"Trips! Come on babies, we need to go. Mama is gonna be late to work. I have a very important surgery that Daddy is going to help me with."

Ruby had just turned two when we welcomed our triplets Parker Bailey, Ella Kathleen, and Caleb Alexander into the world. We tried almost daily for a year before conceiving them naturally. We were about to begin fertility treatments when I finally became pregnant. Now here I was 8 months pregnant with our not-planned-yet 5th baby. As soon as we found out I was pregnant again, Owen got a vasectomy. 5 kids in 5 years was plenty and I was more than ready to have my body to myself again.

"Mama, I need my shoes."

Ella toddled over to me and pressed her chubby body up against my legs. She was just so dang pretty. She had deep blue eyes like the ocean and was the first of four kids to have dark hair like me.

"Black sandals today?"

"Please Mama."

Ella was a girly girl inside and out. Ruby was attached to Owen's hip so naturally she loved being able to fish with him and loved football even as a five year old. We had Ruby in softball and swimming while the triplets did tee ball and was starting swim lessons.

I bent over the best I could with my big bump and slipped her sandals on. The boys came running with their flip flops on.

"Mama, we go see Dad?"

Caleb had a minor speech delay as a young toddler so his sentences weren't as well structured as his older siblings but he wasn't far behind anymore.

"Yep, let's go load up in the suburban. We have to hurry."

Once the three little ones were buckled in, we were able to make our way to the hospital that was only 25 minutes from our house.

Owen and I had a system down. If I had the little ones by myself, he would come out to the parking lot and help me get the three of them inside and checked into daycare. If he couldn't, he'd send someone else out. He was extremely overbearing this go around and didn't want me over doing things now that I was 6 weeks away from delivering.

I pulled into my parking spot not far from the ambulance bay and saw Owen jogging over to help.

"Running behind? Deluca is monitoring pre-op for our patient now."

"I'm sorry. I know. Parker spilled his cereal all over his outfit so I had to change him then Caleb had an accident so I had to change him then it took me forever to find the pair of shoes I knew Ella would be okay with wearing."

"Seriously? I don't get them dressed until after breakfast and Ella is 3. Just put whatever on her feet and go to work."

I shot Owen a heated look. Now was not the time.

"We don't always have to do things your way, Owen. Plus I'd rather not have to deal with Ella's tantrums first thing in the morning."

"We can discuss this later. Come on boys, hold Dad's hands."

He walked the boys in while Ella skipped along side me.

"Mama, Daddy is grumpy."

I grinned down at my mini me.

"It's okay. He had a long night at work then was back early. He'll be okay."

Once the kids were checked into daycare, we silently walked to OR 4 to scrub in for our hemispherectomy. Normally he wouldn't be there for my surgery but like I said, I rarely had space to breathe alone now that I was far enough along.

Our last baby would be named Arizona Grace after her would-be god mother and her middle name would match mine. She'd go by Gracie. Once the triplets were out of the NICU and adjusted at home, Owen was offered an opportunity he decided he couldn't pass up. He started lead teaching some trauma seminars 1-2 weekends a month around the country minus summer months.

"You're mad at me because I was 10 minutes late today?"

"I'm mad because you were late and you have an important surgery."

"I was taking care of our kids. They're with me almost always if I'm not at work, you know."

"Not this again. Don't start Amelia."

"I was fine until you wanted to have an attitude!"

By now we made it to the scrub room and the nurses stayed clear since I'm sure they could hear us. It was no secret things were a bit rocky currently.

"You want to hold it against me that I left a few weekends just to teach. I'm earning us money. I'm providing for our family."

"It's not just a few weekends, Owen. 40 weekends out of the past 2 years. You provide financially but the kids miss you. I miss you. When Gracie is born, I'll probably cut my hours even more and that's if I even come back. I'll be living vicariously through you when it comes to surgery. I need your help though. We have a lot of little kids. I never thought we'd survive the triplets as newborns. Now we have a sassy kindergartener, a trio of threenagers, and soon we will have a newborn. I am one person who can only do so much. I want my husband back. I need you to stay here in Georgia. Provide for us here."

Owen's demeanor already started to soften.

"I never went really went anywhere far, Mia. I'm still here."

He stepped closer to me and stroked my left cheek despite having just scrubbed in. A single tear spilled from my eyes. It hurt me to be at odds with the person I love most in the world.

"I want you to sleep in our bed again. I want to feel you being around me."

"Okay. I hated the couch anyways but I didn't want us fighting every night so it was easier to have a little bit of separation."

"Nothing easy has ever been worth it."

We were together in a close embrace minus my baby bump that pressed against Owen's flat stomach.

"You're worth it Amelia. We will get through this rough patch."

"I know."

I wiped my tear and started to scrub in again. Now the silence that fell between us wasn't so hostile. My mind felt a little more clear and I was ready to save my patient's life.

