Entry One: I am Fabulous
My name is Thranduil Oropherion, the ElvenKing of Mirkwood. I do believe that the title of this entry is self-explanatory. It merely illustrates what every elf around is thinking when their eyes fall upon me. Why just yesterday, one of the visiting elves from Rivendell tripped most clumsily over his feet the moment he set his eyes upon my ravishing self. Naturally, he was blinded by my inherent beauty and loveliness. I was wearing my most splendid set of robes with diamonds and rubies sewn all over it. He was obviously bowled over by my overwhelming presence and bedazzled by how alluring I look. That is just one day in the life of an ElvenKing.
Anyway, the only reason why I am deigning to write in this diary is my dearest son, Legolas. My beautifully adorable son, just 23 years old, a mere slip of an elfling. Just the other day on my birthday, he gave me this book as a present. I can still remember with crystal clarity the shy expression on his face that compelled me to pinch his chubby little cheeks.
"Ada, Happy Birthday! I have a present for you. I hope you will like it." Legolas spoke in a trembling voice that betrayed his nerves. My cute little leaf! He had an enticing flush on his face that was just irresistible. That look should be banned! I swear that I will chase off all the riffraff that will no doubt try to court and corrupt my innocent little leaf. With his silky golden hair and watery blue eyes, he could seduce even the straightest of men! My poor little leaf. Don't worry your Ada will protect you.
But I digress. That was just a small glimpse of why I actually bothered to write in this diary. Legolas's first gift to me is the most precious thing on Middle Earth!
Let us not be diverted from the main topic. Yes, I know that I am fabulous. And why should I deny it when it is the truth? Many elves do desire me. I see how their eyes dart to me for a quick glance and I can read them like an open book. They wish that I would choose them for a partner. But none of them have the audacity to propose anything because they are terrified of me. What boring and cowardly fools I surround myself with. It is just so tiring to be fabulous all the time.
Nevertheless, it has been very long since I have had a lover. I believe it was ever since Legolas's mother (I do not particularly like her) sailed to Valinor. I do not wish to be crude but I do wish that someone had the balls to ask me on a midnight tryst. It is not good to repress your natural instincts or urges. I am still waiting. And waiting.
Well, whatever. At least I am still fabulous.
Written by: Thranduil, King of Mirkwood and sexually frustrated elf