So, we all know what Mia was thinking after Michael left for Japan. But what was Michael thinking? The flight to Japan is a long one, what was going through his mind? And what made him decide breaking up with Mia was the best thing for the time being?

Obviously, this can be taken as one-chapter fic, though it could easily turn into a multi-chapter story if it turns out people want to hear more of Michael's thoughts :p

Till next time, hope you enjoy and review, please!

xx, W.

***The Day After***

Michael's on the plane, leaving for Japan, but the mess of the previous night hasn't stayed in New York. What can he do to fix it? Is there anything he even can do?

.

I just don't understand. I just don't understand this, nothing of this. Everything is such a mess and I thought I had it all planned out so perfectly. I would go to Japan, finish the robotic arm, make some money out of it and gain recognition. And most importantly, I wouldn't be viewed as a big nobody anymore; I would be someone who deserves to be with a princess.

I did it for her, for us. I really thought she'd understand. I knew she didn't like it when Us Weekly or some other magazine featured us on the cover, going on and on about how inappropriate it was for a princess to go out with someone like me, a random college student and the fact it wasn't some random community college, but Columbia didn't help one bit. I know she resented her grandmother for not liking me and calling me 'That Boy'. It hurt her and it surely hurt me, a lot, even though I generally try not to think much about what others think since, let's face it, our society certainly isn't as smart as it could be. We never talked about it – honestly, we saw each other so rarely, we preferred to talk about other stuff, not these aspects of her royal status - , but it was there from the moment we started going out, we couldn't deny it.

Maybe our ignorance is what made everything fall apart so violently last night.

The thing is, I have to go. I might not exactly want to go, but I have to if I want to be with her, and being with her is all I want, she is what I want. If I didn't, I wouldn't have started the relationship in the first place. Back in my senior year, when she was a freshman and my little sister's best friend, the news of her being a princess broke out and honestly, it made me think long and hard about the feelings I had for her. I could back out if I wanted to, but she is worth all the trouble. I'd be her prince consort or whatever her husband is called, I'd put up with her grandmother and her eternal hatred for me, I'd learn French because it is the official language of her country, I'd move to Genovia, even if it meant giving up my American citizenship, I'd learn what a prince has to know, I'd do everything to be with her. Waking up next to her for the rest of my life has been worth all the trouble, but when has love ever been enough? All world sees when it looks at me is that I am not royal. I am just some random guy she went to high school with and no matter how much I love her, their opinion would never change. I could either ignore the tabloid bashing and finger pointing or do something about it.

When in Advanced Topics in Control Theory we were given a final task, I guess I could do what everyone else in my class did – make a robot-controlled device, maybe a device to help the blind or the elderly, and get a good grade for it. Technology is something I have been into pretty much my whole life and building a simple robot was something I could do over the weekend for fun. But I decided to do something more. Something way bigger than an A, something revolutionary, something that could potentially not only change people's opinion of me, but the world. If I said I did it for a challenge or for a grade, I would be lying. I did it for her. I needed to prove everyone's doubts – including mine, I guess, even though I like to believe I deserve her merely because I love her – wrong.

And so the idea of a surgical device allowing surgeons to operate on a beating heart was born. Everyone kept telling me it was a long shot, something even the best scientists struggled to build, so how could some random college student do it?

With the prototype I proved them wrong, it is working, it is working so well my professor contacted his colleague all the way in Japan and so I got an opportunity to go to Tsukuba, build the robotic arm and change my future.

And now I am on the plane, going to Tsukuba and I should be ecstatic, finally ensuring the future for Mia and I, but honestly, I have never been more upset, confused, angry and broken in my entire life.

Of course I knew she'd freak out when I'd tell her. Hell, when I got the news, it took me a few days to sink in. Surely it was an amazing opportunity, one I didn't dare to turn down, but it also meant spending at least a year away from my love. Sure I'd have the rest of my life to be with her once the robotic arm was finished, but words are easy and reality is something completely different. Throughout the relationships we have been spending more time apart than together, mainly on account of her having to spend the vacation in Genovia, but a year cannot compare to two months. A year is a long, long time and it definitely took me a few days to accept it. And I am the calm and the rational one. I didn't want to tell her over the phone or in our IM chats – this was something I had to tell her in person, completely aware it might end in her crying. It did, but I really thought that in three days she'd see what a great opportunity this was. Just as I started believing we'd survive it intact, the last night happened … and that's all I can say about it, because I still don't understand what happened. All I know is that the snowflake necklace, the one I had given her for her fifteenth birthday and the one she had never taken off, even if it meant arguing with her grandmother, was now in my pocket.

