Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach and everything related to it, I own absolutely nothing and this is for entertainment purposes only.
Lull and Storm
Byakuya Kuchiki is very much aware of the fact that he is probably the most hated captain in the Gotei 13.
The truth about this statement has been proven to him time and time again in his interactions with other people, whether they work under his command or in the other divisions. He sees it in their eyes, in the way they bow respectfully, out of fear but never out of anything else. He sees it in the way their teeth clench and their hearts quiver with fear that he might rip them apart or just make them crawl with the power of his spiritual energy.
They say he is a living statue, that he has no heart or if he does, then it is shaped in form of an ice cube, never melting, because if it did, then nothing would remain in its place. They call him heartless, a statue molded from duty, respect, authority, and superiority over everything else. They call him many names, some said with respect, others born out of sheer hate. He is the image of everything that is despised in Soul Society. He is old money, the heir of one of the strongest and probably most hated family in Soul Society due to its power. He is in possession of one of the most impressive spiritual energies in this society and as soon as he has graduated from the academy, he has been made a lieutenant serving under the command of his grandfather. And later on, after the older man retired, he became a captain due to his own utter stubbornness.
He wanted to be the first, always the first, and this attitude probably did not help him much in making friends, not that he has ever been interested in having friends. In the Academy, he mostly kept it to himself. Being trained by one of the most powerful shinigamis, Yoruichi Shihōin, did not help the matters either. By the time he had reached the academy, he was light years away from his other colleagues. The few that tried to gain his attention have been quickly turned down, because Byakuya has always been good at reading people and he saw their greedy eyes, thinking that friendship with the Kuchiki heir might make them advance more swiftly in the ranks. They did not see his efforts, his nights wasted in study. All they saw was that Kuchiki Byakuya made everything look easy when for them it was really hard and they hated him for that. And advancing fast in the ranks did not help him either. Just ten years out of Academy and he became a captain. It was unheard of.
He forgot everything else when he met Hisana. She was not like anybody he has ever met and he suddenly felt his heart beat faster, making him forget about duty and honor and pride. He has forgone everything for her and yet she has confessed that she felt nothing but respect and affection for him. Not love. And after her death, he thought that it was more than enough. He shut down completely because having your heart broken was horrible and he did not need any feelings.
"Yo, Byakuya, how's it going?" Byakuya frowns deeper and finally forgoes looking at the wall opposite him in order to scowl at Ichigo Kurosaki, captain of the third division. Whereas Byakuya Kuchiki is the most hated captain in the Gotei, probably Kurosaki Ichigo is the most loved one. Hmm, that word again. Loved. How does it feel? He wonders. To be loved.
"Is there any chance of you finally learning to greet your superiors in this century, captain Kurosaki?" His flat tone does not deter Kurosaki from grinning at him.
"But we are both captains, Byakuya. That definitely doesn't make you my superior. Maybe in age only."
"Now, now, Ichigo," Ukitake intervenes smiling kindly, "we all know you're the youngest here, there's no need for you to makes us feel old."
"Sorry, Ukitake-san, I don't want to make you feel old, I just want to make Byakuya feel old." He smiles deviously at Byakuya who would roll his eyes if it was not such an unbecoming action for a man of his education and breed.
"Your childish behavior is unbecoming of your rank, Kurosaki. Please refrain yourself from further commentary."
"Now that wouldn't be fun for me now, would it?" The brat has the arrogance to wink at him before Captain Yamamoto claims their attention.
Byakuya looks at Ichigo letting the supreme captain drone on about some measures they need to take as the hollow attacks have increased in the Rukongai area. His orange hair is still cut short, its tips almost gold when rays of sun penetrate the dark hall. He has a handsome face when he does not scowl or grins maniacally. His brown eyes are kind and opened and Byakuya remembers vividly how Ichigo looks at his sister, his affection open and free, carried in his eyes and in the gestures that he makes. He is alive and breathing affection and respect for everyone he meets. He is now a little taller, years as shinigami paying off. His muscles are firm and well defined and the shinigami uniform does not do a good job at hiding them. His uniform is sleeveless, his beautiful arms left in the open, the white haori doing nothing but highlighting the tanned skin. His black tattoos from his sword are there, black, X-shaped like on his hands and around his neck, telling a story of their own, a story of sacrifice and bravery.
