Does He Love You?

by Starry o.0

Has Karin told him her secret? "Will you still leave her once he comes?" ...It's time to move on; to keep the wind on her back, to pray she can still feel the sun on her face one day. Sakura looks over her shoulder one last time. Karin is crying, a hand on her stomach, her face filled with pity and hurt and a bitter understanding that will forever haunt the both of them.

All rights to the artists of this song Rilo Kiley- Does He Love You? and of course troll Kishimoto for Naruto.
Take a listen before/while you read… it's a beautiful song.
Enjoy

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Does He Love You?

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and she loves you,
yeah, she loves you,
and the two of you will soon become three…

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x

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and she loves you,
even though you used to say
you were flawed if you weren't free…

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x

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6

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SIX.

SEIS.

SIX.

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"Sakura, stop!" She doesn't; but she slows, if only for the irony of it all. "Please, I-"

"I shouldn't have come back here at all, but now…" She looks over her shoulder, "You will watch my back this time, Sasuke-kun." Green steel bores straight into the saddest red she's ever seen him wear. This night is not as warm as when their positions were switched. Long before bridges were built, and burned, and built, and burned, over and over- she remembers a warm breeze and pink petals, her heart shattering to the scent of spring. Tonight the dark is nipping, and the branches lay bare. This night her heart ices over to the crack of dead leaves beneath their feet.

Sakura realizes she will never miss the cold of winter season again.

The wheels in his eyes spin with intent. "I could make you," he threatens. "I could force you."

She doesn't think he will, but still averts her eyes when he steps closer. Green gazes up the path before her. It only takes a few hours to make it to Suna. She won't head for the closest bar when she gets there, either. No. She will apply for her job in the hospital again, for permanent residency this time. Scrap her life back together. Sakura will not become her mentor.

She will get away from him, from her, from their family.

It hurts to think about. It hurt even when she drowned herself; sometimes even more when she did.

"I… need you. I'm sorry I called you a liar- Sakura, I'm sorry for everything. I… I lo-," Sasuke stumbles on his words, but she knows she can't hear what comes next. She won't- because it didn't matter back when those were her words, and it's too late for him to use them against her now.

They do not change anything. They don't change that everything about him hurts her so much. They don't change that she loveloveloves him sofuckingmuch. They don't change that none of it matters anymore. She has only ever wanted him to be happy. He had a wish when they were twelve. Ten years later and she still knows what that wish was, because she remembers everything about him. He was going to restore his clan; and he is.

And she has made sure his child will be strong and healthy, because he asked- but he cannot ask any more of her, she thinks. Her love has limits. Her heart can only take so much.

"Let's not forget ourselves, Sasuke-kun." They don't know who might be listening. She knows he can't afford to be seen. He can't afford to say what's on the tip of his tongue. It is too late for any of that now, and he was already caught once. She smiles bitterly, "'Attachment is weakness,' you said. 'Bonds only bring pain,' you told me. You were right."

"Stay," he pleads.

Sakura closes her eyes with a sigh. Oh, how she has wanted to hear that word for so long. "For what, Sasuke?" She means to yell, but her voice is tired. "Even if I stayed, it couldn't be with you."

"If I could change things… If I could go back-"

"But you can't. Even if you could go back… even you can't change everything. I want you to be happy, and you want something I cannot give you. So tell me… what then is left for me, here in Konoha?"

"…"

Has Karin told him her secret? "Will you still leave her once he comes?" Her words are breathless, quick, hopeful but mocking, "Will you be able to do that to your clan- just for me?"

He doesn't say anything. Of course, he has no answer when she needs one the most. Sakura knows he knows the truth in that moment. He had offered what she just asked before he knew. Now he doesn't even have a word in response.

God is an evil, unfair man, Sakura thinks.

Of course she knew Karin would tell, if only to ensure Sasuke wouldn't leave… but isn't that the very reason she told Karin in the first place? So the woman would tell Sasuke- so he wouldn't ever make the mistake in choosing Sakura? Hadn't she planned for this?

So why does it feel like she can't breathe?

She is about to cry, but she decides she won't let him see anymore of her tears. Ever again.

"'I am flawed if I'm not free,' right?" A bitter chuckle is rising in her throat, "Well, I want to be free, Sasuke-kun… and you deserve to be free of me, too. You deserve to be happy. You will be a wonderful father, Sasuke-kun." The bitterness has edged away and she forces her mouth shut on the ramblings of broken hopes and useless promises that want to fly out.

She feels the air shift behind her and knows it's now or never. She uses the same flash-step he once used on her, on this very road.

One second Sasuke is reaching out to take hold of her arm and make her stay, regardless of what's wrong and right or his clan or his selfishness. The next he is grasping at empty air.

He spins, ready for her.

She doesn't use it to jump behind him, though. She uses it to jump away. Her chakra picks up far to the northwest. Sasuke calls for her before the thought to do so even processes. Startled birds ascend from trees in answer, and he listens to her unforgiving footfalls grow farther away.

He curses. He wants to follow… but he can't. She must know he can't, dammit! Why must she make him choose? She knows he would choose her if she stayed- she knows- fuck!- she knows if she stayed he would find a way to make this work!

Sasuke stands for a very long time in the same spot, convincing his feet to take him back home. He tries to quiet the screaming in his conscious to follow her. He tries to convince himself this is the right choice. Sakura has always been the most intelligent, he thinks, and if she says this is right then this is right. This is right. This is right. Just like a mantra. This is fucking right, okay? She's right for leaving. She's right. She's always been right. She's always been right here and now she's gone you fucking idiot go fucking get her-

He blasts the blasted bench beside him with chidori- the same damn bench he once left her on. Fitting, he thinks, though he knows he will regret it in the morning.

He tries reminding his heart that his clan has to be restored. He has a pregnant fiancé at home, for God's sake. He tells himself love is for the foolish and love was never his to hold, anyway. Love is only in happily ever after's, and people cloaked in sin like him don't get to have those kinds of endings.

Sasuke tells himself that he cursed Sakura enough and she deserves to go be happy somewhere far away from him. That it's his fault, probably, for everything in the first place. Karma's way of telling him he doesn't get to have everything he wants because he doesn't deserve it; and God punishing her for falling in love with someone as cursed as he. 'The angel losing her wings for falling in love with a demon', as they say.

He has lost many loved ones in his lifetime. By now he should be used to this; but his eyes find a dead cherry blossom tree hugging the path in the direction she ran, and Sasuke cries for the first time in many years.

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Far into the forest the branches before her are obscured by tears.

It hurts… but she will never go back.

Sasuke deserves this, after everything. The Uchiha clan deserves this. Not more shame. He deserves to have something she can never give him. He deserves a family, his child deserves siblings. Itachi doesn't deserve to grow up in disgrace in Suna, away from his mother and away from the town the Uchiha's belong in and built.

As much as she wants him to be with her, she won't break his family up. Not when he has gone so long without one.

Her name echoes off the trees and haunts the wind at her back. She prays that one day she really will be free. His voice tugs at her very soul, at a place ingrained so deep within she's afraid she will never be able to dig it out; but Sakura doesn't slow down and she never looks back. Anything is better than what she would endure in Konoha.

If he loves her enough, he will follow her, she tells herself. If he loves her enough it wouldn't matter what she can't give him.

But she won't blame him if he never comes. If he loves his clan enough, she knows he never will. What life must Sasuke be on now? She wonders, hot tears spilling across her cheeks. Would her severed bond be considered enough to warrant the death of one?

Or maybe this is the death of two lives for Sasuke.

After all, he's getting married tomorrow.

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x

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1

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ONE.

UNO.

UN.

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Naruto is too busy being Hokage to ever hang out, Tsunade is too busy being drunk to ever train, and Kakashi is too busy being Naruto's personal advisor to ever give her advice. Sai's around, but so caught up in the reorganization of Root that she rarely sees him for reasons other than business. This all leaves her alone. Often. She throws herself into work at the hospital, but even that has slowed dramatically since the end of the war and the alliance agreements.

Peace is peaceful… and boring.

A year of monotonous life goes by.

Sometimes Ino drags her out when she's not on scouting missions. Sakura hates that too, because going out means probably running in to him.

And seeing him means watching him around other women. This isn't the Sasuke set on revenge, anymore, either. That Sasuke died when Naruto dragged him back to the village.

