Summary: "Do you really think we can make this work?" she murmured into his neck, fear tightening her voice. "Us?" A smile touched his lips. "Yeah sweetheart. I think we can". Five times he chose to walk away, but Haymitch wouldn't let her go again. For the January Hayffie Challenge: Green. Post Mockingjay. Hayffie.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. All rights go to Suzanne Collins.
Let Her Go
"Envy...the lustrous demon lurking at the pit of one's heart, always watching...always waiting, ready to strike like a venomous viper. It is the most passionate and power-driven of sins, craving not the burning pleasure nor unconditional love nor much earned retribution, but all of the above. And from this hunger sparks something new, terrifying and powerful. Whether it is the fear of an inevitable rejection or the sacrifice of one's own happiness that leads to this loss, there is no stopping it. Eventually, envy kills the blackened heart that desires all it cannot have." ~
Green…
He felt it consuming him like a black void. Blistering in the pit of his stomach like hot, molten lava, surging through his veins and clawing up his insides like piercing nails in attempts to reach his heart. It struck his chest, crushing it like a hand made of ice. He felt the poison: a sickening, green poison.
Haymitch clenched his fist, his nails biting hot, angry cuts into his palms in attempts to numb the toxic pain inside. He did not drink enough for this. He hadn't drunken anything since that morning; Effie had insisted that he stayed sober for this one day. Even so, he couldn't shake off the nagging urge to run to the stash of bourbon hidden in his car. Was it wrong of him to drink in the House of the Lord?
Haymitch tried to make sense of the strange sensations consuming him. But everything was strange, as if he was trapped in a dream…no, a nightmare. His heart, galloping against his chest and ringing in his ears, his throat, dry like it was a nest of cobwebs, his eyes, blackened with rage and these uncontrollable feelings.
With each ticking second he felt the world dizzying into a blur. His eyes narrowed, trying to make sense of the slowly darkening atmosphere. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep clouding his perception or a trick of light, but he saw his atmosphere darkening…changing colour to a dark shade of green.
Haymitch shook his head roughly, the colour briefly shattering. He glanced back up at the man dressed in black; his eyes locked deeply, lovingly, onto the woman in white, her eyes shimmering back with adoration. His eyes slowly murdered the couple engaged. Then it hit him like a slamming wave.
Jealousy. He didn't need a mirror to see the visual effects of this powerful feeling, to see his pair of glaring, green eyes. Green with envy.
White…
She stood at the alter, shimmering under the white radiance. Dressed in a stunning, strapless gown adorned with glittering sequences and flowers down her waist and lace ruffles that rippled down her mermaid tail, she truly looked like a Snow White Queen. Her veil rested on her golden curls like a crown, flowing down her back. She looked breathtaking, as pure as a blushing schoolgirl on her prom night.
Haymitch was certain that all this white would leave him permanently blind. Even so, he couldn't help but stare at the radiant bride. She looked just as beautiful as she had a few hours ago.
He didn't bother to knock, strolling into the hotel room as if it were his own. He was still unsure of why he was visiting and what he would say. Yet as his eyes landed on hers he lowered the bottle from his lips, all thoughts diminishing. The sight took his breath away.
"Haymitch!" Effie finished putting on her pearls as she snapped at him, closing her jewelry box. She whirled around to face him, doing her best to approach him in her figure-hugging gown and ivory pumps. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be downstairs with the others, getting ready to go to the church".
Haymich's lips parted to respond, but yet again he struggled to search his mind for an appropriate answer as his eyes lost themselves on her. Gone were her wigs and outrageous china doll makeup. Her lustrous, yellow curls were styled and twisted to the side, decorated with a simple white flower. Her other curls tumbled freely down her frame, softening her features, which were dusted with light layers of makeup.
"Haymitch?" Effie stared back at him uncertainly, concern flickering past her features.
Haymitch blinked back, his eyes still wide in awe. "Holy shit, you look…amazing".
The words slipped from his lips without a moment's thoughts, taking them both by surprise.
Effie blinked back, clearly startled.
"I just mean…you know, you look different. Without the wig and makeup, and this dress…you look nice", Haymitch wanted to kick himself as he stood their, rambling and almost stumbling over his words.
A small smile graced her lips. "Thank you Haymitch". Her eyes froze, worry clouding her icy pools. "But you really must go or you'll miss the taxi".
Effie hurried back over to her vanity, reaching for her perfume bottle. "There's just still so much to do. The reception is supposed to be outside but it was forecasted this morning that some rain may be expected and I know Tiffney organised some tents to come but I'm still worried that everyone will get wet," Effie finished dabbing the perfume on before she swiftly went to her dresser, reaching for her lace garter. "And we had to reschedule the orchestra at the last minute since most of the band members caught the flu, so I don't even know what the music will be like," her fingers trembled as she attempted to slip the fabric on, her anxieties becoming more evident.