Kurosaki Ichigo is a handsome man, Byakuya thinks startling himself. He is a force of nature. Byakuya is not blind. He sees the way everybody else watches Ichigo as well. He is like the sun and they just tiny specks orbiting around him, soaking greedily in his warmth and kindness. And he lets them, because his generous nature has never known refusal.
Case in point: as soon as the meeting ends, Ichigo is assaulted by the rest of the captains. Kenpachi wants a sparing match, grinning insanely at Ichigo, who just shakes his head in defeat. Captain Ukitake and captain Kyōraku invite him for tea and promise him a night out. Even captain Hitsugaya approaches Ichigo, talking in his serious tone but tinged with affection. And Ichigo is kind and courteous to everyone and promises everything and it is strange but he knows that the young captain will keep his promises.
Captain Komamura stops Byakuya from staring at Ichigo like a besotted fool (and seriously, is he truly besotted?) with some questions about a further mission that his division and Byakuya's will share. After clarifying the last details and establishing another meeting to further discuss them, Byakuya is about to leave when a warm hand settles calmly on his shoulder and Byakuya goes rigid because there is only one person who would dare to make such a gesture.
He turns around just in time to meet Ichigo's gentle eyes looking a little worried.
"Sorry." They orange haired man whispers as he takes his hand away but its sudden loss makes Byakuya's heart give a painful lurch. "I was just- Are you all right?" Confusion must be written all over Byakuya's face because Ichigo rambles. "It's just that you're all broody and dark, well, ok, actually broodier than you usually are, and not once did you contradict me today, and you kept staring at me the whole meeting and just, if I did something wrong, again, could you just say it to me so I can fix it and you can stop drilling holes in my skull with your eyes? See? Exactly like you're doing now."
"Did you do something wrong?" Byakuya avoids answering liking the way he makes the younger man squirm.
"I'll have you know that I didn't do anything. That I know off. However, with you I don't know. Everything about me upsets you so it could me waking up in the morning or occupying a certain seat or whatever."
"You ramble a lot and I do not see the purpose of this conversation. So if you will excuse me, unlike other people, I do no have time to waste."
"Damn it." Ichigo passes his fingers through his hair, looking horribly frustrated and Byakuya hates himself for a second for putting that look on the young man's face. He always has that effect on people. "I just want to know if you are all right."
"I am well, captain Kurosaki. Is there anything else that you require or may I be excused and return to my division?"
"No, sorry." Ichigo rolls his eyes at him but for once Byakuya does not have it in him to tell that brat how to behave.
Byakuya returns to his division and continues his daily routine without giving the meeting another thought. Nevertheless, in the evening, when he is finally home, after the dinner with his sister, he strolls through his garden, lit up by torches and thinks about Ichigo.
Truth is Byakuya Kuchiki has not known love in his life. His parents have left him to serve the Soul King, his grandfather has been too busy drilling him into becoming the perfect heir of the Kuchikis. Hisana has never pretended to be in love with him and at best, she just cared for him. His sister, Rukia, cares for him as well and he can count Renji as being loyal and appreciative.
In return, he has loved only once. He has given his heart foolishly to Hisana thinking that maybe he would be able to love for both of them. He liked to think that in every relationship one loves more and one loves less and the one that loves more can supply for the rest of the love that is missing. In reality it has left him feeling hallow and empty, a deep void inside his soul. If Hisana had not died, he would have probably resented her at some point for not being enough for him.
People say he is a breathing statue, but why is it a wonder? He has been taught from an early age to never submit to his feelings, to quench his thirst for affection by embracing the code of the family and the duty he had towards them. Every time he had been driven by feelings, he has lost something, he had paid in pain and suffering.
Yet…
Yet Kurosaki Ichigo makes him feel. He makes him feel anger that he dared to twist everything and make him see that not everything is duty and honor. He made him feel confidence and certitude that good would eventually prevail during the Winter War. He made him feel sadness and despondency when the young man was brought almost dead in Soul Society after the final battle with Aizen. He makes him worry when he is gone in missions and he annoys him when he talks too much. Wherever he turns, Ichigo Kurosaki is slowly but surely invading his life. The question is why Byakuya has let him go so far.