Sometimes Sakura ponders the many lives of Sasuke that have been murdered, like those of a cat. He has had many more than nine, however. She suspects his first life was slaughtered with the rest of his clan. The second life died a sweet death when he joined Team 7- and that Sasuke was killed by the curse mark in the chunin exams. Sometimes she realizes she still spends too much free time pondering useless Sasuke information…

Anyway… The Sasuke they got back after the war is a full-bodied, hot-blooded, drop dead gorgeous man. This life of Sasuke's has needs and wants, and his pick of nearly any woman in the village. Rumor has it he's already picked through quite a few women in the village.

He is always around the bars whenever she happens to go, which rubs her the wrong way.

Sakura doesn't like to think that those places are where Sasuke spends most of his nights.

Despite herself, when she starts to suspect that he does spend the majority of his off-time holed up in the darker part of Konoha, she walks the short distance from her apartment to the place she knows is his favorite bar more frequently. She still loves him, after all. She always feels the need to check on him.

More often than not he is there. He is always surrounded by women; she is always jealous.

Usually it goes like this:

She knows if he's there or not the second she walks in. He sits at the same table, back in the corner; the corner that either has a steady stream of girls coming to and fro, or is empty. Sometimes he is with Suigetsu, or Juugo, or even Shikamaru. Sometimes he brings a girl. Mostly he is by himself.

Sasuke always notices when she walks in; she can feel his eyes on her from across the room, though he's a ninja and probably notices everyone who walks in. Occasionally he tips his head and she waves back because, after all, they are both still technically part of Team 7. They both technically saved the world (though she only really saved him.) That's as far as welcoming interactions between the two of them go.

So Sakura sits at the bar, alone, and orders a drink.

Or two. Or eight, you know, who's really counting anyway?

The longer the night drags on, however, and the more drinks sent to his table, the more often she feels his stare. That's what keeps her coming back night after night, she presumes. Far away or miniscule it may be but Sasuke's attention is addictive. It took her a few weeks to convince herself of this, but it's true. He stares- he does. It's not just her imagination either.

On the walk from her apartment to downtown Sakura feels disgusted with herself sometimes; what does she keep going back for? Though the thought is never enough to make her turn around.

She starts suspecting Sasuke is waiting for her to approach him sometime during the third month of this routine. Of course, she won't. Sakura will wait, and wait, and waitwatiwaitwait and if he never comes to her then she'll have lost nothing. It will be just like it always has been. If she were to approach him and be rejected like all the times before, well… she would rather not go through that again.

Sasuke knows how she feels, after all. She's only confessed fifty times.

After continuously 'checking on him' and waiting, one night she realizes she herself has become a regular. It unsettles her.

Men approach her with the joke, "Can I buy you a drink, Tsunade-sama?" and she downs the truth in the comparison with the liquor offered. Members of the Rookie 9 give her a look before joining. Sometimes when Tsunade herself ventures out of her house and ends up on the barstool next to her student, Sakura gets lectures on the former Hokage's disapproval of it all. All the while the older woman is ordering drinks for the both of them.

"Tch, this better be the last time I see you in here!" Tsunade says at the end of the night. It never is.

Even after watching Sasuke take home plenty of different women, night after night, Sakura finds she can never bring herself to go home with anyone. It doesn't matter how drunk she is; even nights when he takes Karin home- and most nights it is Karin- and she feels the stabbing knife of betrayal and the seductive voice of revenge taunting her with "Two can play at that game…" She toasts away the little piece of heart he takes with him each time and then she leaves alone.

Revenge never was her thing, anyway.

Six months in to this little game of theirs he finally cracks. Kiba's been next to her all night, and Sakura decides she rather enjoys his company. It's like she has Naruto again. Not the Naruto who is always busy and somber since the war- but the old Naruto. Plus, Kiba looks at her in a way that makes her feel pretty and wanted, and she's wanted to feel pretty and wanted for so long.

His hand flies to her hip when she trips getting off the stool. "You should go home, Sakura."

"Okay, father," she rolls her eyes and he laughs, and she thinks he is beautiful in that moment. She wants to be that happy.

"I'm not scolding you, even though you are acting like a child," he teases. He hesitates on his words, his hand still on her waist, "Want me to walk you home?"

It isn't the first time one of the Rookie Nine asked if she wanted an escort, but it's the first time she gets the feeling there is more to the offer than just a walk. Strangers and acquaintances asked her on dates before; but between her closest group of friends there always seemed to be an unspoken rule that Sakura was off limits. An unspoken rule that up until now only Lee had blatantly ignored.

"Depends on if you'll behave yourself or not!" She smiles, poking a finger into his chest playfully.

He releases her hip and grabs her finger faster than her inebriated mind can follow. "Well, that depends on if you want me to behave or not." The light note in his voice has dropped to something that hints at familiar darkness. Sakura rather likes it.

"I thi-"

"Kiba, don't."

And just like that, she doesn't really find Kiba's voice all that alluring anymore. Just like that.

"What?" Kiba is looking over her shoulder. Sakura figures she's probably dreaming and will wake up soon. She hears a scoff and a calloused hand removes her own from the man's before her.

"I'll take her home," the actualfamiliar dark, much more dangerous, voice says.

"It's not your decision to make, Sasuke," Kiba retorts, "And I don't think you're in any state to take anyone home."

He's in front of her in an instant, the Uchiha fan staring back at her like a taunt. She feels his Sharingan flare up by chakra alone; all the ninja in the bar are immediately alerted into defensive states, even the ones who hadn't noticed the incident yet. Kiba takes a few steps back with his hands out before him.

"Chill out dude, don't get your chakra all riled up…" Sasuke flares it again, annoyed with being told not to. "Look, I'm not trying to fight!"

Sakura's seen enough. She doesn't like seeing Sasuke like this. She touches his back gently with green fingertips to relax him. "That's enough, Sasuke-kun. It's okay."

His chakra begins to recoil after a few tense seconds of silence. A collective sigh passes through the bar and Kiba drops his hands, visibly relieved. Sasuke turns to her, eyes still red. Dangerous. Beautiful.

Kiba watches from behind Sasuke, shaking his head. "So… you're gonna go with him then, I guess?"

She looks from defeated brown to expectant red and resolves that, as much as she wants to show Sasuke he doesn't control her so easily… she can't find it in her to do so. "I'm sorry, Kiba," she offers. "But-"

"Let's go," Sasuke spits, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the exit.

"Hey! I was- Sasuke- stop!"

He pushes through the door of the bar before turning, smashing his lips onto hers and pushing her against the brick of the building. His hands grip her hips so hard she cries out in pain, and pleasure, and she has no idea what is going on because she thinks Sasuke- her Sasuke-kun- the boy she's loved her whole life and ignored her for all 19 years of it- is kissing her. Her hands are in his hair before she overthinks and ruins the moment, pulling him towards her like he might realize what he's doing and try to leave. When he pulls away she tries desperately to bring him back.

Sasuke chuckles darkly. The masochist inside of her realizes she likes it much more than she liked the light, happy Kiba laugh.

"You don't go home with anyone but me."

Sakura nods without listening, trying to pull him down to her lips again. He resists, insistent. His eyes are spinning into hers while she's still trying to process whether this is real life or not. Is he trying to put her under a jutsu? "Say it," he orders.

Her mind is suddenly hazy. "What?"

"Tell me you'll only go home with me," he growls, lips just inches from hers. She blinks and it dispels the inky world he forced them in to. Her grip loosens. He did try to put her under a jutsu!- though she doesn't think he meant to…

"I will, if you tell me the same," she promises. She means it. Hell, she knows he is already the only one she'll ever be able to go home with. She doesn't have to tell him that, though.

He backs away, looking down at her with a cryptic look. Sakura already knew he wouldn't promise her anything. She just really, really wishes he would.

She takes a step towards him unconsciously, wanting his touch back. Wanting to make sure it's real, that it happened. That he came to her this time and not the other way around. Sasuke's strange look falls back into a smirk like he's solved a puzzle. "But you're already mine," he whispers.

He closes the space between them, because he too waited for her to come to him far too long. He's watched her entertain men that weren't him far too many times. He imagined pink hair more times than he can count when a woman laid in his bed, and let her name slip more times than he could stop when Karin's hair really does look pink in the moonlight. Why? He doesn't know. It's not like he loves her.

But he's waited, and waited, and waited for her to come; and a man can only wait so long.

Sakura goes home with someone for the first time that night.