Haymitch took a step back, unsure of how to react. This did not look like the bubbling, ecstatic bride he has expected to see. He watched her closely, noting the anxious look shadowing her eyes, the way her fingers twisted together uncomfortably, the way her teeth dragged over her lower lip every so often. "Look sweetheart-"
"Haymitch, you really must go," her fingers continued to shake with her body, the material clumsily slipping from her fingers each time she tried to put it on. "ˇThey're all waiting for you downstairs and if you miss the-"
"Effie!" Haymitch quickly took her hands, silencing her.
Effie blinked back up at him, her face cracking for a second. "I'm sorry…I-"
Her fingers dropped the material and she collapsed onto the bed. Haymitch repressed a small sigh, taking the garter from her lap.
"Here, let me do that".
Kneeling down he brushed the satin material up her knee and took her shoe in his hand, slipping the garter through. His fingers skimmed over her smooth legs and towards her thigh as he slid the material further up. Images flashed in his mind; midnight rendezvous, late night passions and morning affairs, each one spent with his lips, exploring every inch of her skin. The material rested on her thigh, his fingers lingering near her skin. He had often admired how soft they were, especially against his lips.
Without thinking Haymitch brushed his lips against her thigh, releasing a small gasp from the woman above. His fingers made a path down her legs, his lips placing another chaste kiss towards her inner thigh, stirring a small moan from the base of her throat.
Haymitch froze, his fingers slipping off her skin. He looked back up, his eyes connecting onto hers, darkened with lust. Standing up his hands went to her waist, his lips capturing hers in a tender kiss. Effie's eyes fluttered shut, surrendering to his lips. She stood up, her hand cupping the side of his face.
How she had missed his kisses, each one breathing in a burst of fire that her body so desperately craved, igniting her world alive. How his kisses seemed to burst that bit of life and passion and thrill back into her like a firework, tingling her skin and exploding in her heart.
Effie pulled away sharply, horror shadowing her eyes.
"Shit, I'm sorry," Haymitch began, taking a few steps back. "I shouldn't have…I should probably go…"
"Haymitch," Effie called for him before he had a chance to turn around, her eyes meeting his. "Why did you come here?"
Haymitch met her eyes, uneasiness passing his features. "I-" he stopped, the words freezing on his tongue like sticky glue. "I came to wish you good luck," he paused, knowing that he wasn't being entirely truthful. Throwing all caution to the wind he decided to speak his mind. "Are you happy?"
His question took her by surprise. "Happy? Well…yes, of course".
He noticed the way her eyes briefly flickered down, a habit she often did when she was lying.
"It's just that…you don't look like the blushing bride".
Effie's lips curled into a small, almost sad smile. She sighed. "Richard's good to me…he really is. He's a gentleman, and so very sweet. It's just that…it's just that he's not you".
Haymitch blinked, clearly taken by surprise. He was sure that his ears had deceived him.
"It's not too late you know," she said softly, meeting his eyes. "All of this," she shrugged her shoulders, gesturing to her spectacular dress and flowers. "It's not what I wanted".
Haymitch stared back at her, still in shock. In that brief moment he felt a spark of hope ignite within, hope that she was right, that they still had a chance. But when he recalled the constant arguments, hatred, hurt, the pain he felt in his heart with each spiteful word she'd unleash from her lips and the snide comment he'd return, he squashed the thought almost as quickly as he had hoped.
"You hurt me Haymitch," Effie continued softly, reading his eyes. "And I did too. We both said some things that we never meant and…" and it led to this, she continued silently, her voice trailing off.
"It is too late sweetheart," Haymitch spoke gruffly, tearing his eyes away from her, shoving his hands into his pockets. "We can't do this anymore. Richard is good for you, I know that".
Before he could change his mind Haymitch turned on his heel, walking off. He paused at the doorway, turning back around once more to take in the beautiful bride, leaving behind a few last words before he departed.
"You look beautiful sweetheart. You two will be happy together".
…
"Fear…the black shadow that looms over us, always following, always waiting. It feeds off our deepest worries and insecurities, weaving its way into our hearts and paralyzing us with a hollowness that can almost never be filled. Our fears are as deceitful as they are dark. To let in fear is to give in to its complete control. By surrendering ourselves to our darkest fears, we blind ourselves from the truth and all that our hearts desire". ~
Yellow…
He watched her through sleepy eyes, admiring her sleeping form, buried beneath the waves of sheets and blankets. His eyes drifted over to her yellow, luscious curls that cascaded around her frame. He loved it when she was like this. She always shed off her Capitol mask when she was with him, becoming the fiery, free flowing Effie Trinket he had become fond of. He couldn't help but stare at her, never beliving just how beautiful she was every night she laid with him. But her hair always took his breath away, and Haymitch was sure that he loved her hair the most. Her glossy, yellow curls.
The sun snuck through the curtain gaps, climbing up the hill of blankets and glazing over the peaceful couple. The golden rays skimmed over her eyes, stirring her from her slumber.