After my 6 hour long surgery, my feet were throbbing and my back ached like when I was carrying the triplets. Once my patient was in recovery and stable, I pawned him back off on Deluca for post op observation. I had to get the triplets from daycare, Ruby from the after school program and get them to tee ball and softball practice. Owen would be leaving work and getting dinner made.

.

"Alright kids! Everyone inside. Cleats in the laundry room and wash your hands. Daddy has dinner ready for us at the table."

They all ran to do as they were told and Owen came to help me carry their bat bags.

"Amelia, no heavy lifting. You know this."

"It's hardly heavy. They're little kids. Whatever you made smells really good."

I flashed him a dimpled smile and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. With whatever rut we were in, it seemed like it had been forever since we actually kissed but I hadn't been home enough to gauge his mood.

"Spaghetti and meatballs. Thank you for doing the ball field stint today. After dinner you can shower in peace. I already have pajamas laid out for the four of them and overnight pull ups for our trips. How were they?"

Ruby ran into the kitchen followed by her brothers and sister. They climbed into their respective chairs and we sat down to eat.

"Daddy! I hit the ball almost to the fence in left field! Today was just practice but everyone still cheered really loud for me!"

I watched as they all took turns filling Owen in on their practices. The boys wanted so badly to be Braves players when they grew up and not on the Mariners like their father would wish for.

"Did any of you ask Mama how her big surgery went today?"

I had all of the kids' attentions while they waited for me to fill them in on my day.

"Well my patient is recovering well and the surgery went perfectly. Daddy saw the whole surgery too."

"Mama, I want to do surgeries with you one day!"

My mini me couldn't contain her excitement.

"Well Ella, if you work really hard and always get good grades in school, you may really be able to."

"On people's brains like you, Mama?"

"If that's the specialty you choose, of course."

"Oh yeah? I want to work trauma just like Daddy. I want to be a soldier too!"

Ruby worshipped the ground Owen walked on. She loved him so much.

"I think that could happen. One daughter turns out like Dad and the other like Mom."

Parker looked at me, his face covered in pasta sauce and pieces of noodles.

"Mama, what about Gracie when she comes out of your tummy?"

"I don't know Parker. We will just have to ask her when she's old enough to talk. Have you four finished? Dad is going to do bedtime while Mama has some alone time."

"Almost! 2 bites!"

The boys raced to finish while the girls were pretty much done.

Once Owen escorted the kids to Ella's bathroom for bath time, I went into our ensuite to shower. The steaming hot water pelting my neck and back felt amazing. It was getting so strenuous to keep growing another human. After my hair and body was cleaned to my liking, I waddled to our closet to get pajamas on. I settled for Owen's heavily worn Harvard t-shirt and some sleep shorts.

My husband walked in almost 30 minutes later and plopped down on the bed in defeat.

"Tired?"

"You have no idea. The boys got the floor more bathed than their body. I think we can graduate Ruby to her own bath or showers now. Her lanky legs are no match for the tub when she's sharing it with three acrobatic toddlers."

"That's fine. She is the eldest anyways. I just hope Ella doesn't mind."

"Ella Kate will be alright, I promise."

We often called her by her first name and abbreviated middle name. Owen and Ruby had started that and it just stuck.

"Meredith want us to come over for dinner soon. She even said to bring Katie."

I groaned internally. The kids turned into Tasmanian devils when they were at their aunt and uncle's. Oddly enough, they behaved just fine when they came over. My patience got thinner with each passing day now that I was considered full term so the invite didn't thrill me too much.

"As long as they promise to not feed Katie any more table scraps, that's fine. Maybe Saturday after the kids' games, we could have a cook out or something."

"Sounds good. You're sure you want me to sleep in bed?"

He turned from his back to face me. I longed for our marriage to get back to a place to where we weren't so hesitant with one another.

"I'm certain. Owen, I love you. We all know I'm most comfortable and sleep the best when you're cuddled up with me."

I saw a brief glimpse of his smile that I couldn't get enough of.

"I love you too. I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"The separation is uncomfortable. I hate that we don't even kiss anymore, let alone have sex. We've always been a very physical couple and now it's like I own a home with a stranger."

"Things have been... different. I'm so used to being on the go. It's an adjustment to be home full time again. It was always me preparing for my next trip or actually being gone."

"If you're that unhappy, please keep traveling on the weekends. I want this awkwardness to stop. I want us back Owen, please."

Like clockwork, tears pooled in my eyes.

"I want to be home. I don't want to miss things with the kids. I want to be here to feel Gracie's kicks and movements. This is our last baby after all. Most importantly, I do truly want to fully put forth the effort to get 'us' back. I'm right here baby, right here."

His broad, manly hands cupped my face. By the time I blinked, I felt Owen's lips press against mine. It took me a second to gather the courage to kiss him back. His tongue lightly traced where my lips met and I let him part them. Our kiss deepened while our need for reunification heightened. We took our sweet time learning each other's bodies again.

.

.

