A July Afternoon
Harley was playing fetch with Bud and Lou in the small patch of cement behind the abandoned warehouse she and the Joker called home. She was tossing them the legbones of a lowlife the Joker had killed last week. The hyenas were currently playing tug of war with a femur. Suddenly she heard a van roll by, and she heard triumphant yelling voices. Bud and Lou dropped the bone and started to bark.
"Oh Harley, where are you? Come and give Puddin' a kiss!" The Joker appeared around the side warehouse, holding two big black duffels. Dropping them he held his arms out. Harley squealed and ran to him. She hopped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. They shared a deep kiss and then Harley hopped down, her attention drawn to the bags.
"What did you get Puddin'?" Grinning the Joker motioned for her to open the bags. Harley got down on her knees and unzipped one of the duffels; it was full of money. "Ooh, this is a lot of cash Pud. What are you going to do with it?" She got up and dusted some specks of dirt off of her knees.
"Maybe I'll buy you something pretty baby," the Joker responded. "However, I need a lot of it for my newest scheme to destroy Batman." His eyes lit up as he started to go into detail about a complicated plot to unmask the Bat, including 3 barrels of whale oil and several dozen japanese steak knives.
Harley sensed she was losing his attention and was annoyed, he had been planning this recent bank heist for weeks, and now he had promised they could go on vacation. "Puddin' do you remember what you promised before you robbed this bank? You said we could fly to Fiji, and have some US time."
The Joker snapped back to focus, and looked annoyed. "Damn it Harley, you made me lose my train of thought, I was on the verge of brilliance," he growled and raised his hand to smack her. Then he saw the look on her face, she had fear in her eyes. Her beautiful, baby blue eyes. A warm wind blew and pushed back her hair, golden blonde in two bunches. The sun was setting behind her, framing her head almost like a halo. He lowered his hand and took a softer tone of voice. "Pumpkin, I have a lot of work. There is just no time to go to Fiji. But maybe I can make it up to you. On our drive back from the bank we robbed all the way in Ivy Town we saw an amusement park. How would you like to go on some rides with me?"
Harleys fear turned to joy as she started to bounce up and down on her toes. "Oh Puddin' that sounds like a most romantic day! Can we go right now? Can we?"
Laughing, the Joker swept her off her feet bridal style as she gave a little shriek. "Pumpkin it's 6pm right now, the park is closed. But, we can leave first thing tomorrow." Harley gave a small nod of assent and began to kick her feet in his arms.
"Let's go inside then Pud, the faster we go to sleep the faster it can be tomorrow."
The Joker bent his head down into her ear and whispered, "As fun as going to sleep before my grandma sounds, I'm not done with you for the night…"
Harley broke into a huge grin as he took off at a run, still carrying her, into the warehouse. The hyenas followed behind, cackling.
Early The Next Morning
It was 5:30 in the morning, the sun was barely starting to rise, slipping in through the curtainless windows to the Joker and Harley's room. The Joker was snoring lightly, his dark green curly hair lying across his forehead, his arm flung over Harley. Harley on the other hand was wide awake and energized. She had hardly slept all night in anticipation of this outing. Just thinking about it she vibrated with excitement. She even let out a light squeal. The Joker shifted, and she held her breath, careful not to wake him. Slowly he turned onto his back, and returned into a peaceful sleep.
Mentally chastising herself she lay very still until she was sure he was asleep again. "How could you Harley, your outing would have been over before it even started. You haven't been on a date alone with Mistah J in over 6 months and you coulda ruined it by wakin' him. You know how much he likes his sleep."
For the next hour Harley mimicked the position and the breathing of the Joker, trying without success to fall back asleep. But finally, at 6:30 she could not hold back any longer. She eased herself into a sitting position and noiselessly got on her hands and knees in the bed. Slowly she pulled back the covers, exposing the Joker's top half. Then she maneuvered herself so she hovering an inch above the Jokers bare chest, in a straddle position. With more care than she applied to most tasks she lowered herself centimeter by centimeter onto his rock hard abs. He didn't even budge. She traced his pecs with her delicate little fingers. Nothing. She ran her palm the length of his face. No change. The Joker continued to lie there, breathing evenly, fast asleep. She pushed his hair back and watched it spring back to his forehead. Suddenly she saw an almost imperceptible eye flutter, but the Joker seemed to just go on sleeping.
