"deleting..."

originally published: jul. 31, 2014

edited: nov. 6, 2017

original notes: contains lyrics from "donut hole" by GUMI. do not own.

a/n: Hey guys! This probably seems really out of nowhere, but I have rewritten this story to the best of my current abilities! To be honest, I've been unhappy with my 2014 writing for a while now so I decided to revamp it and make it better. I hope you can revisit the angst and enjoy the trip. :)

Ene floated around Shintaro's computer and looked through the applications and files it contained, a thing she loved to do and did often when she wasn't busy trying to annoy him. Even though it was past midnight, she was wide awake and didn't feel any bit of drowsiness. Blame it on the Snake of Opening Eyes for giving her this cyber body. Whenever she reached out her hand, she could feel the world of 0s and 1s before her.

In the depths of the computer, she found it: a folder labeled "Ene" in bold, black letters. A folder labeled with her name. She reached out a hand to click on it and the contents sprang out. There were so many files, countless memories that she didn't even know she had. She scrolled through them, her electric blue eyes darting from left to right, searching for the right one.

File: Haruka Kokonose. 1.6 MB

Her fingers trembled as she reached for the file, and her heart pounded hard in her chest from the excitement. Her legs felt weak and her head was spinning. Was this the moment she was going to finally erase him from her life permanently, just like this?

The familiar options bar popped up. Her hand reached forward towards the 'delete' button, and she pressed it.

Are you sure you want to delete File: Haruka Kokonose, size 1.6 MB? Yes/No

Again, her shaking hand reached towards the 'yes' button, but she found herself unable to click it. Her heart pounded as the memories she had suppressed resurfaced again.

. . .

Spring was the season of new beginnings, and a new year was beginning. The first day of school was something that was anticipated greatly by most students, but not the black-haired girl sitting in the sunlit classroom.

"Hey, how many students are gonna be part of this class?" she asked. "Not that I would care, anyways." She was slouched on the desk and playing with her pigtails, looking bored and absolutely disinterested in her surroundings.

A middle-aged man, her teacher, stood next to her and sighed at her attitude. "Two students, Takane." he said, pushing up his glasses. "Isn't that great? You'll have company." His words were met by a long silence.

"Are you actually serious?" Takane burst out. "This is a special needs classroom. Does that mean nothing to you? It means students here are regarded as disabled, okay? If you think having another kid that has to face the same kind of ridicule would help me, then I don't know-"

"Good morning!"

Takane turned around and saw a boy standing in the doorway. He was a giant compared to her petite figure, but he was thin and pale. He had a ridiculously huge smile spread across his face, and the brightness of his aura blinded her. The two students stared at each other for a few seconds before he came running to her.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Haruka Kokonose, but you can call me Haruka!" he said, his voice bursting with excitement.

Takane turned away, annoyed. She hated happy people.

"Um… Takane Enomoto, was it?" The boy spoke again. "Can I call you Takane? I hope we get along!"

Takane tried to ignore the blush that was spreading over her cheeks.

"Whatever!"

. . .

"Hey, Takane! Look at this! I got Valentines' Day chocolate!" said Haruka excitedly. Takane looked up from her PS4, wondering if there was a day Haruka was not excited.

Well, she already knew the answer to that question.

"Well, good for you, then," she said, trying to stop her voice from shaking.

"Thanks! I don't know who it's from, but it was sitting in my desk! Did you see who gave it to me?" he asked, holding up a yellow box tied with a blue ribbon.

She looked away, hoping that he didn't notice her blush. "I-I don't know!" she said. Lies, lies, lies. Takane knew better than anyone who had given Haruka the chocolates. She had slipped it in his desk this morning, knowing that he would be running late. She sneaked a glance at him and saw that he was taking a bite of the chocolate.

"Wow, it's really good!" he exclaimed.

She couldn't help but smile. Of course it was good. She had asked Ayano to help her a few days ago, and Ayano was a genius at cooking and baking. She wondered if Ayano had given her chocolates to Shintaro yet.

