Noah Puckerman was in an oak tree. It was 'his' tree. 'His' oak. Sometimes he would sit on the grassy hill a short distance away from the oak, but he was usually in it.
When he did sit on the hill, he would look at the tree, watch the wind rustle the leaves. He would watch the way it stood tall and proud, away from the others, but you couldn't tell unless you were looking at it from exactly the right angle.
It wasn't the prettiest tree in the park. It didn't have beautiful leaves, didn't give enough shade. No one ever chose that tree to have a picnic under. It was too awkward looking, too rough.
Puck loved it. He would climb up and sit on one of the branches. His favorite was the one that was shaped perfectly so that he could lie down comfortably and not be in the danger of falling. It was the one place he could be Noah.
If he didn't have a place where he could safely be Noah, he was pretty sure he would have broken down a long time ago.
He hated himself. He hated himself for hurting Quinn. He squeezed his eyes shut at the memory of her stricken face. The only thing that stopped the tears from falling was the knowledge that it was for her. One day she would understand his reasons.
Some days, Puck just wanted to give up this whole asshole act and let her see Noah, just Noah, the one he used to be. He wanted to be a good guy, maybe not perfect, but good.
If he explained it to anyone else, they would tell him the answer was obvious. Stop hurting her. Show her Noah. Become the nice guy, not the asshole.
And he understood that. Some days he felt like that to. But he was helping her. And if he hurt himself in the process, so be it. He loved her too much to watch her suffer.
It was like in the movies, when the hero had to choose the lesser of two evils. It would hurt him, every day, and would probably hurt her a bit too, but the pain was nothing compared to what would have been.
Whenever his resolve weakened, he took a paper out of his wallet. It was a letter. At the top, in surprisingly neat handwriting, was one word. Noah. Written by a hand that hadn't yet mastered all the letters, but was still graceful enough for everyone to note the quality of the penmanship.
It was from Quinn, dated 1999. When Quinn and him were little, they had been best friends, playing on the jungle gym, in the sandbox, running around the house together. Puck still remembered the way they would sit on the couch and watch movies, fall asleep in each other's rooms. The way they would exchange little gifts and steal each others ice cream.
Whenever he tried to figure out when exactly he fell in love with Quinn, nothing ever came to mind. If he was honest with himself, he knew there wasn't really a time before loving Quinn. His life always had, and always would, revolve around her.
The letter only had three lines on it.
I'm gladd you saved me. Thank you for being my protekter and my bestest frend. I love you always. Quinn. Glued to the bottom of it was a little clay heart, painted pink. Quinn had made it during arts and crafts at school. He honestly thought that it was his most prized possession.
The paper was a bit creased and faded from all the time Puck kept it in his pocket. The childish innocence that emanated from the letter hurt his heart. He knew Quinn wasn't an innocent little girl anymore, but he'd be damned if he wasn't still going to try and be her protector.
He still remembered the exact moment when he decided this. He was 11, she was 10. They were at the park together, and Puck didn't quite remember the reason, but Quinn had walked away up the path.
As Puck stood waiting for her, a guy from school had come up to him. He started calling Quinn terrible things, things that don't belong in a child's mouth, things that don't belong in anyone's mouth. Mad with rage, Puck had started beating him up, until he heard Quinn scream and saw her running towards him.
Before she got there, he hissed to the other boy, "You say anything like that about her again, and you're gonna wish you'd never been born." The boy whimpered and nodded, and then scampered off. Quinn reached him, and she was practically crying when she asked what had happened.
"Nothing," he had grunted. He knew there was no way he was going to tell her. "He just… said some things that I didn't like." Quinn had looked at him for a moment, before she nodded and let it go.
The next day, Puck was hanging around with a bunch of guys from school. Quinn was at her grandmother's house for the morning, and Puck had nothing better to do, so he was hanging around with the idiots (or the Neanderthals, as Quinn called them).
There was this one guy Karofsky, that he… well, he didn't hate him, because being best friends with Quinn meant learning that you shouldn't hate people, 'cause hate's a really strong word. He just really, really disliked him.
He didn't know why he was even here in the first place. All he knew was that he was not enjoying himself. These guys were rude, and mean to anyone who was weaker then them, especially Karofsky. Looking back, Puck honestly had no idea why he would spend any time with them at all.
Anyways, Quinn was coming to meet him in half an hour, and he was both anxious and bored at the same time.
Karofsky and his goons had just spotted Suzy Pepper, playing on the swings. She was 14, 3 years older than them, but she was timid, and in their books, just a little bit weird.
That was good enough for them, and they all surrounded her. Though younger, they were still quite a bit bigger, and Suzy was scared.
