Things have changed. Things have changed drastically, over the course of only a few months. But there's no point going back. Things were shitty then, and they're shitty now. The only difference is that now I'm doing it all alone, I have nobody to go to, they all left me for him. Compared to him I'm nothing. Useless, run-down and worthless trainer….

The saying goes that there's nothing better than reaching your dreams, and there's nothing worse than failing to realize them. But they're wrong; these days they teach kids that anything is possible. I believe that, but I know that nobody else in the world will ever see the world through my eyes. The saying should be changed: There's nothing worse than realizing your dreams, only to have them all crumble before you.

I was at my prime, the highest I could go, my dream was finally realized. My entire life I had dreamed of being the "Pokemon League Champion", just like Lance. I saw him on TV, Daisy and I, we'd watch and admire him, watching his Dragonite slaughter any opponent that came its way, and he was strongest trainer in the world. That's all I ever wanted… and I got it. I got through every trainer in my way, I was invincible. I even made it to the champion spot; I defeated Lance. I did everything right, I deserved to keep everything I had worked so hard to earn, but then he came along and ripped it all away from me, claiming it as his own, and crushing me at every opportunity….

Red, he was my best friend. We grew up together and we'd always been competing with each other since the moment we could walk. When I started walking, he did soon after. When I got my first Pokemon, so did he. We even traveled the world, battling all the gym leaders in Kanto at the same time. But he would beat me every time we stopped for a battle. There was something about Pokemon battles. He was just…better. He was always better. I could compete with him at every level, but when it came to Pokemon he floored me. What hurt the most is that Pokemon the one thing I claimed to myself. The only thing I called my own. He took it all away from me, in one battle.

But that's not even the half of it. See Red and I were always more than rivals. My grandfather and my sister could never see it, but Red and I fell in love. Looking back, it was probably the biggest mistake of my entire life. I should have gotten involved with him, it only made everything that happened worse. But I couldn't help it, Red always made me feel whole. Sure, we competed with each other, and we got really into it, but at the end of the day I was always there to defend him wherever he needed it. I stood up for him against the neighborhood bullies, helped him with his homework, and by the time we were teenagers we finally decided to make it official. The love we shared was strong, but now all of that is over.

Red and I had a horrible falling out, which made everything that happened so much worse. We were 14 at the time, it was about a year before we went out to start our Pokemon journey, and Red and I had originally planned to go together. We were going to live the dream together, becoming the first duo champions in history. It made it all the sweeter knowing that the love of my life, the cutest and most adorable boy on the planet would be standing next to me when we finally got there and battled Lance. But then…then Red started to change.

I never wanted to leave Red. I wanted to be with him forever. Whenever I pictured myself at the top, he was always with me. But Red started to feel otherwise, and he started to pay more attention to Professor Oak's Pokemon. We knew we would be leaving for our journeys the following year, I assumed he wanted to get some practice in. But that's all Red ever did. He spent time with the Pokemon, getting to know them and always electing to spend time with them over me.

I'm not a jealous boyfriend, but he seemed to leave me with no other option. One night in particular I remember very clearly, because it's the day I was first turned down by him. It was a late night, I walked into the professor's lab to see if he was in there, and he was- sitting quietly in the corner with Bulbasaur resting in his lab, feeding it milk out of a bottle.

"Red…" I asked him, leaning and putting my arms around him from behind, "I've missed you baby. Come on, let's go back to my place. Daisy is staying at a friend's house and we'll have it all to ourselves…." I was being very suggestive, because at that point me and him hadn't made love in a few weeks, and making love to Red was always very passionate.

But Red seemed annoyed that I was even here, he even shrugged me off his shoulder and snapped at me, "No, I need to take care of Bulbasaur, he's really sick. Can't you tell by the way he's lying on me? Go home, maybe some other time."

At that moment I was heartbroken. Within the coming weeks I had to get used to him not coming around my house every so often. It hurt me to see him walking right by my house every day and not even considering a passing glace- he just headed straight for Oak's laboratory.

We never officially broke up. We fell apart. Neither of us talked to each other for the longest time, and when we did it was always an argument or a competition. I must have done something wrong, but Red wouldn't tell me. So I changed my dream, and decided if I was going to have anything in the world it was going to be me, defeating Lance and becoming the champion. But of course for some reason, the world never seems to give me much choice in happiness, does it?

Then the rest is history. Everybody knows the story of how Red, from Pallet town, came and defeated the Pokemon League, becoming the strongest trainer in the world. To this day he's undefeated. My only question is….why? Why did he get what he want, and I got nothing. NOTHING. I did everything right, I cared for my boyfriend so passionately, I trained my Pokemon so strong, and in the end I failed them. I failed myself, and I failed my family. I even….I even failed my own Pokemon.