"Hey Princess".
Effie blinked slowly, letting out a small yawn as she stretched. She rolled over to her side, staring at her lover with weary eyes.
"You stayed," she breathed, a content smile painting her lips.
She leaned over, her lips brushing against his in a chaste kiss.
"Course I did. I said I would didn't I?"
He returned her smile, his fingers sliding down her bare shoulder. The other went to thread through her curls, playing with her hair. He pushed the blanket aside and dipped his head down, dropping a soft kiss on a curving scar on her waist. He studied the mark, which had now faded to a faint mark.
"Why don't you stay for breakfast?"
Haymitch's eyes fell on hers, repressing a small sigh. "I should head back".
Effie's eyes saddened. She reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.
"You don't have to. You could stay. I could cook breakfast-"
Haymitch chuckled, recalling the burnt pizza he had discovered in her fridge that night.
Effie gave his shoulder a small shove. "I'm serious Haymitch. Then perhaps we can go see a movie…or go for a walk?"
Haymitch sighed, releasing her hand. "The train gets here in an hour. I should head back-"
"To what? Your alcohol? Your geese?" Her voice grew with anger.
Haymitch shot her a hot glare. "No…I just-"
He paused, lowering his eyes to avoid her burning glare. Why couldn't he just tell her? Tell her that she was the first woman he cared about, the first woman he had let in since the passing of everyone he had ever loved. Tell her that he was scared as hell that these feelings he held for her would only grow, and the repercussions they would bring. Because everyone he had ever loved died. The war was over, but these fears that haunted his days and nights never went away.
How could he begin to explain the fear of growing closer to her? And that if they spent more time together, that would ultimately happen.
Haymitch traced her jagged scar with his finger. A scar that had been branded on her skin because of him. He had left her behind. He had managed to hurt her before their relationship had even begun, and Haymitch couldn't imagine the hurt or pain she would endure in the future if he let her in anymore.
Besides, they were so very different and both wanted different things. He could see it in her eyes every time she met his gaze, the hope lighting her features, hope that he would spend another night with her away from his damp bed in District Twelve and closet full of alcohol. Hope for a life with him, perhaps even a family. Hope for a life he could never give her.
No…how could he begin to explain this to her? Instead he shrugged off her question, slipping out of bed. He reached for his clothes and began to dress with the same heaviness he had shed off when he had walked into her apartment last night.
Effie watched him dress with stunned eyes; suddenly worried that she had chased him away. Perhaps she had said too much. She knew she should have kept her mouth shut. Why couldn't she just be content with him wanting to spend another night with her? She would go down to District Twelve to visit him if she could, but the war had only ended and she still feared the hatred the people of Twelve still held for her.
"Haymitch please," Effie scrambled up from her bed, clutching the sheets around her frame. "Stay".
Haymitch turned around, his eyes softening. Every fiber in his being nailed him onto the spot, urging him to stay. But the same aching, cold fear clawed its way back up to his heart, waking him back to reality.
So he walked back over, bending his head down to press a cool kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you later sweetheart".
He walked out her door, taking with him the haunting fear. He left behind every urge that screamed for him to stay and the only woman who cared about him. The only woman he feared he had grown to love.
…
"Anger… Unlike other sensations, anger never goes away because it is always there. It simply lays dormant, waiting to be awaken. When caught in a moment of absolute rage, we are vulnerable to hurting not only ourselves but the ones we love most. Anger, true anger can consume us to the very core, blinding us with such rage and compelling us to do the unthinkable. As powerful as it is dangerous, anger can leave even the ones we hold closest merciless to its wrath. When we are angry, we see red. Perhaps it's the blood that often follows a storm of utter rage. Or perhaps it's the broken heart that pays the price for our vulnerabilities to its power". ~
Red…
"Why? Why is this so hard for you?"
Haymitch slammed down his drink, shooting her a furious glare. "You know I can't move to the Capitol. God Effie, I can barely spend a day there".
Effie huffed, her eyes burning into him. "Then what if I move in here?"
Haymitch jumped out of his chair, almost knocking over his glass. 'No!"
He froze, seeing the hurt flicker past her features. "I didn't mean-"
"Then what Haymitch?" Effie gestured to her sides, her eyes hardening in anger. "What did you mean? For me to travel up here every week when you drink yourself into intoxication and need someone to hold your hair back as you throw up? Or when you call me because you're feeling lonely? Or when you show up at my doorstep at three in the morning, drunk off your head and demanding sex?"
Her voice began to shook, tears biting the backs of her glassy eyes and threatening to spill.
"Shit," Haymitch whispered. "No Effs, I didn't mean-"
"The what Haymitch?" Effie yelled, anger boiling inside. "Tell me, what did you mean?"
"I don't know!" Haymitch rested his hand on the table, taking a steady breath. "I don't know," he repeated softly.
