Title: The Reason

Author: Mistress Lrigtar

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Murdock figures out what really matters

Warnings: a few curse words (nothing major), slash-theme (but again extremely tame), and most of the story takes place a few hours after "Without Reservations" (episode spoilers)

Notes: /denotes a flashback

Beta: Many thanks to Viskey who made sure what I wrote made sense and helped to make this a better story. You're the best!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Team, as they are the property of Stephen Cannell and company. Nor am I making any money, although this was written while I was at work

Part One

I throw a wad of balled up ones and some change at the cab driver and run through the sliding glass doors of the emergency room. Looking wildly around I quickly discover that there is no one sitting in there that I know.

What does that mean? Surely, I am not that far behind them. I look at my watch and realize that two hours have passed since Frankie and I caught that no good cop and dragged his sorry ass back to the restaurant.

Two hours? Anything could have happened in that amount of time. Face could be…No, no, no! I shake my head and beat my hands against my forehead. I should have let Frankie go after that cop. I should have stayed with Face. I should have talked to him, and let him know I was there. Like he did for me way back when.

/ I am lying on my bed staring at the wall. There's a full moon and it's casting weird shadows. My mind is reflecting back to when I went crazy. The doctors all seem to think I lost it in the camps, and I don't tell them otherwise. But, they are wrong. The camps didn't make me any crazier than I already was. As long as we were together that could never be true. No, I went crazy in 1972, a whole year after the camp.

For now all I have are these shadows and they mesmerize me. Oh sure, part of it is the drugs the docs have me on, but even without them I would be entranced. The tree branch shadows on the wall are beautiful. It's peaceful.

Peaceful until the orderly comes in.

"Murdock?"

I really am crazy. That orderly sounds like Face.

"Murdock, please," Face's voice pleads. "Look at me."

A hand touches my shoulder. I shrug it off. I'm not going to do it. Those damn orderlies think they can play with my mind. They're the ones who are nuts.

My best friend is in jail. Thousands of miles away, in a high-security prison at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, North Carolina. At least that's what the orderlies keep telling me. And they've tried to trick me before. I'm not gonna fall for it this time.

"Okay, fine." He's still talking? "Just listen, okay? I was able to take a look at your file. They have it all wrong, Murdock. You're not crazy. I refuse to believe that."

He pauses, swallows, and then continues. "You can't be crazy, Murdock. You hear me? You can't be."

Boy, this one is good. I almost believe him. I hate myself. I really want him to be Face.

"Are you listening to me, Murdock? Have you heard a word I said?"

No. I'm looking at the pretty shadows on the wall.

He sighs and moves. No! Don't move! Damn orderly. You're blocking my sha…I really am crazy because I know that shadow. Running his hand through his hair, staring out the window. How many nights did I see that in the hooch? When it was too hot and we couldn't sleep.

There's a rustle. Sounds like a newspaper. They haven't let me look at a paper since I got here. Guess they're afraid it will set me off. Set me off to where? Anywhere but here. That would be nice.

"I know they haven't been letting you read the paper. Maybe," he pauses. "Maybe that's why you don't know. So, I brought you one so you'll believe I was really here. So you'll know you're not crazy. There's even an article about us in here and a picture. Hannibal did it, Murdock. He got us out!"

Orderly Face blows his breath out. "I couldn't even tell you now how. We drove day and night to get as far away as possible. We decided to come to LA. BA wasn't too happy about that, but Hannibal thought it would be for the best. We had no idea you'd be here to. God works in mysterious ways sometimes, Murdock."

It really does sound like him. He'd say stuff like that about God. Not often, but every once in a while.

He's looking out the window, searching, when we both hear an orderly pushing a cart down the corridor towards my room.

I hear the window go up and the screen pop out.

"I have to go now, Murdock, but I'll be back. I promise. Look at the paper. Then you'll know."

He slips out and the window slides back into place moments before the orderly shines his flashlight in the room as he walks by.

For a few moments I continue staring at the shadows on my wall. Now that he's gone, they don't seem as beautiful anymore. I roll over and my feet kick the paper to the floor.

Sitting up, I lean over my bed and look. There's a picture of all of us, including Ray, just like he said and a headline: A-TEAM ESCAPES!

A-team escapes? Had I really thought Hannibal would let them rot in jail for a crime they didn't commit? A faint glimmer of hope stirs my heart.

I look at the window where he was just standing. My best friend had really been right here, in my room. A grin spreads across my face. /