Mou Ichido: One More Time
Anime: Code Geass
By: Ryu-Takehshi
Love was definitely not a new concept to the immortal woman known as C.C., who had been surrounded by it (or something similar) for most of her days growing up. The geass she had been given made everyone around instantly adore her and, she admitted, it was nice at first.
Geass, a power that stems from one's personality and morals, somehow found its way to the small orphan girl she once was; and manifested based on her experience of being hated.
Bu she soon realized that "like", "hate", and "true love" were all very separate concepts, which were too easily confused with each other.
She was out-casted by the villagers before her geass, which, she concluded, was possibly not true hate; when the nun had given her the geass and became the only person C.C. trusted, the green haired girl assumed this to be a true liking to someone; and when she was adored by everyone around, her younger self though it to be true love.
But when she was betrayed by the sole person she trusted – the nun – all of her previous conclusions left in an instant. She lost faith in love, trust, and liking; and all that was left was hatred and immortal sadness.
Immortal…
After her code was set, her destiny shifted into immortal despair: leaving her to forever search for someone to fulfill her final wish and set her free.
A notable contractor was a boy named Renya, whom she met in Japan's feudal era; though the contract didn't work out exactly as she thought it would. Another was named Mao, in China, whom C.C. did love to the extent a mother or sister loves their child or brother respectively.
But then, she came across "him": a physically-inept boy with familiar black hair and deep purple eyes.
At first, she hadn't given him much thought at all – just another kid who, in a couple of decades, would become nothing but a faded memory in C.C.'s immortal mind.
What else was new?
She had tried so many times that giving up had suddenly become a very valid possibility. Should she just give in to her soul's immortal death and move on; or watch time pass by, millennium after millennium?
It seemed the boy begged to differ.
C.C. saw something strange in him, something she couldn't quite place, and every time she convinced herself that she shouldn't care, the boy changed her perspective by doing something completely out there – like being sent to Japan by his father, or walking miles and miles with his younger sister and best friend.
Yes, despite his obvious lack of physical ability, the boy never ceased to amaze C.C. It intrigued her so much that, one could say, watching his life pan out was her favourite drama.
Years went by and C.C. traveled on, keeping the strange boy in her memory. But she knew better: it wasn't a good idea to get so attached to anything, not for someone like her anyway.
It wasn't until seven years after that he suddenly appeared to her again.
Was it fated that she and he would meet once more?
C.C. had to admit, he had grown into quite the handsome young man – whereas, when he was younger, she often laughed at how feminine his looks were.
But, this was by no means love, she told herself. It was purely interest; yes, interest coupled with eternal boredom.
Perhaps she would humour one more mortal's attempt at granting her wish. She knew, after all, that if this boy was involved, it would be anything but boring.
As obvious as possible, he didn't trust her at first: only telling her select things about his plans and continuing on with his own agenda. He kept her confined to his room and forced her to assert her own importance by offering very limited and cryptic information; all while entertaining herself by annoying him, sending him through mental anguish, at any chance possible.
She loved to annoy him, but she didn't love him; no, not at all.
She assumed that, back then, he only kept her around for information's sake – since, of course, she was the only one around who could understand what he was going through. That was fine for her, actually, because back then, she was only keeping him around until he fulfilled her wish.
And her wish was…? She would more than often answer "to die", which was her most initial thought when she first received the code. Who wouldn't want to die after having a taste of immortality? It seemed like the only rational thought. But, straying off topic…
She had seemingly forgotten of the boy's uncanny ability of proving her wrong; and was reminded, albeit very painfully, of this important fact.
When Mao returned with a vengeance (if one could call it that), C.C. felt it safe to say that her and the boy's bond grew at least a little stronger.
She realized as he carried her out of the amusement park ("bridal-style" of all ways) though he tried very hard to hide it, the boy was slowly growing fonder of her and, just maybe, was starting to trust her.
Mortals were so silly, she thought as they shook hands and reinstated their contract; trusting so easily was just plain idiotic.
But the two agreed that night; agreed that the boy would do anything in his power to fulfill her wish and vice-versa.
