Chapter One: I Won't Even Say Goodbye

AN1: I've actually uploaded this story before but it got pulled off the site a while ago, so for any of you who think its familiar, that might be the reason. HOWEVER, I will make some changes to the plot down the road.

AN2: This story will contain explicit sexual material down the road. If you have anything against that, don't read it.

AN3: I do not own the Twilight series nor do I own the characters. All copyright belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Plot is mine.

Jacob's POV:

I woke up feeling really happy. Why? No fucking idea.

My life has taken a big kick to the knee lately. My dad Billy died a year ago. It was a horribly tragic car accident. Grief wouldn't part me for months after his death. A part of me was screaming to move on, while the other part just couldn't let go of him.

I admired all the love and affection I received from my friends and the pack. They had really been my backbone in the storm. After two months passed, I realized that I was able to smile again. I used to comfort myself by telling my head that dad was with mom now, and they were watching over me. I didn't believe in that crap on a normal day, but if this would help, so let it be.

Paul would spend nights over at my now empty house. I had turned 18 so I was basically able to live by myself now, but the thought had killed me at first. Paul volunteered to stay over night after night. He woke up with me when I screamed out of the horrible nightmares that struck me. He ate when I ate. He smiled when I smiled. He cried when I cried. Paul was truly the magical antidote to the pain.

And here's the second low blow that life gave me. I sort off developed a crush for Paul through all this time. Could you blame me? Paul stopped his life just to make sure I continued mine. Of course I would develop a crush on him. Plus, I knew when I was 15 that the straight part of me was no more. I hadn't told anybody. It's not that I didn't trust them. I was just afraid I would scare anyone off, especially Paul.

I'd always fantasize about how it would be like when I told him. It always went both ways. When I felt pessimistic, I imagined him never coming back to my house and cutting off all contact with me. Yet, thanks to my crazy sizzling hormones, most of the times I was optimistic. I'd imagine him taking me into his arms, kissing me passionately, and taking my virginity right then and there.

The third and last blow life gave me was losing Paul. That was absolutely the hardest part of it all. He left with no warning. I remember that day clearly.

*Flashback*

My eyes fluttered open in the middle of the night. I looked at the right side of the double bed we slept on out of habit. I always looked there to see Paul, sleeping in all his glory. We were pack mates, which meant that we had seen each other naked countless times, so it was nothing awkward.

Yet that night, what I was when I looked there was something totally different. I saw complete emptiness.

Where are you Paul? Damn it! Where are you?

Paul was not there.

Like a lunatic, I stormed through the entire house looking frantically for Paul. There was no sight of him anywhere. I was going crazy with all the bad thoughts. Without even stopping to see what time it was, I put on a short and ran out of the house to where Paul lived. Well, where he used to live that is, before he "moved in" with me: Sam's house.

I knocked on the front door.

"Sam," I called out. "Sam open the fucking door!"

"What is it Jacob?" Sam opened the door, washing out his eyes with his hands. "What time is it?" Emily was standing right behind him, with a look of concern covering her face.

"I'm sorry Sam, but Paul is gone. He's just not there!" I yelled out.

Sam seemed to wake up from his sleep and understand what this was about. Concern changed to sympathy on Emily's face. Sam sighed deeply. "Come inside Jacob, we need to talk."

"Sam, say what you need to say right now," I muttered out impatiently.

"Paul is gone Jacob, for good. He left," Sam spoke, as I felt my body shudder with deep sorrow and confusion. The pain was too heavy to cry; the words too strong to burst. I stood motionless at the front porch of Sam's house.

"Paul left for military service," he managed to add.

So many thoughts were going through my head right now:

Why hadn't Paul told me? Why did Sam know all of this? Paul and I discussed him going to the military for a while, but he eventually decided to skip that. What changed his mind?

Something was being hidden from me and I knew it, but right now, I was in no decent condition to ask. I turned my back towards Sam's house before running quickly to phase.

*End of Flashback*

Six months have passed since that day. I still don't have any answers to the questions I had at that time. Nobody would tell me anything. I know that everybody had knowledge of exactly what went on that night, but their mouths were shut.

I couldn't be persistent and show the exact amount of pain I was going through because of the separation from Paul. They would then know and understand the nature of my emotions towards Paul which was something I did not want at all. So I tried to be objective as I can, except around Sam, who I thought would probably have a good idea of how I felt towards Paul because of that night and my tragic response to the event.

Truth was, I felt a lot of regret over keeping that to myself. Maybe if I had told Paul the truth, things would be different. Just maybe…

But today, as I told you, I felt happy and hopeful. I guess no matter what life throws at you, in the end, it can't keep you down for too long. God I missed Paul, but life goes on.

Where does the story go from here? Expect a love triangle. Here's something I want to know though; at the end of your reviews leave the name of the second love interest you'd like to see for Jacob in this plot or PM me.

Reviews are what will keep me writing. They are highly appreciated.

P.S: Chapter title is a song performed by singer Adaline. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

F. Y.