They jeered at her, told her what they could do to her. It made Puck sick in the stomach, and he tried to pull Karofsky away from her, but three of the other guys grabbed him and held him back. Though strong for his age, Puck couldn't break their hold and could only watch as Suzy's terrified eyes got wider and wider.
Karofsky had just grabbed her when one of the guys hissed, "Wait! People are coming!"
And people were coming. The group dispersed just as Quinn and her parents rounded the corner. They all looked completely innocent, but Puck could tell that Quinn had seen.
She stormed up to him. "You were about to beat up Suzy, weren't you." she whispered furiously. "I can't believe you! First you start beating that kid up yesterday, and now this! What has gotten into you, Noah?"
His body tingled when she said his name. Then he heard Karofsky snicker and go, "Yeah, Noah, what's gotten into you?"
Puck glared at him, and then looked back at Quinn. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears, and Puck knew that she was fighting not to let them fall.
He looked over her head and saw her parents walking away. They hadn't even noticed what had just almost happened here, hadn't noticed that their daughter was practically in tears.
Fury started building inside of him, but then he looked at Quinn's face and pushed his feelings away. This girl – he felt his heart start breaking. This girl's parents didn't give a shit about her. She had stormed right into the middle of everything because she believed that someone – whether it be her parents of him – would protect her.
And while she was wrong abut her parents, she was right about him. He would protect her forever.
Looking past the anger in her eyes, he saw that they were filled with naiveté, with blind faith. She was still innocent, her soul still pure. He couldn't let her be destroyed, be exposed to the cruelties of the world.
He knew the world was cruel. His dad had walked out on his family when he was seven and his sister was still a newborn. He knew how much it hurt to have your eyes opened to the real world, to have your heart carry around a raw pain all the time. He didn't want her to have to deal with everything.
He had to distract her, provide her with a decoy. He had to give her eyes something else to look at, something else to see.
He would act like a jerk, like one of them, so her attention would be on him instead. He would act terribly, and she would hate him. Then, when she was ready, he would tell her the truth, and she would figure out that he was really a good person, unlike the real assholes, who she would still maybe kind of believe were good inside.
Well, it all made sense in his head anyways.
He didn't even pause to think of the pain it would cause him. He was her shield. He was supposed to take the pain.
And one day, he would save her.
That was his plan then, and it was still his plan now.
It was what he had always done. Provide her with a distraction, just like the sexting to Santana. Whenever she got to close to the truth, he did something else douchebaggy, and she wouldn't look deeper at everything else.
Puck took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. He had failed already. Her eyes had been opened, but he could only hope that they weren't opened all the way.
It was time for him to go. He had promised his mom that he would pick up his sister after school.
He sighed again, then stood up and jumped off of the branch, landing perfectly on his feet.
He started trudging towards his truck. He knew that he wouldn't see any of the idiots from school, because they were all still in school.
He was actually supposed to be in math class right now. He didn't need math class, he already knew everything. His mom had taught him university level math a while ago. He only showed up to write the tests, which he always aced. And ditching added to his badass reputation, so why not?
He got into his truck. He started driving, but not towards the elementary school. He was going to Finn's house. He opened the door using the spare key the Hudson's kept in the mailbox. He walked inside and spotted a Cheerio's bag sitting in the living room. It definitely wasn't Finn's, so it had to be Quinn's.
He walked over to it, and without actually looking, he unzipped it and slipped a plastic baggie full of cash into it. He closed her bag quickly and stood up. It didn't feel right going into her bag without her permission.
He walked out of the house, making sure to lock the door and replace the key. Then he walked back to his truck and drove to the elementary school.
He parked in front of the school yard, and saw all of the kids playing outside. Cutting the engine, he leaned back and waited for his sister to notice him.
Five minutes later, he saw her look up from the game she was playing with her friends. She said something to them, and then ran over to his truck.
She stuck her head into his window and begged, "Can I have ten more minutes, Noah? Please? Pretty pretty pretty please?"
He smiled at her. "All right, squirt." He ruffled her hair. "You can have ten more minutes."
"Yay!" she cheered, jumping up and down before hugging him through the window. "Thanks a bunch, big brother!" She then ran back to her friends, leaving Noah to smile after her.
Fifteen minutes later, she got into the back seat, and he started driving them home, her chattering the entire way.
They got home, and their evening was the same as always. After he put his sister to bed (his mom still wasn't home) he lay on his bed and took out the letter. He read it and touched the little pink heart, before folding it up and putting it on the night table.
Then he closed his eyes and put his head on the pillow. One day he would save her.