Smiling Harley huffed and muttered to herself, "so a small squeal can wake you up, but my whole naked body on yours does nothing?"
Suddenly the Joker's eyes shot open. "Naked?" Tilting his head up toward her, he looked at her. His eyes skimmed up and down her body. She was in her lingerie from the night before, a lacy red bra and matching underwear. "You are definitely not naked," he said softly dropping his head back to the pillow, "Sexy yes, but not naked." He took a look at his night stand where the clock was. "Pumpkin, what are you doing up so early?" He slowly began to caress his hands along her bare back.
"We are going to the amusement park today, remember? Now come on get up, we need to be first in line when it opens!" Harley pushed the Joker's hands off of her back and sprung off of him out of bed. "You didn't shower last night, and you don't wanna show up to the park stinky do you?" She whipped the covers off the bed fully, tossing them aside, and skipped over to the wall where she slammed on the lights.
The Joker groaned as he was hit with a brightness he had neither wanted, not particularly enjoyed this early in the morning. However, he liked when Harley was so happy, it made him happy. He decided to play along. Pouncing out of bed he stood straight up, unashamedly displaying his black and red checkered boxers, and looked towards Harley. "Oh you've done it now Harls. Now I'm coming to get you!" Harley squealed and took off towards the bathroom, as the Joker bounded after her laughing.
Harley ran into the bathroom first and grabbed the first thing she could find, shampoo. She hid behind the door, leaving the light off. The Joker crept into the bathroom, and Harley listened to the sound of his bare feet walking around on the tile.
"Where are you Pooh? It's really not that big of a bathroom," the Joker called. Abruptly he came around the door, only to be met by a face full of shampoo. Harley giggled, extremely proud of herself. The Joker wiped his face and growled, "Oh you think that's funny don't ya? Well how about this?" He grabbed Harley and threw her into a fireman's carry, hopped over the the bathtub and started to fill it up. As he waited for the water level to rise he tapped his foot and whistled gleefully.
Harley playfully pounded her arms and legs against his back. "Mistah J, you can't put me in there! I'm still in my underwear!"
"You should've thought of that before you woke me up!" the Joker said as he swung her back over her shoulder and into the tub, completely submerging her for a few seconds, watching her struggle, until he let her up. Then, without giving her a moment to think, he picked up the shampoo from where she had dropped it when he lifted her and gave her a generous squirt. Then he calmly walked to the sink, washing the residual shampoo from his own hair. "You bathe here, I'll be in when you're done." He started to walk out of the bathroom.
Harley started rubbing in the shampoo and pouted. "Why can't you join me Pud?"
The Joker just turned his head back and said, "If I get in there now, with you looking like that, and me feeling like this, we would be lucky to even get the the amusement park before it closed." He walked out of the bathroom and gently closed the door.
After her bath Harley went back into the bedroom to find something to wear while the Joker to his shower, and shaved. When he came out he was surprised to find that the only clothing she'd found in that time was a bra and underwear, she was staring intently at her bureau but not picking anything out. "Harley, it's already 7. We have to leave within half an hour to try and get the the park when you want to… Why aren't you dressed?" He walked behind her toward his own bureau, playfully pulling of her towel turban that was still in her hair. She didn't even seem to notice.
"Well I don't know what to wear. I can't wear what I wear on the job, I can't put on my Harlequin outfit (obviously) and all my other clothing is just not right for the occasion." She looked over at the Joker, who wasn't listening, and was starting to put on a blood stained purple suit coat. "No, no, no! What do you think you're doing?"
The Joker looked at her cluelessly, then looked down at himself. "Dressing?"
