The Memetrix
Terry Bogard woke up in a cold sweat. He had fallen asleep at his shitty 1990's computer. He brushed his pussy ass long blonde hair out of his eyes to see the music video of Rick Astley's "Never going to give you up" playing on his monitor. "HEY, C'MON, C'MON!" Terry shrieked in Brooklyn rage as he slapped the side of the monitor with his life sized replica of Fred Flintstone's sweaty cock. The music video fucked off and was replaced by green text in comic sans
"Follow the white rabbit Tardo"
Suddenly there was a rapid pounding on his apartment door. Terry jumped at the sound and looked at the door, startled. The pounding got louder and Terry yelled "TAKE IT EASY!" as he went to answer it. Terry opened up the door which flew off the hinges and out terry's window, killing JFK as his motorcade passed by outside. "You that Terry loser" some generic punk girl said to him, who Terry could tell was clearly abused by her autistic stepdad by the black DC shoes she was wearing. "We're going to go out and advance the plot, care to join us?" the girl asked. Terry was hesitant at first but then he saw the white rabbit tattoo square in the fucking middle of the girl's forehead. Terry gave a thumbs up and yelled "OKAY!"
As soon as he did so a loud cracking sound rung through the air, and the head of the girl exploded into a fine red mist. A mysterious figure dressed in a giant white rabbit suit had busted a cap in her bitch ass, and was standing behind her with a handgun held sideways, barrel smoking. "Live with me if you want to come, nigguh." The rabbit said. Blood splattered on his face, Terry gave a thumbs up and yelled "OKAY" just as enthusiastic as the last time.
The rabbit lead the two to a night club, where they got lap dances from Elmo from sesame street and Bill Gates. Terry put his hands behind his head, laughing as they were leaving. But as the two stepped outside, the figure drew the handgun and pointed it at Terry as a limousine pulled up. "Take it easy…" Terry said shakily. Terry was forced into the limousine and marched into the husk of a building that was THQ headquarters. Terry was brought into a room with a table and sat across from the person in the white rabbit, who took the suit off and turned out to be Mr. Brewster. " …" Mr. Brewster said, opening a folder on the table between them. "It seems you've been leading two lives." Brewster declared. "One where you're Terry Bogard, typical fun loving asshole who can accurately guess a woman's measurements while making 50 three point shots in a row, and one where you investigate the memetrix through pintrest." Brewster sighed. "You're a good person, Mr. Bogard, which is why I implore you not to investigate this memetrix business any further." Brewster said. Terry gave him the middle finger and yelled "GET SERIOUS" at Dr. Agent Brewster, PhD. Brewster wiped Terry's spit and vaginal discharge from his face and kicked Terry in the groin, causing Terry's testicles to re-ascend into his body. Terry whited out.
Terry awoke on a couch. He sat up and he was across from Eddie from Silent Hill 2. "Yo faggot I've been contacting you on your 1990's neo geo, ya wanna escape the memetricks?" Eddie asked him. Terry nodded, the force of his nod causing a devastating crosswind around the world killing thousands of innocent people in Japan including Sakurai-Senpai. Eddie extended his hands to Terry and opened them. In one was a red "Fatal Fury" hat and in the other a blue "Infinite Ammo" bandana. "If you take the hat you eskapoo the memetrix, but if you take the bandana you are trapped in tumblr blogs forever, where you have to deal with hormone raging white girls arguing about gender identity and social injustice." Eddie told him. Terry didn't have to hear any more; quickly hergrabbed the hat and put it on his head, a perfect fit.
Suddenly Terry woke up in a container of Vanila coke. He pulled all the gamecube controllers out of him and Wall-E took him to a space ship called the "Pulsating Orifice". Terry climbed on board. There he saw Eddie and his crew of misfits. "Hey Terry." Eddie called. "Come meet the crew, Bayonetta, your future love interest and only character here that isn't expendable, so just call everyone else faggot or Randal and you'll do fine." Terry gave a tumbs up and Bayonetta stuck all ten fingers up his ass, no lube. Eddie sat on a bean bag chair. "Come join me and we'll run training programs." Eddie said erotically, as he lynched a 5 year old orphan. Terry sat in a bean bag chair and the simulation began. They were in "The King of Fighters '98" "Hit me" Eddie challenged Terry. Terry smirked, this was his home turf.
Terry rushed Eddie down with a flurry of hooks and uppercuts, all of them connecting with Eddie's fat fat morbidly obese no health all grease in a nicely knit fleece body. Terry's meter had reached m-m-m maximum memes, so he unleashed his full-screen ultra super duper AIDS combo. He turned Eddie around and fucked him, his tight succulent asshole tearing as Terry's hungry wolf cock retracted and thrust over and over. "BUSTER WOLF" Terry cried as he rode out his orgasm. Upon climax Terry twisted Eddie's neck 180 degrees and ripped his right arm off, and beat Eddie with hit like a baseball bat, and after a white the warm squishy thuds of Eddie's lifeless corpse being beat turned into dry crunches as all he did was break bone over and over. Then the simulation changed. Eddie was back and they were standing on a rooftop. "Good job hispanic jew whore!" Eddie said bombastically. "Now…" Eddie said, his eyes deep and somber. "free your mind…" he finished, and ran and jumped off the building. As Eddie soared through the air he hijacked a plane mid-air and crashed it into the twin towers, and Terry watched ecstatically as a second plane flown by Neil Degrasse Tyson hit the south tower. Then the simulation ended, and Eddie's lifeless corpse was convulsing on the beanbag. "If you die in the memetrix, you die in real life." Bayonetta explained to Terry. Terry questioned why Eddie didn't die in the first simulation then, but shortly came to the conclusion that it was so that the author could make the 9/11 joke. "Let's go stop the agents or whatever" Bayonetta told Terry. "OKAY!" Terry yelled.
They went back into the matrix in Trench Coats and Jnco jeans and stocked up on weapons and then head to the agent's base, columbine high school. Terry and Bayonetta walked in and shot up all the agents, all while rapping DMX lyrics and eating Dip n' Dots ice-cream. Only one Agent was left, Agent Brewster.
"1v1 me faggot." Agent Brewster yelled at Terry. "Hey, C'mon, C'mon!' Terry yelled back at him, and got into his comedic jiu-jitsu stance. They Naruto-ran at each other full speed and before they could start exchanging blows Cody from final fight jumped in-between them and broke a dog's neck, muttering "you're boring the crap out of me" under his breath. Terry backed down as Cody fought special agent autist Brewster. Cody stabbed Agent Brewster several times with a carrot but it was not very y effective, and Mr. Brewster used his limit break "weather prediction" and a tsunami took Cody's virginity and transported him to Malaysia where he accidently crashed into flight 370 and killed everyone on board. Critical hit super effective!
Terry and Agent Brewster resumed their fight. Mr. Brewster tried using his limit break again but his weather forecast was wrong and the attack missed. So super special awesome professor pulled out an m4a1 assault rifle and shot Terry Bogard until the magazine was empty. Terry collapsed to the ground, coughing up blood, and his last thought was "If it wasn't for funions, Lyndon B. Johnson would never have been elected." And died where he lay.
Le Fin.