He felt his head pound with the surging alcohol and the moment's anger. He looked up to see Effie crying, warm tears leaking from her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. His chest tightened at the sight. He felt hopeless, but even worst, he felt angry at being the cause of her tears.
Haymitch sighed and took another swig of alcohol, hoping to numb the ache in his chest.
"I can't do this anymore," Effie whispered, shaking her head. "I just can't".
Haymitch stared at his glass, refusing to meet her eyes. Refusing to see her tears. Refusing to see the damage he had inflicted. From the reflection in his glass he saw her collecting her handbag.
"I'm leaving now Haymitch. I just…I can't take coming down every month, seeing you like this".
Haymitch lifted his head, a scowl twisting his features. "Seeing me like what?" he said, his voice growing more spiteful towards the end.
"Seeing you like this," Effie exclaimed, gesturing to her sides.
Haymitch followed her gaze to the mountain of dishes, the piles of dirty clothes that littered the ground and the bottles of broken glass and whisky scattered on the table.
"Haymitch, you haven't showered in days! I can't keep on coming down to clean up your mess. And never once have I seen you sober, even when we have sex for god's sake!"
"If I recall sweetheart, I've never heard you complain in that department".
Effie's eyes flashed angrily. "Did you even hear a word I said?"
Haymitch refilled his glass, draining it down in one gulp before slamming his glass back down so hard that the table shook. "Not really".
Haymitch felt his insides bubbling with rage, his heart, pounding with fury. He hated how she stood their like some Queen, pointing out the flaws in his life and demanding that he changed. He hated how she wanted a life he could never give her, but one he knew she deserved. But above all he hated himself from keeping her from that life, from pulling her down with him. Because in that moment he realised that everything she had said to him was true, and he hated himself for it.
"Look Trinket," he snapped, his face reddening with anger. "If you hate it here so much then why don't you just leave?"
Effie gasped. "What?"
"You heard me sweetheart. No one's forcing you to stay".
Effie blinked. Clearly that wasn't the response she expected. Her teeth dug into her lower lip, looking as if she regretted suggesting that she move in.
"You know I didn't mean that," she whispered, her eyes softening. "I never said I wanted to leave".
"You didn't have to. Clearly you're not happy here with me".
A part of him knew that he should stop pushing her, because he didn't want her to go. And he knew that she didn't either. But the words seemed to roll off his tongue, fueled by his growing rage.
Effie's face fell at his words. He could see her heart shatter when he looked into her crystal blue eyes.
"Haymitch, don't-"
"Just go!" Haymitch smashes the glass onto the table, shattering it to pieces.
Effie flinched, terror shadowing her eyes as she met his murdering gaze. Clutching onto her handbag she straightened herself up.
"Fine. But don't bother calling me anymore".
She turned on her heel, storming out.
"Don't worry sweetheart, I wasn't planning too!"
He heard the slamming of the door, the walls shaking after. A deafening silence slowly consumed the room.
Haymitch slowly sipped from the mouth of the bottle, letting his thoughts wander. It wasn't long before he felt his heart cracking a little as the realisation dawned on him. He had sent her away.
Haymitch threw his bottle, watching it hurtle in the air and crash into the wall. The pieces shattered into piercing shards like Effie's eyes when he had told her to leave.
Haymitch sunk back into his chair, running his fingers through his hair wearily. Regret slowly ate its way inside him and to his breaking heart, leaving behind a hollow feeling.
Haymitch sighed, letting his face fall into his hands. He had sent her away. He had sent the only woman who had ever put up with him, taken care of him and provided him comfort during his cold nights, away. She was company, company that he hadn't had in years. And he had sent her away.
Haymitch cursed aloud. They had had arguments before, but nothing like this. He wasn't sure if they'd ever get through this, but if they did and he won a second chance, Haymitch knew that he wouldn't screw it up. He wouldn't let her go again.
Pink…
A wave of blissful sighs and sentimental sobs rippled throughout the room, dragging Haymitch back to reality. He startled, roughly shaking his head. He followed everyone's eyes onto the soon to be, newly wed couple, halfway through their vows.
Haymitch swallowed down the painful lump that had formed in his throat. He couldn't stay in this room any longer. His chest tightened at the aching sight. He couldn't breathe. He shouldn't have come in the first place; he knew it was a mistake, a stupid, stupid mistake. He was an idiot to believe that he could let her go, to let their past go and move on. He had to leave now.
Then he caught a glimmer of silver, winking in the sunlight. His eyes followed the sparkle, landing on her silver sterling, twenty-carat ring. Her pink, diamond ring.
"Pink cupcakes? Really princess?"
Haymitch shook his head roughly, doing his best to shake off the image flooding his mind.
His fingers curled around her waist, his breath caressing her neck. He spotted the batch of pink, butterscotch frosted cupcakes sitting on the bench.
