Angel sat on her well-worn couch, feet propped up on the arm, head resting on Collins' leg as he sat reading over a student's paper. Flipping through a month-old magazine she'd found that morning, she stopped at her horoscope. Wrinkling her nose when it told her she'd meet someone who would make her rethink her current relationship, she scoffed, tossing it aside. She'd never taken horoscopes terribly seriously, but the thought that she'd be tempted by someone other than Collins was just silly.
Collins, who was just about to mark a big D+ in red ink on the paper, briefly looked away to glance at his lover. He peered down into her big brown eyes, smiling a little. All the thoughts of poorly written essays and lazy students were cast aside for just a moment. "Hi, there," he said.
"Hi," Angel replied, grinning up at him, "Good papers?" she teased, knowing how he hated grading them.
Collins rolled his eyes. "They're fantastic," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He reached over and gently brushed a strand of dark hair away from Angel's face. As usual, she had completely distracted him from the work he was supposed to be doing.
Smiling up at her lover, Angel took his hand as he brushed it through her hair and laced her fingers with his, just gazing at their joined hands. She adored the way their skin looked together; Collins' so dark against her own. "Do you think we'll be together forever?" she asked after a moment, voice quiet.
It seemed to be a spur-of-the-moment question, and at first, Collins said nothing. 'Forever', he knew, was a powerful word, full of broken promises and wishful thinking...Those thoughts, however, he kept to himself. He'd never been a person who believed in any kind of forever...He was a realist. Things had to end eventually.
But with Angel, it was different. For the first time in his life, he wanted a forever. With her.
"Of course, baby," he promised her, "Of course we will."
Angel played with Collins' fingers as she thought about his answer. She knew that nothing could tear them apart now, but she wanted to know about later. When this disease inside them finally took hold and took one of them away. What happened to forever then? Angel was no fool; she knew she was the weaker of them and that she would be gone before Collins, but what happened then? What would happen to her?
Bringing their joined hands to her lips, Angel kissed Collins' fingers softly. "But what about after I'm gone?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, "What happens to us then?"
Swallowing hard, Collins squeezed Angel's hand a little and whispered, "Ang, don't talk like that..."
But he found himself staring into those eyes again. The soft glow was still there, but her eyebrows were furrowed in determination. She wanted him to answer her.
"Well..." he finally said, "I think we'll always be together. No matter what. No matter where you are, or where I am, you're always in my heart."
Angel was quiet again, lost in thought. She wanted to believe that they'd always be together, that even death couldn't tear them apart, but she wasn't sure. She'd never really thought about what it would be like in heaven; really, she'd only ever learned about it in church as a child, and according to the church, she wouldn't even be able to go there. That troubled her, and she looked up into Collins' eyes again.
"What do you think heaven's like?" she asked him.
The question surprised Collins a little; he hadn't really thought about it much. Like Angel, he was raised on the basis that heaven was a place you went to if you were a decent person in life. Apparently, there were specific requirements as to what was "decent", and Collins certainly didn't fit some of them...But Collins liked to believe it was much more than that.
"I think it's a place where you can be truly happy. Where you can be with the people who make you happy...with nothing standing in your way." He bit his lip thoughtfully. "...And it doesn't matter who you are or where you came from, or what you did in life. It's just you, being accepted for who you are."
Angel looked up at him with wide eyes as he spoke, smiling as his hand drifted through the strands of her wig. She sighed when he finished, feeling a little uncertain.
"Do... do you think I'll get to go there?" she asked, timidly.
Collins sensed the unadulterated worry in her voice, and he hoped his answer would reassure her. "You will," he said, "I know you will. If there's anyone who deserves a place in heaven, it's you, baby."
Angel sighed, fingers twining and untwining with Collins'. "Papá always told me that heaven is for the good people. That sinners don't get to go there," she frowned, memories flooding her mind from the last time she'd seen him. She didn't like to think about it, but now the words came unbidden, and she could hear her father's voice as if he were standing right next to her. "He said I'm a sinner," she said quietly, unable to look at Collins.
Collins gently brought his finger under Angel's chin, bringing her face toward his. Looking into her eyes, he saw the pain of the once distant memories. He could almost feel it himself.
He watched as she nervously sat up, wringing her hands and staring down at the ground and soundlessly pulled her into his arms, kissing her temple gently.
"You're not," he whispered, "and you can't let anyone tell you what's going to happen to you after this life, because they don't know. You and I don't know--Nobody knows, Ang. But it's not for us to decide, and it's not for your dad to decide...Whatever happens is completely out of our control."
Collins sounded so sure, and as Angel looked up at him, she could see that certainty in his eyes. It brought a small smile to her lips, and she took his hand again, this time lacing their fingers together and holding it tightly.
"I always thought," she said softly, voice wistful as she lost herself to her imaginings, "That when I got to heaven, it would be like this. Like home. That I'd have my friends around me, and the man I loved," she paused there, looking up at him again and smiling, "And I'd be able to go to all the places I liked while I was alive, but I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I wouldn't be sick, there wouldn't be anyone there who would make fun of me. Everything would be like it is now, only without any of the hateful things or the scary things." She was quiet for a moment, thumb running over the back of Collins' hands. "Do you think it'll be like that?" she asked him, "You and me, still together, still in love, but not sick. Just...happy."
The insecurity she was feeling broke Collins' heart. He held her even tighter. "It'll be just like that, babygirl. There won't be anything holding us back; just you and me, together. No time limits, or obstacles...it'll be forever, just like that."
Although he hated the thought of losing Angel, he knew just as well as she did that he'd be forced to live on without her eventually. It sickened him even to think about it...but it was nice to have that small glint of hope that they'd find each other again, wherever heaven may be or however long it took to get there.
Angel seemed to sense where Collins' thoughts had gone and she frowned again, fidgeting a little. "Do you think I'll have to wait long?" she asked him. She didn't like the thought of being there without him. What was heaven if the love of her life wasn't there? It was nothing, and it meant nothing without him. But she'd wait for him as long as she needed to.
Collins wasn't sure how to answer. He averted his eyes to the small, dusty window on the other side of the room as the rain pitter-pattered against the frame. There was a brief silence, but it was the kind of quiet that is almost comforting; a gentle pause in between the sad and hushed whispers of the two lovers.
He finally pulled his hand from Angel's grasp, and before she could utter another word, pressed his lips to hers. Closing his eyes, he let the kiss blanket him with warmth. He felt Angel's arms wrap around his neck, and when they parted, he found himself staring once again into those beautiful brown eyes.
"I don't know," he said quietly, "what's going to happen after this moment. Or what'll happen tomorrow, or a month from now. All I know is that I am so completely in love with you..."
A small smile graced Ange's lips now. It seemed to light up the room.
"...And I believe that no matter what tries to bring us apart, we'll always be together, and that will never, ever change."
Angel snuggled close to Collins, comforted by his words and his strong arms around her. She closed her eyes, head resting against his chest.
"And that's all I need," she whispered.
