Chapter 1: This One Guy's Totally-Not-Gay Friend
So there was was this guy in LA FRANCE. He was ugly as fuck, but he had neato eyes. Like Phantom in the book. (That seems to be a thing in France) Anyway, he was living with his 'godfather' who was really the baby daddy with some unnamed woman who was presumably a harlot. So this guy, named André-Louis, basically thought the world was a crazy fucked up place and you should just roll with it.
That is, until his friend came over and proceeded to fuck everything up.
His friend, a delicate totally-not-gay priesty guy by the name of Phillipe, was completely pissed off and wanted to make a change in the world.
So Phillipe was all like "VIVE LA REVOLUTION!"
And André was like "Um... You know revolution will just result in the same old shit, right?"
"VIIIIIVE LAAAA REVVVOOOOO-"
"Jesus Christ, okay! Whatever!"
"...Vive la revolution. Anyway, so there's this douchebag who killed a guy who was trying to steal something to feed his family. I'm going to go pick a fight with him, even though he is immensely powerful and above the law."
And Andre was like "...That sound like a reaaaally bad idea. Besides, I love you in a totally-not-gay way. I mean, I really love you. Really."
"I love you too bro, but I'm totally doing it. Wish me luck."
To this André could really do nothing except pray that his 'friend' wouldn't be brutally murdered.
You'll have to excuse my dreadfulness. I'm just starting out, you see, and although I am not really accustomed to writing abridged versions of anything, I figured I'd give it a try. Also, I had to have something to do to help get me through this book. It's actually quite good, but I was cursed with the attention span of a gnat on cocaine.