I wanted to write this for quite a while ago. As a player of LOL (not one of those goddam flamers) I found amusing that Jinx was so... loose with her screws... yeah. Many of her lines are related to guns. And which game franchise has messed up characters and a bazzillion guns? Correct! Borderlands!
Well... I will place the story in bordelands 2. So... I think that's eighty seven bazillion guns. Yes, that's insane. Like Jinx. I'm still debating wether I should include another of the main champions I play, but Jinx will be here for sure.
All the original vault-hunters of Borderlands 2 will appear with the addition of Krieg the psycho. Gaige the mechromancer may appear in the future.
Enjoy!
1.-The Poop train makes Boom.
Pandora. A world considered by all as the jewel of the frontier.
Okay no, it's a stinking hellhole where half the population, and eighty percent of both the fauna and flora may kill you. Handsome Jack knew it and his workers knew it, specially because they were in that half that tries to kill you before you bat an eye.
Still there was something that was appealling in that pit of death and backwater hillbillies: The Vault. What it could contain? Wealth and Power? Wisdom and technology? Women and guns? The gist was that nobody knew what it contained so everybody was curious about it. Good marketing, truth be told. But, no matter what secrets held the vault, with them, Handsome Jack was 100% sure that he would rise and control Pandora once and for all, bring justice, order and all that crap that comes from saving a world and being a hero.
Hiperion had been here working and digging for a long time. Now, it would have been easier if those damn bandits and villains didn't get in his way, polluting this world and making an annoyance. Luckily he killed all of those 'Vault Hunters', as the bandits wanted to fashion themselves, right inmediately they got to Pandora.
Right now, he was going to deal with five annoying bandits. A soldier, renagade from the Dahl Corporation's army. A 'Gunzerker', another flashy pun to refer to creep obssessed with guns three notches above what was normal in Pandora (and that's saying a lot, in light of Jack's experience). A siren, one of those bimbos with uberawesome mystical flappy crappy powers. An assassin with the codename: Zer0 (lame, really lame). And a psycho, one of the latest test subjects by the code: Krieg. He scratched his chin softly. They were in the same train, right now. They were coming to get him.
Or so they thought.
"Wilhelm, let's get out of here."
"At your orders, Mr. President."Obeyed the engineer who, at this point, was more machine than human.
Train. Destination, who cares. Ten minutes before.
Axton was reading the newspaper. More exactly, the offers of local stores. Gun stores, to be precise.
"Mmm... cheaper guns is all I can see."
"What a surprise."Said Salvador."Here in Pandora guns are cheaper than water."
"Yes, specially if you consider that here every hillbilly makes his own, which means that the whole population makes guns here."
"Hey!" Salvador was offended. The typical steriotype of Pandorans."Just becaus eighty percent of our population makes some kind of gun and that our weapon ownership percentage is around 99,6% the planet's population doesn't mean that everybody knows how to make guns that deserve that name!"
The mercenary grinned. He couldn't just get the idea of how many weapons and types of them were deposited in this planet. Right now he couldn't care much, he felt heavy. Especially when someone was sleeping on him. Maya the bluehaired siren. It would actually make him hot if it weren't for her snored like a constipated walrus.
They were five now: Salvador, him, the Noisy Sleeping Beauty, Zer0 and that psycho. Really, what did Maya see in that madman? Hell, his only chat with him consisted in the psycho screaming of a meat-bike riding towards 'Poopville'. Still, he felt something strange in him, something wasn't entirely right, or, in the case of a psycho, entirely wrong.
He tried to move, but she grappled her like a Muckherian worm strangles his victims. Cute if, again, she didn't sound like bulldozer with a broken silencer.
Salvador chuckled. How cute it would be, if he was in that situation. Certainly she purred like a kitten. He was unaware that he thought it loudly. Axton stared him.
"She's snorting."
"No, she's not."He denied the undeniable.
She was but that didn't matter anymore. A blue flash blinded them. Not enough, though to keep them to unholster their weapons. It wasn't an attack, it was a teenager girl, flat like a board. His hair was blue, like Maya's, but it was a shade clearer and really long, with those braids reaching her tights. like the sky. Her eyes were purple. He wore shorts and a bikini top with several ammo belts. He wore purple long socks, that nearly reached her shorts. And damn, she was so flat-chested.
Not that it mattered with those three guns he carried. A bazooka with a shark's theme. A three-barrel minigun and a pistol that seemed... odd.
"Who are you?" Barked Salvador while pointing his gun towards her.
"Jinx."She said while grinning, a lot.
"Jinx and what more?" asked Axton.
"Jinx stand for Jinx."She said menaceningly, before muttering."Derp."
Axton's face got red save for the tatoo on his forehead. Salvador chuckled. For a moment, the soldier thought he was going to shoot the girl.
Before getting to that thought bullets flew in all directions. Windows shattered and the seats were maimed. Maya waked up.
"Thursday!" She then realised she wasn't alone, and that all of them heard her."You didn't hear anything."
"Yes Ma'am." Said the three of them.
Five engineers entered the train with half a dozen bots. On the roof, there were as many engineers. They knew two bandits were there. But where?
Zer0 and Krieg were near. Right behind them. Zer0 attacked the nearest, beheading him. The second one threw a jab at him, he dissappeared. The assassin then appeared right behind his companion, stuck his katana in his guts, made a mortal jump and kicked the attacker. He stumbled backwards, until he got impaled be his sword. It was still stuck in the companion.
Krieg jumped too, right in front of the engineers. He killed the first, but the second got him. A clean hit, but he didn't flinch nor budge. He stood still, raising slowly his chainsaw. Then: "HACKED CHICKEN FOR THE MEAT BIKE!" as would say Krieg. His inner voice was more deep: "you attacked me without I doing nothing to you, son, now I won't do nothing to stop him attacking you."
They stared at each other assassin and psychopath. They nodded at each other. Deep beneath Krieg's mind, between all the poop trains and meat bikes, flourished-screw that, MORE MEATBIKES! thought the beast inside him.
Perhaps one day he would be back.
Inside the train the whole thing was a fucking mess. Dead bodys, broken machines, and furniture. But the worst of all?
"They ruined the restaurant." Growled Axton."I was supposed to eat there."
"Me too, and I don't feel like starting a diet." Maya eyed angry at Axton. Because he had been one of the culprits with his turret."You got two droids, fine. Now you will get six persons hungry."
"We can always resort to cannibalism." Commented Salvador. Both Axton, Jinx and Maya stared at him, horrified."What? It was just a joke."
"Dude, human meat is awful."Commented Jinx.
"I will make like I didn't hear it."
Now Zer0 and Krieg entered the restaurant from a hole in the ceiling. Axton's courtesy.
"Jack is here."
"The poop man is here in the poop train."Said the psycho. The man wanted to say a different thing.
All thought of paying him a visit. They dindn't know if Zer0 was lying, but, hey: when did a coldblooded assassin lie to anyone he barely knows?
He had been, more or less right. Jack was there. Was being the key word.
When they got in the room, there was just a doll of him, and a lot of dinamite.
"You think you are the heroes, eh?" Asked the recorder attached to the doll."But you're not."
Jinx then took his bazooka. Fishbones. and moved it.
"Jinx, I think we are in trouble!" Mimicked the rocket launcher.
"Shut up captain obvious!"
Then the train exploded.