He remembered the smell. Cinnamon. Strawberry. White chocolate. The memories attacked his senses, as if the cupcakes were in this very room right now.
She spun around as fast as he had blinked, the palm of her hand colliding towards his cheek. She left behind a raw, pink mark.
Haymitch touched his cheek, the hot, sore tingle still lingering on his skin. He shook his head once more, trying desperately to erase the memories that itched its way back into his mind. Still, his eyes were on that glimmering ring, the memory still fresh in his brain.
It had been exactly-
"One year!" Effie shrieked, pushing him away. "One year and you walk in here as if nothing had happened! One-"
Year. One year. One year of drunken nights and mornings waking up in a pool of his vomit. One year of drunken rages and shattered glass and an empty bed and tears and nightmares and a constant remembrance of their argument that started it all. One long, grueling year. How could he have forgotten? One-
"Year with no phone calls or letters. And you come walking back in like-like-"
"I know!" he cut her off with an exasperated yell. " Dammit Effie I know. I screwed up, I hurt you that night…and I'm sorry".
Effie blinked, shock radiating in her wide eyes. "You're apologizing?"
Haymitch gave her a nonchalant shrug in return. "We can't keep on arguing anymore…the past year...it's been well…"Haymitch paused, scratching his jaw uncomfortably. He lowered his eyes, struggling to find the right words. "The house has been kind of empty without you there…"
Her lips parted with shock, a playful sparkle touching her eye. "Is that your way of saying you missed me?"
Haymitch repressed an eye roll. "I don't think so princess".
Effie's lips graced into a small smile. "I'll take it anyway," she sighed. "I'm sorry too…I said some hurtful things that night too. I shouldn't have pressured you into moving when you didn't want to…when we weren't ready. I can't believe we let it get this far".
"I know," he whispered.
Because he too couldn't believe they had let it get this far. Silence stretched between the two. Haymitch took the opportunity to glance around at her creations laid out on her kitchen bench. He reached for a cupcake, taking a bite. His face screwed up, ready for the overwhelming taste of… white chocolate and butterscotch? It was delicious.
"You can cook?" he asked, staring at the dessert incredulously.
Effie laughed lightly, leaning back against the bench next to him. "Well, I picked up some skills over the past few months".
"This is amazing," Haymitch said between mouthfuls of cake, staring at the dessert in wonder.
She had come far from her burnt pizzas and undercooked pancakes.
Effie smiled graciously, pride tainting her cheeks a faint pink. "You should try the pink velvet strawberry swirls".
She ducked under the counter, retrieving a plate with a single pink cupcake. Taking the cake she leaned forward, offering the dessert to his lips. Haymitch bit into it, sighing blissfully at the sugary, sweet sensation.
It wasn't long before Haymitch had devoured the entire cake, much to her satisfaction.
"Delicious," Haymitch said, brushing the crumbs off his hands.
"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it. That was my last one".
Haymitch couldn't deny it; he was a little disappointed. It was one amazing cupcake.
Haymitch opened his mouth, about to say that these cupcakes could give Peeta a run for his money and suggest that she make more next time, when he caught her icy blue eyes, lingering on his. His breath stopped short.
It had been a year. One year since he had seen those baby blue eyes. He had gone to bed at night, picturing those eyes and imprinting them deep into his brain. They hadn't changed at all. It wasn't until now did he realise just how much he missed them.
Haymitch wasn't sure how long he spent staring into her eyes. Had they always been that soft, shade of sky blue? When had they shimmered like that, like oval crystals in water? In that moment, he was certain that he could drown in those eyes.
His eyes trailed down the curve of her cheek, noticing a few cake crumbs along her cheeks and that amazing strawberry icing staining the corner of her lips. Stepping forward he captured her lips in a tender kiss.
Effie gasped into his lips, her hands gently pushing his chest away. "Haymitch…I can't…we can't…"
Her protests soon died as his lips persistently moved against hers. She surrendered to the kiss. Effie's eyes fluttered shut, her arms instinctively entangling around his neck. She moved her lips with his, deepening the kiss.
Haymitch tasted cinnamon, vanilla and the heavenly, decadent strawberry icing. He pushed her back against the counter, their bodies melting together. Their tongues soon intertwined together, twisting together like lovers in a dance. Strawberries. It coated his tongue, leaving him craving more.
"No…Haymitch…stop".
Her breathless protest lingered near his lips as she pushed him away, as if coming to her senses. Haymitch frowned, searching her eyes for an answer. But he found nothing but two glassy pools of tears.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, digging her teeth into her swollen lip. "I shouldn't have…"
Haymitch followed her gaze, landing on the glittering, pink diamond jewel on her ring finger. He let her go immediately, as if zapped by static.
"Oh god Haymitch, I'm so sorry-"
"You're engaged?" he whispered, not daring to believe it.