You like him, master. He hears Senbonzakura's deep voice penetrating the walls of his consciousness.
"I don't believe I gave you permission to say anything, Senbonzakura."
As if, I needed it. I just grew tired of you thinking in circles. Remember how you watched the Kurosaki kid this morning. It was light around his image.
"Because he is like the sun." Byakuya blurts and instantly regrets it when he feels the smile on his zanpaktou's face.
Master, Senbonzakura hesitates, I think you have known for a while what you feel about the young man.
"I don't wish to discuss such matters with you and I would ask you kindly to go back to sleep. Such interventions from your part are undesired and unwanted."
Very well, master.
Byakuya figures there is no point in further thinking about this matter, since it won't bring any good outcome so he carries on with his daily routines trying to forget about his new blossoming feelings. However, the mind is more complex and the more one insists on not thinking about something, the more that particular thing will pop at random moments in one's mind. Awareness creeps in Byakuya's mind like an unwanted but insistent foe. Ichigo has inhabited in his thoughts for quite some time and if it weren't for the new mission that he had, he probably would have continued to think more and more about the young man.
As it is, the mission proves to be far more dangerous than they have thought. The geography of the other world is more than complex and there are vast territories still unknown to shinigamis, but lately sudden appearances of Menos Grande proved to be more problematic than anticipated and Komamura and Byakuya were assigned to defeat the rest of the Menos Grande and the hollows that would appear by any measure. However, they have not anticipated the large number of Menos that they have to fight back and before they know it, they are surrounded and in danger of losing the low ranks which have accompanied them in their mission.
Byakuya has just cut down one of the monsters when he realizes that they need help and quick before the battle escalates. While he is not very keen in receiving help, he knows that pride is out of the question at the moment, if he doesn't want to lose more men and women. He orders the lower ranks to retreat and some of them are sent to ask for back up. Komamura nods his approval and he and Byakuya continue to fight using their bankais while the other ones left fight the hollows that have appeared.
He finds his mind blanking out, solely concentrating on fighting and keeping his zanpaktou away from the other shinigamis. His mind shrewdly calculates each alternative and takes advantage of that in the way he attacks merciless. His single-mindedness prevents him from noticing the black clad figure who takes down two Menos Grande without even blinking. And when Kurosaki Ichigo takes down two other opponents, Byakuya's anger escalates all of the sudden. Out of all the shinigami captains present in Soul Society, why did it have to be this brat?
With Kurosaki's scary power, the battle is soon over and Byakuya looks a little dazed around him, checking, and making sure that everyone is alive. Ichigo's eyes rake over his prone figure with an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes and Byakuya's hands are suddenly clammy as if he is under a merciless scrutiny and found lacking. This is why he is taken by surprise when the young shinigami approaches him and takes his left hand gently.
"You're hurt." He mumbles and before he even registers what is going on, the younger captain takes apart his uniform and makes a bandage for Byakuya's hand. Byakuya is too stunned to say anything and the young shinigami smiles sadly at him before he retreats.
The mighty Kuchiki Byakuya is left speechless on the battlefield. Komamura looks at him a little more than amused and among barked orders and people answering, among groans of pain and swords put aside, Byakuya Kuchiki admits to himself he might like the Kurosaki kid more than he would be willing to admit.
And he might have been able to hide this incredibly new feeling quite well, and maybe even forget about it if Ichigo didn't decide that all of the sudden he wants Byakuya's attention. It happens one morning.
"Yo, Byakuya!" The orange brat exclaims as he enters into his office with a knock but incapable of waiting for an approval. "What's up?"
"You are a heathen even in language. Have you been raised by barbarians?" Byakuya's reply comes sharp, one eyebrow twitching in annoyance. It bothers him even more the fact that Ichigo actually puts a serious face.
"Well, if I think about my father, then hell, yeah, I was raised by barbarians. I mean, have you seen him?"
