Footprints in the Snow
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After an incident in the Kimberley, where child-hunting and implantations still occur, and human-Soul interaction is marked by its violence, is Flame and Alex's relationship over? Follows Four Beginnings.
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AN: Ok so this is actually three stories sort of back to back, because they make really not much sense unless they are read that way. So it's not just one horribly long story! It's ok!
The three stories are Footprints in the sand, Wind in the city, and Tracks in the snow, so I've called the conglomerate Footprints in the Snow. Enough blather.
Footprints in the sand
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Everything in the desert leaves tracks. Even the wind. The desert is full of tracks, telling us about all the animals around us, even when they were long gone, or just hiding around the corner where we can't see them.
Flame has been captured with a human group by Seekers in the Kimberley, where child-hunting and implantations still occur, and human-Soul interaction is marked by its violence. But when rescue comes, she finds everything is not what is hoped for.
**Warnings: strong violence ch 3.**
1.
I had thought I was saved when the humans had attacked the Seeker camp. I thought they were coming to free us. We had been captured whilst out on a hunting trip, helicopters surrounding us out of nowhere, whipping up the sand between the spinifex til we were blinded. As a Soul, I had gotten off lightly, and was allowed my freedom: the others were locked up to be processed. And here in the Kimberley, wild human implantation was still alive and well. I could only be thankful that none of my family had been with me.
And then the Seeker camp had been attacked. I remember them riding bareback through the scrub like braves, appearing out of the dust the vehicles had stirred up on the road. They flooded the camp and vanished again in seconds, like a willy-willy whipping through the bush. But seconds was all it took to search the place, grab me and the others, and be gone before the Seekers could organize a defense. It was beautiful. They had even paint-bombed the cameras.
I could see Alex urging his horse towards me, and I stood still in the swirling dust to make it easier for him to aim. His face was deadly serious, its intensity making a thrill run through my blood. For a crazy second I thought he was going to run me down beneath the sun hardened hooves, but then his hand grabbed my arm and swung me up onto the horse. He spun the horse hard, making our escape, and soon the hooves were thundering across the savannah, carrying us to safety.
Or so I thought. His arm remained viciously tight on my arm, slipping down to my wrist so he didn't have to do twist on the horse's back to hold me on. I thought he was just being careful, making sure he had me. But I wasn't going anywhere, and was stuck to him like glue.
He said nothing throughout the ride back to the caves, but even then I didn't realize anything was amiss, thinking he was worried about pursuit, listening for the thud of the Seeker helicopter swinging down though the sky and herding us away.
But when we got back to the caves he pulled me off the horse and dumped me on the ground, and I began to realize that something was very wrong. I thought he was just angry to have lost me. I didn't realise how right I was.
***
"Where is Flame?" Alex said, his face rigid as he stared me down an inch from mine. I could count the beads of sweat on his face, the depth of fury in his eyes, the stoniness of his jaw. My chin trembled, but I knew by now I had no answer that would satisfy him. I had run out of ways of trying to tell him. Nonetheless I took a breath, half sob and half courage and whispered again.
"I am Flame."
His fist came for me but Blackheath caught it and eased him back.
"You don't want to frighten them too much," he muttered to Alex, "you can lose them…"
Alex twisted out of his grip.
"This is a Seeker. You should see what they got up to on the Fire World," he spat, advancing on me like a bull dog "they can take Hell." He didn't stop til he was right in my face again.
"You hunted those children down and took them for implantation! Flame would never do that!"
"I didn't-"
His fist smacked my face.
"We saw you! We fucking saw you! Stop lying!"
But I hadn't.
I stretched my jaw where he'd hit it, easing out the ache.
"I'm not lying," I muttered, "I am Flame. You're Alex, he's Blackheath. You're, you're also Hawkmoth, Dukh, Prizrak-"
"Stop using her memories! You get out of her head! You hear me? Stay out of her memories!"
What could I say to that? I was already there. I'd lived through them. There was no taking them back.
"Give it a rest for a minute," Blackheath said, pulling Alex away as he twisted round to glare at me.
The heat of the Kimberley sun bounced reflected off the red rock of the canyon walls and filled the space with a glowing ruby light. I remember thinking it beautiful when I first came, but now it just reminded me of blood. I sagged at the base of the rock wall, closing my eyes against the heat, not sure whether I was more relieved or miserable to see them go.
He thought I had been removed and another Soul implanted. Everyone thought that. And no matter what I said or did, I couldn't convince them otherwise. It was unbelievable; he wanted so desperately to find me, and I was right in front of him. Tears of frustration pricked at my eyes. I didn't know what else I could do to convince him. And I was becoming afraid of the lengths he would go to get me back. I wished I could just wake up out of this nightmare and we could go and stay with Bhask like we'd planned.
We were only supposed to be here for a week or two. We'd come to visit the human camps because of the enduring human-Soul conflict here. It was unusual in that implantations still occurred and any non-violent contact between human and Souls was minimal, making everyone unsure how a resolution could be reached. Blackheath had made the connection to get us in, and he and Dorsey had joined us on the visit. Just a few weeks in the savannah, then on to see Bhask and Maddy on the East coast for a month. I hadn't seen him in ages, and couldn't wait to see them and their new place.