Sasuke learns what it feels like to be truly loved again that night. He wakes in the morning tangled in green bed sheets and a familiar bubbling fear within him. He imagines bodies on the floor of a living room. Red stained white walls. He remembers bloody fingers tapping his forehead, and a quiet, "No matter what, I will always love you." He remembers his brother disappearing before his eyes too many times to count.

He remembers what love feels like- and he knows all too well what love brings.

Fear turns quickly into decision. Love is bad. Love is loss. Love brings pain. Love isn't something he's ready for; love isn't something he is worthy of.

The Uchiha doesn't look down at the woman beside him as he does the seals and teleports back to his compound.

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x

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3

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THREE.

TRES.

TROIS.

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Sakura stares at the papers on her desk in disbelief.

She must have read through them twenty times, but she reaches slowly for the first page again. This just can't be right. But her name is there at the top- Sakura Haruno- and the right date of birth, age 21, same weight and blood type as her.

"Be grateful. It's better this way, anyway," Tsunade said when she dropped the report off.

The former Hokage hadn't really meant it. She'd meant for something more consoling to come out. More motherly. But the woman smelled heavily of liquor and her student knew Tsunade always drank sake before delivering bad news. Still, Sakura screamed at her teacher to get the fuck out.

She's regretting it now that her mind is starting to process what its been reading and she is really, really, REALLY going to need someone- soon.

Sakura thinks of Sasuke and the tears that shock has been holding back start to press on the back of her eyes. Reality slams into her like a freight train.

She can't go to Sasuke. She has to get away from Sasuke now. She stands, trying to regulate her breath as it comes out in uneven gasps. Naruto. She needs Naruto; so she runs as fast as she can out of the hospital, ignoring the wide eyes of nurses and questioning looks of civilians.

He cries with her when she tells him.

He holds her, he listens to her sobs, and he doesn't say a word. He shares her pain and that's all she needs right now.

The Hokage stationed Choji outside to prevent anyone from coming in when Sakura ran into his office, tears in her eyes and pleading to speak with him alone.

Half an hour passes before she can bring herself to pull her head off his shoulder and wipe her eyes dry. His are crystal blue, sadness and sympathy shining clear. He is her best friend. They share each other's pain.

She's felt heartbreak before; countless times, over many continuous years, for many different people and for numerous deaths. But Sakura's never felt like this. Her heart feels decimated, like someone ripped it out and squeezed until it burst from the pressure and she is watching every last ounce of blood drip between their fingers.

She mourns a future that will never be hers, and lives that will never exist.

She mourns what she must do.

Naruto's demeanor perks up. "How do you know, though? If you don't know for sure, then there might still be a chance!"

Naruto: ever hopeful, even for the hopeless.

"Tsunade ran tests. It's certain."

He deflates a bit. "But even granny Tsunade is wrong sometimes!"

"Shizune ran the same tests after!" She chokes out, tears spilling over again. She cradles her head in her hands. "What did I do to deserve this, Naruto? Why me? Why?"

"You didn't do anything, Sakura. You're the best girl I know."

"No, no, no," She is rocking and shaking and Naruto is frightened at the sight of his best friend so broken. He fought the most powerful ninja to ever exist, he brought Sasuke back, and he saved the entire world; but he doesn't know how to help Sakura through this. He will never forgive himself for it. He lays a hand on her back and lets her cry, not saying anything because he isn't sure what to say. He can stay by her side for as long as she needs, though.

"How do you think it happened?"

She hiccups, "Sasori… Madara… I don't know."

"But-"

Sakura looks up at him, silencing his words. Her eyes are dead. "It doesn't matter how, just that it did…" she says. "…I have to get away. Send me to Suna. Please, Naruto. On an extended mission- send me instead of Shizune to help with the flu running through their city."

He wants to refuse. He doesn't want to send her away, he wants her to stay here with him and their friends and he wants to heal her. "Sakura…"

She grabs his hand, "Please Naruto, I need to get away. I'm better off leaving. If I stay here, I don't know how I'll handle it… I don't know what I'll do! Please…"

Naruto racks his brain for a good reason to say no. He needs to help her, she needs to stay here and let him. "What about our hospital? You head it, we need you here…"

"Shizune can take care of it," she reasons.

"But what if I need to be healed? You're the only medic I see…"

Sakura sighs, letting go of his hand angrily. "Naruto, Tsunade-sama can take care of you! Stop making excuses! I need this! You're being selfish, think of me!"

Naruto doesn't think he's being selfish. He thinks her staying in Konoha with everyone is better for her! What doesn't she get? He racks his brain to get his point across without making it sound like he thinks she needs support. Sakura would take that as him saying she is weak, when really he is only trying to be here for her.

"But what about Sasuke? I thought you two were-" Sakura's breath catches on his words. He realizes too late why she wants to leave so bad as she backs away from him like an injured animal at their teammate's name. Naruto reaches out and grabs her elbow, his face falling. "Sakura, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking before I said that." He pulls her back into a hug, "I didn't mean to bring him up. I'm really, really sorry."

Sakura is unnervingly still in his arms, her breathing erratic. "He doesn't want to be with me, anyway," she says, unsure if she's telling Naruto or telling herself. "It's better like this. He never wanted to be with me, remember? Now he can't ever be with me. It all works out, Naruto, doesn't it? I have a reason to stay away from him now. He'll be happy. I'll be happy."

She pulls away enough to look at him, eyes wide and voice edging on panic. "I want to be happy. I'll be happy right? Even like this, I can still be happy, Naruto. Right? I can be happy without him, can't I?"

"Yes, of course! Shh, it's okay… He's an idiot, Sakura. You deserve more. He just doesn't know how to handle emotions," he explains, tightening his arms around her again. "He cares about you. This wouldn't change anything, I know it. I care about you, Sakura-chan. You have nothing to worry about. You will be happy! We can work through this here, together."

She uses her strength and is out of his hold and on her feet in an instant, tears back and hands clenched. "He deserves more! This changes everything, Naruto! I've loved him forever! I just want to make him happy, I wanted him to be happy with me,and now I've learned that this! So maybe it's a good thing he's never loved me. It's a good thing he doesn't want to be with me, and it's a good thing that I'm leaving to Suna with or without your permission and getting out of his life!"

She's screaming, and Naruto hopes Choji isn't listening.

"I love Sasuke enough to wish him happiness even if it isn't with me, but I'm not strong enough to watch it happen right in front of me. I know I'm not the only woman he sleeps with and that kills me! I cry every time I hear a new rumor, and every time I see a mark on him that I know wasn't me! I cry for him all the time, but I stay, and I let him in. I've been waiting, hoping one day he'll change his mind and realize I've been there since the beginning! That I've loved him through everything. I loved him at his darkest, and his brightest, and that I will continue to love him no matter what he does or who he becomes."

Her voice quiets in defeat, "But now, for what? I can't dream anymore. I can't stay, and I can't let him in hoping that he'll choose me one day, because what if he really does? What if one day he finally decides he wants to be with me? Only to realize that his lifelong goal isn't something I can give him? I can't give him happiness, and that kills me even more than seeing him with someone else. I won't make him choose between me and his dream. I'll choose now, while it's nothing. I'll choose even though he might never have even chosen me. I choose his dream- I choose his happiness. I love him. His goals are my goals. But I need some time away- away from him and away from everything that reminds me of him. One day his happiness will overshadow my broken heart, but that isn't now and it isn't soon. So please, Naruto..."

Sakura stares at him, and Naruto can see a soul breaking through green windows. He just wants his friends to be happy, too. He doesn't think this is fair at all. Her wishes are his wishes, just like Sasuke's happiness is his happiness.

Naruto doesn't think his best friend deserves this at all.

"Please…"

He knows he can't deny her request. He stands and pulls her back into another hug.

"Yeah," he agrees, because he sees the logic and the pain in her words and even though he selfishly wants to keep her here, "Maybe you're better off leaving for a bit…"

.

x

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2

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TWO

DOS.

DEUX.

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Tapping on her window wakes her up. Sasuke is crouched there, ANBU mask still on.

She hasn't seen him in three weeks. He turned twenty yesterday and wasn't home to celebrate. She ate a cupcake for him at work, though.

Sakura can't contain her smile when she throws her blankets off and rushes to the window to let him slide in. Her arms are around his neck and she's on her toes to kiss him before his chuckle reminds her he still hasn't taken his mask off. She blushes.

"Sorry," she concedes. "I just really missed you, Sasuke-kun. So much… Every day."