"Is there a purpose to your annoying presence in my office?" Byakuya sighs in defeat. Sometimes even he can't surpass Ichigo's stubbornness.
"Yes, actually there is." Ichigo takes a seat in front of him taking out some papers but before he adds something more, someone else knocks at the door and after hearing Byakuya's approval comes in. A flushing low rank girl who is acting as Byakuya's secretary at the moment smiles shyly.
"Excuse me, captain Kuchiki, I was at the quarters of the eighth division with your report, so I couldn't attend to your guests. Hello, captain Kurosaki."
"Hello, Arya-san. How's it going?" Ichigo smiles friendly and the poor girl flushes even more. A dark feeling strangely resembling to jealousy creeps into Byakuya's gut. He should not be surprised though that Ichigo knows her name. He probably knows all the shinigamis' names.
"I'm fine, thank you. Is there anything I can get you?"
"No, thank you."
"Captain Kuchiki?"
"No. You may retreat."
"Yes, sir."
She closes the door behind her, before he returns to watching Kurosaki who smiles amused at him.
"What is it now?" Byakuya can't help himself from asking.
"It's just that you are such a sour wolf."
"Have you come here to offend and annoy me or is it something really serious? Because if I remember correctly, I told you that you could come to my office only under three exceptional conditions."
"Yes, yes, if Rukia is dying, if Soul Society is on the brink of destruction and if Captain Yamamoto sends me to you." Ichigo dutiful enumerates and then waits for Byakuya's approval. Byakuya barely restrains himself from smiling because the young man in front of him looks for his approval and isn't that ironic?
"Very well." Ichigo preens under the praise. "Now are any of these happening right now?"
"Actually yes." Ichigo becomes suddenly serious. "Captain Yamamoto sent me to talk about the measures that you have taken for the district assigned to you at the last meeting."
They discuss business like two adults and Byakuya won't ever admit aloud, but he likes to see Kurosaki going straight down to business, asking pertinent questions and accepting Byakuya's advice, even when it is given in a mocking tone. He likes even more when these meetings become a frequent occurrence. At the beginning, Ichigo comes with shinigami affairs but soon they become more like friendly meetings where the young captain asks for Byakuya's advice in dealing with his division. Byakuya sometimes forgets that Ichigo did not want the command after the Winter War, but after being almost fatally wounded, he was not able to return to the real world. He forgets that the experience that the young shinigami has accumulated throughout the years is born solely from the battlefield where he has been more injured than probably anyone else.
Byakuya fakes annoyance and keeps his face blank, but inside he likes the way Ichigo looks at him with those beautiful brown eyes, all serious, affectionate, or annoyed but always, always in wonder, as if he can't believe that Byakuya lets him approach him. Their meetings become a weekly thing, when they drink tea and discuss, sometimes Ichigo taking notes and explaining how he applied some of Byakuya's advice.
Their meetings are noticed soon because his lieutenant has never been a discreet man. Some of the captains are confused, Rukia smiles knowingly at him, and he pretends he does not understand the meaning. Most people pity Ichigo, talking about the torture of how he must endure Byakuya's icy presence. However, he sees Ichigo shaking everything off and smiling at Byakuya during meetings, patting him friendly on the back, gently enquiring if he is all right when he is tired or annoyed or he just wants to badge his head on a wall because sometimes the councilmen from his family are all annoying pricks. Hmm, Ichigo must be rubbing off him.
It is before one of those weekly meetings of theirs, when he receives the visit of Hideo Ishikawa. He and Hideo have met a long time ago, before Byakuya had met Hisana, and they were what humans used to call 'friends with benefits'. Everything ended when Hideo became part of the Kido Corps and Byakuya joined Gotei 13. Still occasionally, they meet due to their duties. They discuss amiably about what they are about to do in a following mission, Hideo being charming and friendly as always. Their meeting is cut short when Byakuya realizes that Ichigo is about to come and something tells him that these two men should not meet.
Byakuya should have known better. Renji enters into his office a couple of minutes later to report to Byakuya how the training sessions with the new recruits are going when he hears murmurs outside his office. His people know very well how much he hates to be bothered when he is working and he is just about to send Renji to discipline those people when he hears Kurosaki's almost hysterical voice:
"Byakuya had sex?"