Harley stalked over to him. "You are not wearing that dirty suit on out date. First off, we are both wanted criminals (in several states) and this is pretty much a dead giveaway. It might even be the EXACT same suit from the mug shot. Furthermore-"
"Furthermore? I get it Harls. I won't wear this. Just force of habit, that's all." He took off the coat and pulled on a plain navy green tee shirt and loose comfortable jeans. "Good?" Harley teared up. "Oh Harley, what did I do wrong?" He said lifting her face with his hand.
"Nothing Puddin, you're absolutely perfect!" She cried as she flung her arms around him in an embrace. "And now I know just what to wear!" She ran to her closet and pulled out a cropped top in the same color as his shirt, and a pair of jeans the same dark wash as his just ripped. "Now we can twin!" She quickly got dressed, and pulled her hair into two pigtails as an afterthought. "What do you think?"
The Joker smiled and took in how she looked. "Perfect," he whispered as he walked by her, his hand lightly brushing her exposed side, "but we really should go." He walked to the door, across the metal beams that separated their private suite from the rest of the warehouse, and down the rickety stairs to the garage. Harley skipped along beside his heels.
In the garage, two henchmen were sitting at a tilted table, playing cards and smoking. They hyenas slept in the corner. When the Joker and Harley entered the jumped up in their chairs. The first henchman started to stutter, "Hey, boss. We didn't expect you down here this early. Usually the morning after a big job you like to sleep in." Harley gave a small cough. The Joker looked from the talking henchman to her, and back to the henchman. He walked over, grabbed his cigarette, and put it out into his blonde bowl cut. "Ow what the hell you do that for, huh?" the henchman shrieked. Then the Joker grabbed the henchman by the hair and slammed his face onto the table. His nose began to bleed profusely.
"No smoking inside the house. It's not good for my girl," he said, "and no talking back to me. Ever." Harley let out a little giggle. The Joker pointed at the other henchman, "Marco, you gonna drive me and my girl up to that amusement park we saw outside of Ivy Town yesterday." Marco nodded and ran to start up the van, dropping his cigarette on the table. The Joker flicked it onto the ground.
Next the Joker turned his attention to Harley. "It's a long drive Pumpkin, and you are really annoying when you are hungry. Do you want to get some snacks?"
"Oh sure, I'll go pack a bag right now. Red just gave me some treats the other day, she grew them herself. She says they're organic." The Joker grimaced. "It's ok Mistah J, I'll put in some sandwiches or cookies for you or something." She ran off to the kitchen.
The bleeding henchman had finally lifted his head from the table. The Joker moved in close to him and spoke very quietly, "You are going to stay here, watch the hyenas and think about what you've done." As an afterthought he added, "Also, pick up that cigarette that I dropped on the floor." Turning the Joker started to walk towards the van where Harley was waving to him with a wicker basket.
The henchman turned around toward the ashes of the cigarette on the floor muttering, "I don't see what the big deal is…" Quickly, The Joker turned and kicked the henchman in the back so he fell on the floor prostate. He reached into the waistband of his jeans and pulled out a gun, pointing it at his head. Seeing this Harley dropped her basket and ran over.
She grabbed his arm and tried to pull it down. "Puddin' please don't shoot Jordan, please. Haven't you already done enough? He learned his lesson"
The Joker pushed her off so hard she fell to the ground, eyes wide she watched him helplessly. "He sassed me twice, and now I must teach a lesson, a lesson in discipline. And if you don't shut up, you're gonna get one too!" Raising the gun again he shot Jordan in the arm, he screamed then lay still again. Harley started to tear up, but didn't say a word. "Come on doll, nothing to see here." He quietly reached down, lifted her up and carried her to the van. Opening the back door he put her in and turned his head back for a second, letting out a sharp whistle. The hyenas came running toward him from their space, but stopped short when they saw their new toy. The Joker got in the van.