His body stiffens beneath her arms and she releases him. He turns his head away, looking down at her bed and pulling the mask off. His eyes are closed and his hand reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Sakura knows he doesn't like when she shows too much of her feelings like that.

Sometimes she can't help it though.

She loves him… What does he expect?

"Sorry," she offers again, though she only does so to appease him. He's been gone a while and it's his belated birthday. She isn't really sorry at all. She meant it, she missed him too much.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun," she whispers after a few seconds. Sakura reaches out to him again, eager to right the wrong he thinks she committed. It's hard though, with Sasuke. She wants to kiss and make up, but that would probably only make him more uncomfortable. Why did he come if he was going to act like this?

He takes hold of her hands right before they reach his face. Dark eyes look down at her, holding her palms still hovered over his cheeks. If Sakura didn't know any better, she'd think there was emotion shining through onyx. Emotion that looks a lot like fear. She does know better though, and Sasuke Uchiha has never been afraid of anything. It must've been a hard mission, she thinks.

She smiles warmly up at him. "I only want to heal you. Do your eyes hurt?"

Sasuke hesitates before placing her hands on his temple. "Yes."

His Sharingan flicks on before she even asks. Sometimes he closes his eyes while she does this, because as her green chakra envelops his eyes and releases the tension built up within their pathways, it feels almost as good as sex. Tonight he watches her instead. Her eyes are closed in concentration, her lower lip pulled between her teeth. Her pink hair is mussed with sleep and she must've forgot she only had on an over-sized t-shirt because normally she is too self-conscious to allow him in without covering up first. He has seen her after spending an hour getting ready, but looking at her now, natural and bathed in darkness, he can't seem to understand why she would ever need to spend so much time trying.

Sakura is beautiful.

He snaps his eyes shut with surprise at the thought. He shouldn't have come here tonight, he figures. He told himself he wasn't going to until the very moment he saw the gates of home and thought of green sheets and pink hair. Sasuke knows he's getting too attached. Attachment is weakness still, because bad things happen to people who love him, and worse things happen to people he's attached to, and Sakura doesn't deserve that, he thinks.

She is done the second after his thoughts finish. His eyes still bleed red when they open back up to bright green.

Her cheeks are pink and he knows she wants to say something.

"I didn't go out while you were gone." He can admit to himself those words make him feel something good inside.

That scares him. "Oh?"

"I guess I still have only gone home with you…" She's shifting from foot to foot. It's a nervous habit of hers he shouldn't know; but he does.

"Hn."

"Sasuke, I still l-"

He kisses her because he doesn't want to hear the words she's going to declare. They scare him- she scares him. He kisses her and tells himself that's the only reason for doing so, but in all honesty he doesn't have a reason. He just kissed her because he's in her room at midnight, and they're all alone, and he wanted to kiss her, dammit.

He is afraid of Sakura Haruno.

The very thought makes him want to laugh and scream at the same time. But he's kissing her, and pushing her against the bed, and his name spills from her mouth over and over and it's beautiful and he wants to hear more, and he knows he shouldn't have come tonight- he knew this would happen- he should've gotten drunk first so if (when) he showed up later then he'd have an excuse for why it's happening- because tomorrow she'll start asking and pushing and wanting something from him that he's still is too afraid to give. He can give her this; but he can give anyone this, she'll say (because she always says that) and she wants more than just this, she'll yell at him. Then he'll kiss her and tell himself it's just to shut her up, but really it'll be because she's so fucking cute when she's angry- even though he doesn't want her to be angry at all- and she'll forget about the argument until it comes around again just like it always does. But he doesn't know if he will ever be able to give her what she wants because for the first time in his life since Itachi he is terrified.

It's over as quickly as it started because it's been a few weeks for him (because, unbeknownst to her, he didn't 'go out' while he was gone, either) and she always seems to feel too good for him. Too heavenly. Too far above and divine and her massive strength seeps him of his so quickly.

Her green fingertips are crawling lazily across his chest, relaxing him in ways he shouldn't be allowed to feel, given his past.

"Stay with me this time," she whispers. "I love you."

She's said the words he didn't want to hear. Sakura knows this the moment they've left her lips. They slipped, she hadn't meant to try to say them again. She wants to grab them back from the air and make them disappear when his muscles tense up beneath her hand, but it's too late. They would've come out sooner or later, anyway.

Sasuke sits up with his back to her. His fight or flight response is immediate. He pushes away. "Don't start this, Sakura," he warns. The sheets of her bed are pushed to the floor and leave her naked across the mattress. Sasuke doesn't take the bait (however tempting she might be) and stands to pull his clothes on.

Sakura is crying now. "Don't you feel anything, Sasuke?"

All he does is make her cry, he thinks. She deserves so much more than him. A phrase he's heard from somewhere in his past pops up in his mind. "I am flawed if I'm not free."

She shakes her head. "I don't understand when you say things like that."

It's because Sasuke knows himself. He knows when he is scared he screws up. He knows that he wants to push Sakura away and pull her close at the same time, but the darkness inside of him will always win. He will only ever make her cry, and she will only ever make him feel too much to handle. He doesn't want to break her because of it. His clothes are back on and she is sniffling behind him.

He thinks he is her flaw, always making her cry. She is his, clouding up his judgment like this. It would be better for both of them to be free of one another, wouldn't it? This is as much for himself as it is for her.

"Attachment is weakness. Those kinds of bonds bring pain."

"…"

What doesn't she understand? Why can't she just be happy with what they are? Why does she need more? "Freedom can't hurt you like that."

She laughs angrily, "Maybe you can lie to me, Sasuke, but please tell me you don't lie to yourself and actually believe that bullshit!"

This won't end with anything productive, he decides. "Hn, whatever."

"You're saying you want to be free then?"

Yes. No. Who fucking knows? He doesn't say anything.

"Are you not free enough now? Do you not fuck around enough already?!"

He scoffs, "I didn't say anything vulgar like that."

"You enjoy this type of freedom too much, then? You enjoy this little game you're playing with me?"

He growls with frustration. "It's not a game Sakura," he hisses. "It's just everything that comes with it- with your feelings, whatever- I… can't."

She chuckles bitterly and reaches to the floor to haul her comforter back over herself. She turns away from him and his eyes avert from her form. The silence lengthens the divide between them, and Sasuke doesn't know if he regrets coming or regrets not staying in bed with her.

He stands there, staring out the window, wondering just what is wrong with him.

"Get out," she hisses.

He obeys, crawling out her window, and heads to the only place that can help him forget. She stares at her ceiling, knowing where he was going, and knowing that if he doesn't show up back in her room in the next few hours, apologizing like he does sometimes, then he will drown his drunken thoughts away deep inside another woman.

She falls asleep crying after two hours pass; she wakes up the next morning alone.

.

x

.

4

.

FOUR.

CUATRO.

QUATRE.

.

It's always seventy-five in Suna, even during winter.

Sometimes it's even hotter. But it's spring now, and the only way she knows is because she looked at her calendar two days ago.

Sakura learns to miss melting snow, and the shiver darkness brings in Konoha. She starts to miss wearing jackets to shield against the cold, instead of the bite of sand. She starts to wonder if maybe it's time to go back to Konoha. Suna isn't a bad place to live, per se, but it just isn't home. But she can't go back home just yet, she reminds herself every night.

She still isn't ready to deal with what awaits her there. She figures if she stays away long enough, Sasuke will forget about her in that way. He'll forget his habit of tapping on her window after bar nights or missions. Eventually, given enough space, she hopes they can revert back to strictly teammates. And when this happens, maybe she can forget about him in that way.

She's wrong. Home comes to her. He's standing on her front porch this morning when she's leaving for work, smirking down at her with his ANBU mask in hand.

"Long time no see, annoying."

She is shell-shocked and can't respond, not even to the old nickname. She specifically told Naruto not to give this man any missions that involved Suna! Sakura knows her face must look like a fish out of water, but she doesn't know whether to cry or laugh or hug him or slam the door on him. She doesn't know whether to cry and laugh and hug him and slam the door behind him. It's been five months of peace here in Suna! Why is he here to screw up all her hard work of getting over him? All he does is use her!

Why can't he go use someone else and let her broken heart heal in peace? "Why are you here?"

"A mission," he says, pointedly waving his mask.

She takes a step back from him, "I mean, why are you here- at my house?"

"You didn't answer any of my letters," he accuses with a raised eyebrow.

