Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth, it belongs to the marvelous mind of Jim Henson (and George Lucas, vaguely).
Author's Note: This is the third fic in my one-word prompt series. This is also my first Labyrinth fic!
"What is that?"
"It's the Bog, milady."
"Yes, I can smell that. Let me clarify, what the hell is it doing in my apartment?"
Hoggle shuffled his feet awkwardly. "The king's renovatin' the Labyrinth. Said he needed a place to put the Bog."
"Oh, and His Majesty couldn't be bothered to find a space in his vast kingdom to put the damn thing, so he chose my apartment? Makes perfect sense! My landlady is threatening eviction, she says it smells like I've got a few rotting corpses in here!"
Hoggle kept his eyes on the floor, past experience told him to let Sarah rant without interruption.
"I swear, if Jareth gets me evicted, I will move into his chicken-ridden, goblin-infested castle and make his life a living hell!"
"Is that a promise, my dear? I do so love it when you're angry with me; your cheeks flush most becomingly."
Sarah advanced on the Goblin King, anger flagging her cheeks with red, "You might like how I look when I'm pissed, but you can kiss your manhood goodbye, Jareth, because I will stomp all over it!"
Jareth remained visibly unconcerned with her threats, miming picking lint off his extravagant sleeves. Sarah's rage reached the boiling point at his show of nonchalance, "That's it! No sex for a month!"
The Goblin King startled out of his pose, surprise evident on his face, "Now, now, Sarah, that's taking things a bit far. I did not even make the Bog full size, and I swear it will be gone a few hours' time! Surely you'll reconsider this unreasonable stance?"
"'Unreasonable?' What, may I ask, is so unreasonable about denying sex to the most self-absorbed glitter freak this side of a Ziggy Stardust concert?"
The Goblin King, not having Hoggle's experience in such matters, unwisely opened his mouth, "Now, that was uncalled for, I―"
He was unceremoniously cut off by Sarah's hand slapping over his mouth. "I wasn't finished, Goblin King, so you had better be quiet until I am, clear?" Only when Jareth had nodded did she remove her hand.
"I am going to Dad and Karen's. You are going to clean up my place. I want it to be spotless. Afterword, you will not contact me for at least two days, on pain of disembowelment, got it?"
Jareth nodded dumbly.
"Good. Hoggle, would you get my bag?"
Hoggle gratefully ran for the safety of Sarah's bedroom, frantically searching for her luggage, meanwhile, the Goblin King and the mortal girl glared at each other in silence.
The dwarf returned, Sarah's bag in hand, " 'ere ya go, Sarah, 'spect I'll see you in a few days?"
Sarah broke her contest with Jareth to give Hoggle a brief hug, "Yeah, just a few days. See you later, Hoggle!'
She stood back up and squared her shoulders. Jareth fought the instinctive need to hunch his own to present a smaller target. She leaned in abruptly and gave him a peck on his lips, "See you in a couple days, Goblin King!"
Sarah called back as she dashed out the door, "Spotless apartment, or one month turns into two!"
Hoggle shook his head at the dumbfounded monarch, that featherbrained lump would never learn.