Before Tobias...
The sound of the keyboard under my fingers always makes me think back to why I am writing. I am writing to warn of the yeerks I know someday they will come and try to kill me and use those I love as slaved so I wrote the series Animorphs to show people how to fight, with help I wrote the Hork-Bajir Chronicles to show how it all began.
The Ellimist and Visser were truth and hope in showing weakness of even the seemingly invincible.
As for the Andalite Chronicles well that much is true, I lived and breathed that and deal with it's evidence everyday. Not that I regret it, yet I live with this sense of foreboding, waiting, watching...
I looked into the living room, my husband was reading. He looked content, at peace for once for we can never relax. As I said they are coming, they will try to find us. His large muscular frame and beautiful eyes were just a scientific illusion, real but not his. It is a pity I can't tell him what I am doing, sometimes he wonders why I ask him things about Andalites and Yeerks, but I haven't told him. To ensure all of this I even took a pen name: K.A. Applegate.
Some would believe, others wouldn't still this was the only way with taking a one-way trip to the nut house. There are times though when I think I will end up there anyway, every night I see that same laughing being that created the time matrix. When I started the last book that same being came to me in my dreams again only this time all he said was 'So be it.' Maybe someday it will happen, and my child that I am hopefully carrying will fight. Who knows? The laughing face, powerful being.
FLASH!
Like a vision crosses in front of my eyes, a car accident with Alan's yellow Mustang.
FLASH!
Maybe I should tell him I think that I'm pregnant? I will tomorrow after my doctor's appointment. If there is a tomorrow, the sense of ending, waiting final collapse is heavier then ever now. Instinct makes me look at my husband again. Seeing my face he get's up and walks toward me as I finished the last of my series and closed the thick binder, my work is done.
He stands behind me and gently rests his hands on my shoulders, then kneels down behind me and rest his head on my shoulder.
I knew he was uncomfortable, but he never complained. Just like he never complained when I was angry, or he was in pain, lonely, sick or cold. Never complaining, just dealing.
"Loren are you okay?" He whispered softly.
I just shook my head, as he turned my desk chair around so I could face him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, breathing deeply his cologne, his scent remembering everything in case... Don't think like that!
"Oh, Elfangor... I am so scared, so scared." I managed between sobs. "I just have this feeling.. a feeling that it's not over, were not done. And the Visser, Earth..."
He pulled away, just far enough to look at my eyes. Just far enough for him to see my fear. I knew there was something I wanted to tell him and needed to and a few minutes ago I was going to, but now I just couldn't remember anymore. It didn't matter now, all that mattered was living. For just a second my reflection was in his eyes, until he blinked and it was gone even though I had not moved nor he.
FLASH!
The face in front of me is not that of Alan Fangor, but of an older Elfangor against a background of stars on a ships bridge. He is looking in my direction almost seeing right thought me.
FLASH!
Tears now falling freely from my face he picks me up and carries me toward our room. I grip his neck tighter, holding on tight, hopefully tight enough that he will never leave. Before he turns into the hallway the picture of us on our wedding day, of us together forever. Another thought plays in my mind how fate is tempted by words like never and forever.
"I love you Elfangor..." I whisper.
"I love you and I won't ever leave by my choice, by my honor I swear this..." He set me down on the bed and I snuggled down beside him. We would have tomorrow, maybe...
He shut out the light.
Later that night...
The book of Loren's writings disappeared, stolen by that same laughing being the Ellimist. It wouldn't be until later after she the accident and her son grew up that she would learn how close to the truth she really was. And the truth about her dear Elfangor, great war-prince and figment of her imagination...