His lieutenant splutters or snorts or something like that, while Byakuya is too stunned to say something, although his cheeks grow slightly pink. Hideo's laugh echoes in the adjacent room and Byakuya promises to himself that he will make sure Hideo grievously regrets the indiscretion.
A couple of moments later Kurosaki bursts into the room flushing, his eyes widened with unnamed emotions.
"You, you," he points a finger at Byakuya, "you had sex."
"I am more than one hundred years old and I have been married, captain Kurosaki, not that this would be any of your business."
"I just- I have never thought about-" The younger captain flushes so heavily that Byakuya thinks for a moment that smoke might come out from his ears. "I have to go. Seriously, I need to go right now."
Kurosaki leaves like a storm, while Renji chuckles behind. His lieutenant seems far too amused by the whole situation and for the rest of the week he is sent to train the new recruits that he knows that Renji hates. However, Ichigo avoids Byakuya like the plague and for the first time he realizes how much he has relied on Ichigo without even knowing about it. There are small gestures between them that speak volumes about the way they interact.
Nevertheless, the following week, Ichigo comes by the way he used to and shyly knocks at the door before he enters. He smiles at Byakuya and holds out something for Byakuya.
"Have you finally learned that silence is golden?" Byakuya can't help but observe and Ichigo smiles amused.
"Shut up and open it." Byakuya takes the canvas and slowly opens it to unfold a beautiful misty landscape full of cherry trees. Small pink petals fly in the air mixing gently with the slightly damp air, making everything look like a fairy tale. The sun is about to come up and its gentle rays caress the tips of the trees. The entire landscape is so peaceful that it has left Byakuya speechless. However, Ichigo takes it the wrong way because he hurries up to add. "Look, if you don't like it, you can throw it or give it away. I know it's cheap and-"
"I really like it." Byakuya interrupts the young man and Kurosaki flushes again.
"It reminded me of you when I saw it and I wanted to apologize for last week and the way I behaved."
"This is beautiful, Ichigo." They both look surprised at each other. It is the first time that Byakuya has ever addressed the young man with his first name. The silence stretches between them, like a warm veil and for the first time, Ichigo takes a seat and looks content staring at Byakuya, his pleasure written all over his face. Moreover, Byakuya finds himself wanting to make Ichigo look like that more often. His feelings for the young man have deepened along the way.
Before he thinks better of it, he leans across the desk and caresses Ichigo's cheek, his thumb drawing small circles on his cheekbone. Ichigo's wine like eyes widen in pleasure and surprise and Byakuya is almost compelled to smile softly for the first time in maybe more than fifty years and whisper 'thank you' again, letting the young man's pleasure sip through him, washing over him and making him feel alive again.
When he takes his hand away, Byakuya Kuchiki knows that he loves.
From then on, all bets are off. The following day, the canvas rests in Byakuya's office in plain sight for everyone to see and he loves the way Ichigo smiles happily each time his eyes rest on Byakuya. Perhaps this is why Ichigo comes and spends even more time with him. He asks Byakuya to teach him Kido and he ends up teaching him how to control his spiritual energy because Ichigo is a failure at controlling himself. The young man even starts coming at Byakuya's calligraphy course.
Ichigo smiles at him during the captain meetings, they agree more on many things and Byakuya loosens up more because it is impossible to stay indifferent to the orange sun. Ichigo is made of big gestures and spontaneous burst of energy, like a summer storm, never destructive, just noisy. Byakuya is aware of the looks that everybody gives them but for once people do not seem so hateful towards him. It is as if Ichigo has given his seal of approval and people accept Byakuya. He remains unchanged in his wry remarks, but his eyes are not dead anymore, and he is more opened and Renji observes that Byakuya smiles. Smiles.
A couple of months later, Ichigo comes all excited as he thinks about throwing a secret party for Rukia's birthday since he manages to convince captain Ukitake not to send her on a mission during that time. Byakuya agrees because he promised himself he would be a true brother after Rukia was almost killed by Aizen. Ichigo is enthusiastic and Renji helps him set up everything. But Byakuya can't feel the same enthusiasm as he wonders, not for the first time, if there is something between Ichigo and his sister. While the possibilities of Ichigo having any romantic feelings for him are extremely slim, he hopes that at least they would remain friends and nobody would come between them.
