ahem.

Sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to make sure you knew that this is my baby. And how beautiful we are. Except Malina, she kind of needs a bath, heheh. Uh, moving on.

"You'll make a great father, Kuzco," Malina said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, I know," Kuzco replied, nodding his head. Iniabi yawned and squirmed in his swaddling. "Aw, look at that," he crooned. "He's tired."

Iniabi smacked his lips quietly, looking sleepily at his father's face. Then he suddenly burst into tears, wailing loudly. Kuzco gave a small shriek of surprise and pushed the baby to his wife. Malina quickly lifted her shirt and pushed the child to her breast, where he immediately quieted and latched onto her nipple.

Kuzco sighed in relief. "Whew. I thought he was dying for a moment."

Thunder and lightning crashed outside the window, and a silhouetted figure appeared in the doorway with a scythe. Kuzco shrieked.

"Ahem," said the reedy-voiced messenger as he stepped into the light. His bored looking bird squawked on its perch on his long wooden staff. "Message for the emperor," he said.

"Oh," Kuzco sighed. "Yes, I'm the emperor, that's me," he said, standing regally.

"One Pacha from the house on top of the hill cordially invites you to dinner tomorrow night," the messenger said.

"Ooh, dinner with Pacha and his family," Kuzco enthused, looking to Malina. "Can we go? Can we? I want to show off my-I mean, our-new baby."

Malina sighed. "I suppose we can. But I want to take a guard with us, and a coach. I'm not walking."

Kuzco grinned at the messenger. "Tell Pacha we accept."

"Yes, your highness," the messenger sighed, turning and trudging back out the way he came.

"Pacha's going to be so jealous!" Kuzco whispered, leaning over Malina's shoulder to look at his son. Malina frowned at him, but then rolled her eyes. Kuzco would be Kuzco.

Okay, I know what you're all thinking again. Oh, that baby is so cute, I'm so jealous but it's Emperor Kuzco's baby and I can't touch him, I'm so sad. Yes, I know. But let's get past all of that because I must tell you something very important.

You know how I told that messenger that I was going to make it to Pacha's dinner tomorrow? Yeah? WELL WAKE UP, PEOPLE! I didn't make it tomorrow, you know why? Because something awful happened! I'd tell you about it, but you probably wouldn't believe me. So watch closely!...Are you watching? Okay.

"Malina?" Kuzco sang as he fabulously entered her bedchambers. "Are you ready to go? We've got a long drive ahead of us today...Malina?"

"Kuzco," she said tiredly, looking at him from her place on the bed. Dark circles hung under her eyes, and she was attended by several maids.

"Hey," Kuzco smiled. "Why aren't you ready to go? Where's Iniabi?"

"Kuzco," she started again, looking morose. "We're not going to make it. Iniabi and I are too sick." She coughed weakly.

Kuzco's face immediately fell. "Wh-What?" he asked. He ran to her side and put a hand on her burning face. "What's wrong, Malina?"

"You should go on," Malina said. "Leave Iniabi and me. We won't make it there."

The emperor's eyes traveled to the midwife across the room when he heard a tiny cry followed by terrible coughing. Iniabi was held in the woman's arms as she tried to get him to suckle at a rag soaked with medicine. She caught his eye and then shook her head sadly as Iniabi squirmed miserably.

"Go to Pacha's, Kuzco," Malina said, patting Kuzco's hand. "Go to him. He'll know what to do."

Kuzco swallowed hard and looked at her, then nodded firmly. With his chin thrust out and fists at his side, he turned and left the palace to Pacha's house on the hill. He needed all the help he could get to save his wife and child.

A/N: Oh no, poor Malina and Iniabi. Does anyone think Kuzco is responsible enough for this fatherhood thing?

The first person POV is obviously Kuzco, in case you didn't catch that. Everything else is third person, mainly focusing on Kuzco, of course.

Thanks for reading, I have not much to say about this yet. Maybe next chapter. :)