Inside Harley was sobbing silently. "Pud-puddin' the boys will eat him! It-it was funny when you smashed his face, bu-but then you shot hi-him!"
The Joker put his arm around her, pulling her sobbing face into his shoulder. "Stop crying, your makeup will get messed up,plus he's not even dead. Drive Mason." Mason hit the gas and soon they were out of the garage.
Harley suddenly hiccuped and stopped crying, lifting her face to look at him. "What did you just say?"
The Joker looked at her bemused. "I said 'Drive Mason.'"
"No Puddin'," she said with a weak chuckle, "before that."
The Joker scratched his head, pretending to think. "I said your makeup would get smudged if you cried."
This time Harley giggled. "No Mistah J, didn't you say he wasn't dead?"
The Joke smiled at her, and wiped the tears and mascara off her face. "If you remembered, then why did you ask?"
Sniffling, but laughing now, Harley asked, "Is he really alive? What's stopping the boys from eating him still, they don't know he's alive."
The Joker carefully reached into the seat back pocket of the van, where he kept tissues specifically for Harley's meltdowns, and pulled one out. She took it and blew her nose. "The hyenas are not going to eat him because Lucian is coming for the noon shift to pick up dry cleaning and go shopping, and he will help Jordan."
"Well that's good," Harley replied contented that her precious pets wouldn't kill anyone by accident. "Wanna see the snacks I packed?"
The Joker laughed loudly, "Sure Harls, if you still have an appetite."
Harley pretended not to hear his last comment as she started going through the contents of her backet. She was about halfway through when she realized two things. First, the Joker clearly wasn't listening to her as he now seemed to be in a conversation about directions with the henchman, and second she was tired. She snuggled into his shoulder and let the movement of the vehicle lull her to sleep.
The Joker, noticing that she stopped talking, plus feeling this new weight on his side said in annoyance, "Harley I'm not going to listen to you for a whole two hour car ride and-" he looked down to see she was lying asleep. "Well you really didn't sleep at all last night did you?" He adjusted her body laying her head in his lap. "Have a blanket Mason?" Mason silently passed back the blanket he kept in the passenger seat. The Joker Harley's sleeping body, and turned to look out the window.
"Good thing we don't have to listen to her chatter for the next two hours," Mason whispered, and immediately chastised himself. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Hmm," the Joker responded, "I like the sound of her voice." Normally the Joker would have beat Mason up for his comment, but he was too contented with the gorgeous summer landscape, and with the fact that he had a beautiful girl in his lap. From 7:30 until 9:30 they drove in silence.
When they were about half an hour away from the park, Harley woke up. For a few minutes she just lay in the Joker's lap, enjoying his rhythmic petting of her hair. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up.
The Joker watched as she rubbed her eyes, "Good morning again, sunshine. You awake for good now?" When she drew her hands away from her face, he laughed.
"What? What's so funny?" she demanded. The Joker just started laughing harder and pointed at her face. Harley reached into her small jester pocketbook and pulled out a mirror. She gasped in horror. "I look like a racoon!" Without a moment of hesitations she started pulling powders, pencils, creams, and various other products from her handbag. Very quickly the van was filled with the smell of makeup and a light smoke of powders.
The Joker watched this process incredulously. "Where did you keep all that? Did you and the plant rob Mary Poppins on one of your "girls night out"s?"
Harley let out a dry chuckle, "Always gotta be prepared." Soon she was done and she felt her stomach rumbling. "Puddin I'm hungry," she complained.
The Joker shrugged, "What are you looking at me for, didn't you pack enough provisions to feed an entire Italian crime family?"
"Oh yeah!" She reached into her basket and drew out something that was white, shallow, and mildly resembled a flying saucer. It smelled strongly of sweet relish. The Joker looked at it with disgust. "Oh Puddin' you have to try it, it's a pattypan squash that Red grew. She pickled it herself too. There are lots of vitamins." She held the vegetable up to his face.
