AN - Hi, everyone! It's been forever since I've written an actual fanfic. I mean, been writing these pointless drabbles that no one reads, but those don't count! I'd really love some comments and/or suggestions/requests. I believe in improvement, so if I'm doing something that aggravates you as a reader, please tell me! Also, there's nothing more I hate than spelling/grammar mistakes. If you spot one, don't hesitate!
A year's time had passed since the fateful day when the wizard lost his king. Merlin had thought of nothing else since and Arthur was permanently etched into his mind. Those last moments of him, he would never cease to remember.
Merlin half-carried, half-dragged Arthur along the rugged path. They were both panting but the young wizard wasn't one to give up. They finally made it to the clearing before Avalon and stopped to rest. Arthur collapsed in Merlin's arms and he eased the king down onto the grass. "Merlin," Arthur spoke weakly, "it's too late." He was so broken. His forehead dotted with beads of perspiration, his face flushed and heated. Arthur was the very face of Death, though he was still alive. Barely. Merlin's fingers delicately brushed back Arthur's sweaty hair, then danced down his jawline where his hands rested on the king's chainmail.
"All your magic, Merlin, and you can't save my life." he whispered through gritted teeth. "Shh... try not to speak. I'm not going to lose you, Arthur." Merlin put his arms under Arthur's and gently tugged him into a more comfortable position. The king groaned anyway, obviously in great pain. "Just... just hold me. Please."
Merlin felt tears sting his eyes but he angrily blinked them away. This wasn't happening. Not now. He rested his chin against Arthur's armour, welcoming the cold chill it brought him. The king's shaky voice brought him back to attention. "There's... there's some... something I want to say." Arthur said hoarsely, so quietly in fact, that Merlin had to lean closer to hear him. The tip of Arthur's nose brushed Merlin's cheek. "No, Arthur. You're not... You're not going to say goodbye." The wizard truly didn't think his heart could take it. However, Arthur weakly shook his head. "No... no... Merlin." He could barely speak his servant's name properly; Merlin's throat closed up tightly and he found that he could not breathe. Arthur's blue eyes were the only things shining about him. The rest of his body was tired and shattered. Merlin stared into his eyes, not ever wanting to break the glance.
"Everything you've done... I know now..." Arthur gasped, taking in a tremulous breath. "For me," his voice cracked, "for Camelot... for the kingdom you helped me build." Merlin couldn't take it. "You'd have done it without me." he argued senselessly, earning a faint chuckle and a smile from his king. Oh, how Merlin loved that smile.
Arthur cried out in pain, making Merlin anxiously shift positions, cradling Arthur's head in his lap. "I want to say something I've never... said to you before." The rise and fall of his chest was uneven and Merlin bit his lip. Arthur moaned softly before trying to speak again. "Th-thank you." Arthur murmured softly, turning his head to see Merlin more clearly.
Merlin's eyes watered terribly. He desperately blinked, trying to bring Arthur's eyes and cheekbones into focus. Arthur shakily raised his hand to Merlin's shoulder and let it stay there. He managed to give his friend one last smile before his eyes closed.
"Arthur. Hey. No. Arthur!" Merlin said loudly, placing his hand on Arthur's neck. Sparkling eyes greeted Merlin's as Arthur dizzily swam to consciousness. "Stay with me." Merlin ordered quietly. Arthur struggled until finally, his bright eyes disappeared behind his eyelids for the last time.
"Arthur!" Merlin persisted, breath catching in little gasps. His fingers moved of their own accord, underneath Arthur's jaw line, searching for a pulse, a sign that somehow, his best mate was still alive. "Arthur!" Merlin yelled, crying out. He pulled his friend closer to him. Sobs racking his body, he called for the dragon. The warlock placed his forehead on Arthur's and waited, tears streaming down his face.
After Kilgharrah arrived, Merlin could feel nothing. He was numb to the world. "There is nothing you can do." the dragon told him softly. With watery eyes, Merlin glanced up at him.
"Merlin!" Gaius shouted, throwing open the young man's bedroom door. "I've been calling you for ages!"
The young wizard blinked, suddenly aware of his setting. "Gaius? What're you..." he mumbled, sitting up from his bed and rubbing the back of his head. "The sun's already disappearing from the sky. You've slept the day away, again. This really is unhealthy, Merlin."
Merlin groggily stood up, swaying. Gaius hardly caught him in time. "Careful... slow down." he advised, helping him into a chair.
Since Arthur's death, Merlin had been a complete wreck. Gaius had expected the sadness to control his life for a period of time, but never did he think the grief would be plaguing him for this long. The warlock's hair had grown quite shaggy and nearly covered his eyes; it was long too, down past Merlin's ears. He seemed paler than usual, his face whiter than some of the tonics Gaius owned. All white, except for the dark shadows under his eyes, despite Merlin sleeping most the day. Most worrisome of all, the wizard had lost a lot of weight. His normally fitting clothes seemed to hang off him, baggy. Gaius was at a loss for words at first, but now he decided it was time to bring it up.
"Merlin," he started carefully, "we need to talk about something." The young man nodded, elbows resting on the kitchen table. After an uncomfortable silence, Gaius tried again. "I want you to start taking a draft I've made up for you. It will help with your... mood."
He carefully placed a glass of deep purple liquid in front of him. "You'll be taking it twice, once in the morning and once in the evening."
Merlin nodded numbly and drank the tonic. Gaius reached out and rubbed the wizard's arm comfortingly. "There you go, it'll be alright."
Before Merlin knew it, the sky had changed from a soft orange to a dark midnight black. He looked out the window, not sure what he expected to see. Not to his surprise, there were no stars shining.