Effie's fingers twisted together, her nails digging into her engagement ring. "Haymitch, please try and understand-"
"Understand what?" Haymitch shouted, his features reddening with rage. "That I kissed an engaged woman? For God's sake Effie. One year, one year and you're engaged?"
"And why do you care?" Effie snapped back, her eyes hardening. "Last time I recalled you wanted me to leave. I was alone Haymitch," the truth finally spilled from her lips. "I was alone and…this past year without you was hard on me too. Richard…he's lovely but…I don't love…at least I don't think I ever could-"
She was silenced by his sudden footsteps. Looking up she saw him leaving. She hurried forward, almost stumbling over her feet in desperation to stop him.
"Haymitch, Haymitch please! Just listen to me-"
"No". Haymitch turned around, his cold, grey eyes burning into hers. "I don't want to hear it. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have-" Haymitch paused, struggling to collect his words. In the end he shook his head roughly, heading back towards the door. "I'll see you later Trinket".
Once again he walked out with the slam of the door, doing what he had promised he'd never do again. He let her go.
Black…
A burning chill seeped its way through his blackened heart as the last of their vows lingered in the air, tearing a sob throughout the crowd. Why was he still here? He watched the priest step forward, his droning voice resounding throughout the room.
"If anyone knows of any reason these two should not be married…"
"Are you happy?"
His distant words came back to him as if he was back in her Hotel room, reliving the conversation.
"Happy? Well…yes, of course…Richard's good to me…he really is...It's just that…it's just that he's not you".
"…Then speak now…"
Haymitch glanced back up at the couple. His chest tightened, his heart galloping against his chest and pounding in his ears. No. It was too late. He had accepted that long ago. It was too late.
Then she turned her head over her shoulder, her crystal blue eyes catching his. They softened slightly, almost sadly, something dark touching those blue depths. Something his envy, fear and anger had hidden from him all along.
No! Haymitch stomped the coming thought before he had a chance to listen to it. It was too late.
"It's not too late you know".
"…All forever…"
Haymitch's eyes shifted towards her stunning dress, the jewels on her neck and the businessman beside her. They lingered on the prestige, the status and the fortune that radiated off the man. The strong, stable and madly in love husband. Everything a girl would kill for. Everything he had always believed Effie Trinket wanted.
"All of this…it's not what I wanted…"
Then what did she want? He had always known what she had craved. At least, he had always thought he knew it. A family. Security. Consistency. That's what he believed Effie Trinket had wanted: a husband who could provide all of this for her.
"…Hold your peace".
No. It's too late…it's too late…it's too late…
"It's too late sweetheart. We can't do this anymore. Richard is good for you, I know that…You two will be happy together".
His eyes met hers once more. He saw something…something beneath the blue pools, beneath the sadness and doubt…regret. He saw regret.
"Then without further ado, I now pronounce…"
It hit him like a slamming door. He had been wrong the entire time. He loved her. He knew that much. He felt it when his heart ached at the sight of her tears. Saw it when he caught his smile reflecting from her glimmering eyes. Was constantly reminded when all he could think about was her, when he was drunk, when he was battling his nightmares, when he was feeding the geese, when he was with her and when he was alone, passed out on the sofa and wishing she was there. He had always loved her.
He had always believed he knew Effie Trinket so well, thought he had believed himself to be doing what was best. Letting her go. But this wasn't what she wanted…no…because she wanted…she wanted…
"WAIT!"
A gasp rang out throughout the crowd, followed by hushed murmurs. Heads shot up, eyes soon followed, searching for the source of the noise.
"I'm sorry?' the Priest frowned, searching for the source of the disruption.
"I-I have a reason," Haymitch said almost breathlessly, doing his best to ignore the burning glares and horrified expressions from the other guests. "Why these two can't be married".
Effie's face fell, stunned. "Haymitch, what are you doing?"
The man in black was clearly baffled, huffing indignantly.
"Effie," Haymitch had managed to weave through the crowd, nearly tripping over as he made it to the middle of the aisle. He stood before her, his eyes finding hers. "You can't marry him. You don't love him".
"Effie, who is this man?" Richard exclaimed, spinning towards her for an answer.
Effie was speechless. Her lips opened but nothing came out. Her gaze shifted between the two, helpless and desperate. Her hands shook, the bouquet of flowers dropping to the floor. Clutching onto the ends of her dress she took off, quickly hurrying down the aisle and out the church doors.
Haymitch was after her in a flash, bounding down the aisle. He found her outside the side of the church, storming towards the limousine. He hurried after her.
"What on earth are you doing?" Effie shrieked, whirling towards him like a raging storm.
"Something I should have done a long time ago".
Effie sat on the hood of the white vehicle, taking her veil off with shaking hands. Tears fell from her eyes, tracking mascara down her cheeks. She shook her head incredulously at him.
"I don't understand Haymitch. Why now? Why…you had so many chances…so many times you could have…"
"I know," Haymitch replied softly, taking a seat next to her. "I was an idiot…but I couldn't leave without telling you now". A heavy sigh escaped his lips. "Do you love him?"