As Takane focused on trying to seem like she didn't care, Haruka stared at her in secret, grinning. She didn't know that Haruka wasn't running late today, and he had seen her put the chocolate in his desk.

He was smiling in delight like a young boy who has gotten exactly what he wanted.

. . .

Dammit, Dammit, Dammit... Takane cursed in her mind as she wrapped the black curtain around herself, wishing for the people outside and the whole world to disappear.

"What happened, Takane? Are you okay?" asked Haruka, worried.

Those guys that came in the beginning must have spread the news on the web! Ugh, this is the worst! And they just have to come when Haruka's here... What do I do... What do I do…?

Outside the room, there were endless shouts of excitement and anticipation.

"Ene-sama! Please let me play against you!" One of them yelled.

"Please allow me the chance to see the legendary Eternal Rondo in real life!" Another yelled.

"'Ene?' 'Eternal Rondo?' Takane, what are they talking about?" asked Haruka.

Takane slowly looked up at him, cautious. "Ene is... My username on the web... I play games with that username... Quite gory ones... And then last year, I got second place in a country-wide competition…"

"Second place?!"

"W-Well, I don't have any friends, and I've got nothing much to do, and I don't know what normal girls' hobbies are..."

"Wow, that's so cool, Takane! So, you're, like, really famous! Then, all those people outside are your fans?!"

Takane blinked, surprised. "Huh? You don't think... I'm boring? Or disgusting?" she asked.

It was his turn to be surprised now.

"Why would I be? If it's a game Takane likes, then I should play as well! Hey, teach me next time!" he said happily. She was stunned for a while, then smiled, tears of joy forming in her eyes.

"Haruka..." she murmured, her cheeks growing warm.

Thank you for accepting who I am…

. . .

"I need to get his things..." she said to herself, walking towards their classroom.

He was in the hospital. He had had another attack. He was unconscious, and he had called out for help earlier, but she was asleep. She was so selfish, and she couldn't do anything for him.

Ayano's words echoed in her ears. "There are a lot of times when you never get the chance to say the words you've always wanted to say"… Is it? What do I want to tell him?

She thought she heard him call out her name. She looked up, and she thought she saw him, her Haruka, sitting in the seat opposite hers, smiling at her, as usual, every time she entered the calssroom.

"I can't believe it." Takane murmured. Grabbing Haruka's bag, she ran out of the classroom. How did I not see it before? I want to be with him. I want to be with Haruka. I've always wanted to!

Suddenly, her vision blurred and the world around her twisted. She fell to the ground, gasping for breath.

And then everything went black.

. . .

A tear slid down Ene's face. Another one followed, then another. Soon, she was breaking down. Her knees buckled, and she cried.

"I don't want to forget! I miss him!" she said between sniffs and chokes. "But I have no choice…"

She could still remember the tiny bit of joy and hope she felt when she first met Konoha that was crushed by endless despair.

. . .

The blue haired girl stared at the albino boy in front of her, unable to believe her eyes. The person she missed and loved so much was right in front of her. The person she thought was dead for so long was right there, close enough to touch. She even reached out a hand to his face, but the cold, heartless screen blocked them, separating their worlds.

"Haruka...?" she asked, her voice shaking. "Haruka, it's me, Takane! Takane Enomoto! Are you alright? I thought about you everyday. I've... I've missed you so much!"

The albino only looked at her with confusion and when he spoke, her blood ran cold.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

Her eyes grew wide. Her hands trembled and her heart ached. She thought she would be able to tell him finally, and they would be reunited, finally. It's all this impostor's fault... Tears ran out of her eyes against her will.

Am I the only one that will be burdened with these memories, forever?

. . .

When she snapped back to reality, her face was covered with tears. Why did she cry? Why did her heart ache so much? She was only a computer program, after all…

She wiped away her tears. She didn't want any more pain. She was never strong to begin with, anyways. Forcing her hand forward and smiling bravely despite the tears, she hit the 'yes' button and the progress bar popped up.

She needed to erase him from her life.