This shocks her. Sakura shakes her head, "Only Naruto and Ino have written. And Tsunade-sama- twice."

"No, I've given all three of mine to Naruto and he sent them with-" his eyes widen and turn red. "That bastard!"

Sasuke's written to her- three times? Without a reply? She's confused, and she's already late to her shift at the hospital. She doesn't understand why he's here and she doesn't want to deal with him being here, saying these things. None of it matters.

"Okay, well, nice seeing you Sasuke-kun. I'm sure I'll get the letters eventually- sometimes my neighbor gets my mail, ha- but uh, I've- um- I gotta get to work. So…"

Sakura attempts to squeeze past him, which only results in her breasts brushing across his arm. Her eyes shoot up to his in embarrassment; he's smirking again, his birthright spinning slowly. He steps closer, effectively blocking her from moving any farther out of the doorway. She can feel his chest rising with each breath.

"You know how hard it was to get a mission over here, Sakura?" He's so beautiful it hurts. Her eyes are enthralled with his possessive stare. She wants him so bad, loves him so much; she wants him to just leave her alone. "I thought it was just Naruto being a jackass, but now, I'm starting to wonder if it was your doing."

He is so close that if she just stood on her toes she could kiss him. She wants to, but for what? They can never be together. Sasuke doesn't want to be together. She wouldn't let him be with her… she stares at his green vest, trying to calm her darkening thoughts. "Well what if it was my doing?"

His eyes narrow like she's confirmed his thoughts. "Then that's why I'm here."

She's startled. "What?"

"I'm here to undo it," he says. "I was stupid. I've made many mistakes in my life, Sakura. But I don't plan on making any more with you." He leans down and catches her lips, pushing her up against her doorframe as his hands slide across her waist like a missing puzzle piece. Sasuke Uchiha is in Suna, kissing her on her doorstep. She feverently kisses him back in the seconds before her wits return. She is out of breath when she pushes him away; he is smiling like he won a contest. The look should anger her. Instead, there's heat pooling ever so slowly below her abdomen.

God, he's beautiful. Her eyes are wide, "Sasuke-kun, my job, you- I can't! It's-"

"Shut up," he places his palm across her mouth. "I came here to inform you that the Kazekage has given you the day off."

"Mmph?!"

"Gaara owed me a favor. Now, I'll take my hand off if you'll be a good girl stop trying to blow me off."

The clearest green Sasuke's ever seen looks back at him. For the first time in his life he doesn't know what she's thinking. Sakura has always been an open book to him. Then she ran off to Suna without telling him or even saying goodbye. He thought she wasn't answer his mail- which, obviously, Naruto hadn't been sending in the first place. For five months he's been completely blind-sided, in the dark with her. He didn't know how fed up she was; she never told him if he didn't commit she would leave for good… he always just assumed she would stay. He knows he made some massive mistakes but she didn't have to up and leave him completely. Now she doesn't want to be near him when he's come all this way for her? She isn't happy about what he's just told her?

She looks… sad. He thought this was what she wanted- he thought this would make her happy? He moves his hand from her lips to her cheek.

Sasuke made his decision before he came here, though. Sakura Haruno is coming back to Konoha with him. He never thought he'd have to convince her… but so be it. He knows her better than anyone; it'll be easy to get her back. These past five months have been torture without her. If someone told him two years ago he would miss Sakura Haruno if she left, he would have laughed in their face. He even stopped going out so much after she left. He felt wrong, what if it got back to her and she thought he was going out to meet other women?

He only realized he didn't want any other woman when she left.

"Of course, if you want to be a bad girl and blow me off…"

His voice is darkly sensual, and Sakura can't take it anymore. He came to Suna. He knew she'd be working. He asked the Kazekage to give her the day off, and found her apartment, and had probably been waiting outside for her for quite some time before she opened the door to leave. And… and… Her heart bursts with love for this man, and breaks into a hundred pieces for herself at the same time.

Tears are burning the back of her eyes. Before he can see them she leans up into his lips, kissing him with all the pent up passion of months without release. He pushes her back inside, closing the door behind him before finding her thighs and picking her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands are on her ass, and hers are in his hair, and she prays he can't feel the wetness across her cheeks as they hit walls and cabinets and nearly fall a few times on the way back to her room. He whispers wicked promises and sweet nothings to her all in the same sentence.

Sasuke lays her across the bed with a softness that wasn't there on their way back here. He's looking down at her face and he's noticed the wet trails; she turns to shield her eyes with her hair.

"Tch…" Sasuke covers her body with his, trailing kisses up her stomach and across her neck until his onyx eyes are right in front of hers. His hands grab the sides of her face, forcing her to look at him. His brows crease in confusion.

Her chin quivers. "It's nothing," she answers to the question in his gaze, "I'm happy you're here Sasuke-kun. Really."

He kisses her and the hot tears spring free again. He pulls back, vexation apparent in his shoulders.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers, closing her eyes.

Fear is crawling up Sasuke's spine as her tears track across his fingertips. Somehow he knows she isn't coming home with him in that very moment. Sakura Haruno scares him- but this time for a completely different reason. He didn't want her love before, and now, when he's come all this way to get it and to keep it…

"Look at me," he orders, eyes unintentionally turning red as his heartbeat picks up.

She obeys, and when she stares back at him she's an open book again. He sees her heart breaking, and walls being built, and a painful resolution slowly settling into her heart. He kisses her again in hard frustration, not understanding what he's done wrong. Her response feels half-hearted.

"Sakura," He growls, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. "…Did I wait too long?" He can fix that. He can give it time. He can show he's being honest about this.

She's trying her hardest not to sob. "No, no, it'll never be your fault... I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm sorry. It's not you- I've always loved you. I loved you when you left, I loved you when you weren't you. I loved you even when you told me you wanted to be free."

"Then come home with me. I won't ask for that ever again," he says, pressing a kiss onto her neck. There is desperation in his voice that he tries to conceal. She's never seen him this vulnerable. She never knew he could be this vulnerable. She never thought it would be towards her.

Sakura knows he'll hate her after this. This man has been denied everything in his life, and once upon a time, she wanted to be the one to break that sad and lonely truth. She's promised him her heart many times over. After this, she'll be a liar to him. A traitor. But it's because she loves him that she can't let him choose this! He can't ever choose her. She thought she fixed the problem before there was one when she came to Suna.

She should tell him the truth. She should, but she's so ashamed she can't get the words out.

"Sasuke, I can't go home with you now."

"Then come live with me in the compound when your mission is over."

"I can't ask you to wait, I-"

He's scared. Sasuke Uchiha is terrified of this small woman on a scale he didn't think possible. "I'll wait. It's only a few more months. I'll wait years. If it's you, I- I'll even move here. You'll be the only person I'll ever go home with from now on, Sakura. Just…" he leans up and presses his forehead against hers, afraid to open his eyes and see the rejection he feels coming staring back at him. "Tell me that's what you want."

She is sobbing. This is all she's ever wanted to hear her whole life.

"Tell me," his fear is turning into something darker with each tear she chokes on. She isn't going to tell him what he wants. He feels it. "Say it!"

He's getting angry. She knew he would. She should have told him the truth from the beginning. Either way he would hate her. At least he would hate her for the same reason she hates herself if he knew everything, though. At least he wouldn't have dangled everything just out of reach in front of the both of them like this.

This will be the first time she has ever killed off a life of Sasuke's.

"I can't ever go home with you… I can't be with you, Sasuke."

A shiver burns down her entire body when he pushes himself off of her before she even finishes her sentence. "You told me you would always love me."

"I will always love you!" She sits up, reaching for his hand, frantically trying to pull him back despite knowing she shouldn't. He steps farther away, eyes slit and blood red. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and it's that very reason why I can't let you choose this!"

Anger flits across his face. "You're a liar. I was willing to-"

Word vomit is coming up. The truth is about to spill out. "No! I've never lied! I, Ican't have- I don't know how- but I'm bar-"

He stops her, fury radiating around him. "Is this what you wanted all along- for me to make a fool of myself?"

"No no, listen, please! Sasuke, I can't have-"

"Don't speak to me ever again, Sakura Haruno." He turns away from her shaking form.

"Listen to me!" She screams, desperate to tell him, desperate for him to understand. Desperately hoping that he'll still want her even after she tells him. She stands and runs to him.

He turns and stills her feet with his Sharingan inches before her hand can touch him. Sakura's eyes widen in shock- he's never intentionally used his bloodline against her.