He gently pushed her hand away. "I'll pass, but if you packed me a sandwich that would be nice." She shrugged, put her squash in her mouth for safekeeping and pulled out a roast beef sandwich. "That's more like it, I love a good hearty breakfast."
Harley at the squash the leaned over to the Joker and whispered, "May I offer something to Mason?"
The Joker shook his head and responded, "We can feed him when we get there."
For the next half hour Harley alternated between eating the pattypan squashes, and screaming every time she saw a sign advertising the amusement park they were going to. Finally they got there.
Mason maneuvered them into a spot near the back of the parking lot. Although the amusement park had only opened about 15 minutes ago, it was packed.
Getting out of the car, and helping Harley, the Joker turned to Mason. "I'll call you when we are leaving, do what you want." He turned to Harley who had already pranced ahead toward the long line of people waiting to buy tickets. The Joker watched her for a second, contented that she was happy.
Mason fidgeted next to the Joker. Raising an eyebrow at him the Joker said, "spit it out."
Mason opened his mouth, and closed it, opened it again and asked, "May I speak honestly sir?" The Joker nodded. "Some of the guys, not me, but some of them think you are going soft."
The Joker reeled back, "Going soft how."
Mason continued tentatively, "Well you seem to care an awful lot about this girl…"
"And that affects my toughness?" The Joker backhanded Mason across the face, leaving an enormous red welt. A passing family stopped to look at them, starting until the Joker barked at them, "Well? Move along!" They ran towards the line. The Joker turned to Mason again. "I like Harley, I like when she's happy. However, I am still happy to shoot you, leave you here to die, and drive the van back myself." He hit Mason again, in the same spot. "What goes on between me and my girl is NOT your business, and if you think I am going soft, why don't you try me."
Mason shook his head hard and scampered back into the van to look at the growing bruise on his face. Giving his hand a contented shake, the Joker went to meet his girl on the line.
There was already quite a few people behind Harley, and the Joker got a few grumbles and nasty looks as he cut ahead of the line to join her. She was deep in conversation with a gaggle of highschool boys that were ahead of her and didn't notice as he approached. One boy in specific caught the Joker's attention, he staring intently at Harley's breasts as she talked.
"Don't you know that it's rude not to make eye contact with someone when they're talking," the Joker said to the boy. His head snapped to the Joker's face, and the Joker saw fear in his eyes.
Harley then noticed him, "Oh Puddin' you're here! I'm almost at the front of the line look!"
The Joker smiled at her, "Are these creeps bothering you Pumpkin? This scrawny one in particular seems to be behaving a tad disrespectful. Perhaps I ought to teach him a lesson."
One of his friends nudged him, "Are you going to let this weirdo talk to you like that?"
Harley, sensing what the Joker might do stepped between him and the boys. "Oh no it's ok Puddin' no lesson needed," she chuckled uncomfortably, "these are my new friends, Ethan, Derek, Harper, Ray, and Sean."
The Joker took a menacing step forward, "Well it seems that Sean was not that interested in your conversation and more interested in getting into your pants."
Sean's friends all pushed him forward. Harley shook her head at him, but he ignored her. "So what if I was. She's hot, and deserves better than a really gross pale looking dude."
The Joker reached for the gun in his waistband, and Harley did the only thing she could of to diffuse the situation, she turned to face the Joker and pulled him into a deep kiss, right in the middle of the line.
Still angry at the boys the Joker tried to push her off, but slowly succumbed to the kiss. When she felt he was less tense she pulled back. The Joker put his arm around her shoulder.
"Ew! How could you possibly be with him," one of the boys said.
Harley turned to them, "How dare you disrespect my Puddin'," she screamed. People turned to stare. "He is the kindest, most beautiful, most loving man ever and-" The line moved forward and the boys, who were next, were called to a ticket booth.
"So long suckers!" the Joker called, and Harley giggled, slipping her hand into his back pocket.
Harley looked up at him, "You know I would never be with anyone that wasn't you."
He smiled at her, "I know doll."
She nodded, "Good. Now let's go enjoy this park!"