Deleting... 1%

She closed her eyes. From now onwards, Haruka Kokonose will not exist anymore. He was already dead to the world for two years, but now, his existence will finally be removed from both Takane and Ene's memories.

Ene didn't know why the file of memories of Haruka was so huge. Was he really that important to her?

She knew the answer to that question before she even asked it. Her head started to hurt, and so did her heart.

"Haruka!" she yelled, painfully clutching her head. "Haruka!" Her voice echoed throughout the cyberspace, and the tears started pouring out again. It was as if the tears Ene had held back since her first meeting with Konoha had all been released. Her mouth kept yelling out that name against her will.

It's toying with me, isn't it...? I've already decided to forget. I think I've kind of regretted it...

Did Haruka understand? At the end of everything, the end of her first life, the last image in her mind was his smile. That beautiful, warm smile he had on his face, just like the sun, calling out her name.

"Takane!"

It's really familiar, isn't it? That name...

It feels even more painful than remembering who you are...

As the progress bar hit 100%, Ene felt something had been cleared away from her mind. She blinked, trying to recall why she was crying. It was somebody that she used to know, but she couldn't remember the name of the person. She shook her head.

If she can't remember, then that person must have been insignificant.

. . .

Konoha stood at the top of a hill, gazing down at a bombed city. The buildings had crumbled apart, and not a single person was in sight.

He turned around and he saw a girl a few meters away from him. Her black pigtails flew in the wind, and her school uniform was vaguely familiar. She slowly turned around to him, and she smiled at him.

It was the saddest smile he had ever seen.

He was about to call out to her. He wanted to ask her what was wrong and what had caused her this much pain. The tips of her black hair started turning brilliant blue. Her school uniform also started to turn into a blue sweater and a black skirt. Soon, the girl became Ene.

"I love you, Haruka." she said before fading away. In the distance, he heard a voice. Ene's voice.

"Why won't you realize that I'm Takane?"

Konoha woke up with a start, his eyes still brimming with fresh tears.. The memories came pouring in. He was Haruka Kokonose. He used to go to school with a girl named Takane Enomoto, a girl he loved deeply. He was never able to tell her his feelings. He had died from his illness two years ago, but was saved by the Snake of Awakening Eyes at the cost of his memories.

He remembered everything.

He glanced at the clock. He needed to talk to Ene. No, he needed to talk to Takane. He quickly got out of bed and ran into the living room, where everyone except Shintaro and Ene were at.

"Hey guys, where did Shintaro go?" he asked.

"Onii-chan went to the mall. He needed to buy something, I think. He just left a few minutes ago." Momo responded.

Konoha nodded and rushed out of the door without another word.

"Shintaro!" shouted Konoha. He had caught up with Shintaro at the mall easily with his speed, and it wasn't hard to spot the boy wearing a bright red jersey.

"Konoha? What happened?" asked Shintaro.

"Can I talk to Ene?" asked Konoha.

Shintaro nodded, taking his phone out from his pocket and handing it to Konoha.

"Konoha! How are you doing?" asked Ene, smiling brightly. Her smile was flawless, and it showed perfect happiness, which contrasted greatly with the pained expression she had always shown him before.

Konoha walked a few steps away from Shintaro and faced Ene, excited. "Takane! I've remembered everything now! I'm Haruka! Takane, I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain. I know I can never make it up to you. But I've missed you so much!" he said.

There was a silence that followed Konoha's words. "Um… My name was Takane before, but who's this 'Haruka' you're talking about?"

Konoha stared at her, horrified. The pain must have been too much. She deleted her memories.

I was too late.

His arm holding Shintaro's phone dropped to his side. His words of "I don't remember you" and "I don't know you" echoed in his mind, and a tear trickled down his cheek.

When I'd try to count all the simple feelings I lost, I'd find that I forgot even the voice you shared with me.

Bye bye, and we'll never, ever meet again;

That's just the feeling I get, and that's just what I thought...

The tears come pouring out, there's nothing I can do...