But those plans seemed far away now. Now, I wasn't even allowed to see Yash. Now, I was kept in a blind canyon that split out from the cave complex, where they kept injured horses sometimes, when they weren't running free through the long grass, looking for all the world like wild horses never touched by man. I imagined having a little foal to soothe my touch-starved hands on, or a lame nag to keep me company at night. But all I had was a seep of water that filled a corner in the sand; otherwise, the space was bare. Just sand and rock and a twisting sliver of sky where the tortured walls almost met again at the top. I stared at that blue sliver like it was freedom. If only I could see Yash… just for a second…
"Hi," an uncertain voice said, rousing me. Dorsey. I looked at her, half in hope, half in fear that she would be the same as Alex. "I'm Dorsey."
"I know." She didn't believe me either then. And if Dorsey didn't believe me, what hope had I with Alex? But she kept looking at me, her eyes still uncertain, like she hadn't decided yet. It was enough to keep hope flickering within me, despite my promise to myself not to raise them anymore. I was sick of the ache of having them smashed to the ground.
"You have all her memories, then."
"Most of them," I muttered. I didn't have a photographic memory.
"Alex thinks you are pretending to be Flame."
I'm not, I thought, but I knew by now the futility of repeating it. I said nothing.
"Dorse, is Yashie ok?"
"Yashie?" She looked at me indecisively.
"Please just tell me."
"Yeah… she's fine."
"Thank you," I whispered, digging my hand into the sand. I missed her so much.
But then Alex walked in, his fists clenching automatically at the sight of me.
"Dorsey!" His whole body said get away from her! She got up and walked over to him slowly.
"You didn't show her Yashie?" he said quietly, and I pretended I couldn't hear, rolling over and facing the wall.
"No, she's still with Ally. You hit her?"
"She won't talk. Did she tell you what they did with Flame?"
She shook her head "Maybe she doesn't know."
"She never says she doesn't know," he said, his voice weighed with hate.
"Maybe she is Flame," she said quietly, almost a whisper.
"Dorsey…"
"What if she is, Alex? How can you be so sure?" Dorsey persisted despite his irritation.
"Flame never would have taken those children," he said so low I almost missed it, and the next part came out lower, almost reluctantly, "And if she did, I wouldn't want to know her anyway."
My heart shrank and twisted to a strip of leather, and my blood stopped flowing. Even if I did manage to convince him I was me… he didn't want to know me anyway. What was the point?
But I couldn't let myself believe it. Not my Alex. I had to find a way to convince him. And the only way I could think of was to stay here, no matter what he did to me, til he had no other choice but to believe me. He couldn't hold out forever. I would wear him down… but even as I thought this, I felt like the ground was disintegrating around my feet. He wouldn't want to know me anyway…
The shadows deepened in the canyon, and I could see the others gathering together round a fire inside the caves, sharing their evening meal. I wondered if Yashie was in there too. My arms ached to feel her within them. Even just to see her, mashing up her food, her funny beautiful little smile.
I knew I would be given something to eat on my own when everyone else was done. And I knew I would eat it even if I wasn't hungry, to keep my strength up. The only thing I hungered for was for my family to recognize me. Everything else tasted like dust.
***
I dreamt of the children that night. The younger two, their crying silenced, frozen in time by the cold storage process. The elder boy, still struggling as I brought him up to the cold storage tanks, his eyes widening at the sight of his younger siblings through the clear covers, still as museum specimens. But he saw his distress reflected in my eyes, and gave me the smallest nod. I forced him into the third, empty, cold storage tank, closed the lid and activated it. Then I watched in relief as his struggling slowed and then ceased.
A presence in the dark jerked me from sleep. I peered into the blackness, half hoping and half scared it would be Alex.
"It's me. Blackheath. I just want to talk."
"Since when do you want to talk with me," I grumbled, sitting up properly and blinking the sleep and the dream away. But as usual, he didn't speak easily to me, lengthy pauses punctuating his remarks as if he were always thinking twice about talking at all.
"Alex is driving himself mental over this. You keep this up much longer and he's going to crack."
"He' already past it. He's already cracked," I mumbled unhappily.
"No, he's not. He's really angry, but he's holding on. You don't want to be there when he cracks. I don't want t be there when he cracks."
His voice was deadly serious. I couldn't understand why Blackheath was telling me this.
"Are you trying to scare me?"
I heard him breathe out sharply in frustration.
"Flame wouldn't want him to go through this."
I shook my head silently. I didn't. Of course I didn't.
"I can't do anything about it. He's the one driving himself mental. I can't make him believe me."
He was silent for a moment, and I wondered if he had crept silently away, or whether he watched me a few inches from my face. It was so dark there was no way to know.
"You're in a pretty pickle aren't you, whether you're her or not," he said, thoughtfulness creeping into his voice.
"You don't really care, do you," I said coldly.
"Well, you are a Soul. But it matters to Dorsey. And it matters to Alex. So it has to matter to me too." I was surprised by the vehemence in his tone, but I knew how much he loved Dorsey. He would do anything to prevent her getting hurt. Even put up with me.
A distant noise grew slowly louder, and we both stilled, straining to place it. Helicopters. The Seekers would be out searching for camp smoke, firelight. They would find nothing here.
"You told me once to implant myself in Alex," I said softly, testing the waters.
"Yeah…" he said guardedly. He didn't like to admit he had supported the implantation of a human. His secret was safe with me.
"If we did it again," I whispered, "he would know it was me."
I could feel him pulling away in repugnance, the night air cooler following his backdraught.
"I wouldn't suggest that if I were you," he said, and I was again surprised by him. He kept his tone almost civil, "That's not going to go down real well. Besides which, the attacks have run us out of Heal."
"Oh." I lay back down and stared at the two stars that squeezed through my sliver of sky. Well that was that then. I was all out of ideas. It was up to Alex now.