Pure anger surges through Sasuke. Something inside feels like this girl standing behind him ripped it out and tore it apart. She's crying and he knows something isn't right, but he bared his feelings to her and she rejected him. He wants to comfort her- he feels his hands already reaching out to hold her again. He clenches them still. He won't give in to his emotions with her ever again, especially not right after that.

He is a prideful man. She is a lying woman, and he doesn't care what else she has to say. "You are annoying," he spits, meaning it this time.

He leaves. Even though she is able to move her feet again, she doesn't have it in her to stop him. Her front door slams with enough force to shake the walls of her apartment, like a mended bridge cracking at a fault line and crumbling back down into the deep ravine below. Sakura sinks to her knees and cries the rest of the day. She sleeps in the very spot he left her that night.

.

Sasuke has never made it back to Konoha from Suna in such a short time before. A boiling rage is festering inside of him when he pushes into the bar that night. People pave a wide path before him. He sits in the barstool that Sakura once frequented- angry at himself for doing so but nonetheless never moving. Women that would approach him any other night keep a safe distance from his deadly aura. Even Lee, who is on the other end of the bar and would normally come to challenge him to a youthful drinking challenge, decides better of betting him tonight.

He slams back his drinks alone. Everyone is terrified of Sasuke Uchiha in moods like this. Only Naruto and Sakura would have the gall to walk up to him tonight- but Naruto is busy in his office, and Sakura is miles away, crying and being the reason of it all.

He'll be alone, like always, he thinks, glaring at nothing in particular as he raises his hand for another round.

Whatever. It's better this way. Otherwise people make fools of themselves, like he's just done. His eyes are seeping red with his thoughts.

Surprisingly, the next second, a body is sliding into the seat next to him. "What a mood you're in tonight, ne, Sasuke-kun? You're scaring everyone away!"

The voice is familiar. He closes his eyes and sighs, "Go away, Karin."

"Don't be so cruel, Sasuke-kun," She touches his bicep, feigning hurt. He ignores her attempts. He hasn't bed her in almost a year- not since Sakura started pushing for more, at least. Not that he was faithful to Sakura after that, either; but he felt it was somehow less hurtful if it was someone she didn't know, instead of someone she despised, like Karin. Giving up Karin had been easy, anyway. He'd only gone for her initially because she offered so willingly- and that was hard for any drunk man to say no to. Despite all her drawbacks, Karin hadbeen there for him during some of his darkest times. Sasuke would always appreciate her for that. He didn't like her, but he trusted her.

It also didn't hurt that her hair was just shades away from pink. Most of the time when they were together in the darkness, her eyes were closed and the red was hidden and her voice was pitched just so- it was easy to imagine she was someone else entirely. Someone who had also been there for him during his darkest times, even when he tried his hardest to break the bond.

Her breasts are pushed up against his arm and he's reminded of earlier today, when an accidental brush was all it took for his blood to rush south. In comparison, he feels nothing at this. He clenches his glass in anger as self-conscious green stare up at him in his mind's eye.

"Let me make you feel better. It's been a while, right?" She whispers. She loves him. Can't he see that he's all she's wants? She wants to be with him again, like he used to allow her to be. Before that pink-haired bitch went and grew the balls to bed him, too. "Don't you remember how good I can make you feel?"

"Go away," he mutters again. He doesn't want Karin. He doesn't want anyone. He wants to be alone- he wants to forget. His face slips.

It's like she can read his thoughts with that, and she smirks at the chance he's given her. She saw that very look many times when they were on a team. "Let me help you forget, then, Sasuke-kun."

Call it a woman's intuition, but she knows why he seems so angry. She knows through the grapevine where his last mission took place- a mission he personally asked to be given. He took classified information to the Kazekage. Through the very same grapevine (named Suigetsu) she also heard who was given a rather lengthy year-long mission to Suna just months ago. Sometime around that same month, Sasuke quit coming to the bars. It wasn't hard to connect the dots.

She bit her lip anxiously before letting it slip out, "She might not be here, but I am. See? I'm right here for you, like I always have been. Just like I always will be."

Her statement shocks him enough that he turns to face her. Is he that easy to read lately? What has Sakura done to him?

Karin smiles in victory and stands, tugging on his arm as she does. "Come on then. I'll show you just how here for you I am," she purrs.

He chugs his drink and hopes it'll be enough to make him forget what he's about to do tomorrow. He wants to forget everything. He doesn't really want to be alone; why else would he go so far to bring the one he wants- wanted- back? But now… Now he wants Sakura to pay for what she's denied him. So he swallows the guilt rising in his chest with the last of his alcohol and follows Karin out of the bar.

.

x

.

7

.

SEVEN,

SIETE.

SEPT.

.

Karin holds the baby boy in her arms. He looks just like his father. She smiles, stroking the soft tufts of black that peak out from beneath the blue cap the nurses put on after they cleaned him

He's healthy. He's beautiful. He's hers. She looks up at Sasuke, who is staring down at the baby with a look she's seen on him before, but has never been able to read.

He is theirs.

She loves her baby more than she's ever loved another being. She loves him more than she loves her husband, something Karin didn't think would ever be possible. She runs her finger across his cheek, smile hiding a deep sadness as she gazes at her miracle.

Will he love you? She wonders. Will he love you even though you're mine? Will he hold you and have no regrets? Will he love you for everything you are, instead of despising you for everything that you aren't? It doesn't matter, she decides. She loves their baby enough for the both of them. Itachi will be her lovely child, with or without her husband's agreement. She's given Sasuke what he's always wanted… and she has gained something she never knew she did.

He's still standing with his arms limply at his side, watching their son sleep in hers. "Would you like to hold him, Sasuke-kun?"

He's nervous, she realizes, as he nods and reaches for the baby. Karin places the small, wrapped boy carefully into the crook of his arms- a smile spreading across her features at the sight. Five years ago she would've laughed at the idea of the Sasuke Uchiha she knew then holding a newborn. Now, the scene is beautiful.

Sasuke holds his son with gentleness he didn't know he possessed. This is his child, this is his clan. This is the only other living person in the world with Uchiha blood.

This is what he's always wanted…

Sasuke smiles, "Hi… Itachi," he nearly chokes on the name.

Itachi opens his eyes at the sound of Sasuke's voice, yawning and reaching up towards the man's face. Red. The boy's eyes are red, but not in the blood red of the Sharingan. That won't awaken for years. They are lighter, the less sinister shade of his mother's.

The sight has him handing the baby back over to Karin.

Sasuke is suddenly crying, and she's watching him sadly like she knows why and he knows he shouldn't be ruining this moment but he is, because he ruins everything; even the beauty that this moment should be.

"I'm sorry," he says, turning away from his wife and child, needing some air to clear his head. Karin doesn't stop him.

Sasuke is outside the hospital in seconds. The same hospital that once touted the best medical ninja in the world. He looks up at the clear blue sky that taunts him with beauty and he is still crying and he doesn't even care who might see him out here like this. He feels the two people approach from behind him before they ever make a sound. He doesn't try to hide his tears.

Naruto doesn't make a mention of them. "Since you're in the business of naming after family, the next one's gonna be named after me, right teme?" Sasuke just glances at Naruto, grateful for the attempt but unable to lighten up. Naruto looks like he wants to cry too, but he is still smiling. Sasuke is glad his best friend holds it in this time.

"You did good, Sasuke." Kakashi's hand falls on Sasuke's head. Sasuke wants to disagree, that he didn't "do good"- that none of this is right and all of them know it- but he doesn't. "He looks just like you," Kakashi continues. "He'll be breaking hearts in no time."

"He's got Karin's eyes," Sasuke says, tears still falling and still not giving a damn. Naruto and Kakashi know him well enough to read between the lines of those words, but they don't push it. Naruto puts his arm around Sasuke's shoulders, but Sasuke doesn't dare look over. He can tell by the sniffing that Naruto is no longer smiling. Naruto knows Sasuke doesn't want him to cry for him, but he can't help it.

They should be happy- these should be tears of joy.

Kakashi starts talking again to fill the silence. "It's nice for a teacher to see his student's dreams come true. Naruto is Hokage, and now you've begun to restore your clan, Sasuke." They look out across the green grass of summer, a shade of green that will forever haunt Sasuke. "I'm proud of you all."

Their teacher pauses. Kakashi is unsure whether to say his next words or not. He looks up at the sky, stealing himself, because he knows it needs to be said. "I know Sakura is happy for you today, Sasuke. She would want you to be happy, too."