She didn't want to admit then… but, she was coming to trust him more and more as well.
Their bond grew even more when the boy learned her true name. So many things had happened that day; it took C.C. a long while to process everything.
Firstly, she had saved him – but it was debatable that she only did so for the sake of preserving their contract.
Then, he saved her – which was also debatable since she was his sole contact for information.
Things sort of changed when he thanked her. It was the first time any word of gratitude was directed to her, and it caused tears to well up in her eyes.
She saw a side of the boy that she didn't think existed to anyone, save his sweet little sister. But, at the same time, it was a side she would be seeing more often from then on.
Who knew the boy was capable of being nice, without it being an act?
The biggest shock, however, was when he discretely complimented her, in front of Kallen, no less.
"I don't know why snow is the colour white, but I do know that I find white snow very beautiful."
Thinking back on it, maybe that was the moment she began to fall in love with the boy.
But, it could've really happened at any time. After those instances, more and more kept coming until C.C. became, not just his sole informant, but the only person who the boy could turn to – when everyone had deserted him, he went straight to C.C., and no one else.
Although, if the immortal woman had to choose, the moment when she first started to question if she could love again was when the boy became more than just another contractor – when he became the witch's warlock, in C.C.'s opinion, she began to see the boy in a brand a new light.
Maybe it couldn't hurt to give love one more try…
Those were her exact thoughts as her warlock uttered the words that played endlessly in her mind.
"You're not alone. If you're a witch, I'll be your warlock…" It was like he was saying he would never leave her side.
What an idiot, she often thought. There was no way he could stay with her, no matter how much either wished it.
She laughed at the irony sometimes; laughed at the fact that the boy promised to fulfill her wish to die, and yet wants to be there with her forever. Sometimes, when she was alone, when he was at school, she'd laugh so hard that she'd cry… and her tears would gradually become harder, as if a part of her really wished that he could, somehow, be with her forever.
But she knew she couldn't cry over something as trivial as this, and she knew it was stupid for an immortal to get attached to something that wasn't infinite like her. More than that, though, she couldn't because she was the boy's strength and, if he had seen her in tears, he would soon be next – no doubt about it.
Once again, however, the boy proved her wrong. Apparently he now knew her better than she knew herself, and it amazed her to say the least.
He had discovered her true wish, her true geass, and he fulfilled it all in one shot.
C.C.'s true wish was to be loved. It shocked her and sent her emotions conflicting with each other, trying to make way for one that had been locked away for literally thousands of years.
The boy, her warlock… did he love her?
She didn't think anyone would love her anymore, but she forgot that the boy was very good at proving her wrong. She recalled everything that had happened while her memories were gone and, besides being embarrassed for acting that way in front of the warlock, C.C. was somehow comforted, no… downright ecstatic that the boy cared for her that much.
Unfortunately, however, her happiness was short-lived when she saw that she would soon become what she hated. At some time, she would have to do what the nun had done to her.
Betray someone who loved and trusted her, and whom she loved and trusted in return? She wondered if the nun had gone through this exact thought process too; if C.C. really wasn't betrayed, but was, instead, a victim of inner conflict and insanity stemming from having the code.
But she couldn't bring herself to do that to the boy. She would never become like the nun C.C. once trusted, even if it wasn't either of their faults. She didn't want the boy to live eternity alone and questioning love like she had all this time.
Was this love? Was this the feeling of sacrificing one's self for the sake of a special other? C.C.'s epiphany had come after who knows how long, and it was all thanks to the boy.
But she still had to give him the code, didn't she? It was imperative, wasn't it?
And, once again, her warlock proved her wrong. He found a loophole, a trick, a way to compromise and fix just about everything they had originally started.
And now, she is sitting atop a cart of straw and seemingly talking to herself.
Or is she…?
No, she is talking to her warlock, her loophole, the boy she fell in love with the moment she met him.
And the last thing she realizes is:
Though it took many eras, countless contractors, and many, many different lives of one green haired girl, she was more than overjoyed that she tried her hand at love… one more time.
"Right… Lelouch…?"