Disclaimer: Not mine. CBS - Thank you
Spoilers: None
Rating: CSI 3/T
Other character: Lori Campbell
Summary: The past, present and future all come together as the biggest secret of Catherine Willows life is revealed to the world, to herself and to the only one she always thought would never find out. GCR
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The ballad of Catherine Willows
It must have been love but it's over now
It must have been good but I lost it somehow
It must have been love but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out.--- Roxette It must have been love
Chapter one: "Return to sender"
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Las Vegas Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center
May 10, 2007
He watched as the two women and a young girl approached him. They spoke softly with each other as they walked towards him. His eyes locked with the woman in the middle. There was something about the way her eyes shined at him. He had a distinct feeling something good was about to happen. She on the other hand had this particular feeling before. Twice actually. Suddenly a loud crash was heard and the sound of gunshots penetrated the air. He started running towards the three yelling at them to seek cover but before he could reach them he felt a sharp pain run through his entire body and then everything went black.
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Somewhere in Las Vegas
April 10, 2007
You don't look at their faces
And you don't ask their names
You don't think of them as human
You don't think of them at all
You keep your mind on the money
Keeping your eyes on the wall
--- Tina Turner Private Dancer
The music belting out of the speakers hit her like a ton of bricks. She felt nauseous all of a sudden but there was no way back. This was her life now and all she could do was take a deep breath and get it over with.
She could feel all the eyes in the room zooming in on her as soon as her stiletto clad feet steeped onto the stage. As she swayed to the music she swore to herself that this would be the last time. But then again she told herself that every night.
The sound of whistling made her snap back to reality. She had done this particular routine so many times she was beginning to feel like a robot. As she swung around the pole she caught someone watching her from the back. A small crease in her forehead formed. The person watching her was not someone she had seen here before. As she prepared to remove her bra she made two perfect pirouettes and ended up with her back to the audience. Something was not right. The person watching her looked completely misplaced but moved around like a regular between the small tables. As she turned around she locked eyes with the person who was now standing quite close to the scene. Blue meet blue and stayed there regardless of her now completely naked form.
She was usually good at determining why she was being watched. She knew every look in the book. Lust, want, need or even misunderstood love. But this was different. There was something else there. She had always been good at reading people, but she had only been dancing for a little under three months. But as the youngest on stage she drew quite the audience every night.
The music came to its climax, as did her dance. She was now on the floor simulating whatever she knew the hungry eyes watching her from the tables wanted. She momentarily forgot about the new guest and concentrated on her dancing. This particular part of the show always forced her to step out of her body in order not to run of stage. Her body was there, physically, moving in tact to the music, but her mind was somewhere else.
The music faded slowly and she got up to leave. On her way out she saw the person who had caught her eye approaching, trying to make contact. She held her hand up and the person backed off. She couldn't deal with anyone, not even this person. She felt the blue eyes watching her as she walked past the thin layer of shimmering fabric symbolizing her way out. As she reached the door of the dressing room she drew a deep breath. There was an entire 24 hours until she had to be back here again. All she wanted to do was to get her things and go home.
When she stepped out the back door of the club there was someone waiting for her in the poorly lit alley. The person steeped into the light as the door slammed behind her.
"Ms. Campbell? I'm Catherine Willows"
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The crime lab
March 10, 2007
Just like I predicted we're at the point of no return
We can't go backwards and no corners have been turned
I can't control it if I sink or if I swim
Cause I chose the waters that I'm in
Catherine
entered her office; she set her Starbucks coffee on the desk and
grabbed the stack of mail on her desk. She filtered through the
letters while she removed her coat and sat down in her chair. She
opened a few of the letters and divided the last into two stacks. One
for later. One for Grissom. The second last letter in her stack made
her eyebrow arch up. She leaned back in her chair slowly fanning the
little off-white envelope in front of her face. She had recognized
the stamp on the front immediately.
And it makes no difference
Who is right or wrong?
I deserve much more than this
Cause there's only one thing I want
If it's not what you are made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way you're changing
Cause some thing's will just never be mine
You're not in love this time ... but it's all right
It had been years since one of these letters. She wondered why it had been addressed to the lab. She always had them sent to her home address where she could read it in privacy. She let out a small sign glad that their mail was divided by someone in the human resources department this week.
Lucy (check name) from the reception had gone back east for a couple of weeks of vacation.
"Catherine do you have..." Grissom entered her office without knocking first.
Catherine was so lost in thought she dropped the letter in surprise when he entered.
"Jesus, Gil you scared me. And how about knocking before you enter a girl's private office?" she ended on a lighter note when she saw the apologetic look he gave her.
"Is something wrong" he said as he walked around to her side of the desk. And before she could do anything about it reached down and picked up the small envelope. She snatched it out of his hand even before he could hand it to her.
"Catherine I'm sorry" he said as he saw her tuck the letter into her purse.
She knew she had blown it. She should have just let him hand it to her in his own time, now she had made it obvious that the letter contained something personal and definitely not office related. She prayed he had not had time to read what the postal code had said.
"Gil it's ok. It's just…" she contemplated what to tell him, knowing she needed something good in order for him to believe it. She gave up.
"It's just private okay?" she said her eyes downcast. He reached out and touched her shoulder.
I hear you talking but your
words don't mean a thing
I doubt you ever put your heart in anything
It's not much to ask for to get back what I put in
But chose the waters that I'm in.
"Catherine you can always…. I mean if something is wrong. Then …" he was never any good at this, but this was Catherine and it was obvious that she was upset about something.
He thought about telling he but decided not to. When he picked up the envelope he read part of the sender's name.
'U.S. child services and…'
There was a moment when she lifted her eyes to his where their two souls reached out to each other like they so many times before but both of them quickly withdrew. Saying it out loud or even worse making an actual move towards what they once had was out of the question. They had both said and done things, and it was water under the bridge. At least that was what kept telling themselves all these years later.
What's your definition of the one?
What do you really want him to become?
No
matter what I sacrifice it's still never enough.
When Nick knocked on her office door only seconds later they had both composed themselves and were the epiphany of professionalism.
If it's not what you are made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way you're changing
Cause some thing's will just never be mine
You're not in love this time
---
Lucie Silvas What you're made of
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END OF CHAPTER ONE