Authors note : Been a bit stuck recently on my previous story- which really sucks! Plus starting college and having a mountain of work. But I had this idea in my head for awhile so I hope you like it! Feel free to review, makes the heart happy! And of course, I don't own anything. Sadly!
Good with words
She was never good with words she thought bitterly thinking back to the tour where the one time she spoke from the heart and meant every word she was saying meant the death of the old man from district eleven. She wasn't even good when she was reading from the cards Effie had given her, her voice resounding loudly yet stumbling with no real affliction. She wasn't even good when she was the Mockingjay; standing beautifully made up trying to rally a rebel into action. Not when watched by thousands with Peeta in the arena.
Peeta however was always good with his words, knew how to speak confidently and loudly, make a person feel comfortable, joke without insulting. It came easy to him, like firing a bow was easy for her.
Peeta. She thought with a small smile, she wondered what he was doing right now. Effie had left over an hour ago to go to his house which was directly across from her own to check up on him, muttering about scowling faces on a beautiful day- which left Haymitch and Katniss sat side by side on the small love seat, their faces set in similar scowls. His scowl was from lack of booze, Katniss' however was from nerves.
"Listen Sweetheart, how about I crack open a bottle. It is a celebration after all." Haymitch muttered assessing the young girl, no woman now he thought, sitting beside him. Much had changed besides the constant scowl he saw on her face. She looked healthier he noted, was beginning to fill out her body which was hard for someone who had been through as much as she had. The scars that covered most of her body were mostly covered by what she wore, but she had already long ago come to terms to her ravished body. Her hair which was once long was now only just beginning to grow past her shoulders after the explosion had taken most of its length- he realised she never really cared about something so fickle as her appearance.
After the silence lengthened, knowing he wouldn't get an answer out of her- she was somewhere else in the deep recess of her mind, he gently leant toward her and held onto her hand, watched as she turned her attention to his old ragged face with eyes as wide as saucers and full of such fear.
"You going to be the brave and fearless Mockingjay or will you take flight, sweetheart?" He didn't meant to be so callous, just knew that sometimes she needed tough love. However he wasn't expecting her dark grey eyes to fill with tears and for her to run from the room quickly and out of the house, the door slamming shut echoing throughout the otherwise silent house.
"Well damn." He muttered shaking his head, needing a drink more than ever.
She always seemed to be running. She was very good at that.
Damn Haymitch she thought bitterly pacing towards the meadow. The grass had begun to slowly grow back over the years, even flowers and pretty weeds had bloomed. She realised that her fleeing was one of the first times in a long while that she had returned to the meadow, it held too many memories otherwise. Right now, it seemed to be the perfect place.
Katniss sat at the large stone, and thought of how she and Gale would sit together before quickly dismissing the thought, she wasn't hear to think about him.
She glanced to the sky, estimating from the sun that she had at least another hour or two, Effie would surely be pitching a fit when she found out that she wasn't waiting patiently with Haymitch anymore.
When times got bad, and her mind threatened to take her into a relapse, she would think about the things that made her happy, things that she should be thankful for. It was a hard game to play and more often than not it didn't work. But all she would have to do was look to Peeta, he was always there for her, patient and understanding. Peeta's words and arms would coax her back into the world of the living.
She calmed her breathing and closed her eyes. Not even knowing why Haymitch had affected her so. She should be happy but it was hard, today held many reminders that were too painful to even think about for long periods of time and what was worse was the fact that she couldn't even go to Peeta, who would be the only person that would know what to say, would know how to calm her.
She thrummed her fingers against the cool stone, focusing her mind on the ways that Dr. Aurelius had told her to. Focused on what was upsetting her and why, and worked her way forward to make herself feel better.
Today was upsetting her, she still had times where she felt she didn't deserve happiness, when the long list of lives that she had taken selfishly would reappear in her mind. She reminded herself why those lives had been taken, reminded herself that she had to do what she had done, that she was forced to. It didn't help, the guilt still ate at her, but it became bearable. She controlled her breathing some more.
Katniss realised that she was scared. Today meant a lot of change in her life, she was scared that she wouldn't and couldn't live up to the expectations that were placed on her. She couldn't hurt Peeta again, and the thought that she could, made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest.
She thought of all the people that should be here, Peeta's family, her own; her father and little Prim, her mother. Gale.
She closed her eyes tightly, letting only a few tears slip.
"There you are!" Effie called out in clear relief, rushing as fast as she could manage in her heels, probably preparing to scold her for leaving the house. She stopped short at seeing the tears.
"Oh, Katniss." She murmured, collecting the young woman into her sturdy arms and rocking her gently, patting at her back. "Dear sweet girl." She murmured over the growing sobs.
"I can't do this!" Katniss wailed in a panic, clutching at the older woman more desperately.
"Of course you can, you love him don't you?" Effie asked gently as Katniss nodded her head. "Then you can."
"I don't deserve to. Prim, little Rue- they deserved to. Not me." At this Effie grabbed onto Katniss' arms and pulled away, staring intently into her watering eyes.