I guess I should have known something was up when she was so calm and collected on Wednesday night. No more tears, no more worried looks – she was acting completely normal and I probably should have realized it the moment we sneaked away from Lars. I should have known better and when it finally occurred to me while we were having dinner, alone, in a luxurious hotel suite I could never afford, I still believed I'd talk her out of it, as much as it would hurt given how badly I wanted to make love to her. She'd laugh and our last evening together would be completely pleasant.

And then the whole precious gift had to come out of nowhere.

And Judith Gershner came up.

And then everything just exploded and the more I think about it, the less I understand.

Not the Judith part. I'd known Judith since I was twelve and if we weren't competing with each other, we were always working on joined projects, in high school especially in Computer Club. We had been dating on and off during our last two years of high school and, yeah, after Mia started dating Kenny Showalter, our very occasional make out sessions turned into a bit more. Friends with benefits, getting over Mia, messing around or just hormones and sex, call it whatever you want, we were sleeping together for about a month until she met this guy from Trinity and started dating him. My feelings for Mia weren't fading, in fact it felt like they were getting stronger, and just as I was coming to terms that either I'd continue watching her with the Showalter kid or do something about it, I received the anonymous love poem. I didn't think much about it until Lilly told me who it was from the very same evening. Mia. To say I was happy would be understatement of the year, a century, even. The girl I had suddenly fallen in love with after years of knowing, one random day on a school corridor when she did such a random thing as say she liked the article I had posted in the latest issue of Crackhead, liked me back and it felt as if all the stars aligned. Surely I never thought sleeping with Judith Gershner, as meaningless as it was, would come back to haunt me.

I don't feel guilty or ashamed for sleeping with her. It was what felt best at the time and it was entertaining, despite not meaning anything. I guess I should have told Mia about it, though, the moment we first started discussing sex, but honestly, I thought she knew about Judith. I am sure Lilly did, though her glaring at me during that November could have just as easily come from my letting Kenny tell Mia about how he felt about her first.

As much as love her, the problem with our relationship isn't just her royal status – there's also this age difference, me being three years older than her. I've taken this into the consideration from day one and I understood her completely when she first mentioned she wasn't ready to have sex yet. Now, a year later, I know she still isn't ready and I accept it, though it can be frustrating from time to time, but the last thing I want is push her into something she isn't ready for. I will wait, though her idea of our having sex on her prom night annoys me. I know she is the one having to decide when she's ready, but sometimes I feel like she is completely firm on the prom night thing and doesn't even want to consider anything else. The thing is, her graduation is still two years away and, yeah, despite willing to wait I would much rather see her realising a stupid dance is just – a stupid dance and by no means an indicator whether she's ready for sex or not. Yes, she is sixteen and has always been kind of silly and I am absolutely crazy about it, just like about everything else when it comes to her, but I wouldn't mind her growing up a bit. I admit, I thought she'd freak up when I'd tell her about Judith and I guess this knowledge has also contributed to my not telling her – yet. I would, eventually, and her finding out less than a day before my leaving for Japan, on a night already so filled with everything from fear, anger and uncertainty, was certainly the worst time possible.

Her reaction was worse than I had ever dared to think it would be. Surely parts of her speech were fear of the upcoming year talking and understand that. But what I can't wrap my head around is … is that apparently she doesn't want to wait for me. Apparently she wants to date other people.

And that part is what I don't and can't understand.

Truthfully, I hadn't thought of our year apart as a year of our dating other people. I never thought she'd want that. I thought the year would be like those months when she was in Genovia. We'd talk over the phone, email each other, and everything would be alright.

But she is everything I want, so I guess if she wants to go out with other people while I am gone … I might have not expected this from her, but I guess it is not fair to hold it against her. She is, after all, so young and a year is a long, long time.