Again with the half measures. Always hoping that he will cover up for both of them when in reality Kurosaki Ichigo has never expressed any interest in Byakuya other than being friends. And he feels selfish for wanting more when Ichigo has already offered him so much. His persistent presence in his life, his stubbornness in dealing with Byakuya, even when the older captain is in a foul mood, everything makes Byakuya crave for Ichigo's light and presence in his life. He feels frustrated and bereft although on the outside he shows nothing but calm and serenity, his aristocratic manners at their peak as he entertains the more distinguished guests of the party. He should be surprised that so many people accepted Ichigo's invitation, but in reality, he is not. For just like he is incapable of refusing anything to Ichigo, so are the others.
After a while, he feels tired of playing the welcoming host, and seeing that Ichigo and Renji entertain Rukia, he disappears in his garden to take a walk and calm his nerves. The night has fallen subtly around them and the beautiful flowers spread their perfume in the fresh air. There are torches around the garden, spreading their light and tantalizing the guests to take a walk. The noises of the night distract Byakuya and he is able to calm himself and for once let his thoughts float around.
"Are you not having fun?" Ichigo's words startle Byakuya and he turns around just in time to see the young shinigami smiling shyly at him.
"I don't believe that it is I whom you should ask this question."
"Sorry, I wish I could have found another place but there was no other and I didn't want to have the party at the division's quarters."
"I am not troubled by this party. I am content to see my sister happy." Silence stretches between them awkwardly and Byakuya can't bear it. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in there, entertaining the guests?"
"I just wanted to make sure you are all right."
"You always worry about me, Kurosaki. I am fine. I really do not understand what I have done to make you think I am in your charge."
"If I don't worry then who will?" Ichigo's outburst stuns Byakuya into silence. The Kurosaki scowl is back in full force, but Byakuya can sense the air shifting between them, slightly taking a tense edge.
"Why are you here, Ichigo?" Byakuya mumbles and the young man blushes hard. He opens his mouth a few times trying to come probably with an inane explanation but nothing comes out and he finally closes it in defeat.
It is then that Byakuya finally makes a move. To this day, he has no explanation for it, but one moment he is quite far from Ichigo, and in the next, he is close to Ichigo, breathing the same air that he is, reveling in the young man's sweet scent and trying to contain himself. However, it is so hard, when Ichigo's lips are just a few inches away from his. The orange light has his eyes widened in surprise, the blush giving him an innocent air. Byakuya's eyes focus on Ichigo's lips and the young man can't help but lick them in response. The gesture makes Byakuya growl and far from being gentle, he has one hand on Ichigo's waist while the other comes roughly around the young man's nape and clashes his lips with Ichigo's, unable to refrain himself anymore.
There is a gasp of pure wonder between them as Byakuya licks Ichigo's lips, greedily, nipping and trying to get inside of him. The young man lets him have the control as he opens his mouth, and Byakuya delves in, voraciously tasting something sweet and probably something that is entirely Ichigo. Their bodies are flushed against each other, and Ichigo gently combs his fingers through Byakuya's hair as the older man won't stop kissing him, can't stop kissing him.
Byakuya is completely mesmerized by the small sounds of pleasure that Ichigo makes every time the kisses get deeper, wetter, more demanding, scorching heat driving them both mad with desire. He wants nothing more than kiss Ichigo for an eternity. When they part for air, Ichigo looks dazed with his lips slightly swollen. He is the most beautiful man that Byakuya had the privilege of seeing in his long life. Then those incredibly gentle eyes focus on him and the most stunning smile blossoms on Ichigo's face. And Byakuya can't do anything else except kissing Ichigo again, every fiber of his soul singing in happiness.
Because, for the first time, in more than one hundred years, Byakuya is loved.
A/N: My writing is still horrible, but I think I am making progress. Thank you to all of you reading this and my apologies for any grammar and spelling mistakes left.