Author note: This is my very first story so I am really sorry if it's bad but please be nice and if you like I may continue :)
Just one more … one more cut and all the pain will go away. How did I let it get this far. The razor so close to making a new mark on my skin, I was ready to go numb once again, she heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Clare" I didn't answer the tall lumberjack boy, who I knew was on the other side of the door so he knocked again and said "Clare it's almost time for school and I really need to get ready so can you please get your ass out of there" he has a whine tone to his voice. I looked down at my arm, at the bloody mess I had just made all by myself, and I start to wipe away all the red, I quickly put a Band-Aid on it and change my shirt. I can't let them see it the scars, I can't let them know my secret, and it would make them all hate me.
I open the door to see Jake standing looking worried but all I said was "sorry" and rush out of the bathroom and into my room; he was too much in a rush to really care what was going on with his step sister right now. I had to make sure that no one saw anything I didn't need my mom,Glenn,jake and I certainly didn't need Eli founding out about this, it would crush him and they I would have to tell him what happened.
Once I was ready I walked down to the living room that once brought me so much joy and happiness just now brings me pain and sadness. I started to walk toward the door, I didn't want to wait for Jake, plus I could use the exercise. "Clare, honey aren't you go to eat something? "She turns to see her mom sitting at the kitchen table with coffee in her hands, she's smiling but I can also see the Worry in her eyes as while. "Plus, I would really like to talk to you." Oh god she knows she going to tell me how she hates me, she's going to make me move out. "Are you and Eli having sex?" my mother blurts out bringing me out of my thoughts, I stand freeze in my spot. "What?" I look at her as if she lost her mind." Are you and Eli having sex?" she asks again, and since I don't answer so she goes on. "I mean you stop wearing your ring" oh so she notices that but she doesn't notice anything else, and I didn't really feel like explaining it to her why I stopped wearing that absurd ring, so I look down at my hands and lie. "I gave it to Eli, so one day he will know I will want to sleep with him, because I love him." The last part isn't a lie. I don't wait for an answer I just walk out, I know she's calling me name but I keep walking I will spill everything and it will ruin everything.
As I walk I see degrassi getting closer and closer, I start to wonder how I got so messed up before this happened I had a happy life, I had a good relationship with my mother, I got along with my step-father and step-brother, I had the best friends any girl could ask for, and I had an incredible boyfriend. Now I feel like if I tell them the truth that they will hate me. I don't want them to see what I have done to myself. As I get closer I see figure sitting on the steps, Once he looks up and see me he smiles, a real smile not one of his usually smirks. "Well hello, I've been waiting for my gorgeous girlfriend" he smiles, and I feel the butterflies in my stomach when he says that but I also feel guilt, because if he knew happened that night, if he saw the scars he wouldn't love me anymore, I feel selfish but I try to fake a smile and he sees right through it, and I know from the look on his face he wants to know what's wrong because this has been going on for months now. "Clare" he says softly, he grabs my hands gently, and holds them in both of his. I know I need to tell him but I'm so scared he will leave me. "Clare" he says it again softly but this time I can hear the anxiety in his voice. "Clare can you please tell me what's wrong" he says and I can hear how desperate he is to find out what's wrong, he looks at me with his pleading emerald. "I need to know, because you're the love of my life" he says honestly and I can see his eyes start watery "I need to know that I'm not going to lose you, so I need you tell me what happen, after you saw Liam that night, because ever since that night you've become a different person" I look at his big green, I need to tell him. I need to tell him now because he looks so broken. So I pull him down to the steps of degrassi, and I breathe in and say the words that have haunted me for the last 3 month "He raped me" I say in a whisper, but from the look on Eli face I know he heard me, he looks like a seen a ghost. "and I completely understand if you find me gross and disgusting, you can leave I completely understand" I just start playing with my hands all I keep thinking about is that I need to get the bathroom I need to cut. I just need this pain to go away, but when I try to stand up Eli pulls me down and into his arms and in the first time in months I cry, he rubs my back and whisper in my ear "I'm not going anywhere." And he tilts my head so that blue is looking into green "I Love you" he says , I believe him and soon his kisses make me forget everything… he knows but he doesn't know what I've done.