Sasuke chokes, his head lowering. He raises his hand to cover his eyes at the words.

"Aa, Sasuke, Sakura sent me a letter and told me to congratulate you for her," Naruto admits, his voice steady through the tears. Sasuke's shoulders shake beneath his arm. He hadn't been sure if he was going to tell Sasuke, but Kakashi had gone and said Sakura's name and Naruto felt like he had to. He knew it was hard enough on his best friend- he knew how much he hated talking about it. Naruto wasn't expecting to find Sasuke crying though, either.

Sasuke is sobbing. "That should be her in there," he finally admits it out loud. If Naruto and Kakashi think him a horrible man for saying that they don't show it. Maybe they were all thinking it.

This is what he's always wanted… his clan is being restored. But he saw Karin's eyes staring back at him through Itachi, and wished in that instant it was green looking up at him instead. He wished that it was pink hair he prayed wouldn't get passed down instead of red, and he wished it didn't break his heart to look down at his child and wish Itachi was something and someone he will never be.

He wishes he could have what he truly wanted, instead of just what he'd always wanted.

This is what he owes his parents, and his clan- but most of all- this is what he owes his brother.

But what about what he owes himself? He stands next to his teammates, crying, letting Naruto cry with him and Kakashi pat his shoulder, and wonders if what waits for him back inside is worth more than her; if his dream was worth more than the only woman he'll ever love… But his thoughts only makes him feel unworthy of Sakura's immense love- and even more unworthy of his own boy asleep in his wife's arms - when he realizes he will never be able to answer that question.

.

x

.

5

.

5

.

FIVE.

CINCO.

CINQ.

.

Tsunade is fuming. "He can't ask this of you! I'll wring that bastard's neck! What is wrong with him?!"

They're standing outside room 417, in the critical care ward. Sakura is rubbing her temples as her mentor refuses to move out of the way.

"I'm gonna kill that sorry excuse for a man!"

"Yes, yes, go do that," Sakura intones. "At least you'll be out of my way then."

Tsunade glares at her former student. "Why are you even doing this? Let his evil little spawn die. After everything he's done- to this village, to his friends, to you… It's what he deserves."

Steely green pins honey. "Don't you ever say that again about Sasuke or his child. Ever," Sakura hisses. The older woman is shocked by the warning of the girl's voice. She sounds much older than the 23 years she is. "I will never forgive you if you do. You will never speak like that in front of his kids, understood?" She takes a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't meant to snap at the woman she views as a second mother.

"Anyway… It's not like he's forcing me to do this. He asked and I agreed. And I don't know if you remember the war correctly or not, shishou, but let me remind you that that 'sorry excuse for a man' saved your life along with everyone else's. Now move out of my way so I can check on the patient!" By the time her sentence is finished, she's nearly yelling again.

Tsunade bows her head. "I apologize, Sakura," she says honestly, "I just care about you. I don't want to see you hurt anymore."

"It's okay, Tsunade. I know you didn't mean it. I'm sorry for snapped. I'm… stressed. Just, please, let me through."

The former Hokage steps away from the door with a sigh. "I've already taken care of her injuries. You only need to make sure the fetus wasn't harmed."

Sakura nods, taking a deep breath to calm her emotions before opening the door. The quiet beep of the heart monitor is much slower than the rate of her own. She closes it behind her and grabs the chart off the wall. A twisted wrist, multiple cuts and bruises; the biggest thing is the fractured tailbone- more of an inconvenience than a serious issue. She looks it over two more times, delaying the inevitable.

Sure, she had all the confidence in the world before she stepped into the room. Now she feels like a beaten dog, hoping for a treat from the same hand that always gives the punishments.

"I know he asked you to look me over, but I would prefer if it was Tsunade who continued the examination."

Surprised, Sakura looks up into narrowed red. She can almost choke on the thick aura of suspicion.

Karin chuckles, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You think I don't know he went to see you?" She snarls, not bothering to hide her disdain.

Sakura places the chart back before making her way over to the bed. If Karin thinks she's going to intimidate her out of this room, the woman is sorely mistaken. Sakura may have made a mistake when she came home from her mission a few days ago, but that is not a discussion to have while she is on duty. "Do you feel any pain in your lower abdomen?"

Karin's eyes lose their tough accusation and flash in quick panic at Sakura's approach. "I don't want you conducting this exam!" She yells, almost with terror, "I don't trust you! Bring Tsunade back in here at once!"

The woman's monitors show she isn't lying. Her heart rate and blood pressure sky rocket within seconds of Sakura standing beside the bed.

The pinkette sighs, "I'm not going to harm you or your child, Karin. You don't have to be afraid. Tsunade cannot conduct this examination because I was specifically assigned by the Hokage to ensure that your child is safe and healthy."

"Of course Naruto would think it's okay for you to conduct an exam on my baby!Naruto knows nothing! But do you think I don't know how much this eats you up inside?!" Karin is screaming and Sakura prays none of the nurses come in to see what's going on. "You think I don't know how you wish this was you?"

She laughs, but it sounds more frantic than anything else. "How do you think I felt when he left me for you- left me, the one who was there for him all along, for a little girl who hangs out at bars too often? A little girl who runs away when she doesn't get what she wants; a little girl who chose her birthplace over the one she 'loved'. A little girl who tried to kill him! How did I feel when he ignored me because you were there? How do you think I felt six days ago when I laid awake ALONE and PREGNANT in HIS BED?!"

Her laugh is full of contempt, "You think I don't know how jealous you are right now, but I know exactly what you're feeling and I won't let you near my child Sakura Haruno!"

Her words are like a punch in Sakura's gut.

It's true.

It's all fucking true, every single word, and she would like nothing more than to impale Karin and her fucking child right there on the fucking hospital bed and watch as the life drained out of her fucking red eyes and smile while it's happening because YOU'RE RIGHT Karin. I'm fucking JEALOUS and- and I deserve to be the one worried over MY pregnancy- it was never supposed to be you! And THIS was never supposed to HAPPEN! And all she'll ever be is a wasted out girl who cried too much and was never strong enough and never good enough and never did the right thing…and isn't that what Karin wants? Doesn't she want to break Sakura down, to prove her point, to make sure the pinkette knows that she's lost?

Who is she trying to convince, though: herself or Sakura? Because all these things that chalk up to Sakura being an utter failure in life is a fact Sakura accepted of herself many years ago.

Sakura closes her eyes and takes a few calming breaths. Inside, murderous jealousy and devastating heartbreak are at war. She isn't going to harm Karin though, that much she knows. Her fantasies and reality rarely coincide.

But she also doesn't want to let the woman see her cry. All she can do is finish the exam as quickly as possible. So she can run to Ino's apartment down the block and let her heart shatter into tiny little pieces and plummet down into cracks they can't be retrieved from and not have to worry about who can see her completely break down and fall apart.

"If I hurt you or your child, I would only be hurting Sasuke," Sakura says, keeping her eyes shut in an effort to steady her voice. "And I would never hurt him, Karin. If you know how I feel then you must know that much as well."

Sakura opens her eyes to meet Karin's. The woman is beautiful, Sakura thinks past the horrible green beast rearing its head inside of her, demanding justice. She's always known the redhead was uniquely exotic looking, like herself, but jealousy had usually clouded her judgment enough to ignore the admission. Karin is loyal, albeit in an often over-sexual way, but loyalty is a trait Sakura admires in any shinobi and in any woman. She is smart, and powerful in her own right with abilities some would give anything to possess. She is always looked at as the weak-link; she has a temper; she has a weakness for a boy; and looking up from the hospital bed she is currently clutching to, Karin suddenly reminds Sakura so much of herself it's frightening.

Karin must know what I mean to Sasuke, Sakura thinks. The woman said herself she knows that Sasuke has been visiting her in the past week she's been back- knows that Sasuke came crawling through her bedroom window asking for her help before ever once going to the hospital to see if his fiancé was okay.

Do you know my first night back I couldn't help myself when he tapped on my window, even though Ino told me about the baby and the engagement?

Do you know he whispered to me that he only asked you because of the child? That he'll leave you if I ask, that he'd even bring the child all the way to Suna if I forgave him?

Do you know he says you were a horrible mistake and promised to spend the rest of his life making it up to me?

Do you know he plans to leave you if I let him?

Do you know he doesn't love you, Karin?