Though I surely didn't expect her to start making out with random guys the day after she broke it off … well, random guy … the guy is close to the two of the most important women in my life - JP is my little sister's boyfriend and a guy Mia had danced something she apparently called a 'sexy dance' a few months back … I am not saying that something is happening between them, but … how could she?

And, ok, the kiss was more of a peck, but it was still a kiss and it broke me. I guess that was a sign she truly meant the words she had said last night … that goodbye that has been echoing in my mind ever since. Up until that moment I had hoped she didn't truly mean it, but I guess this now is the final proof she did.

Or maybe she is still so upset she doesn't know what she's doing. Was it shock making her behave like that or was she genuinely trying to hurt me? Though judging by the way she looked at me when she finally noticed I was standing right there, she seemed surprised to see me. It can happen with her – she did after all run straight into the zoo to watch the polar bear when her father told her she was the princess.

I had it all planned out. And yet here I am now, with my life falling apart, on my way to build a future I now might never get after all.

What can I do? Is there anything I can do? I love her, I love her so much it hurts, but honestly, I don't think it really matters right now. The fact is that we broke it off in strange, weird, confusing circumstances. It is something we might be able to fix if we were in the same city – we needed to talk, really. All we need is just to talk about it, resolve some things, because the love is there and love is what should be a decisive factor.

But we are not in the same city.

We won't be in the same city for at least a year.

And honestly, I think our distance and time right now will be the decisive factor.

It is not the conversation to have over the phone and I can't fly back to see her and she surely won't be allowed to come to me. And even if we indeed talked it out over the phone – what then? We will still be living on different hemispheres for a long, long time. Will our relationship consist only of daily emails and occasional phone calls? I don't want her to wait around for my call and I don't want her to feel like she is missing out on life waiting for me. She is sixteen, she should be out in the world, having the time of her life! Maybe I should have thought of this before I assured her we would be fine despite different continents and time zones, I don't know. Everything is such a mess and the more I think about it, the more I realize there is only one way. And that one way is something I had never, ever thought I would ever do – or even have to do. Because I don't want to do it. Just thinking about it breaks my heart and I don't even want to think of how it'd affect her – if, of course, that kiss really was just a mistake.

But honestly … what else can I do? What else? There are so many things, insecurities we haven't resolved – we just ignored them since, like I said, we were alone on such rare occasions we just didn't bother talking about those things – and I don't want to base our relationship on them anymore. If we make up over the phone, all we'd do would be temporarily fixing it. If we keep it going, I am afraid it will all come crashing onto us, again, even more devastatingly and the last thing I want is us to start hating each other. I don't want her to feel like I am stopping her and I don't want to be the one holding her back. As much as it hurts me, it is the only thing I can do.

But I so desperately want her in my life. I guess I could suggest remaining friends. Being only a friend with her … that is something I had thought I was done back in my senior year, but for the time being, I'll take it.

I will be back in New York someday. If my robotic arm indeed succeeds things will be different, easier, even, and if I fail … well, then I guess I'll just have to start over again. The cardioarm is what I thought would permanently seal our future, but now it broke us up. Temporarily, I hope. I'll give her the freedom she deserves for the time being and after I return, if I still love her and if she still loves me, we'll give it another try.

Besides … Being friends with her I guess we'll chat online, so things won't be that much different than they would be if we were still together. We will still talk, just … differently.

It is definitely not the best thing for me, but it is the best one for her and that is all that matters.

And that is what I will hold on to, I guess. I will focus on the robotic arm, trying to finish as fast as possible, and then I will try to fix what got broken last night. If we will both still feel the same way. The way we feel … it can't just disappear, can it?

A year is a long, long time, many things can happen. I'd have never thought, one year ago, I'd be on a plane to Tsukuba, completely broken, on my way to potentially change the world.

So, I'll just wait till I get back, re-evaluate the situation then and see what can be done from then on.

Only, there was one thing I had to do first.

Call her and tell her.

Break up with the love of my life.

Just how much should I tell her? Should I tell her I see this as more of a break or would that just make her stay home, waiting on my call, like I fear? Or should I just …. Break it off? God knows how she'd take it. Would she even understand why I have to do this, even though this is the most difficult thing I have ever done?

But time heals. And I pray it will heal us as well.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.