Genesis III, revised
Saying God was not happy would have been a crude understatement. Hands on his hips, he stood there glaring at the two cowering humans. They had eaten the apple and now they would be punished. The poor snake, who was unfortunate enough the slither by, found itself in Gods' unyielding grasp. Snake in hand, the Lord advanced on the couple.
And then, all hell broke loose.
In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve ran. Past rose bushes they ran, through fields of grass they stumbled, and behind cherry trees they hid, all to avoid the snake-whipping God.
"Come back here you damned fools!" he bellowed, swinging the snake over his head. Needless to say, the poor animal was feeling quite ill. It is unfortunate then, that Snake had to lose its meal over the Lords head as he swung the animal. God, in shock, let go of the animal. Cursing about the state he now was in, he failed to notice the serpent slither away, and up, the thrice accursed apple-tree. For Eve, who had seen the whole thing, it was the chance to get away, as God was still busy straightening his hair. And so, taking Adam by the hand, they fled, leaving the garden of Eden.
Months or years later, Heavens knows how long thereafter, Adam joined his wife after having worked on the fields. He sat down. Eve was washing their skins.
"There is again this damned crow bothering me on the field. Weak little thing, always trying to steal and eat the grain."
"Poor dear."
"Yes indeed! I can't work with-"
"Not you. The crow." the woman drawled, rubbing a coat.
"What? You pity that crow?"
"The poor thing's got to eat."
"Mpff."
"Quit the moping and whining, and help."
And so, Adam found himself with an armful of heavy, dirty skin-coats. Probably from last month's meal he mused. Must have been a cow. Reluctantly he started rubbing.
"You know, this isn't fair. I've worked all day long on the field. I'm aching all over. Look at all the scratches on my hands!"
Very slowly, Eve looked up from her work. Somehow, he felt scared all of a sudden. Perhaps it was because of the ice in the woman's eyes, or perhaps the little twitch of her upper lip. Then, Eve smiled.
Adam paled.
"Oh, my poor dear darling husband!" she said very sweetly. "Why, you must be in excruciating pain. Perhaps you want to lie down. Perhaps I should bring you a drink or some fruit? Yes?"
"N-no."
"Good." she gritted out "Because you're not going to get it anyway. Talk about pain, if you'd born any children, you'd know what real pain is like! And I've got to work too!" she went on mumbling, cursing under her breath, rubbing her coat so vigorously hair was falling out.
"But, well, ah, you know, if you hadn't listened to that snake, we wouldn't be here." Adam regretted those words as soon as they were out.
Eve had stopped rubbing.
One look from her, and he ran, fleeing from the screeching woman who went on chasing him swinging a cow's skin over her head.