Sakura would ask these questions if she were feeling cruel; but looking into Karin's eyes, full of loathing and distrust, she can see what the other woman is desperately trying to hide.

Fear. Heartbreak.

Loneliness.

Sakura puts herself in Karin's shoes and wonders, would she be able to let the other woman help? If she knew Sasuke would leave for Karin no matter how hard she tried and no matter how hard she loved him, would she be able to stand being in the same room as her?

Because Sakura never doubted that Karin loved Sasuke. She knows Karin loves Sasuke.

But Sasuke was supposed to be hers, and hers alone. Forever. She was supposed to make him happy. Not Karin. But as she looks at the pregnant woman she feels a part of herself fly away. She feels like she is watching this moment outside of her own body and own conscious bias like a true medic should.

Karin will treat Sasuke well.

Karin will never leave him.

Karin will raise and love their child; because Sakura would've treated Sasuke well, and Sakura would never have left him, and Sakura would've loved their child with all her soul, and Sakura has just realized that there is very little difference separating the two women when it comes to Sasuke Uchiha. Only, Karin can give him something she cannot.

It takes a minute of silent stand-off before Karin nods quickly. The look she is wearing subsides, like she's noticed a change in Sakura's demeanor.

"Just hurry up… I want to go home."

"Aa…" Sakura lays her green hands across the woman's stomach, easing her chakra in. It is less tense, but no less awkward. "Is there any pain at all in your lower abdomen?"

"No."

Sakura can feel the second chakra signature within Karin's body. It is tinted blue with a familiarness that is lacking its sinister edge. Her tears spring up again against the back of her eyes as she tries to ignore how accustomed her chakra is to the other.

"Tell me how you fell. What caused it, how you landed, how you got back to Konoha."

"We were doing a quick patrol and a series of contractions hit and I couldn't keep my balance," Karin answers, "I fell about 20 feet but I managed to turn so I didn't land on my stomach. Juugo carried me back."

Sakura nods. "Okay…"

Karin waits mere seconds before pouncing, "Okay what? Is my baby okay? Why am I having early contractions?"

"The fetus is fine, though a bit shaken," Sakura says, pushing some healing chakra into the baby; but there isn't much else she can do for it. The baby is healthy.

She has to physically tell herself not to wish otherwise in that second.

"You need to hydrate yourself better. You aren't taking in enough fluids. I'm going to put you on bed rest for the next two weeks and see if that helps any. You're also done with taking any missions until you deliver this baby. Why Naruto continued to assign you missions when you're 7 months pregnant is beyond me, but I'll send a medical report to him after this that excuses you for the next 2 months. It will be up to you after you give birth how long you wish to remain inactive."

In two months the current Sasuke will die, and a whole new life of Sasuke's will begin. This will be the last life cycle she will track. Sakura will never know the Sasuke's born and killed after this. She will not ponder his cat lives anymore. For her own sake. For his.

Sakura withdrawals her hands, tucking them into her lab coat. "That's it then…" She doesn't want to ask because she knows where it'll lead, but she is required: "Any more questions?"

Karin is staring at her like an injured animal trying to hide her wounds. "I am a gifted sensor."

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Sakura intones, though she hadn't meant it to come out as cold as it did.

The woman on the bed snarls, "You know what I'm getting at. If I'm tracking someone, I know exactly what their chakra is doing. If I'm close enough I can even get readings on their mood." Sakura doesn't answer her, so Karin continues. "I know what happened when you came home, okay? I don't want to listen to you lie. I don't want to hear the truth. I want to pretend it never happened, because it hurts too much think about."

The eye contact they were holding drops when green moves to look over to the window. Sakura knows all too well about how Sasuke Uchiha can hurt too much to think about.

"I know we've never gotten along," Karin peddles on, "and I know you love Sasuke. But I'm not speaking to you as a rival. I'm speaking to you as a woman." She stands up from the bed, stepping up until the two are face-to-face. Vulnerable, threatened red meets guilty, heart-broken green and in that split second both women feel over-whelming sympathy and understanding for one another; the moment passes in the next. They never have been and never will be anything more than forcibly civil. "As a woman, I am asking you to respect me, respect my baby, and respect the love I have for my fiancée. I don't know what he told you, or promised you, and I don't want to know. But I am having his child and I am going to raise and love my child with or without him." She must know everything, then, Sakura thinks. "And I hope that you would respect me enough as a woman to hope that my child can be raised by both of his parents, together, and happy."

She knows everything, except the one cold truth she has kept secret.

The tears are too hot for Sakura to conceal this time. They brim over her lashes as she smiles. "You love Sasuke a lot, don't you?"

Karin is reminded of the tears that fell on her body as Sakura grabbed ahold of her life force on that bridge long ago and anchored her to the world of the living. She remembers the painful way the woman cried, like her heart had been broken too many times to repair. The fake smile spreading agonizingly across her face this time only makes it worse. The sight makes her want to cry too, but she doesn't. Crying is for the weak. That's something she's learned from Sasuke.

"I love him as much as you love him. I love this child even more," she answers quietly.

Sakura laughs, but it's caught between a sob when it comes out. "You must love Itachi an unbelievable amount, then."

Sasuke has told her the name of their child, then. Karin wants to scowl and yell again, but Sakura is still crying with that broken sort of smile and she can't bring herself to do so. She only nods instead. The woman obviously feels shitty enough without Karin adding, albeit the redhead is a bit triumphant that she, in the end, won.

"You will make a wonderful mother," Sakura struggles out as her smile widens, "I wish nothing but happiness for you and Sasuke."

The redhead knows it's wrong to kick a horse when it's down, but Karin asks anyway, because this is important and she has to know. "And you aren't going to try to take him or my baby away from me, are you?"

Sakura brokenly laughs again and the sound unwillingly brings tears to Karin's eyes.

It is now or never. Now, and Sasuke will forever be gone. Now, and Sasuke can have a happy life with Karin. Now, and Karin will never have to worry again. "Karin… I am infertile."

The words make Karin's heart skip a beat in the silence that follows them. A few tears she was holding back suddenly burst free and she is crying for Sakura Haruno, the homewrecker, the woman her fiancée slept with a week ago, the woman who always seems to steal Sasuke right out from under her feet. She is crying for a woman who's tears make her wonder how many times a person can break until there is nothing left. She is crying for a woman who she cannot imagine being in the same situation as. She does not feel an ounce of victory in this "win" any longer.

"I- I don't- wow. I'm sorry. I'm really- I didn't know…" what does one say to that kind of news, to a woman you hate and but want to console at the same time?

Sakura fake laughs (breaks a little more) again. "Don't be," and she turns around; away from the tears of pity Karin is showing- away from the woman who has everything she's ever wanted, while holding everything that same woman wants.

How ironic.

She is opening the door to leave-

leave for good.

Leave to go home, to pack all her things, to say goodbye to her friends and get the hell out of this haunting city forever.

To go back to Suna and never look back. Leave Sasuke, leave Karin, let their happy family grow here in the city that has only ever brought her heart ache and broken promises and dark nights she'll never forget with the only man she's ever loved. Leave Karin with her fate, with the knowledge that Sasuke is only hers because Sakura won't allow Sasuke to choose her over his goal.

"Don't be sorry for me. Don't be worried about me and Sasuke. I can never restore his clan- his only wish left in life. I would never let him choose me over you, Karin."

It's time to move on, to keep the wind on her back, to pray she can still feel the sun on her face one day. Sakura looks over her shoulder one last time. Karin's hands are on her protruding stomach, her red eyes filled with pity and hurt, and a bitter understanding that Sasuke's heart will forever belong to another. "Sasuke will never leave you for me."

And then Sakura leaves.

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Wow. Let me tell you a little secret. I've been adding onto this story for a good year. A YEAR! It took me a YEARRRR to finally finish this. Not a year because it's long, not a year because it's amazing, just a year because I would literally sit down and write a paragraph and lose interest in writing again for a week or seven. HA BUT I FINISHED SO TAKE THAAAATTTT! That's determination at its finest. Or procrastination at its worst. However you wanna look at it. I prefer to think of my glass as being half full.

ANYWHO! What do you think of this story that took me a whole 365 days to type out being I'm a horrible human being and writer and I should probably stop trying at and at life in general-
sorry. Anyway, review please and thanks and I love you and I will REPLLLYYYY TO ANNNYYY AND ALLLLLLLL REVIEWWWWS

Also any grammar, spelling mistakes, etc. pleaseeeee tell me!

-starry