The first Pokemon I ever captured myself, was a little Rattata I saw roaming the wild. I…I was new…I didn't know the proper way to treat a Pokemon yet! I didn't have the natural talent like Red, I had to WORK for what I received, but I worked him to hard. Aboard the S.S. Anne- I was so furious that my Ratticate had lost to Red, I didn't even take him to a Pokemon Center. I worked him so hard…I forced him to battle my Charmeleon until…until he died. I let my own Pokemon die right before my eyes- and it was all my fault. But I learned from my mistakes, from then on I respected what my Pokemon wanted; I was always right to them! But I couldn't even grant them the glory…

Everybody seemed to turn to Red when he became the champion, far more than any praise I got. There was nobody to say "You tried your best!" or, "You'll always be remembered as a Pokemon League champion!" No, I get nothing. My own grandfather, the man who raised me, came to the Pokemon League to congratulate Red on his victory. The man who raised me from diapers looked me straight in the eye and said to me, "Do you know why you lost? It's because you didn't love your Pokemon with enough compassion. If you can't accomplish that, you will NEVER be Champion!"

I couldn't argue. After everything that happened with Ratticate, I understood what he meant. I was a failure to everybody who had I had ever known. My grandfather, my sister, even the great champion Lance was hailing Red. Did they forget I was champion too? Why did I get all that appreciation, I deserved it more than he did! I had to work at what I got!

The place I went exactly after that was Lavender Town. I visited the grave of my Ratticate, my partner, who I had left to die because of how angry Red made me. Then…then everything started to come back to me. The love of my life had left me, stolen my dreams, and was now soaking up all the glory that I had earned. The only thing I could live with was that I had done it first, but still I hadn't done it twice as good as Red. Now I was all alone, my own Pokemon wouldn't even look me in the eye when I called them out. What had I become? What had I to live for?

Eventually I thought it would be good for me to leave the Kanto region, maybe go to Johto and start a new life there. But petty tournaments and gym badges from them didn't fill the emptiness inside. I was the Pokemon League Champion. I didn't need to be battling any of the new coming trainers in the Johto region. The only place for me in the world was on the Indigo Plateau, but that was stolen from me.

Red, I only ask…why. Why weren't you there for me when I needed you? A small part of me hoped that after you claimed your glory, you could come back to me, and we could be together again. I thought that maybe, just maybe, now that you had reached your fullest potential, we could start over. Patch the pieces together. Did you know, Red, that I even returned to the Indigo Plateau?

It's true. I walked all the way from Violet City to the Pokemon League, to see you again and to finally confront you, with words this time, not Pokemon. I even left all of my Pokemon behind with Daisy, who said she'd look after them, saying that "I'm a better trainer for them anyway, and I wasn't even the one who captured them." But I didn't care; I didn't want to battle you, Red. I wanted to talk, to patch things up, to go back to where we were two years ago when we were madly in love.

I got to the gates, showed my badges, and was told that you were seeking challengers that day, but I only wanted to talk. So I played my cards right, and got into see Lorelei. I told her who I was and that I wanted to talk to Red, but she didn't even remember who I was. She called security when I revealed I didn't have my Pokemon, and even the security guards didn't recognize me. They threw me out. That's when I realized that there was no point, and I finally came to terms with my identity, I am nothing. If I had gone to see you, Red, would you have even talked to me? There's no point now…I'm already rock bottom.

I got into a bad crowd. I was homeless, so I came in contact with the worst of the worst. Team Rocket. I had gotten into a few drugs, living on the street, heroin. I had thought that by what everybody had been saying, it would help you forget your past. And it did, which I became addicted to. Team Rocket offered me a large supply of it, only if they could have a trainer like me take over position at Giovanni's gym, considering nobody else wanted the job. So I took it, and they hooked me up with an unlimited supply of it.

I was able to defeat anybody that came my way, at least for a period of time. But I couldn't control the drugs, eventually I had to do them in front of the challengers to just stay stable during them. I can think of at least 4 challengers who I had to pop out a syringe in the middle of battle, and it wasn't long before everybody found it. The Pokemon League found out.

Lance came to my gym, after hearing reports of my activity, and kicked me out. I had to look my hero in the eye, my eyes bloodshot and patches all over my arm, while he stood over me and said, "Look what you've become. You're a shadow of your former self. What do you have to live for now?"

Lance kicked me out of my gym yesterday. Since then, I gave my Pokemon back to Daisy- who won't even let me into her house- and am currently resting on top of Mt. Silver, writing this note. Mt. Silver was always where I wanted to be buried; now I won't have to wait. This note will likely never be read, and my body never to be found. But I'm sure that in years to come, the only one remembered will be Red. Now I have Team Rocket out to kill me, and I plan to do it before they get the chance.

I treasured the memories we had together, Red. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever gotten to be where I am now - and I mean that in both a good and bad way. You destroyed my dreams, you left me with nothing and ruined all chance of a name I could make in this world. But if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been able to live my dream for the short time that I did. Thank you for that. But none of that matters now. I am no longer jealous of you Red, my love, there is more to be concerned over. To be honest, if anybody is going to be Pokemon League Champion, I'm glad that if it can't be me it's you.

I wish we could have had the chance to meet once again, Red. But now you'll hear the story of the loser champion, who lost to the proud trainer and jumped off the peak of a mountain. You'll be remembered for years to come, Red.

Goodbye. I love you.