When I woke up the next morning, Owen's bare chest was pressed against my bare back. Our body heat kept me comfortably warm since we had just the sheets and a think blanket covering us. Our duvet must've made its way onto the floor in midst of our passion love making last night. I felt like a giddy school girl. Our dry spell was over. I wasn't entirely oblivious. I knew things weren't back to 100% normal over night but last night was the huge break through I needed to have the courage to just keep on keeping on. I slept the best that I had since Owen moved himself to the couch nearly a month ago. I was certainly pleased we made a step in the right direction.

Owen started to stir and I felt him plant a kiss in the crook of my neck.

"Good morning beautiful. I had an idea. I don't know if you'll go for it but we could certainly try."

"I won't know until you actually tell me."

"What if we got away for a night or two? Just us with no kids. Maggie will take the boys and Arizona wants the girls. We can come back Saturday morning in time for the kids' games."

I rolled over to face him andh blushed as he glanced down at my bare chest.

"No offense but what good is trip just the two of us when we just started sleeping together again last night?"

He gave me an earnest smile.

"I know it's not a cure all. But if we actually have time to focus on just us, we can hash things out without worrying about the kids interrupting us. That also gives us ample opportunity for more make up sex. You'll be out of commission temporarily when Gracie makes her debut."

I couldn't help but laugh at his comment. He could be such a dog.

"If we can actually talk things out while we are there, I'm all for it. Did you have an idea on where you'd like to go?"

"There's ample rental cabins in the Blue Ridge area. We can rent a small one for two nights. Blue Ridge is close enough to where we could be home in time on Saturday. Your brother is the chief so our vacation requests have already been approved."

"Our?"

It was obvious he had planned this.

"I pulled some strings last night while you had the kids at the ball park. It was actually Arizona's idea to keep the kids but Maggie overhead us talking about it in the lounge and volunteered to keep the boys. Your brother was okay with it because we have Riley and Bastille to cover neuro in addition to him and Deluca. April and the residents can cover the pit for me."

"I'm touched you went through that much effort. I think a getaway would be really nice. When do we leave?"

Owen pressed his forehead against mine softly then kissed me deeply and sensually.

"Derek is coming in an hour to do school drop off for Zola, Bailey, Ellis, and Ruby. Meredith will be taking Ella, Caleb, Parker, Jake, and Piper to daycare. We just have to pack their bags and send them with Meredith to have the daycare hold them until their aunts pick them up this evening."

Jacob was a year younger than Ruby and Piper was the same age as our triplets, just 2 months younger. They were due about a week apart but triplets rarely ever go full term and ours were born at 33 weeks gestation, one week after most triplets are born.

"If you want to get breakfast started, I'll get the kids up and send them down there then pack for them."

"Deal."

I got up, threw on my robe, and started our morning routine.

.

.

Once the kids were in their respective locations for the day, we loaded up Owen's truck and dropped Katie off at Dr. Riley's for the weekend. She worked at an animal hospital as a teen before starting medical school so she loved to keep Katie and even had golden retrievers of her own. Then we were off to our cozy cabin retreat. About 20 minutes into our hour and a half car ride, Owen reached over and drop his free hand into my lap palm up, waiting for me to take it. I had butterflies in my stomach as I held onto his hand, studying the notable size difference of our multimillion dollar hands.

"I've even missed this, O."

"Me too. I'm not even sure where or when things started to go wrong but I'm glad we are headed back in the right direction."

I bit the inside of my cheek while I had a great internal debate on whether I should go there or not with him.

"Do you want honesty?"

"Always, Amelia."

"For me, it was when I told you I was pregnant with Gracie and the look you gave me was like a thousand daggers in my heart. You looked angry... maybe even a little resentful as if I purposely got pregnant. The IUD was two and half years into its three year life span. We didn't plan to have Ruby but once we got over our issues, we were both so happy. Then we seemingly struggled to get pregnant for a little over a year so when we found out I was pregnant with not one but three babies, it was like we won the lottery. We decided once the triplets were three that we would have one last baby. We conceived Gracie 6 months shy of their third birthday. It was earlier than we expected but it's not like I planned for that."

"I didn't either. I was honestly just shocked that it had already happened. I didn't resent you for it. I wasn't angry at you either. I was worried. It's hard to explain."

"Try please. I don't ever want to see that look directed at me ever again."

"I watched you struggle to gain proper weight with Ruby's pregnancy. With the triplets you were on bed rest for 8 weeks before you delivered via cesarian and that stupid substitute resident nicked you, didn't catch it until Arizona rushed in, and you almost bled out. It was so terrifying because our babies didn't even weigh as much as Ruby did as a newborn combined and you almost died. You are the most amazing mother and I know how deeply you love our family, but I was terrified you would have another problematic pregnancy or traumatic birth and I don't want to lose you. She is coming regardless and I'm so relieved it's been a completely healthy pregnancy. Sure she wasn't planned yet but I know she will be the perfect finishing touch to our family."

I was taken back by his honesty. How I loved this man and his dedication to our little family.