Effie blinked back. She lowered her eyes, struggling for an answer. "Richard's kind…and sweet and-"
"But do you love him?"
Effie hesitated, meeting his eyes. "No," she whispered. "I…I" Effie paused, struggling to gather her words. "Look Haymitch, why are you only telling me this now?"
"Because this is my last chance, and I couldn't let you go without telling you". Haymitch briefly shut his eyes, repressing a heavy sigh. "All this time…I know I was pushing you away. But I thought it was for the best…but this past year without you…it was torture," he met her eyes, his voice softening. "Sweetheart, if this is what you want," he gestured to the church and fancy wedding. "If he's what you want, then go back. But I couldn't let you go without telling you how I feel…I couldn't let you go without at least trying to get a second shot at this".
Effie's eyes softened, searching his eyes for an answer to his sudden confession. But she found nothing but sincerity. "A second shot at what exactly?"
"Us".
Effie was speechless.
Haymitch repressed a dark chuckle, the ludicrousness of the situation dawning on him. "You're crazy, you know that? You had this way of getting under my skin…driving me mad as hell all the time. But…" he paused, his eyes drifting off to the side. "But I can't imagine life without you. I can't imagine waking up and…and not seeing you there. Or not hearing you nag at me to put down the bottle or…or…" He trailed off, struggling to find the right words.
Haymitch's face twisted in concentration, desperately trying to convey how he felt. Throwing all caution to the wind he reached for her hand, bringing it over to his free hand on his lap. He guided her fingers over to the beating pulse on his wrist.
"Do you feel that?" His warm eyes met hers.
Effie nodded, the rapid beats pounding against her fingers.
"That's what I feel when I'm with you…you have this…this effect and-" Haymitch stopped, unsure of how to continue. "Look Effie, I need to know how you're feeling about…about all of this".
An uncomfortable silence grew between them. He shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to this. To opening up and confessing feelings that he had only recently realised.
Haymitch released her hand, letting out a small sigh. He stood up and began to leave, knowing that it was probably best to give her some time.
"Haymitch, wait".
Effie stood up, approaching him. "You were right…I don't love him," she sighed softly, shaking her head. "It was a marriage of convenience really…but it never meant anything. He never meant anything, at least nothing compare to how much you always meant to me," Effie hesitated, lowering her eyes. When she looked back up she met his gaze. "What I'm trying to say is that I never cared about Richard. It was always you".
His lips parted with shock, his mind piecing together what she had said. "What?"
A small smile graced her lips as she stared fondly into his eyes. "Don't you get it you drunken idiot? It was always you".
A smile slowly spread across his face as her words sunk in. No…it couldn't be true. She couldn't possibly mean…
A set of heavy footsteps caught their attention. They lifted their heads up to see Richard, standing at the corner, his eyes shifting between the two, slowly shattering as the realisation sunk in.
Haymitch watched Effie make her way to her fiancé with a sad smile. And as she handed him back her ring and turned away, his heart soared with the confirmed truth. It was always him.
…
He was waiting for her behind the church when she came running around the corner, her arms wrapping around him in the tightest embrace they had ever shared.
"He's left," she whispered, a small sob cracking her voice. "They all have".
Haymitch gently stroked her hair, hugging her tightly.
"Do you really think we can make this work?" she murmured into his neck, fear tightening her voice. "Us?"
A smile touched his lips. "Yeah sweetheart. I think we can".
And as he buried his nose into her golden curls, breathing in her fragrant scent, he made her a silent promise. He was never letting her go again.
"Green…Despite its prominence as the colour of jealousy, green is often associated with well-being and nature. This vibrant colour is also connected to wealth; prosperous riches, a prosperous family and above all, a prosperous soul. In ancient times, it was believed that green symbolised life, a concept that is still accepted by many today, with many beliving that a simple dash of the colour can help give one a fuller, richer life. Today however, green is associated with second chances and the birth of new beginnings. It's associated with happiness, whether that be by achieving goals, excelling in a career, trying something new or even marrying the one you love…" ~
…
Green…
A hushed silence rumbled throughout the crowd as the double doors swung open, revealing the stunning bride. His heart hammered in his chest, stopping short when his eyes landed on her. She took his breath away. In that moment he was certain that she had never looked more beautiful. Not when he first saw her in her wedding dress, not when he woke up to her after their first night together and not when she had laid with him under the starry night, just before he proposed.
She shimmered under the golden light like a blossoming white flower in the mornings' sunshine, radiating in her ivory dress with a nervous yet ecstatic glow. A coral blush crept up her cheeks, the thrilling smile lighting up her eyes.
"Hey," she whispered once she had made her way down the aisle, passing him a nervous smile.
"Hey," he whispered back, taking his place next to her.
