Disclaimer: Its so sad...I own none of the characters in this story sniff but I'm going to go see about buying Sasame as my slave again!

STORY THAT LEADS UP TO CITRUS HEARTS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ONLY READ THAT!

Rs: Hey guys, you might remember me as sugarsweetlover or ssl, but when I tried to place Citrus Hearts as a bonus part of this story under T, I ended up losing my original account seven or eight monthes ago. A reviewer did warn me, only a little too late or I would have fixed it ASAP. Because I had computor troubles earlier, I only had the last three chapters saved on my computor and school kept me from retyping the first four. Now that school's out, I'm reposting the story. There are minor word changes and some grammer, otherwise it's the same as the previous. Enjoy!

Everybody: WE DON'T CARE, JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Rs: Okay, Sheesh...

Chapter 1: Memories

(Flashback)

"I am the Princess of Disaster, so go ahead and kill me!" Mawata demanded calmly.

"No, you're not the Princess of Disaster." My heart shattered as I heard her calm voice request that so willingly. I kneeled down to her and tenderly took her hand. She flinched instinctively, but still didn't brush me off.

"I'm sorry…I didn't think it would push you to this/" I whispered softly as tears began to trickle down her face.

"I found what I want…" she wept, holding my hand to her silky face for it to only be scalded with burning tears as she gazed up at me with pleading eyes. " I love you Sasame!"

My heart swelled with joy. ' She loves me. She loves me!' Still I studied the vulnerability in her teal eyes and my heart sank with realization. ' No…she's just lonely.'

'But she said…'

'She can't see that she really loves me.'

'You could pretend…and at least love her for a little while.'

'No, our heart would have fallen too far for her, that life would become inescapable agony. She's still a child; this is merely a fleeting infatuation. She will come to love someone else one day…'

My voice felt heavy, an immobile stone in my throat. " I probably could understand you. We're a lot alike…" I paused swallowing, " Including the part of us that wants something we can't have…" I added sadly.

I felt her trembling underneath me. "No!" She screamed, burying her face into my chest sobbing. " I don't want to be alone anymore! People I think are my friends betray me! My mom doesn't even look at me!" she scrunched up my shirt between her hands as I wrapped my arms tightly surrounding her in an embrace, wishing I could kiss her if it made the pain go away. Still…she didn't really love me.

"You're all I have Sasame! I don't have anyone else!" she whimpered sadly, reminding me of an abandoned puppy.

My heart transformed into ice as I listened to her. "I can listen to your problems, but…" My mouth froze as I searched my brain for a way to explain her feelings to her without exposing mine. Finally my mouth began to move again, but mechanically "But, I'm not the one you want to… understand you." There I explained it. She understands now doesn't she? Then why are her lips quivering? Why are her hands shaking?

She finally spoke breaking my thoughts "I…I'm just a burden. It's Himeno you love!" she cried accusingly.

"No that's not it!" I pleaded with her.

'How could I…when my heart longs for you?'

She refused to listen. "You don't see the real me either!" she shrieked pulling away from me. She stared down at the floor, he eyes hollow as tears dripped slowly. "Just… forget… it." She finished coldly, her teal hair obscuring her eyes, before storming out of the room.

"Mawata!" my voice resonated in the now empty room, where I stood all alone in the darkness.

(End Flashback, cut to seven months later)

"Oi Sasame, you leaving yet?" My manager Daisuke called, snapping me out of my daydreams.

"Eh, what is it?" I asked slowly, my mind still trapped in a hazy state.

"Aa, I'll get ready." I answered reaching to the back of my chair for my coat.

"Ano…you know it starts in twenty minutes."

"Aa," I responded nonchalantly while slipping on my winter overcoat.

"You do know that it takes at least fifteen minutes to get to the hospital don't you? His voice was straining in a way that reminded me of our 'Big Brother'.

"Aa," I smiled and as I predicted, he exploded.

"Kyah! Get moving, you're making me anxious! How can you be so calm all of the time?" He bombarded throwing up his hands in frustration.

"Maa, maa Daisuke-san, I'm not the one who so calm as much as you're the one who's high strung." I teased with a wink, before pulling open the front door only to be greeted with a blast of frigid air.

Rs: Hurray, I bought Sasame as my slave again!

Sasame: What joy...

Rs: Hey you should be honored!

Sasame: Whatever.

Rs: What a poophead! Anyways I know the first chapter was a little short, but the next chapter is double in length. If you have any questions or misunderstandings or criticisms, please let me know! I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. I don't mind if you say my story sucks, just tell me WHY!

Sasame: Please, you would just throw a temper tantrum!

Rs: Would not! Oh yeah, if previous fans remember, I'll make Sasame do whatever they want in the next author's notes. Last time he kissed a many, dressed only in a bathrobe, hell he even stripped, well would have, but his audience fainted! So send in requests!

Sasame: Pff! Why should I do anything? You already wrote the lemon I wanted.

Rs: (transforms into dominatrix outfit, complete with a whip) Well I could always chain you up in nothing,but-

Sasame: NO! Anything but the bondage! Ok fine, I'll do it sobs

Rs: (mutters) Heh that was too easy. Good boy! Well timeto folks! I'll post the next chapter up next week!