"Do you remember what I told you before you went into the quarter quell?" She asked over the desperate hysterics even giving Katniss a shake. "Do you?!"
"Yes, yes I remember." Katniss hiccupped.
"I said, that my little pearls deserved so much better." She continued. "Don't let Snow takes this from you."
Katniss sobs quietened to whimpers as she looked beseechingly to Effie's face.
"Do you remember when you were being interviewed and Cinna dressed you in that beautiful dress? I said that you would have made a beautiful bride and I was correct."
The tears miraculously stopped as Effie dabbed at Katniss' face with the softest piece of material and smoothed back her wind strewn hair.
"It's nearly time, let's take you back and get your face washed." Effie said gently putting an arm around Katniss' shoulder and leading her back to the small house.
Once they arrived, Haymitch was no where in sight probably with Peeta, Effie had assured.
Effie led the way to the spacious bathroom, and gently washed the tears from her Victors face, wondering how it was possible that a girl from District twelve, with a fire burned body could be so beautiful, dangerous and yet so vulnerable.
Once Katniss' face was washed, Effie began on her hair, gently twisting and coaxing the strands into a simple yet pretty style. All the while Katniss closed her eyes and thought of her mother who used to play with her hair which felt like a life time ago.
"And you're done!" Effie said affectionately, watching as Katniss' eyes fluttered open widening at her pretty appearance.
"I look like me." She whispered, so used to being made up into a whole different version of herself. She gently touched her face, turning it this way and that. "Thank you Effie."
"You're most welcome darling. Stand up, let me look at you." She ushered her Victor to her feet and spun her around slowly, a gasp escaping her lips at the sight of the young woman before her. "Oh if Cinna could see you now. You are stunning." She murmured, her own throat closing with emotion. Clad only in a simple yet elegant tight gown that was the softest colour of orange, it shimmered as she walked and gave the illusion of candle light flame.
"Thank you." Katniss said softly, taking the woman into her arms and hugging her tightly. "Thank you for everything."
Katniss sat at the kitchen table with Effie by her side calming her ragged breathing because the nerves were getting the better of her. Effie decided now was as a good enough time to fill out all of the necessary forms before they had to leave the house and go to the new one that was assigned to them. She signs her name, her new one with a shaky hand and lets out a breath of held air. This was real, it was happening. She was to be married to Peeta.
She remembered when he had asked her, so casually as they drew in the book that her father had passed down. Asked her as if he was asking her if she wanted a cheese bun or a cup of hot chocolate.
It had thrown her, she stopped breathing for a full minute, it was only when she saw the worried look on his face that she began breathing and nodding her head. She couldn't live with herself seeing that look on his face. Loving Peeta was terrifying even now with everything done and over with, she couldn't get over the deep settled root of fear. So she agreed. Now they were here, Effie had come immediately to help her organise everything even though they both had said they wanted it simple and intimate, no one outside of them to be there. Just toast the bread and eat the cake. Done.
As they were leaving the house, Katniss turned and looked over what was once her families home, even if it was for a short while. In that house, they knew comfort; as much comfort you could have from District twelve and she couldn't hate the capitol house for that, it kept her mother and sister safe.
She turned to the wild Primrose that thrived in the garden and remembered Peeta's words of having to plant more once they were settled in the new house. She was surprised at seeing Effie turn to them with tears in her own eyes. "May I?" She asked in a quivering voice and all Katniss could do was nod her head numbly. She watched as the older woman bent at the knees and delicately picked at the flowers until she had a handful, she then stood up, took a deep breath and turned to her Victor.
They continued on their way to the small new house where they would be toasting the bread, it was only a house down from her original one so the walk was brief.
Katniss took a deep breath at the door, smelling the primrose that Effie had placed intricately into her hair and let a small smile grace her lips.
Effie walked into the house first and let out a small whimper. Katniss squeezed her hands and followed after her, closing the door behind her.
The layout of the house was exact to the other houses so she knew where to turn, she smelt the bread in the air, the bread Peeta had baked himself and walked into the living room, knowing that was where the large fire place was stationed.
She froze at the door, her eyes finding his immediately. He stood at the fireplace, tall, strong, healthy and alive.
"Katniss." He murmured through a closing throat, his own blue eyes sparkling.
She was so transfixed on Peeta, as she always was. She eyed him from head to toe, always assessing him and always coming back with a feeling of utter content. He was alive, and healthy. He wasn't whole, not yet at least but neither was she. They could live with that though it wasn't easy. Some days it was the most difficult thing but they always managed to find there way back to each other.
She was so transfixed that she seemed to miss the other occupants of the room.
"Katniss." She jumped at hearing her name called in the breathless way she was so used to, and turned toward the sound with widened eyes.
"Mama." She whimpered her hand flying to her mouth to quieten the hiccupping sob that was trying to escape her closing throat, she hadn't called her mother that in a very long time, and the effect wasn't lost on either of them.
"My baby." Her mother gasped, her blue eyes the same that Prim had inherited stared at her, shedding tears at an impossible rate. In that moment Katniss knew what it must have been like for her mother, to always stare at her oldest daughter that had inherited so much from her lost husband and to be reminded day in and day out of her loss. For when she looked at her mother, all she saw was Prim.
