Note: I can't be the only one who wondered what Sherlock could possibly have said in the court scene in TRF to get slammed in the gaol. Then I realized that he'd been systematically reading all the jury members, and wondered if he'd mouthed off at the judge and deduced him. So I wrote this little one-shot of Sherlock reading the Justice of the Peace. Thought it would be fun, and I hope you like it!
"Can you possibly go five minutes without showing off?" the judge bellowed.
Sherlock turned to look out at the crowd assembled at the back of the room, at John shaking his head, at Moriarty standing there looking like a smug little toad. He cocked his head to one side and took a deep, preparatory breath.
"Your Honor," he said with a wry smirk, "I'm very sorry for your loss."
The judge's face went slightly pink. "What the bloody – "
"No need for profanity, Your Honor. It's quite simple, actually, this conclusion I've come to. You've been recently divorced by your wife."
The judge blustered and turned very red. Sherlock cut him off with a level look.
"Honestly," he sighed, "the conclusion wasn't difficult to come to. You are typically a very neat man, if the state of your collar above your robe is anything to judge off of – it's the collar of a rather new shirt, well laundered, starched conscientiously – so the fact that you are not neatly shaved betrays the fact that you were in a hurry this morning. A sign of sleeping in, also of a woman in the house being absent and therefore unable to inform you that the right side of your face is haphazardly shorn. The left side being neatly trimmed, I should say you were halfway through shaving when you saw the time and hurried up.
"You slept in because you were out late last night – the bloodshot state of your eyes and the broken capillaries in your nose show that you are a regular drinker, and therefore must have consoled yourself with a heavy consumption of alcohol.
"Your ring is gone – yes, I've noted this, though there is no sign of a ring being previously on the finger, you have been absentmindedly running your thumb over it, like a schoolboy feeling the hole with his tongue where a tooth previously resided. You are unaccustomed to it being gone – therefore you wore it up until yesterday or the day before. You were faithful to your wife, loved her even, and always wore your wedding band until you lost the battle to keep your wife. Yes, she left you, otherwise why would you wear the ring so long?"
Sherlock drew another deep breath. He gave his best, winning smile. "How is the headache, Your Honor? The hangover must be dreadful."
The Justice of the Peace's face had grown a dreadful shade of puce. His jowls quivered with agitation. "Out!" He gestured frantically with his left hand – which was ringless – towards the doors. "Take him out!"
The room was in uproar. Moriarty was grinning as though Christmas had come early. Two officers standing near the witness booth roughly grabbed Sherlock by the upper arms and began to usher him away – the last thing Sherlock saw before being rudely shoved out of the courtroom was John, his face in his hands.
His blogger's ears were very, very pink.
Thanks for reading, guys! Please review! It means a lot.