Throughout the entire ceremony he couldn't take his eyes off her. Not when the music stopped, not when everyone sat down and not even when the Priest opened up the ceremony. And as she began her wedding vows, Haymitch felt his eyes losing themselves in hers, certain that he was falling in love with her all over again.
"Haymitch?"
He blinked, startling. He was suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on him and the abrupt cough coming from the Priest. He saw Effie, stifling back a small giggle.
"Your wedding vows?" Effie whispered, her eyes staring questioningly at his.
"Oh, my vows…right," Haymitch replied gruffly.
He had been too busy staring at his bride that he completely lost track of time. Haymitch had been up every night until the early morning for the past week writing his vows, yet in that moment he struggled to recall one sentence. His lips opened, but nothing coming out.
Yet when he met her soft, blue eyes, he felt his heart melt and swore he saw hers melt too. In her eyes he saw everything he had hoped he could give her; hope, happiness and life. The words soon came rolling off his tongue. They weren't the ones he had recited, but they slipped from his lips as if he had known them all along.
"I've never been good with words," he began slowly, piecing his thoughts together. "But I-" he stopped, briefly losing the words. He lifted his head up to face her. "I know I've made mistakes in my life," he started again, his eyes mesmerised on hers. "But the biggest mistake of my life was letting you go. It was one that kept me up every night, and one that I thought I'd never get over," Haymitch paused, a small smile touching his lips. "And then…and then you gave me a second chance. And I knew that I could never let you go again".
"Effie Trinket, you are without the doubt the most infuriating, irritating and stubborn woman I have ever met. You drive me crazy everyday, but I can't imagine my life without you. To able to wake up to you every morning and see your eyes before I fall asleep…nothing else could make me happier".
"Oh Haymitch," she breathed, her eyes softening.
Haymitch took a breath, his warm eyes softening on hers. "I can't promise you that I'll always be the best man, that I'll always be able to put away the alcohol or that we won't occasionally fight. I can't promise you a perfect life…but I can promise you that if you take me today, I will try everyday to make you happy. To give you the life you deserve. I will stand by you and fight for you. I will always be there for you. But most of all, I-I will always love you," his voice grew hoarse, cracking in his throat. "Because for some reason…I am ridiculously and insanely in love with you. Effie, if you take me today I promise to never let you go again".
He could see her desperately trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill and smudge her makeup. He too felt his throat tightening with the overwhelming emotions he felt consuming him and touching his heart. He heard her soft voice coming out in a breathless whisper, alerting his attention to the Priest's droning voice.
"I do".
"And Haymitch Abernathy, do you take this woman, Effie Trinket, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worst?"
"I do".
"Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now-"
The rest of the words were a blur to the two as their lips came together in a passionate kiss. Her arms entangled around his neck as his wrapped his around her waist, pulling her closer in a melting embrace.
Effie gasped, laughing lightly as she felt herself being lifted from the ground, twirling through the air in his arms. She was soon scooped into his secure arms, her arms entangled around his neck and her legs hanging over his arm.
"Haymitch, what is this?"
"Well Miss Abernathy," he whispered, brushing his nose against hers. "I do believe we have a resort to get too somewhere far away from here".
Effie repressed an eye roll, her hand coming up to brush through his dirty blonde hair. "Haymitch, I'm afraid we still have the reception to get through. And I think it would be rude not to turn up, seeing as it is for our wedding".
She repressed a small giggle when she heard him groan in irritation. "Then sweetheart," a suggestive glimmer touched his eye, his voice wrapping around the shell of her ear. "I'm afraid you'll have to make it up to me tonight".
Effie's eyes rounded, a playful smile dancing on her lips. "Well," her voice dropped an octave, her eyes glimmering suggestively. "I'm sure I can think of something".
He silenced her laughter with another passionate kiss.
She didn't leave his arms all evening, not wanting to leave and he not wanting to let her go. Not when they exited the church, not when they were in the limousine, not when they opened the night with the first dance and not when he curled next to her in their room after a night of passion.
No. As promised he didn't let her go and would never let her go again. And as vowed, he stood by her, through the good times and the bad, through every argument and every burst of tears, through the birthing of their child and the many stresses and unexpectancies that life brought them. They had come so far together and brought so much to each other's lives. And with each kiss and embrace and smile and tear and every coming morning, they knew that they only had more to bring.
~Fin
Hey guys thanks for reading! I have to say, I have never in my life spent such a long time writing a one shot before. This fic kept me up till 2 am every night for the past week (though I usually start writing pretty late anyway), but I really wanted to make it to the best I could. So I really put my heart and everything into this Hayffie piece.
Originally I was going to write a 800 word fic on 'green with envy', since the challenge word was green but thought I'd try and incooperate more colours and tie it back. I also tried to do something a bit more unique from other Hayffie fics I've read, so I hope I ticked that box! Do leave me a review, they really make my day and make writing this 7866 fic worth it haha Thanks for reading!
Lydia :)