The grief and shock was heavy and if it hadn't of been for mothers fast movements and strong grip she was sure she would have collapsed onto the floor underneath it all but instead she found herself in her mothers arms and welcomed the solid strength.
"Mama." She clung to her mother like her life had depended on it, not realising just how much she needed her physically. The phone calls evidently not enough. "You're here. What are you doing here?" She managed to ask once her breathing had settled to a normal rate pulling back slightly to look to her mother.
"I wasn't going to miss your wedding." She said with a shake of her head, holding her daughters face in her hands and looking her over. "I would walk through hell and back for you Katniss."
Katniss closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of her mother, and smiled. She had done exactly that for her. Katniss knew better than anyone the pain of coming back to twelve. Not only did her mother lose her father, but she also lost her daughter. Twelve held too many painful memories and yet she had come back for her.
"Thank you." She murmured as her mother tusked and kissed her cheek, before wiping at her eyes gently and smoothing her hair.
"You look so beautiful." Her mother murmured before letting her go and wiping at her own face.
Katniss smiled before turning her attention to Haymitch who stood close to Effie, caressing her cheek affectionately when he thought no one was looking, and then landing on Sae who sat on the love seat close to Peeta, her young daughter at her side. She noticed then, the soft glow of candlelight, and the wild flowers that decorated every empty space they could find. Her eyes once again finding Peeta's, he was dressed in black slacks, a white shirt with a black waste coat and she wondered idly where he had gotten it from.
"Did you do all this?" She asked Peeta gently, taking small steps to where he stood at the fireplace watching as he shrugged his shoulder noncommittally a smile gracing his handsome face. "Thank you." She whispered, softly touching his cheek.
"I'd do anything for you Katniss." He murmured before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.
"Are you ready?" He asked her, his voice not masking just how very nervous he was and in that moment she realised just how confident she was. "Yes."
Haymitch brought the fresh bread Peeta had made from the kitchen and placed it in both Peeta's and Katniss' hands, giving both their shoulders a squeeze after and taking his place back to Effie's side.
No words where needed, so instead everyone watched as the bread that was held between them was placed on top of the open fire and toasted lightly. They pulled it away gently and placed it onto the table that was set beside them the smell of bread lingering heavily in the air. Peeta pulled Katniss to him and kissed her with the gentlest pressure she had ever felt.
"I love you." He murmured against her lips as she said it back, holding him to her tightly.
"I have a gift for you both!" Effie said quickly, pulling out a small box from the little bag she had kept all day at her side. Katniss and Peeta disentangled themselves from one and another and watched Effie curiously. "I want you both to have these."
Effie handed the box to Peeta and watched with swimming eyes as he opened the box with a gasp.
"Effie, this is too much." He managed to say gruffly, his voice thick with emotion.
"Nonsense!" She brushed it off with a flick of her wrist and a watery smile.
Katniss gasped when she saw what was in the small box, two simple gold bands lay inside. District twelve was still in the middle of rebuilding and even now after the war, no one saw or even thought of the point of opening a jewellers. Wedding rings weren't something people sought out for or could afford.
"Oh Effie, thank you." Katniss murmured with a voice thick with emotion watching as Peeta with shaky hands took out the smaller ring and placed it gently onto her ring finger.
"Now you put it on Peeta, Katniss!" Effie said with barely contained excitement so Katniss did just that.
Katniss and Peeta kissed again and everyone clapped and applauded, Haymitch wolf whistling loudly, making the pair blush. Katniss' mother got to her feet as everyone hugged one and another and closely examined the simple gold ring on her daughter's finger before turning to Effie and wrapping her in her arms and kissing her cheek. Thanking her quietly.
"I think its time for the cake." Sae said with a wide grin as her daughter clapped happily.
The small party crowded into the kitchen, circling the most beautiful cake Katniss had ever seen. It was simple and elegant and absolutely delicious looking. She smiled as everyone complimented Peeta on the cake, watching as his cheeks grew red with the attention.
Haymitch handed them a small knife and together they held it in their clasped hands, readying to cut the cake together.
"Wait." Katniss said before the knife landed on its mark.
"I just, I just wanted to say." She hesitated, seeing all eyes on her. She took a deep breathe, these people were her family. "I just wanted to say, that if it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't. You and Effie." Katniss said looking to her mentor and escort. "You both kept me and Peeta alive, and for that I will always be in your debt. Sae, you stayed with me when no one else could, you fed me and looked after me and without your constant care I wouldn't have made it those few months before Peeta returned." At this she saw her mother look down in shame, obviously remembering the times she hadn't been there for her oldest daughter. "Mama. I'm so sorry, because I understand now. I understand that you were drowning in your depression, and I didn't understand." Her eyes swam from the visions of Prim but took a deep breathe and willed herself to carry on. "I love you Peeta." She said turning her attention to her newly husband, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. "Real. Always real." She watched as he took a deep shuddering breathe and heavily rested his forehead onto her own.
"Real." He murmured a smile so wide gracing his lips for once rendered speechless.
xoxoxo