Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. I'm not that responsible.
-(A)-
"And if you died, I feel like that's on me."
The walls of the building were dull, and the streets were terrifyingly silent except for the soft echoes of the people protesting or demanding answers, solutions, a few blocks away from where he stands. Tony, along with the other members of what was left of the Avengers, had been wanting to give the public help in any way possible.
But even they are still trying to cope with it.
Tony had returned a mere few hours ago, just days after half of all living beings were wiped out of existence. The Earth was in chaos, but they had a plan.
The others that were with them on Titan worked with a plan they had thought up. Strange never said anything about whether it was the right way or not, but he cooperated. When Strange had looked forward into the future, he had talked to Tony the most afterward. There were bits and pieces from those short conversations that Tony had later on realized were hints for a plan to win after the Snap. The plan was set in motion ever since Tony was on a makeshift ship back to Earth and it is still ongoing even as he stood in an empty street, bracing himself to enter the building.
He had to work on the plan, but it might take years before it could even finish. This... This cannot wait that long.
There was a flight of stairs and each step he took echoed in his head until he reached the right floor and everything was muted. The feeling of numbness was something he has grown to be familiar with, but it was always so inconvenient. He blanks out on certain things. He doesn't remember the moment he got the car keys, but he knows it happened. He doesn't remember telling Pepper that he can do this by himself, but he can somehow hear her voice protesting as he shook his head and drove away. He doesn't remember knocking, but a moment passes and the brown door opens.
May is standing there, clutching the door like her life depends on it. Her hair was tied up, but it was messy and parts of it weren't held up anymore. She wore loose clothes, something one would wear when going to sleep, but Tony doubts she's had a decent one in a while. (It takes one to know one.) He sees the redness in her eyes and the trembling of her lips as she quickly scanned behind him and noted that he was alone.
Peter wasn't with him.
He sees the exact moment it registered in her mind. Her hand loses its grip, her shoulders tense, and one single tear falls down her cheek. She turns away and walks to the living room, leaving him to follow at his own pace. Tony would have wanted her to just shout at him from the start, not giving him any space to talk. He wishes that she just slammed the door in his face again and demanded that she never see him again. But things were never that easy.
He walks in as softly as he can, but the floors creak under his shoe. Slowly, he reaches the living room. She sat on the floor, by the table, a glass and a pitcher of water sitting beside her as she reaches for the phone and dials a number. A second later, she hangs up the phone and starts dialing again. This continues to happen several times until Tony understood what was happening.
"He's... He's not gonna answer."
"You don't know that, Tony." She replied quickly, not sparing him a glance as she dialed in a number again. "I've talked to him about this already. He always answered the phone after that." She lets out a frustrated noise then hangs up again. "I cannot believe he's doing this again."
Tony forces his tears down. He had no right to cry in front of her. "May," he said softly, attempting to calm her down, "May, I need you to listen to me."
Her hands were still shaking, but she dialed a number again.
"May." At a sterner tone, May whipped her head up and it's like he's seeing him for the first time.
"Tony," she gasped out. "What kind of host am I, not even bothering to offer you a drink?" She looks around for a second and grabs the glass beside her. "How about water? That sounds nice, doesn't it? I'll get you some water." She puts the glass on the table and picks up the pitcher. She pours the water and it quickly fills up.
May doesn't stop. The water spills out of the glass and onto the table, but her eyes are looking far away, filled with worry. She only comes back to reality when some of the water had dripped from the table down to her lap. She puts the pitcher down with a gasp and pats down the drenched part of her clothes. Tony grabbed a rag he saw by the kitchen counter and sat beside her to dry the table.
"I've become so clumsy." She murmured to him. "It always happens when I worry about him, you know? I just drop things without meaning to or forget what I was doing. But can you blame me?" On that note, she picked up the phone again.
Tony rested his hand on her shoulder, attempting to get her attention once more. "May," he whispered, "please stop this."
She dialed a number.
"May, he's gone."
The phone rang for a few seconds in the silence between them. No one answered.
"He is not gone, Tony." She whispered in disbelief. "How can you say that?" Her voice was trembling as she stood up to get away from him, but Tony was quick to stand as well. "How could you say something even remotely close to that? Of all the people, I would have thought you would be out there sending some sort of search party! This is Peter, Tony! MY Peter. I couldn't stop him from doing this Spider-Man nonsense but you told me you'd do everything to make sure he's safe! So tell me where he is! Look for him with your suit! Use all your resources! Goddammit, Tony, do something."
Each word hit him harder than any stick Thanos can pierce through him. But, at the same time, he was numb. This was another promise he couldn't keep, another failure to haunt his dreams. He's gotten so used to those. "May, I saw him," Tony spoke so quietly, and he could not look her in the eye. "He's gone."
"What?" May breathed out. "Like... Like the other people? In the news? Is that what this is?"
He could only nod. Without a word, he took out a container he'd been carrying around for the past week. He's changed it though, it was now a small glass cube - as fragile as him. It had a dark blue color, hiding the contents, and fit perfectly in his pocket. The weight was probably as light as your average apple, but it felt so heavy in his hand as he set it down on the table.
"This was..." Tony cleared his throat, attempting to speak louder. "This was all that I could..." He found that he couldn't bring himself to say more, so he shut his mouth. May stared at the small box sitting beside the forgotten glass of water and they stood in silence for a minute.
"He was with you?"
Tony shut his eyes. "Yes. May, I'm sor-"
"You saw him."
"I'm sorry."
"You told me you'd keep him safe."
"I'm sorry."
"You promised..."
"I'm sorry."
Each apology from Tony grew softer as May's voice became more and more broken. Tony wanted to apologize even more, but he knows that even if he spent the rest of his life kneeling and asking for forgiveness, it will never be worth it.
"I... We have a plan." He tried to look at her, but all of her attention was on the blue box. "There's a plan, and if- if it all goes well... We might be able to-"
"Get out."
Tony stopped. He had expected this and so he walked away. He turned as he passed through the door to face her one more time. "I'll be-"
"No," May spoke in a sure tone. "Get out. I don't want anything to do with you anymore." She walked towards him and placed a hand on the doorknob. "Please... Just don't come back." And she quietly closed the door on his face.
Immediately overcome by the silence and the emptiness of the hallway, the tears he had tried so hard to ignore had fallen. He leaned his head on the door and whispered a last apology, one filled with guilt and great sorrow, before he dragged himself away. He reached his car with a reserved disposition and sped off to the compound where he will be drowning himself in work, as he always does.
He had a plan. And he will make sure it will work, even if it's the last thing he'll do.
End.
-(A)-
a/n_ wow thanks for reading,, hope we're all still dead from iw and im not the only one living off of the incorrect marvel twitter accounts
if you didnt know,, this can be tied w Cursed With Knowledge but you dont need to read it (its just Tony and his thought as he goes back to earth)